Althouse: Hostile as I am to hosta....

June 7, 2007

Hostile as I am to hosta....

This kind pleases me:

13 comments:

Christy said...: Most attractivve shot of the rarely pleasing hosta flower. I hear it isn't unusual for gardeners to pinch off the stem before it shoots up much, less blooms.; 6/7/07, 5:46 PM
Dan from Madison said...: Ah the fabulous elephant ear hosta. One of my favorites.; 6/7/07, 6:05 PM
Maxine Weiss said...: The hostile Hostel.; 6/7/07, 6:07 PM
Ruth Anne Adams said...: When I was a kid, we would pop the blossoms before they fully opened just for fun.

Nature's bubblewrap.; 6/7/07, 7:54 PM
Bissage said...: Those are Elegans, more likely than not.

Bissage does not love Hosta flowers.

However, Mrs. Bissage loves Hosta flowers.

Bissage once tried to nip Hosta flowers in the bud.

Mrs. Bissage and her menacing Felco 2 persuaded Bissage never to try anything so foolish ever again.

Bissage retains all his fingers, to this day, remarkably.; 6/7/07, 9:22 PM
Anonymous said...: I love hostas, though the flowers are incidental. If you ever had to live in Bloomington, where there are so many damned trees you can't find even a tiny spot of full sun, you'd learn to love hostas too. Beautiful foliage plants.; 6/8/07, 5:28 AM
American Liberal Elite said...: Vista la hosta, baby!; 6/8/07, 6:40 AM
Bissage said...: There are still people around who will call a Hosta a “Funkia.”

And that sounds like a perfect excuse to link to photos of aspiring actor Dr. Tobias Funke, his unfortunately misprinted business card, his afflicted status as a Never-Nude, his best-selling book and his hapless stint as an understudy for the Blue Man Group.

FUNKIA!!!; 6/8/07, 7:08 AM
Meade said...: Meade takes a back garden seat to no one in finding Mr. Bissage's HortHumor© hilarious but on a serious note (serious as a fungal outbreak in a propagation box), Meade wants to be sure Mr. B is in possession of one of these for further incisive garden wit and for fighting off summer's yard terrorists (i.e., weeds). It could also be visual deterrent and effective peacekeeper the next time Mrs. B menacingly flashes her Felco 2's. Hosta luego.; 6/8/07, 7:39 AM
knox said...: Bisssage: don't forget Mrs. Featherbottom!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xt9Y0P_P8o; 6/8/07, 8:12 AM
knox said...: (on-topic) The only uglier flower-to-foliage disconnect is Lamb's Ear. Hideousness!; 6/8/07, 8:14 AM
Bissage said...: Thanks, Meade. Armed with one of those bad boys, I’ll stand my ground. Let the garden arms race begin! It’s M.A.D.!!!

[K]noxwhirled, we recently rented “Mary Poppins” (I laughed, I cried, I danced around like a chimney sweep) and that makes Mrs. Featherbottom that much funnier.

And I agree completely regarding those stalk-freak things that rise above the Lamb’s Ears. I’d like to cut them down with my new Hori-Hori, but, . . ., but, . . ., there’s always Mrs. Bissage. It’s terrifying. I never know when she’s going to suddenly appear. And she can hear my thoughts. One of these days, I’m afraid, she’ll catch me cutting the daylilies away from the base of that blue holly and wish me out to the cornfield.

* SHUDDER *; 6/8/07, 8:59 AM
Meade said...: Right tool; right job.

For heaven's sake, it's the Felco-equipped Mrs. Bissage who, rather than using the tool to make a good man's life miserable, should herself be cutting back those horrid Lamb's Ears scapes! A Hori-Hori or even it's superior A.M Leonard knockoff is made for other essential purposes. Dig?

Now here is one more garden tool that I'd hate to see you be without, Bissage old boy: the hard-to-find Swan Neck hoe. With this one tool you will be equipped to stand up not only to all sorts of terrorist weeds but to the ever-lurking unpredictable Mrs. B.

I guarantee you a straighter spine leading to less fatigue and therefore more strength for maintaining your share of garden rights and privileges. Domestic bliss and garden happiness are not givens. One must be prepared to stand up and assert one's right to pursue such basic human needs. The Swan Hoe will facilitate that effort.

And if all else fails, Bissage mi amigo, please don't hesitate to send me a SASE for a free copy of my monograph, How To Be A Hoer Without Losing What's Left Of Your Self Respect And Hard Won Meagre Dignity (# 9,201,408 on Amazon.com).; 6/8/07, 2:00 PM