August 31, 2025

"The submarine sandwich’s... phallic yet floppy nature can also be seen in this context as a mocking reflection of the administration’s strutting, performative, hollow machismo...."

"'He thought it was funny. Well, he doesn’t think it’s funny today,' declared Ms. Pirro, playing the nation’s sputtering high school vice principal sick of all these disrespectful kids, in a video announcing that Mr. Dunn would be charged with felony assault.... Attorney General Pam Bondi... condemned him as 'an example of the Deep State we have been up against for seven months.' That seems like a lot of firepower brought to bear on a single sandwich-throwing paralegal...."

Writes Bruce Handy, author of "Hollywood High: A Totally Epic, Way Opinionated History of Teen Movies," in "I’ll Have My Resistance on a Roll. Hold the Mayo" (NYT).

As you may have noticed, the prosecutor failed to get an indictment, disproving at long last "that grand juries aren’t in fact willing to indict ham sandwiches."

By the way, what's the origin of that old joke? Let's read Tom Wolfe's "Bonfire of the Vanities":
The grand-jury rooms in the island fortress were not like regular courtrooms. They were like small amphitheaters. The members of the grand jury looked down on the table and chair where the witnesses sat. Off to one side was the clerk’s table. There was no judge in a grand-jury proceeding. The prosecutor sat his witnesses down in the chair and questioned them, and the grand jury decided either that the case was strong enough to put the defendant on trial or that it wasn’t and threw the case out. The concept, which had originated in England in 1681, was that the grand jury would protect the citizenry against unscrupulous prosecutors. That was the concept, and the concept had become a joke. If a defendant wanted to testify before the grand jury, he could bring his lawyer into the grand-jury room. If he was (a) perplexed or (b) petrified or (c) grievously abused by the prosecutor’s questions, he could leave the room and confer with a lawyer outside in the hall—and thereby look like someone who was (b) petrified, a defendant with something to hide. Not many defendants took the chance. Grand-jury hearings had become a show run by the prosecutor. With rare exceptions, a grand jury did whatever a prosecutor indicated he wanted them to do. Ninety-nine percent of the time he wanted them to indict the defendant, and they obliged without a blink. They were generally law-and-order folk anyway. They were chosen from longtime residents of the community. Every now and then, when political considerations demanded it, a prosecutor wanted to have a charge thrown out. No problem; he merely had to couch his presentation in a certain way, give a few verbal winks, as it were, and the grand jury would catch on immediately. But mainly you used the grand jury to indict people, and in the famous phrase of Sol Wachtler, chief judge of the State Court of Appeals, a grand jury would “indict a ham sandwich,” if that’s what you wanted.

ADDED: Maybe the prosecutor in sandwich guy's case gave a few of those verbal winks Wolfe was talking about.

74 comments:

gilbar said...

it just shows, that in blue cities: Dems can do NO WRONG.

compare/contrast with charges for being invited into a government building by a government officer

n.n said...

Leftists are known to spike delis with IEDs. Don't underestimate the abortive intention of a spam sandwich.

rhhardin said...

It's not phallic if nobody's eating it. Advice for women.

Enigma said...

I tuned out at "phallic yet floppy." To generate a quasi-AI Sigmund Freud response:

"Sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich. Sometimes a sandwich is made on square bread and doesn't resemble a human penis at all, yet it's still floppy."

Peachy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dave Begley said...

Tom Wolfe popularized and created many terms still used today.

Peachy said...

"RESIST" is leftist code for non-stop insurrection... no-stop tantrum... non-stop whining... & non-stop authoritarian leftism. Plus the ever important - non-stop leftist lecture.

Jupiter said...

Perhaps they would have been willing to charge him with littering?

Mason G said...

Right: Walk through the Capitol taking selfies? Years in prison.
Left: Hit a federal officer with a thrown object? Free to go.

Sounds about right.

Peachy said...

How did he get thru the system so fast?

Jan 6th people, who did nothing wrong - were tossed in jail without due process. It was all very Soviet - Much like the Democratic-Chi-Com Covid Virus.

hombre said...

This is important stuff for the NYT to focus on./s As usual the NYT correspondent missed the point. For the sane among us, the DC grand jury’s refusal to indict simply confirms that the DC criminal justice system is broken and that Democrats are partisan scofflaws. DOJ’s likely intent was to have the GJ show DC’s true colors before charging the sandwich man with a misdemeanor.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

A submarine sandwich is never floppy although it might be drippy.

n.n said...

Penis for progressive. Confused gender? Is Handy transphobic? Homophobic?

Lazarus said...

Why isn't it a "mocking reflection of the protests' strutting, performative, hollow" pomposity? It is, but normal people don't talk or write or "analyze" like that. Sandwich guy beclowned and lampooned himself, not anyone or anything else.

rehajm said...

What happens when you hit his judge with a hoagie? we all know…

Achilles said...


Mason G said...

Right: Walk through the Capitol taking selfies? Years in prison.
Left: Hit a federal officer with a thrown object? Free to go.

Sounds about right.


It hasn't been about Right vs. Left for a long time.

It has been about Illegitimate Ruled vs the Ruled.

The average person in Washington DC does not think the laws apply to them. It only applies to the ruled.

Dr Weevil said...

Nothing can be "phallic yet floppy": writing those words in that order shows a gross ignorance of lexicography. Something that is phallic in some circumstances will continue to be penile when it's floppy, but it's only phallic as long as it is stiff, i.e. non-floppy.

It is odd that 'penile' sounds more obscene than 'phallic', though the organ referred to is far more obscene when it's an erect phallus than when it's a mere dangling penis. In movies, it's the difference between an X rating and an R - maybe even a PG, if the penility is only seen on marble statues in museums.

n.n said...

Trump Delicatessen Syndrome

Lem Vibe Bandit said...

"That seems like a lot of firepower brought to bear on a single sandwich-throwing paralegal...."

Similar incident in California: Man attacks another man and the LAPD refuses to arrest him because they “aren’t allowed to” in California.

Trump's idea of sending troops to crime riddled cities is not all bad.

Biff said...

I'm a law and order kind of guy, and I'm willing to believe that there is a technicality that allows one to define throwing a sub sandwich at a federal officer wearing a tactical vest as a felony assault, but it does seem excessive to me. Sure, the assailant was supremely annoying, but I think the grand jury reached an appropriate decision.

I don't want to live in a country where hurling a sandwich at a federal officer is a felony offense.

n.n said...

With a phallic prerogative, is Handy a trans/homosexual, or an aggrieved simulant? Watch your six.

Biff said...

PS. The double standard in punishment based on the politics of the offender is, however, noted and deplored.

Randomizer said...

Washington DC shouldn't have it's own federal district court. Put it under the Maryland or Virginia district court to get a wider pool of people for a grand jury.

Yancey Ward said...

While I think the grand jury got this one right in regards to charging a felony, it is pretty obvious that had the guy been a conservative and charged with tossing a felony sandwich at Nancy Pelosi he would have been indicted and convicted eventually.

Danno said...

n.n said..."Trump Delicatessen Syndrome"

Subway is a delicatessen? Who knew?

Howard said...

Another example of Trump winning against clueless libturds. It's as if the guest opinion writer thinks that the sandwich hurler is brave like the Chinese student whom stood in front of the People's Liberation Army tank

Achilles said...

hombre said...

This is important stuff for the NYT to focus on./s As usual the NYT correspondent missed the point. For the sane among us, the DC grand jury’s refusal to indict simply confirms that the DC criminal justice system is broken and that Democrats are partisan scofflaws. DOJ’s likely intent was to have the GJ show DC’s true colors before charging the sandwich man with a misdemeanor.

Letitia James helped her niece Shamice Thompson-Hairston buy a house in North Carolina by cosigning a mortgage and declaring that she would primarily reside at that house while being legally required to live in New York. Typically banks give you .5-.75% lower interest rates if you are the primary resident.

Definition of mortgage fraud.

Shamice Thompson-Hairston has a daughter who is a fugitive skipping out on probation hearings. Neighbors have seen Shamice and her family including Nikia Monique Thompson
at the house that Letitia James has declared her primary residence.

Definition of harboring a fugitive.

This is a rulers vs. ruled situation. It has been for a long time.

Danno said...

Randomizer said..."Washington DC shouldn't have it's own federal district court. Put it under the Maryland or Virginia district court to get a wider pool of people for a grand jury."

Better yet, give the remaining DC east of the Potomac back to Maryland. The DC folks would have a state and the courts issue would be solved. A twofer!

Howard said...

If the sammich was PB&J and the officer had a peanut allergy, they could allege assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder.

Achilles said...

Howard said...

Another example of Trump winning against clueless libturds. It's as if the guest opinion writer thinks that the sandwich hurler is brave like the Chinese student whom stood in front of the People's Liberation Army tank

They aren't really liberal.

Original Sandwich tosser video.

They are more like inbred French Courtesans in 1789.

RCOCEAN II said...

Hate if a minority or a Democrat is the victim. A laughable prank when the victim is a white or a Left-hate object. DC juries convicted every J6er on every charge. Without exception. They let McCabe and others off.

The Democrats don't care about the law or justice. We need to move trials outside of DC whenever possible.

FullMoon said...

"Howard said...
If the sammich was PB&J and the officer had a peanut allergy, they could allege assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder.

8/31/25, 11:16 AM"

Allergy or not, crunchy Skippy could put an eye out.

William said...

Well, he lost his job. That's something. I suppose though that he'll be hired by some sympathetic law firm and get a pay raise out of it.......I wonder if subway sandwiches will replace the custard pie as the culinary weapon of choice in our armories. Such weapons have been used in the past. The pie throwers were charged with misdemeanours and the worst offenders received thirty day sentences. I would classify a subway sandwich as less of an offense than a custard pie, but tastes vary.

n.n said...

The Nazis operated submarines to sandwich allied assets.

Achilles said...

William said...

Well, he lost his job. That's something. I suppose though that he'll be hired by some sympathetic law firm and get a pay raise out of it.......I wonder if subway sandwiches will replace the custard pie as the culinary weapon of choice in our armories. Such weapons have been used in the past. The pie throwers were charged with misdemeanours and the worst offenders received thirty day sentences. I would classify a subway sandwich as less of an offense than a custard pie, but tastes vary.

Any regular person doing this goes to jail. Everyone knows this.

Washington DC have decided laws don't apply to them.

I actually don't mind this situation. Democrats will never win another election until they start putting people like this in jail.

n.n said...

Subway is a delicatessen?

For the elite-adjacent, yes.

Wince said...

It looks like the Grand Jury miscontrued the statute much as did this law firm [in bold].

As noted, no physical contact or injury must occur for you to be charged with or convicted of this crime. Simple federal assault is a Class A misdemeanor punishable by up to 1 year in jail and fines up to $100,000.

Serious Assault (No Deadly Weapon) is similar to simple assault but with two additional characteristics:

You make actual physical contact with the officer; and
You did so with the intent to commit another felony.
Serious assault without a weapon is a felony punishable by up to 8 years in prison and fines up to $250,000.


The actual statute says "or" not "and" when it comes to the threshold between "simple assault" (no contact) and assault with "physical contact" under the statute. [in bold]

18 U.S. Code § 111 - Assaulting, resisting, or impeding certain officers or employees
(a)In General.—Whoever—
(1)forcibly assaults, resists, opposes, impedes, intimidates, or interferes with any person designated in section 1114 of this title while engaged in or on account of the performance of official duties; or
(2)forcibly assaults or intimidates any person who formerly served as a person designated in section 1114 on account of the performance of official duties during such person’s term of service, shall,
- where the acts in violation of this section constitute only simple assault, be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both, and
-where such acts involve physical contact with the victim of that assault or the intent to commit another felony, be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 8 years, or both.
(b)Enhanced Penalty.—
Whoever, in the commission of any acts described in subsection (a), uses a deadly or dangerous weapon (including a weapon intended to cause death or danger but that fails to do so by reason of a defective component) or inflicts bodily injury, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.

n.n said...

Submarines with vinegar dressing can be deployed as a weapon.

Vinegar is not effective against the bacteria that cause wound infections, and it can cause burns with prolonged contact.

If vinegar gets into the eyes, irritation and redness are common, and corneal injury can occur. The eyes should be rinsed immediately.

- poison.org

Mary Beth said...

I don't want to live in a country where hurling a sandwich at a federal officer is a felony offense.

I want to live among people who don't throw food.

I don't think it should be a felony, but I also think it's a thing that never should have happened and the Left should not have been treating a tantrum-thrower as if he were a hero.

Not Illinois Resident said...

NYT writer trying to be profound. Epic fail.

lonejustice said...

In my state throwing a sandwich at someone would be a simple misdemeanor. Nothing more.

Ronald J. Ward said...

I’m not all that knowledgeable about the laws on sandwich tossers but if Trump was actually serious of ridding D.C. of criminals, wouldn’t he, like, leave?

Dr Weevil said...

lonejustice (11:46am):
There's a difference between "throwing a sandwich at someone" and missing, and "throwing a sandwich at someone" and hitting the target. The latter seems obviously the more serious crime. Why do you obscure that difference in your phrasing?

Mason G said...

"The average person in Washington DC does not think the laws apply to them. It only applies to the ruled."

I don't know how anybody could reasonably disagree with that conclusion.

Lazarus said...

TS Eliot would have written "phallic though flaccid."

n.n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cubanbob said...

He got arrested so there is a mug shot. He had to spend some money on a lawyer and he got fired. Prosecutors should stop overcharging. A misdemeanor conviction with a few days in jail and loss of his job is more than sufficient.

n.n said...

The tosserectionist should be served with Capitol punishment and a side of guac.

mezzrow said...

It was never the fault of the sandwich. No matter how tasty or lethal, it lacks agency.

n.n said...

Delicatessen of the Profanities

BarrySanders20 said...

The writer would be horrified to see what I, a former deli worker in my youth, do to a sub sandwich. After creating the culinary delight, I SLICE it into sections and then PIERCE each section with a TOOTHPICK. Gruesome stuff if that's a stand-in for a penis.

n.n said...

Was it a high capacity submarine? There needs to be reasonable sandwich control. There could have been a scalpel hidden in the layers of veggies. Planned Policehood (PP) is a clear and progressive risk in liberal jurisdictions. #HateLovesAbortion

Saint Croix said...

I suspect the grand jury system is limited to felonies in D.C. That's the way it is in North Carolina. If you actually wanted to indict this guy for a crime, charge him with assault on a police officer and take him to district court. That's how you do it if you're normal.

If you want to politicize the legal system, as Pam Bondi apparently does, you over-charge a felony and bring out the grand jury.

The reason it's (usually) easy to to get a grand jury to indict, is that there is no defense attorney in the room. It's a completely one-sided process.

They failed to indict this guy because a felony indictment is preposterous on its face. He threw a sandwich.

Also, the grand jury is heavily Democratic and non sympathetic anyway. I'm sure the prosecutor knew it was a loser going in. But why overcharge? It just makes the Trump administration look petty and stupid.

an example of the Deep State we have been up against for seven months

And it makes our AG look like a dummy. Not impressed. At least you're not a soft banana, like the last one. More like a rock. And not a good rock, like The Thing, or Rocky Balboa. More like a stupid rock. A pet rock.

Cheryl said...

Handy forgot that what is funny, or at least tolerated, from a teenager is just stupid from a grown man. That’s guy is getting prosecuted because he’s a jackass. (And also it technically is assault.)
Is that the “deep thought” guy? Just wondering.

Bruce Hayden said...


"'He thought it was funny. Well, he doesn’t think it’s funny today,' declared Ms. Pirro, playing the nation’s sputtering high school vice principal sick of all these disrespectful kids, in a video announcing that Mr. Dunn would be charged with felony assault.... Attorney General Pam Bondi... condemned him as 'an example of the Deep State we have been up against for seven months.' That seems like a lot of firepower brought to bear on a single sandwich-throwing paralegal...."

Notice the intentional disrespect as to USA Pirro in the use of “Ms”. Judge, US Attorney, or USA would have been proper.

Achilles said...

Ronald J. Ward said...

I’m not all that knowledgeable about the laws on sandwich tossers but if Trump was actually serious of ridding D.C. of criminals, wouldn’t he, like, leave?

What was he convicted of?

Be specific.

You are really just a stupid person who thinks he is smart.

Achilles said...

lonejustice said...

In my state throwing a sandwich at someone would be a simple misdemeanor. Nothing more.

Please go throw a sandwich at a police officer for me.

Tell me if you only get a misdemeanor charge.

rhhardin said...

There is nothing more deplorable than the spectacle of a formal dinner party ending in a brawl. And yet it is surprising how even the most cultured and charming people can go utterly to pieces when something is unexpectedly thrown at table. They instantly have an overwhleming desire to "join in." Everybody has, at one time or another, experienced the urge to throw a plate of jelly or a half grapefruit, an urge comparable to the inclination that suddenly assails one to leap from high places. Usually this tendency passes as quickly as it comes, but it is astounding how rapidly it can be converted into action once the spell of dignity and well-bred reserve is broken by the sight of, say, a green-glass salad plate flying through the air. It is all but impossible to sit quietly by while someone is throwing salad plates. one is stirred to participation not only by the swift progress of the objects and their crash as they hit something, but also by the cries of "Whammy!" and "Whoop!", with which most men accompany the act of hurling plates. In the end someone is bound to be caught over the eye by a badly aimed plate and rendered unconscious.

- Thurber

Saint Croix said...

If you went French with the bread, a nice hard baguette, then at least you have an argument with the grand jury. You take the baguette and walk over to the jury, and smack them with it. "Did you like that? Did you like that? It hurts, right?" You'd have to really smack them hard to make the point. Maybe a 2-day old baguette.

But if you're just throwing floppy impotent bread at the jury, they are going to laugh at you.

Achilles said...

Biff said...

I don't want to live in a country where hurling a sandwich at a federal officer is a felony offense.

If you want that to be the case, then you have to have the overwhelming majority of people in your country be able to live without throwing sandwiches at federal officers.

Freedom only works if you have people capable of doing the right thing when police are not forcing them to do the right thing.

In order to live in a country where throwing sandwiches at police officers in not against the law you have to accept that all of the animals in the population are going to throw sandwiches at officers.

Nobody is going to be an officer if twats like this are going to act like this and treat officers that way.

If you want a free high trust society then you have to remove people like the sandwich tosser from the society or you have to convince them to not throw sandwiches at officers.

If you allow people to act like this you will have a free low trust society. Somalia is a free low trust society.

Saint Croix said...

There is nothing more deplorable than the spectacle of a formal dinner party ending in a brawl. And yet it is surprising how even the most cultured and charming people can go utterly to pieces when something is unexpectedly thrown at table. They instantly have an overwhleming desire to "join in."

You cite Thurber, I cite Animal House

Pam Bondi, You are Dean Wormer.

john mosby said...

Trumpzilla wins even when he loses in DC courts. Get a bunch of no-bills and nullifications, and he can say "the people of DC, as represented by their randomly-selected grand and petit juries, have no interest in enforcing the law. But unfortunately DC has more than its own residents to deal with. Therefore, in order to protect the many nonresident federal employees, foreign diplomats, tourists and other visitors, I am introducing legislation to revoke DC Home Rule and administer the District as a federal resource for all the people of the United States, by all the people of the United States." RR, JSM

Tina Trent said...

The concern here is real, so the punishment must be too. These lunatics throw firebombs and razor blades and rocks hidden in things they fling at police, and they throw acid, feces, urine, and frozen bottles of ice at officers too. Many police have been severly injured, with no consequences for the offenders. I picked up a manual of ideas to injure police at the last Stop Cop City training I attended undercover. In a Quaker Church: nice nonviolence, Quakers. It's well past time to throw the book at them. They're all wussies, so this should tamp down some of the behavior.

Tina Trent said...

Severely, sorry. Losing hand control.

john mosby said...

Trent: Don't forget the concrete milkshake. A British specialty which I'm sure we'll eventually see here. RR, JSM

Tina Trent said...

St.Croix, I share your concerns about Bondi. Nancy Grace was one hell of a smart prosecutor in Atlanta, and she's very popular among a group Trump needs for the midterms. Her tv persona not withstanding, she is not just some talking head.

Saint Croix said...

The Trump administration ought to resist repeating the evils of the Biden administration. Specifically, over-charging people when they are protesting against the government.

This guy and the 01/06 protestors are exactly synonymous. They committed misdemeanors. I am not impressed with yuge federal governments who treat protesting citizens like they are the Death Star. Fuck you, it's the federal government and all its power that is the Death Star. If the current AG does not understand how the prior AG fucked up, quit your job and go back to private practice. There are plenty of attorneys who respect our Constitution and understand we have popular sovereignty in this country.

I'm not excusing misdemeanors, or crimes. But the urge to "make examples out of people" and over-punish them, so you can appear powerful, is a shitty anti-American urge. I remain unimpressed.

Smilin' Jack said...

Seems like the fed could still bring a civil suit for infliction of mental anguish resulting in a lifelong need for PTSD counseling. A few million ought to cover it.

Tina Trent said...

Yes, we have concrete milkshakes here too. In fact, they're in the manual I picked up from the peace-loving Quaker scum.

Ronald J. Ward said...

Saint Croix, your concern about overcharging or disproportionate punishment is a legitimate debate point. But equating ordinary misdemeanor protesters with J6 participants is factually weak. Many J6 rioters committed felonies—assaulting officers, destroying government property, and obstructing Congress.

Treating them all as if they were routine misdemeanor protesters ignores the documented violence and seriousness of what they actually did.

Wince said...

If you read the statute, it wasn't an "overcharge." If you don't like the law, ask congress to change it.

Wasn't a Trump sign passed overhead -- including by Ray Epps -- considered a "deadly or dangerous weapon" in charges brought against other J6-ers?

- where the acts in violation of this section constitute only simple assault, be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both, and

-where such acts involve physical contact with the victim of that assault or the intent to commit another felony, be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 8 years, or both.

(b)Enhanced Penalty.—
Whoever, in the commission of any acts described in subsection (a), uses a deadly or dangerous weapon (including a weapon intended to cause death or danger but that fails to do so by reason of a defective component) or inflicts bodily injury, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.


The place for leniency, given the law and the flaccidity of the instrumentality, is based on prosecutorial and judicial discretion, while a plea deal is negotiated.

Ronald J. Ward said...

Saint Croix, and to your point about the AG: “ If the current AG does not understand how the prior AG fucked up, quit your job and go back to private practice”, I’ve argued before that we effectively have an AG in name only. Trump has been the de facto Attorney General, with the current officeholder acting more like a member of his legal defense team than the nation’s top law enforcement officer.

mccullough said...

Just doxx the guy and let people throw sandwiches at him for a few years. Criminal law doesn’t deter stupidity. A punch to the face does.

Peachy said...

R J Ward - I will correct you:

Few J6 rioters committed felonies—assaulting officers, destroying government property, and obstructing Congress.

Most J-6 protestors who were prosecuted - walked thru open doors and did nothing wrong. One young man walked in, took some photos, left. He was so over-prosecuted & harassed, without proper due process, - he committed suicide.

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