April 14, 2009

"Hooroo, where's the poo?"

My favorite headline today.
ALAN Cooper specialises in ancient DNA. When he came to Australia in 2005 to be director of the University of Adelaide's Australian Centre for Ancient DNA, he was keen to find and analyse the droppings of the country's megafauna, creatures such as giant marsupial diprotodon and the giant short-faced kangaroo, which became extinct more than 45,000 years ago.


Peter V. Bella said...

A guy who is in the shit business.

Revenant said...

the giant short-faced kangaroo, which became extinct more than 45,000 years ago..

I blame George Bush.

kentuckyliz said...

One of our fave songs is "Everything Comes Down to Poo" from Scrubs.

J.D.: Hey, Ms. Miller -- we just need a stool sample
Patti: Why do you need a stool sample if you think I'm just a nut?
Turk & JD: 'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear -- it's in your

J.D.: You see....
Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what's wrong with you by lookin' at your poo!

Turk: Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!

J.D.: It doesn't really matter if it's hard or if it's loose
We'll figure out what's ailing you, as long as it's a deuce!
Everything comes down to poo!

Nurses: Everything comes down to poo!

J.D.: Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!
All across the nation, we trust in defecation!
Everything comes down to poo!

Turk: If you want to know what's wrong, don't sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bran, and drop the kids off at the pool!

Robed Woman: My stomach hurts
J.D: Check the poo

Limping Woman: I sprained my ankle
Turk: Check the poo!

Bloody Shoulder Guy: I was shot!
J.D: Check the poo!

Delivery Guy: A homeless guy threw poo in my eye!
Turk: Check the poo!
Delivery Guy: Mine or his?
J.D: First him, then you!
It may sound gross, you may say "shush!"

J.D. & Turk: But we need to see what comes out of your tush!

All: Everything comes down to poo!
Whether it's a tumor or a touch of the flu!

J.D. & Turk: Please, won't you pinch us off a big, fat clue!

Turk: Our number one test is your Number Two!

All: If there's no breeze, light a match please!
Everything comes down to --

J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!
J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!

All: Everything comes down to ... poo!


traditionalguy said...

Maybe our Titus a really a Gay scientist gathering research data for his Poo-hd thesis. He will be famous someday, and we got to know him before his theory of The Origin of the Loafs became the answer to every philosopher's question: What is Truth?

Clyde said...

How would you like to be known as the expert on coprolites? "Hey, it's the Poo Guy (or maybe "the Poo Bloke" in Australia) again!" Or even less savory slang terms for it. I wonder why people actually spend the time, energy and money to acquire the skills for jobs like that. Unless being Poo Guy paid in the mid-six figures, I don't think it would be worth trying to live down the title!

Brian Sorgatz said...

I notice that "excrement" is one of your blog category labels. I'm impressed. What a wide range of interests you have.