December 7, 2005
Making small talk.
NPR has a piece about how to make small talk at an office party. Actually, I think if you hate small talk, the author they have effusing about small talk will probably just make you feel more negative about having to make small talk -- and she tells you right off that having a negative attitude will totally wreck your ability to make small talk. Anyway, the segment begins with some nice clips from "The Office." And, beware, it ends with some excruciating singing from Renee Zellweger, singing at an office party in "Bridget Jones's Diary." It's supposed to be hilarious but it's trying way too hard to be hilarious, as though they really don't trust us at all to recognize bad singing.
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8 comments:
Ann I am sorry to hear you say that, for I have learned from that piece, that most likely you will be missing an opportunity to thank your boss and employer for such a wonderful opportunity, and such a wonderful job, and such a wonderful restroom, and such a wonderful cubicle, and such wonderful meetings, and such a wonderful walk in from the parking lot, and such wonderful and interesting work!
Your loss really.
Those icebreakers are both lame and intrusive. My knee-jerk response to most of those would be "who are you and why do you want to know?"
Of course I'm a Jonathan Rauch introvert and my wife is a classic extrovert. She talks enough for both of us at parties. Works out well.
Here's some of my classic icebreakers:
1. Hi.
2. Is that any good?
3. How 'bout them [insert local sports team].
4. Wow. That traffic.
5. I'm looking for the bar.
6. Nice hat, looks good on you.
7. Do they have valet service or did that guy just steal my car?
8. Try the puffy things with the green dip.
9. Excuse me, trying to get through.
10.Did you realize that for the cost of this party they could have given us another week of vacation? Yeah, the shrimp is good.
Oh my goodness, did anyone see the "Christmas Party" episode of "The Office" last night?
Quite possibly the funniest show on TV right now.
But then, I don't watch a lot of TV, so what do I know?
Bill,
I heard all of those statements at the orgy last weekend!
Well, it's only skimming the surface of the whole social whirl conundrum. Actually, small talk becomes much easier when you are recognized as "someone you should know."
Or maybe that's just LA.
I once asked a sales rep how she talks to all of the customers at a business party when she knows none of them. She said, "Start by asking questions and never stop."
It is good advice.
Usually, it is women who are good at small talk. But this morning, at 5:09, I got a call from my girlfriend. Seems she went a bit ballistic last week week when I suggested that we talk maybe once a week when she had something to say, instead of every day in a "hi, hi, how are you? how are you? bye, bye" conversation. I gave her a chunk of time that I was going to be free, etc. Apparently too controlling for her.
In any case, a big part of small talk is bonding (and that is why women are probably better at it than men, on average). Either you are trying to build new bonds, or are trying to renew old ones.
I think as guys we often think that it is meaningless noise. But that is because we really don't appreciate the value of the social interaction going on. Often, it is not precisely what is said, but rather that it is said that is important. As I said above - the bonding.
I have a friend who is great at small talk and flirting--I bring her with me and bask in the circle she attracts. Sure, it's great to ask questions, but even then I ask something like, so what do you think about the war? You either got it or you don't. :)
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