July 24, 2007

John Kerry recites a limerick mocking Vitter.

There once was a man named Vitter
Who vowed that he wasn’t a quitter
But with stories of women
And all of his sinnin’
He knows his career’s in the — oh, never mind...
(Via Don Surber.)

And now, for your comments.... Well, it's pretty obvious what you need to do...
There once was a man named Kerry


SGT Ted said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who found a rich girl he could marry
He drove a Swift Boat
But his men got his goat
And his Presidential hopes they did bury

SGT Ted said...

Hows that? :)

AlphaLiberal said...

Still trying to flog Kerry, eh, Ann? Didn't work for you when you were pushing the "Kerry eats alone among troops" story.

And this really isn't pathetic. It's a halfway decent joke for a rubber chicken dinner. The Horror.

Anonymous said...

There once was a man named John
A war hero much loved in Saigon
He loved global tests
But loved magic hats best
And he loved to say Jen-jis Khan.

Cabbage said...

There once was a man named Kerry,
With a tan and a head quite hairy.
He talks a lot,
but in the Senate he rots
because he's dumber than Cable-Guy Larry

vforvictory said...

This is just disgusting. Kerry is absolutely horrible and this is wonderful that you are pointing this shameless comment to us.

Of course this took place in Nantucket another elitist secular liberal area of the country where rich people live.

David Vitter is a good man and does not deserve this type of abuse from John Kerry of all people.

I thought I heard everything but this absolutely tops the icing on the cake.

I can barely see straight after reading this blasphemous comments by that secular progressive John Kerry.

David Vitter needs to be left alone. He is an honorable religious man who has received God's forgiveness.

John Kerry's comments only make himself look bad. Another evil Massachusetts liberal who supports the homosexual agenda.

You have done your readers a wonderful thing by pointing out this most evil and inhumane of things that I could ever think one person could ever do to another.

Adrian said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who knew just how to sniff a good sherry
He made fun of his schoolmate’s “C”
“Well,” replied good ol’ G.W.B.,
“at least my running mate wasn’t a” – oh, never mind

Anonymous said...

That wasn't a very good limerick, Alpha. You are incredibly humorless.

AlphaLiberal said...

sgt ted:

That's a crock of shit. His troops from the Swift Boat backed him up. The ones who were lobbing bombs didn't serve with him on his boat.

There you guys go, attacking any vet who is not with your cult leader Bush. You did it McCain, McClellan and Kerry. It's a Karl Rove tactic only a dupe would fall for.

And if you really want to now how I feel about your right wing lies...

AlphaLiberal said...

seven machos, I have my own humor, but bashing Kerry with lies and smears doesn't strike me as funny.

But, wait, let guess. you think Mallard Filmore is funny?

Pete said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who fancied himself a revolutionary,
He sought to be Prez
But fell on his ez
When the electorate found him too scary

AlphaLiberal said...

David Vitter is a good man?!?!?


you mean besides being a lawbreaking, hypocritical, philandering liar? Aside from all that?

I think they should press charges. If the madam gets busted, why not the Johns?


Doug L said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Vietnam a while did he tarry.
Cambodia on Christmas
Proved a fib, sis.
Him close to be President was scary.

Anonymous said...

Alpha was a poster with an itch.
Thought old Althouse was a witch.
A humorless fellow,
And not very mellow;
All he could was bitch.

SGT Ted said...

lol Alpha my God its just a rhyme!

Who cares?

And that's only two of the men in his boat that backed him up. One does not have to be in the same squad to know whether or not someone is a turd.

And, yes, his Purple Hearts were chickenshit. Every combat vet I have talked to that knows the circumstances say the same thing.

vforvictory said...

This is an incredibly important story but you likely won't find it in the liberal media because it makes a defeatocrat look bad.

Fortunately, we have outlets where we can shine the horror and indignation and abolute travesty of one sickening depraved politican named John Kerry.

I will passing this story along to all of the mainstream press outlets but typically you likely won't see any of the run this nasty story.

David Vitter and his family deserve their privacy as well as our respect, not some other politican making light of a tragic family affair. You don't see the Vitters running around casting aspersions on other people's private lives or how their families manage their affairs.

This needs to be the front page of every newspaper tomorrow.

Doug L said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
vforvictory said...

They probably had caviar and french wine at that party in Nantucket too.

Typical, unamerican hating liberal defeatocrat.

Was Carly Simon there? Doesn't she live in the Vinyard? Another liberal rich place next door to Nantucket.

The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

I am so upset now it is so shameful and hateful and deranged of John Kerry. What was he thinking. He doesn't care about our troops and he likes Europe.

Fen said...

AlphaLiberal David Vitter is a good man?!?!?

Blowback. I think you're being trolled by one of your own, posing as a conservative...

Alpha: That's a crock of shit. His troops from the Swift Boat backed him up. The ones who were lobbing bombs didn't serve with him on his boat.

Thats ignorant. The ones "lobbing bombs" served in his unit with him. Your essentially saying that members of tank battalion wouldn't know what goes on in their own unit, because they're not in the same tank...

There you guys go, attacking any vet who is not with your cult leader Bush.

No. Kerry is a confessed war criminal who falsely slandered his own men in sworn testimony before Congress. He also exaggerated wounds not received in combat to steal 2 purple hearts so he could get a ticket to the rear. And fabricated a secret CIA mission to Cambodia. He is a fraud.

And if you really want to now how I feel about your right wing lies...

What lies Alpha? Despite the constant assertions of the Left, the SwiftBoatVets have never been discredited.

Unknown said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who in the Senate tried to make merry
But he's down on his luck
Turns out he's a schmuck
With a wit that don't work in Metairie!

BTW, alphaliberal: relax. Try writing something funny.

Ann Althouse said...

There was a commenter who was resigned
Not to write in the form I assigned
We were all having fun
He's the humorless one
Alpha Liberal, the guy who just whined

vforvictory said...

This would be like if George Bush made fun of not finding weapons of mass destruction or something.

George Bush is a patriot though and loves our troops where John Kerry is willing to be so low that at some democratic dinner he actually puts down another senator in his hour of need. It is just sickening.

Mortimer Brezny said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Whose bitterness verged on very
He lost in '04
Because of the war
And he spat on the daughter of Cheney

garage mahal said...

Yea Alpha
This is wingnut no fact zone central. This blog is pure comedy and not to be taken seriously.

Here, you will find out:

We're winning in Iraq.
Iraq was terrific idea.
Bill Clinton and John Kerry are guilty of literally anything you want them to be.
George Bush is a great president.
And Ann Althouse is a moderate centrist with no axe to grind against liberals.

Unknown said...

vforvictory said...

Of course this took place in Nantucket another elitist secular liberal area of the country where rich people live.

Nantucket? I feel another limerick coming on...

J. Cricket said...

A limerick contest from the woman who thinks the New Yorker cartoon contest is lame?!

New depths in lameness, A-House. New depths.

LZ said...

There once was a Senator John Kerry,
Torpedoed by men on a wherry,
His career run aground,
He still hung around,
Like a dry dodgy dank dingle-berry.

Doug L said...

In Vietnam he got a wound on the derriere.
It didn't much muss his Kerry hair.
A purple heart,
Awarded this fart,
A ticket to get his ass outa there.

chickelit said...

There once was John called Quitter,
who joked of a john named Vitter,
The blogs they cried out,
"that man is lout"
in hopes he'd retreat in a titter.

Freeman Hunt said...

There once was a lib troll with feeling
Her many names left commenters reeling
Thought she would endeavour
To be very clever
But lies are quite unappealing

Steve Baxter said...

Sgt Ted: Nicely done, sir. Needs to go on your blog. Great idea, Ann!

Bissage said...

Mrs. Bissage helped:

There once was a fellow named Kerry,
had an ass that was pale white and hairy.
Said, "You'll get stuck in Iraq,
if you're poor, brown or black.
Not like me, I know well how to marry!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

When the election tally had neared,
John and the Breck Girl jeered...
That a self-made 'Nam hero
Was really a zero
Was into his memory seared.

Anonymous said...

There once was a man JFK
Who thought himself quite AOK
His monogram told him
What his mirror had sold him
That he’d be a model POTUS-- in navy or oxford gray.

Doc Washboard said...

I think vforvictory has it right. This Kerry limerick story is conceivably the most important story of the decade, and, if you'll notice, the MSM (Magically Stinky Morons) are staying away from it in droves.

The idea that this traitor, this worthless piece of human limerick-spewing scum even ran for president makes my skin crawl.

Don't expect the Liberal Driveby Media to touch this one--just another example of the Communist infiltration of all aspects of our dhimmi society.

Revenant said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who... oh, never mind. :)

The Drill SGT said...

There once was a groom named Kerry
Who moved up each time he did marry
Theresa's a witch :)
But she's richer than rich
He's hoping the pre-nup to bury

Justin said...


The election is over. You don't have to keep pretending to like Kerry. Everyone know that all of his votes weren't for him but against Bush. He's not going to run again, so there's no need to keep propping him up.

Son Of The Godfather said...

There really is one explanation
For Kerry's chronic constipation
The rice in his butt
With the band-aided cut,
And the SwiftVets again served their Nation.

stepskipper said...

vforvictory has GOT to be a Lucky sockpuppet.

The Drill SGT said...

Changing to a more serious note.
Doing limericks about your fellow Senator's troubles in a public forum?

The man has got no class.

buddy larsen said...

Yes there's that hat-trick Cambodia,

But his policy's what would've brought woe to ya;

All power to the State
(and a Red heiress mate),

Thank goodenss he lost the vote, o yeah!

Revenant said...

That's a crock of shit. His troops from the Swift Boat backed him up. The ones who were lobbing bombs didn't serve with him on his boat.

Stephen Gardner did, and many others had served alongside him in the same unit.

Furthermore, many of the SBVT accusations had nothing to do with Kerry's behavior as a swift boat commander, centering instead on the slanders he heaped upon American troops upon returning to America -- slanders which were, "coincidentally", very similar to the official propaganda of the North Vietnamese regime whose representatives he'd met with shortly before.

SVBT ran four television ads:

The first featured men who had served with Kerry, who then gave their opinions on him. No falsehood there, as the men had, indeed, all served with Kerry and did, indeed, hold the opinions in question.

The second featured audio of Kerry's own slanderous testimony, interspersed with veterans describing how it had affected them. Again, nothing but hard facts (the audio) and honestly-held opinions (the veterans' reactions).

The third debunked Kerry's bullshit "Christmas in Cambodia" story -- a story which has been refuted by everything from the official military record to Kerry's former crew to Kerry's own diary, and which Kerry's own campaign handlers had to backpedal on.

The fourth condemned Kerry's "throwing his medals over the fence" stunt. Since Kerry himself has offered no less than three mutually contradictory stories as to whether or not this actually happened (the answers being "yes", "no", and "they weren't really my medals"), I leave it up to you to judge if the commercial was accurate. It depends on which of the three Kerry stories you think wasn't a lie, I guess.

Unknown said...

A limerick contest from the woman who thinks the New Yorker cartoon contest is lame?! New depths in lameness, A-House. New depths.

The Althouse troll AJD
Airs his superior-i-ty.
But in fact, AJD's
a porcine disease
of the herpes var-i-e-ty.

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Doug said...

There once was a Senator Kerry
Whose head was unusually hairy
He had a good run
But now that it's done
The thought of him winning is scary

Jake said...

There once was a JG in 'Nam,
Who acted like he was just off the "faahm".
But when he once said to all,
"This is just like St. Paul's!",
It took them no time to tell him to SCRAM!

(PS True story)

The Vault Dweller said...

There once was a Senator Kerry,
with Presidential ambitions he'd not tarry
So he reported for duty,
with a running mate who's fruity
and shared embraces with him 'ere scary.


Doug said...

There once was a man named Kerry
In South Vietnam he did tarry
For just a short while
Then he left with a smile
To go back to the states and make merry

Jeff Faria said...

An effete politician from Mass
Could stick his own head up his ass!
When folks asked him why,
He explained, 'Libs like I
Have our own definition of class!'

Meade said...

John Kerry, he joked from Nantucket,
"Dave's career's like a hole in a bucket.
Now here comes the punch line,
I'll get it right this time.
Rhymes with 'Vitter' and 'quitter'
Damn! I foggoddit."

hdhouse said...

Cheney and Bush did beat Kerry
Big issues like don't let gays marry
Now the country sees through
These terrible two
in 08 the Dems them will bury.

Doug said...

I have to say that I liked Kerry's limerick just fine, possibly better than any of those I've read here (except for sgt ted).

Unknown said...

there once was an ann with a blog
obsessed by lies she could flog
she thinks she's so clever
but her act is so over
she should just get a dude or a dog

buddy larsen said...

But if her act is so over,
why did we all come over?

Henry said...

When we were on our way to war
There was a man who voted for
Behind that vote were seven reasons
that changed with polling and the seasons
For every reason, seven ruses,
and seven other bald excuses,
Voting, reasons, ruses, spin,
What was that poor man's name again?

Synova said...

Heed well, gigolo John,
who's advice is always spot on.
If you do it for money
I'm serious, honey,
it's best if the woman's the john.

Revenant said...

In honor of the Tweedledum/Tweedledee choice we faced in '04 (and in my defense, I hate poetry and it hates me right back):

No one much likes George Bush, I confess
In Iraq we ain't had much success
So please answer me, quick
Why'd the Democrats pick
The one guy that we all wanted less?

Synova said...

LOL! Nice Reverant!

Daniel said...

with apologies to James Taranto at the WSJ ...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who was haughty, French-looking, and scary.
But like Jacque Chirac
Folks got tired of his act.
Those socialists can be so contrary!

Jeff Faria said...

A lib'ral purveyor of gloom
Reading Althouse's blog in his room
Loudly grumbled, 'I'll show 'em!'
And started a poem
But realized it was a whole lot harder than he thought when what little wit he possessed deserted him under pressure, so instead he wrote 'BushHitler' 50 times and then went into the kitchen to see what Mom had for dinner.

(yeah, I liked revenant's comment, too!)

Doug L said...

The surge is turning to victory.
The bad guys are starting to run and flee.
But that pompous ass.
The Senator from Mass.
With his Dems preaches defeat for my country.

Doug L said...

Ann the professor of law
Thought a limerick is like a saw
To cut to the quick
And make all trolls sick
So at John Kerry we all can guffaw.

Unknown said...

There once was a sailor named Kerry
Who thought the Navy's boat a ferry
He fibbed about his Christmas
Now that we know of his lying ass
He isn't fit to be Curly, Moe or Larry

Ruth Anne Adams said...

There once was a Yalie John Kerry
Gigolo-style he'd marry
Teh-RAY-za was jonesin'
To diddle a Bonesman
Cuz Whippenpoofs really were scary.

Sloanasaurus said...

Hilarious thread!

Ruth Anne Adams said...

Her first husband, Heinz: GOPer
Her next one brought up the rear
In Ohio he choked
"The Diebolds were broke"
She'll marry again late next year.

Attila said...

The joke that he botched was a shock.
He claimed he did not mean to mock.
But Kerry said, "Hell,
If you're smart, you do well,
But if not, you get stuck in Iraq."

Tex the Pontificator said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who coveted office so very
But he lost the election,
Suffering rejection,
And now kibitzes while drinking sherry.

Tex the Pontificator said...

There once was a man named Kerry
Who coveted office so very
But he lost the election,
Suffering rejection,
And now kibitzes while drinking sherry.

KCFleming said...

Bushes are Red
Kerrys are Blue
You think this will rhyme
But it won't.

buddy larsen said...

if it's 'spose to rhyme but it won't,
then instead of writing it, don't.

buddy larsen said...

oops, forgot the

Chip Ahoy said...

A man walks into a bar
Declaring, "Career-wise I've come quite far!"
"Well, you've won second place,
Senator, so why the long face?"

[Look, if you had some education and a bit of ambition you might not be stuck behind that bar not knowing the difference between a Gulfstream and a Benz and]

Air Force One and a bulletproof car."

Graham said...

There once was a man named John,
Who could not help feel shit upon.
He thought he was rollin'
But Ohio was stolen
And now all our freedoms are gone.:-(

Anonymous said...

(No embedded--)

There once was a sporting Senator and glitch
of big ego throwing off his balance a titch
Good thing when cams were around
and he spilled to the ground
US Secret Service could be his ‘son of a bitch.’

JohnG said...

There once was a fellow named Kerry
Himself he thought witty, so very
He picked on Ol' Vitter
By alluding to "shitter"
His foot again meets maxillary

Anonymous said...

There was was a senator
named Kerry.
His career was in the shitter
and he was a national laughingstock.
But he never realized it.

From Inwood said...

Prof A

I even got to use your new favorite word "bulls**t!

Ah the lies I glean’d from one boat,
The vet’rans I got to demote.
I was such a bulls**ter,
That when comes this Vitter,
I could, à bon compte, mouth this gloat.

Anonymous said...

There once was a man named Kerry
His concern for our allies was not very.
When political points are to be had
It's not a "blood-bath", only a little-bit sad,
When millions die and we offer no sanctuary.

Beth said...

orthodoc--Kerry doesn't rhyme with Metairie. But I laughed anyway.

Beth said...

I laughed at Kerry's limerick, too. What's pathetic about it?

Synova said...

I put a vote in for Attila.

Cedarford said...

There once was a duplicitous Naval Officer named Kerry
A medal he finagled for rescuing a man named Larry.
But his angry fellow officers said 1st Kerry and his Swift Boat ran and turned chicken.
So his White House bid they blocked by givin' this VC ally a good dick'in.
Leaving poor John only the megamillions for which he did marry.

Anonymous said...

Trestzalplea bro haltresurlay
Gel sime se jar terantzray
Haikinzal saihon
Salkarsor trakon
Us tan rau zorpiz zartucay

Wait! Wait! My Limerick Generator isn't working!
Damn! And Trademark Dave's in there too!

Cedarford said...

There once was a Faux Kennedy who so wanted to be "Jack".
Who sneered at the camo'd dullards stuck in Iraq.
His name was phony like his attempts to be a schmoozer.
He asked of Bush - what could be worse than this Loser?
"Someone who lost to The Loser!", voters responded with a smack.

John said...

vforvictory: Ha ha ha. Writing in the style of the left's stereotype of a right-winger must have seemed clever the first hundred times you did it. Careful though, my mother used to say that if you cross your eyes too much they might stay that way. That wingnut stuff might just rub off on you!

MadisonMan said...

Wife of Bissage Tells
What does Kerry's Ass look like
How does she know that?

Bissage said...


Nope, that part was mine!

Roger J. said...

Madison Man cleverly switches to haiku--talk about thread hijack. :)

Roger J. said...

faux hero John
makes a mocking limerick
ignoring the mirror

Roger J. said...

re johns ass:

John's ass is peppered
with rice as in the way of
jenjis khan destroyed

LordSomber said...

ah.. switching to haiku format, are we?

I'm Full of Soup said...

There once was a man named John Kerry and he never seemed in a hurry.

His hobbies were riding his $8,000 bike and para-sailing he liked. Hunted duck one day in a spanking new orange array.

Haughty, ambitious from early on, he was sunk by fellows from his naval squadron.

So he missed the mark he wanted but will go down in history as the first "Swift Boat" hunted!

From Inwood said...

There once was a man named Kerry

In the smarts he was not so very.

Fawning friends in the Media

Made him seem ’cyclopedia,

The voters response, a raspberry.

comrade_tovarich said...

Ran for prez did ol' John Kerry
Claimed to aid the Rouge, Kh-mery
Killed one-third their folks
Says it's true (that he helped them)--no hoax
Aided genocide? That's scary!

His wife, she don't know what's chili
'Course that's just peasant food, silly!
Not rich blue-blood fare
So why should we care?
We're elites, like the Hill-Billy.
(Clintons, that is)

Simon said...

Oh John, I hate to be blunt
But your campaign really was an affront
You were a loser in Oh-Four,
When Ohio showed you the door,
And now even erstwhile "supporters" think you're a ....

Simon said...

hdhouse said...
"Now the country sees through
These terrible two [Bush & Cheney]
[And] in 08 the Dems them will bury.

Still not figured out that they won't be on the ballot, huh? I suppose you've stil got time for realization to dawn before the election...

Anonymous said...

And now even erstwhile "supporters" think you're a ....

A runt of a man is Kerry
Small-minded, little accomplished and nary
A thought for the fight
Against foes much more bright
Than the patrician who boats in Sperry.

Meade said...

Revised (because life can be long):

John F K wryly laughed from Nantucket,
"Vitt's career it has done kicked the bucket.
Now here comes my punch line,
I'll get it right this time.
Vitt...uh, quit...uh...
Oh damn! I foggoddit."

hdhouse said...

Vitter's no quitter she said
As she struggled to get off of the bed
The relentless pursuit
by this horses patoot
Left his career dying if not all but dead.

hdhouse said...

Simon said...
Still not figured out that they won't be on the ballot, huh?"

Ohmygod Simon. Try try try to think some...use some imagination...think outside the box...use the force Luke....

Revenant said...

Your problem, hdhouse, is that the jump from "voters hate Bush" to "voters will dump" Bush is obvious... but Bush isn't up for election.

The jump from "voters hate Bush" to "voters will reject Rudy Giuliani" is far from obvious. Giuliani is a much different person from Bush, and unconnected with the Bush administration. He's neck and neck with Hillary in the polls (ahead this week, behind last week).

AlphaLiberal said...

I is for Iraq, the dead and dying
M is for the “ Mass” in “WMD”
P is for the Presidential lying
E… Ex-ec-u-tive, u-ni-ta-ry–

A is for Attorneys who were let go
C is for the Constitution — maimed
H is for Hell we’ve made at Gitmo
M is for the Mandate that Bush claimed–

E is for the Eight-inch, cut “reporter”
N is for uNserious blogs’ snark
T is for those winger Troll supporters
… And now, the final exclamation mark!

Put them all together, they spell I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T-!

A word that means the world to me…

Original from Crooks and Liars.

AlphaLiberal said...

Hey, Fen. It's not surprising you take the con line on the Swift Boat hit job.

I'm curious. Do you also defend the attacks on John McCain's military record and family in the 2000 primary?

You could still find some of those pages in 04. How he squealed on other prisoners, got special treatment. Stories came out, you see.

Like the racist stories that "came out" about his adopted daughter.

Do you defend those stories too?

AlphaLiberal said...

Excellent clip of videos from that lying liar George Bush's Attorney General Albert Gonzalez!

Althouse sees no evil, hears no evil, speaks no evil.

And her winger fanbase pretend this corruption of our Justice system is not happening.

SGT Ted said...

Alpha you are obsessed. Grow a sense of humor.