That's what some reader informed me back in the comments to this old post. I'm trying to get my mind around the idea that the legs of some freakishly storkish man -- he says he's 6'4" and 190 pounds -- would make me ashamed to be a woman.
Anyway, it's fall now. Time for everyone who made the error of wearing shorts to stop for at least 7 months, unless you're playing a sport that requires them or you're somewhere on the globe far from here.
September 28, 2006
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26 comments:
Ann, I'm 33 and happen to look just fine in shorts, though nearly 10 years of competitive cycling and living on the water has given me a pretty good base.
I'll admit there are many men who shouldn't wear shorts, much as there are many women who have serious delusions about the tenisle strength of polyester.
I, for one, can rock the shorts, and will not stand for your blatant pantsism.
If you think I'm not gonna wear shorts on the first sunny 60-degree day in March, 6 short months away, you're wrong in your thinking.
I have to say, though, that the mosquitoes of late have made choosing to wear long pants far easier.
"Storkish man" - Ha! And I would wager a crisp $20 that his shorts are pulled up high too, probably close to his nipples - up high and old, geezerish, flashing that fish-belly white color for all to see, hairless and knobby-kneed comes to mind as well, with a flask of Geritol protruding from the back pocket to boot, buttocks wider than the shoulders - loved only by his heirs.....
Dillon, CO, has had its first snow, and the local ski areas are starting to make snow.
So, why are so many still running around in shorts and short-sleeved shirts?
Of course, there was one guy in the rental shop at what is now the Sports Authority in Dillon who never wore long pants last winter. It might be below zero, in a blizzard, and he would still be in shorts.
Maybe Mr. Flamingo thinks that based on simple gender difference you should be attracted to him, in which case, if he does indeed look as you say, well...you should feel ashamed!
Here in Southern California there are people who wear shorts year round. Unfortunately.
Ron: That was the only theory I could come up with. It's this heterosexist-plus position that says if you're a woman and you're not attacted to all men, you should feel that you're just not woman enough. Crazy!
Some guys seem to think just not being fat is such a great accomplishment that they've done enough.
As for guys on motorcycles: I give them credit. They never wear shorts.
Shorts are pretty much a neccessity in the far South during the hot, hot, muggy summer months. I do get a good tan before I put em on though if that helps.
Mr. Flamingo - OMG! Shorts do look OK on some men in certain settings but we need to know when our age and physique precludes wearing them even in secluded, wooded areas...
Some do but they really probably shouldn't.
Joe, Mothers say the darndest things.
Your old poster, that 190 lb stork, may have been trying to do a Sippican -- you know, a koan-like comment that goes off in a weird but cut-to-the-quick kind of way -- and just couldn't pull it off.
As for this shorts thing, there comes a point in life (I can still see it in the rear view mirror as it fades away) when you just don't care whether you qualify as eye candy for whoever may be looking. When it's hot and humid, concerns about the Loss Of Standards, The Decline of Civilized Values, Don't You Know How Dumpy You Look, and all that, don't cut it. Shorts do.
Try it. You'll like it.
It's still warm and sunny here in the Deep South. Shorts -- knee length, baggy -- will be in my wardrobe until December, at least. Nothing like a crisp, cold day in shorts with a nice sweater for warmth up top.
Sippican's Koan Of The Day:
So I sez to my lama: "What's the sound of one Sippican clapping? Huh, smart guy?"
And he says: "Yes."
So I pop him one, because he's wearing shorts and all.
I just talked about this post with a real-life guy who informed me he's 6'3" and weighs 150 something. He was not wearing shorts.
Sippican: Not a bad example of the genre. An Irish koan. That's what it is.
I would also coin "Cohens", but The Mad Jihatter might blow me up!
I live in a beach town (Belmar, NJ) and if I did not wear shorts in the summer I would stand out like a sore thumb. The shorts in style now go down to the knee so it's not like we are wearing Al Gore type retro gym shorts.
Even the trendy Manahttanites wear casual clothes when they come to town.
People here only wear dark clothes 2-3 months a year. I find a bigger fashion boo-boo to be tank tops on men, which I can't stand.
I live in a beach town (Belmar, NJ) and if I did not wear shorts in the summer I would stand out like a sore thumb. The shorts in style now go down to the knee so it's not like we are wearing Al Gore type retro gym shorts.
Even the trendy Manahttanites wear casual clothes when they come to town.
People here only wear dark clothes 2-3 months a year. I find a bigger fashion boo-boo to be tank tops on men, which I can't stand.
Zeb: No, the men around here wear shorts as much as they possibly can, even in a winter thaw.
Ann: It's this heterosexist-plus position that says if you're a woman and you're not attacted to all men, you should feel that you're just not woman enough. Crazy!
Hmm, no. The position is "If you're not attracted to me, you should feel that you're not a sensible woman, because it makes no sense for you not to be attracted to me, for various reasons I haven't time to explain to women who lack the common sense to feel attraction for me." And, it's women who think things like, "Every woman is beautiful in her own way." Yes, and we'd all be Einstein if only there weren't patriarchy. Crazy!
(And, I think we all know a man with standards that are too low and more than one woman with standards that are too high.)
Ann: Some guys seem to think just not being fat is such a great accomplishment that they've done enough.
Many women think even though they are fat, simply because they are women, they've done enough. At least these men aren't fat.
Ann is right. Men look dumb in shorts.
But I don't care if I look dumb, as long as I'm more comfortable.
TE Lawrence puts out match by pinching it between his fingers.
Comrade-in-arms attempts same thing. Burns finger.
"Owww! It bloody well hurts! What's the trick?"
"The trick is not caring that it hurts."
I'm assured that I'm a freakishly handsome specimen (no, not just by my mother, smartypants, but by my aunts as well), so I wear shorts in fairness to the ladies: The attenuation of my handsomeness gives 'em a fighting chance at resisting my charms.
Besides, shorts are comfy. Ann, I'll give up my shorts when you haul out a .45 and blow a hole in your TV set. My shorts are doing less total aesthetic damage to the world than any given TV set does, and arguably less damage intellectually.
"shorts are comfy"
There's nothing uncomfortable about pants, though. Generally, unless it's very hot, pants are more comfortable. Protect your shins!
Obviously here, someone has way too much time on his/her hands that they have nothing better to do than to dictate as to who can wear shorts or not to wear them. This is a big world, I've already been to one war Viet Nam so I don't need someone telling me what is fashionable or culturally incorrect, if a man wants to wear shorts in the dead of winter, what is it to you? who cares?
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