May 28, 2009

"That's like saying the 'secret' to good sex is a partner. Or genitals."

Ezra has had it.


traditionalguy said...

I await Titus's comments on this one. Bon appetit.

MadisonMan said...

We let our subscription to Cooks Illustrated lapse as well, about a year+ ago. The stories are okay, and I did get some good recipes -- love the brown sugar cookies from them -- but too many of the recipes have just egg whites, or require that you dirty up half the pots in the house.

Simplicity. That's what I need in a recipe.

Big Mike said...

I suppose I should sympathize, even though Ezra is a POS, but I'm not looking forward to the volume of junk mail when my Newsweek subscription runs out and my wife and I continue our efforts to save money for retirement by eliminating useless things.

MayBee said...

Oh Jesus, don’t look like that.Is it ok for Jewish people to use "Jesus" as an expletive?

Jeremy said...

MadMan -
Same story. I miss the equipment reviews more than anything. I totally [heart] the chef's knife and the cast iron pan that I bought on their recommendation. But honestly, I'm not eating that many stuffed pork loins.

-The Other Jeremy

Palladian said...

Onions = genitals

Ralph said...

Someone gave me CI's big cookbook a few years ago. I use it to raise my monitor.

I'm getting Cheryl Smith's subscription to Better Homes and Gardens for free. They've gone green, figuratively and literally. Lots of insipid light green and blue ink.

Ralph said...

Onions = genitals
Except that cutting dicks reduces the smell, instead of releasing it.

Sorry to inflame anyone's castration anxiety.

Bissage said...

To this working man’s son, Bon Appetit is fairly obnoxious, aimed as it is, at middle-aged women who wish they had married well enough so that they, too, could draw admiring glances as they attempt to squeeze the Escalade into a parking space at that cute little brunch café where the squash and shitake consommé is to die for.

I know all this because Mrs. Bissage used to subscribe to it. Eventually, she came to agree with me that Bon Appetit is Oprah for pathetic wannabe snobs.

She came to this realization of her own accord, of course.

And having to listen to me constantly referring to the magazine she was trying to enjoy as “Boner Petite” had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Palladian said...

"Gourmet" is pretty good.

ricpic said...

Re Bissage's comment: is any vegetable dish "to die for?"

traditionalguy said...

Gourmet Food and Wine paired with good loving for desert sounds like the way to this man's heart.

Palladian said...

"Re Bissage's comment: is any vegetable dish "to die for?"

Pommes Anna.

Young broad beans.

Bubble and Squeak.

rhhardin said...

It never occured to me that cooking magazines even existed.

Harsh Pencil said...

I stopped reading Cook's Illustrated years ago, though I was an addict for a long time.

Their format was always the same. Writing an article for them must be like doing Mad Libs:

Title: [some food] done right.

Opening sentence: Isn't normally prepared [some food] awful? [Gelatinous, gooey] [hunks, blobs] of [whatever] held together by [greasy, smelly, pick bad adjective of choice] [blobs, strands] of [something].
We thought we could do better. So we tried [10,000] various ways of doing it. The secret is [onions, brining, one extra egg yolk, whatever].

Again, recipes were good, but I got tired of the formula and the constant badmouthing of my everyday food.

Titusisfeelinggreatthankyouforasking said...

I find this blog to be a little too sexually oriented and I am offended.

Clean up this place lady.

Sex, genitals, breasts, gays, sisters of perpetual indulgence.

Bring this blog to a higher airplane.

Ralph said...

Re Bissage's comment: is any vegetable dish "to die for?"

Karen Ann Quinlan was hot!

Penny said...

I knew it was over for me and Cooks Illustrated when I started reading the headline and jumped straight to the recipe. When the foreplay can't hold your interest, what is there really?

Ralph said...

When the foreplay can't hold your interest, what is there really?
They need scratch-n-sniff inserts.

I've never seen the magazine, but shouldn't it have lots of pornographic pictures of food?

Jeremy said...

No. It's a total tease. All the photos are in black and white except these little 2"x2" color pics on the backpage index. Black&white print on non-glossy pages supposedly offsets the loss of revenue from having zero adverts (which is nice, but also requires stalker-tactics to retain subscribers).

-The Other Jeremy

XWL said...

Titus said above: "I find this blog to be a little too sexually oriented and I am offended."
Then whatever you do, don't follow this link to my daily photo post for today, it's way too prick-ly for you to handle in your current state.

Zach said...

How many irritating stylistic interjections can you put into one short piece?

Stop it. Seriously. Enough with the letters.

Look, I don’t want this to be weird.

It was, you know, fine.

the whole coy thing you did

But that means, you know, some time apart.
One sassy girlfriend interjection is quite enough for an article of this length. Unless you can't, you know, write.

Issob Morocco said...

Let me be the first to defend Chris Kimball's efforts at ATK. His mag and show are meant to provide for folks, who otherwise would not know how to assemble, prep or cook a sauce, barbecue pork or tenderloin, as true and tried way.

Now not everyone wants that and that is great for them, but Ezra's whiney blathering about onions in a tomato sauce is more representative about his self absorbtion than problems with Cook's Illustrated.

Will he turn on the One when he creates a caste system of health care? Or 'torture' captured Mossad agents?

Cook's Illustrated-Love it or Unsubscribe to it, but leave the carping to the privacy of your mind.


John Althouse Cohen said...

Will he turn on the One when he creates a caste system of health care?

You mean other than the current system?

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