April 15, 2004

The short answer about what to wear for spring. Here’s a nice set of essays in Black Table, all written by women on the subject of what men should wear for spring. The short answer is: no shorts.

And let me add: that goes double for the mailman. Could the Postal Service please ban shorts, at least unless the temperature is going to be in the 80s? I’m living in Wisconsin. There are maybe three months of the year when it is hot enough that there is a real comfort issue justifying the wearing of shorts. But the temperature goes into the 40s and guys start wearing shorts around here. Perhaps there's a belief that exposing oneself to cold is a demonstration of manliness. But the trouble is: shorts are children's clothes. There might be some sports exceptions there, but who is the best dressed man in sports? I mean, while playing. Clearly: Tiger Woods. Have you ever seen him in shorts?

Here are some choice words from Jessica Pressler’s Black Table essay:

Just say it: Shorts. The word itself is ugly. The lazy shh, the fat, gaseous "ort".

Shorts, of all kinds, are very, very wrong. They are unfortunate with hairy, knobbily legs shooting out of them, boring when covering the tiny bum of a skaterboader or indie rocker, and disturbing when pressed against a wide, flat ass. Most of all, of course, they are tragic when revealing ...

In a word: Shorts are pants, emasculated. Emasculating.

A woman who doesn't consider herself shallow may even find herself in the throes of SRS (Sudden Revulsion Syndrome) as the seasons change….


spencer said...

I honestly can't stand people who bash others just because of what they wear, especially for something as ridiculous as shorts (obviously there are exceptions "cough" cross-dressers "Cough"). Is our society really that superficial nowadays? Two words come to mind, Chill out, stop worrying about other people and get your own life. If a few guys walking around in their revealing shorts , that probably only show off their calves, is really that disgusting then move to Alaska, I'm sure you'd fit right in there. Or better yet, move to Cali, from the sound of it you would probably walk off the plane and be so flustered you'd shit in place.

Anonymous said...

This is about as idiotic as saying women should only be seen in dresses and high heels.

Ontarian said...

Im an attractive professional man of 51 and I dont care what you or "some" women like or not about what I wear. When its over 70 degrees I will probably wear shorts because its more comfortable than being overdressed in the heat and humidity of summer. When I go to work I wear a suit, when I visit the museum I wear pants. No-one is going to shame me into being uncomfortable when I reveal my - horrors - knobby knees and not perfect butt in appropriate places and times.

cyclekarl said...

This person is incredibly sexist and narrow minded,unfortunately there are many like her,women for years have been banging on about wanting equality when in fact it's quite clear they want double standards,imagine being married to this women,it would be a life of slavery not being able to do what you want and being told what to and what not to wear,I'd rather remain a virgin for the rest of my life than date or marry a cow like her.