March 2, 2008

"There is nothing on this earth sexier than a woman that you have to salute in the morning."

Jack Nicholson is for Hillary Clinton (I think). Whatever... it's hilarious:

Let's try to think of some more lines from his old movies for Jack to edit into his next Hillary commercial.

UPDATE: Here it is! The next commercial I wanted!


Middle Class Guy said...

Hillary: Mr. Nicholson, why are theire two drinks here.

Jack: For the bug.

Hillary: What bug?

Jack: The bug you have up your ass.

Steel Magnolias

peter hoh said...

Crazy white characters who like Hillary. Not exactly highly motivational material.

The rest of that "Five Easy Pieces" quote would work nicely. The little bit of the clip made me think of Clinton's waitress problem back in Iowa.

Goatwhacker said...

(from Carnal Knowledge)

Women today are better-hung than the men.

Palladian said...

Man, "The Shining" alone has a ton of good ones...

Palladian said...

JACK TORRENCE: Do you have the slightest idea what a moral and ethical principal is? Do you?!

Meade said...

You must be some important dude.
That treatment--

'' Dude''?

What does he mean, ''dude''?
Dude ranch?

'' Dude'' means a nice guy, you know?

'' Dude'' means a regular person.

You don't look like you're from
this part of the country.

You're lucky l'm here to see
you don't get into anything.

Well...they got this here...scissor-happy,
beautify-America thing here.

Trying to make everybody
look like Yul Brynner.

They used rusty razor blades
on the last two longhairs...they brought in.
l wasn't here to protect them.

See...l'm a lawyer.

Done a lot of work for the ACLU.

George Hansen.

You think you can help us
get out of here?

l imagine that l can
if you haven't killed anybody.

At least nobody white.

BJ said...

The full quote from A Few Good Men:

"There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, because this is true - if you haven't gotten a blow-job from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by. 'Course, my problem is, I'm a colonel, so I guess I'll just have to keep taking cold showers until one of you gals is elected president."

ricpic said...

Here's an exchange for ya:

McMurphy: Nurse Ratched, Nurse Ratched! The Chief voted! Now will you please turn on the television set.

Nurse Ratched: Mr. McMurphy, the meeting was adjourned and the vote was closed.

McMurphy: But the vote was 10 to 8. The Chief, he's got his hand up! Look!

Nurse Ratched: No, Mr. McMurphy. When the meeting was adjourned the vote was 9 to 9.

McMurphy: Aw come on, you're not gonna say that now! You're not gonna say that now! You're gonna pull that hen house shit? Now when the vote...the Chief just was 10 to 8. Now I want that television set turned on right now!

Nurse Ratched turns away.

Not quite appropriate in a Hillary promotion, hmmm?

Palladian said...

Jack should have used the rest of the lines from the "things could be a whole lot better" scene in "The Shining":

JACK TORRENCE: Things could be better, Lloyd. Things could be a whole lot better.

LLOYD: I hope it's nothing serious.

JACK TORRENCE: No. Nothing serious. Just a little problem with the, uh, ol' sperm bank upstairs. Nothing I can't handle, though Lloyd, thanks.

LLOYD: Women. Can't live with 'em. Can't live without 'em.

JACK TORRENCE: Words of wisdom, Lloyd. Words of wisdom.

Palladian said...

JACK TORRENCE: This is so fucking typical of you to create a problem like this when I finally have a chance to accomplish something - when I'm really into my work!

Palladian said...

OK, I'm almost ashamed to post this one, but given the "pajamas" dust-up this weekend:

GRADY: Did you know, Mr. Torrance, that your son is attempting to bring an outside party into this situation? Did you know that?


GRADY: He is, Mr. Torrance.

JACK: Who?

GRADY: A nigger.

JACK: A nigger?

Palladian said...

OK, one more:

JACK TORRENCE: No need to rub it in, Mr. Grady. I'll deal with that situation as soon as I get out of here.

DELBERT GRADY: Will you indeed, Mr. Torrance? I wonder. I have my doubts. I and others have come to believe that your heart is not in this, that you haven't the belly for it.

JACK TORRENCE: Just give me one more chance to prove it, Mr. Grady. It's all I ask.

Ron said...

How about the scene from Chinatown where Jake Gittes is telling the dirty joke about the 'sex like a chinaman', and then Dunaway walks in...just substitute a clip of Hillary instead of Dunaway...better still go to a clip of a smiling Bill!

George said...

You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can't understand what's gone wrong with it....Don't ever tell anybody that they're not free, 'cause then they're gonna get real busy killin' and maimin' to prove to you that they are.

--as alcoholic lawyer George Hanson, Easy Rider, though this would really be better for Ron Paul or Obama...

-Peder said...

From 'As Good As It Gets':

Q: How do write women so well?
A: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

Oh wait a minute, are you wanting quotes that would be pro-Hillary?

Kirby Olson said...

The moment in The SHining where Jack sticks his head through the door when he's trying to murder his wife, and says, "I'm Bacccck!"

But now he could say, "Sheeeee's baccckkkkkk!!!!"

Or possibly, "They'reee bacckkk!"

Trooper York said...

Sure, big deal. Cut and past dialouge from old movies. Can't you be more creative than that.
Sharpen up.

Ron said...

Trooper! "He who smelt it, dealt it!"

Palladian said...

"The moment in The SHining where Jack sticks his head through the door when he's trying to murder his wife, and says, "I'm Bacccck!"

He never says that in the movie. When he comes into their suite with the ax, he says, smiling, "Wendy, I'm home." Later, after he chops a hole in the bathroom door, he sticks his face in the hole and says the most famous (improvised!) line in the film: "Heeeeere's Johnny!"

Between the two lines, he says, perhaps appropriately for Hillary:

"Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in...Not by the hair on your chinny, chin - chin...Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house in!" whereupon he starts chopping the bathroom door.

I know every frame of this movie, trust me.

Palladian said...

"Cut and past dialouge from old movies."

I've actually been typing the dialog from "The Shining" from memory. How scary is that?

Palladian said...

Cut and past, eh? Hmmm.....

Trooper York said...

Only you would pick up on that. I bet you know what it means. Good show.

Kirby Olson said...

Right, I haven't seen the film in decades (Shining).

Couldn't remember the lines clearly.

How about then,

"Here's Hillary!"

The problem is that most younger voters won't know what on earth it refers to, I guess.

Something from Easy Rider might be fun, but that's even further in the past.

Palladian said...

"Only you would pick up on that. I bet you know what it means. Good show."

Cut and past? I like 'em uncut and present, thank you very much.

Blake said...

I'm not thinking quotes so much as--remember Jack Nicholson as the masochist in Little Shop of Horrors? Probably not.

But I do. I'm imagining Hilary as Jonathan Haze's fake-dentist, torturing Nicholson, and Nicholson loving it. (Bill Murray in the musical version.)

Zeb Quinn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rcocean said...

Trooper, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by women with balls. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Senator Obama? Hillary has a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Edwards, and you curse the Clintons. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Edward's (metaphorical) death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And Hillary's existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want Hillary on that phone, you need Hillary on that phone.

She uses words like children, health care, experience. She uses these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a Senator who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that Hillary provides, and then questions the manner in which Hillary provides it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a phone, and stay awake till 3 AM. like Hillary does. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

Trooper York said...

Dude I am always awake at 3 am. I am usually still puking. Thanks for the quote though.