He quickly matched my urgency in the clothes-removal efforts and we were naked and happy in no time. And then we were naked and extremely happy a half hour later.
Oh! Ick! I hate writing!
ADDED: It's so easy to see how Gore could have believed this was terribly clever. So why is it so bad? One thing is the complete lack of edge. If it had ended sarcastically, this passage might have been good. But, no, sex just made them "extremely happy." It doesn't make us happy. The only detail we get is that they took off their clothes -- a mundane point that we are told three times.
And then there's all this talk about time: "quickly," "urgency," "in no time," and then -- as if she realized that superfast sex is actually not generally considered good -- "a half hour later." Then there is what I think the author imagined as feminist fulfillment: The man synchronized himself to her.
Could something please go wrong?
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23 comments:
proposed subtitle: An Extremely Inconvenient (Though Naked and Happy) Partisan Carrot Stick
Bulwer-Lytton candidate, absolutely. But succinct. And mercifully so.
Could be worse. The son could have gone into much more detail, including getting really baked first.
Book editors insist on sex scenes.
Actually, that’s pretty good writing.
You see, I once had sex with Kristin Gore and that’s what it was like. Except I was ripped and I’m pretty sure she was, too. And it didn’t take so long as a half-hour. And I wasn’t at all happy, except to have it over and done with. And I faked my orgasm.
But all that aside, . . ., pretty accurate.
P.S. She sent me flowers the next day, as if that didn’t make things even more socially awkward. At least her sister had the decency to pretend it never happened. Sheesh!
"At least her sister had the decency to pretend it never happened."
Biss, bro, my guess is you probably did a better job of synchronizing your ersatz O to her sister's than you did to the author's. Plus, in each instance, did you remember to use the energy-saving dimmer switch? Greenish chicks dig that, you know.
Bissage, what are you saying??
A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.
You could do a PowerPoint presentation, though...
Is her goal to make her readers feel their sex lives are wildly passionate and exciting in comparison? I guess it's kind of like a public service. Those Gores. Always trying to give back.
ROFL... as compared to Mrs. Cheney's literary depictions of sexual acts?
Too funny
Another excerpt from the book:
Feeling nauseous [sic?], I checked my bag for backup. I had Dramamine, various antihistamines, an eye patch, an EpiPen, some antibacterial ointment and Band-Aids, a Z Pak in the event I needed to start antibiotics right away, and Tamiflu to combat a sudden outbreak of avian flu. Friends found my first-aid kits creepy, but I considered them reassuring. I spent enough time researching health care issues to have an ever-expanding understanding of the countless mishaps and illnesses that were out there, just waiting to pounce. In light of the omnipresent danger, the best I could do was arm myself. The EpiPen had been the hardest to procure, since I wasn't technically deathly allergic to anything. But you never know, I argued with the doctor. Maybe I was deathly allergic to something obscure that I hadn't yet come across. I needed to be geared up for it when I did. I reminded myself to stay calm and not get too carried away. I knew deep down that the food was more than likely completely fine. But was that my abdomen cramping? If I'd contracted salmonella, I shouldn't experience symptoms for another six hours. Perhaps this ship was host to a particularly aggressive strain. I looked up from my kit to assess whether a medical helicopter would have enough room to land on the deck and saw that some of my more lubricated colleagues were fashioning a conga line. Should I break up the party to inform them of their intestinal peril?
My own de rigeur eye patches now firmly and happily affixed, I think I have successfully synchronized my nauseousnessocity to that of the narrator's.
Ann...the writing makes much more sense when you realize she is not depicting a sexual encounter, rather a game of naked Twister.
Do you really interpret the male synchrony depicted in the passage as feminist fulfillment?
That part of the passage, it seems to me, has more to do with a woman's anxiety over her body and it's acceptability/appeal to men. Where's the feminism?...it appears ladened with traditionalism.
No gentleman should ever be seen 'urgently' taking off his socks. Simply cannot be done with any erotic potential.
I don't get the first quote. Either it's misquoted or an editor left a sentence in.
Wurly, I had the same reaction. I could imagine Comic Book Guy speaking that phrase.
That's not a sex scene and it's not graphic either. It was a "fade to black" skipping of a sex scene.
I was very confused until I read the article (skimmed it) and noticed that it said this was "chick-lit."
Not that chick-lit can't be graphic, but that it's not about the relationship with the guy the way romance is. Even in non-graphic romance if there is sex the author can't get away with skipping it, even if the passage is implicit rather than explicit.
Is this the Gore who wrote for "Futurama?" How amazingly bad.
It's beyond cliche, but reading such pathetic writing, knowing it's being published and otherwise rewarded, demonstrates that nepotism is one of the biggest signals of a country tipping into decadence.
I assume there is some literary prize that has already been set aside for her, along with a movie deal. Blurbs on the book from Hillary Clinton, Caroline Kennedy, Evan Thomas, Anderson Cooper and Paris Hilton.
>>No gentleman should ever be seen 'urgently' taking off his socks. Simply cannot be done with any erotic potential.<<
True. Sufficient urgency and the socks don't enter into it. Heck, they'd be left on.
Is this the Gore who wrote for "Futurama?" How amazingly bad.
imdb says so. In the mini-bio also says the book that previously had this character has been optioned.
Expect the filmic equivalent of that scintillating prose, soon.
She wrote some of the narration for Arctic Tale which judging from the ads would hope to be the "March of the Penguins" for the North Pole set with an added emphasis of 'GLOBAL WARMING is destroying their habitat!' thrown in.
(no way to make a walrus as cute as a penguin, though, and polar bears are only cute as cubs, after that they're terrifying)
you're such a child. that is not graphic in the slightest.
Hey, a lot of those Futurama episodes were really good. Even the cameo appearances by Algore, the inventor of the environment, first Emperor of the Moon, and the leader of the Vice Presidential Action Rangers, were funny.
Futurama rocks.
I saw a Bender figure (too big for a figurine) next to the check-out at a little shop and had to have a serious talk with myself about not spending the grocery money on it.
While bad, it involves two humans, which is more than can be said for Scooter Libby's novel.
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