Writes Laura Pitcher, in "How to Survive the Couples Trip" (The Cut).
She got the new boyfriend out in the sun and he became a cold and grumpy disappointment. Better to find out sooner than later. Sounds like vacationing speeds things up.
July 15, 2025
"To celebrate our fifth anniversary, my college boyfriend and I went to Spain— we broke up a few weeks later."
"He’d booked the hotel without checking if it was within walkable distance of Barcelona Center (it wasn’t), and our room had two single beds. The room reservation wasn’t the cause of the breakup, but it didn’t help. Two years later, I was in Spain again. This time, lying on a hammock in an Ibizan Airbnb with a two-month situationship. We’d booked the trip just over a month after our first date; but, under the setting Ibizan sun, my once-exciting prospective lover was a cold and grumpy disappointment. When it ended, again, just weeks later, I blamed the vacation for our ultimate demise. I swore off Spain as a romantically cursed destination...."
Writes Laura Pitcher, in "How to Survive the Couples Trip" (The Cut).
Writes Laura Pitcher, in "How to Survive the Couples Trip" (The Cut).
Posts
114 comments:
Thermodynamic chaos unveils an underlying order. Next time in Siberia.
How to Survive the Couples Trip:
Step 1 - do not invite Laura Pitcher.
Raylan Givens Rule : You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
"situationship."
That word is a huge red flag. Don't walk fellas. Run.
who paid?
You really don't know someone until you try to show them the potatoes you've grown from scratch pretty much, and they mock you for the size and quantity. I give you guys a few more weeks, but be honest? The spark is gone. There's just no respect, and trying to make up for that with all the flattery isn't gonna help...
You two need a dog. A forever friend for him, someone she can criticize and joke about (cuz she mean at heart!) leaving her husband unpecked... Good luck! ;-)
Maybe she's the issue?
All the guy had to do was stuff some grass in his ass, put a fish on his head and keep the lady happy in Spain where it always rains on the plains... Why is this hard, men??
Her story isn’t making her attractive. Does she have any other qualities?
Beach vacation early in relationship is a mistake. Cancun = humid and sticky. Go somewhere cold where you have access to a hot tub and need to warm each other at night. Much more romantic.
Her complaints are small potatoes in the fryer of life... Ammirite mister meade?? ;-)
To quote an old British euphemism: Pitcher's "pitcher has been too often to the well."
I detect a fish that's ridden too many bicycles.
I think some guys just like the pursuit not the capture.
Beach vacation early in relationship is a mistake.
add fireplaces
That's the worst way to travel. Or spend time with a new dating interest. Exotic locations are not conducive to early-romance get--to-know-you time. Travel is extreme. Not normal.
Who thinks this is a good idea?
Just as likely, or more, that the trips opened the eyes of the boyfriends rather than the author.
Did he go there to see Ibiza or eat puerco iberico and drink wine or to listen to her yack? Because I see she writes "unresponsive" and I wonder, to what?
You learn a lot about a person when traveling. We have traveling a lot, mostly to far flung places in Asia and the Pacific. We've actually led group trips and it can be eye opening how people act, especially when things don't go exactly as planned. I see possible issues with both her and her male companion. People should do an easy trip first, like 4 days in Mexico, before heading out on a big one.
Sounds like she views others as things that need to conform to her every expectation and not actually have real foibles and moods.
I may have imputed "unresponsive" where she didn't actually say it. "Cold and grumpy." My assumption is fair but not clearly supported by the little evidence we have.
The female should always do the booking.
Agree with Yancey. To be sure tho - she could try again, switch the location and see if it happens again. if yes - honey it's you.
Odi said, "Sounds like she views others as things that need to conform to her every expectation and not actually have real foibles and moods."
Sounds like she wants what lots of women want, a dildo with great career that doubles as an ATM.
What's wrong with an AirBNB within driving distance, where neither one feels trapped, like being 3000 miles from home can make one feel?
It helps if, like my wife and I fifty years and six months ago, your first vacation together is your honeymoon.
Also - perhaps be further along in a potentially serious relationship - prior to a long distance trip. Smaller trips... closer to home. See how it goes.
"Fifth anniversary?" There was trouble before that first Spanish trip. That's a long time to date without moving beyond boyfriend status.
If the female cares about the booking, she should at least vet the booking before it's finalized. If there are things the female considers non-negotiable, she should communicate them to the male or do the booking herself. If she hasn't done either of those things but considers that something about the (apparently perfectly ordinary, for Europe, given that all she could come up with to complain about is distance from something she wanted to walk to and two single beds instead of, what, a California king) booking is unacceptable ex post facto and that therefore the booking is a contributor to a breakup, then the whole thing was a pop quiz, which is a dick move in a relationship.
RSM @11:40, that's gonna leave a mark!
Her story isn’t making her attractive. Does she have any other qualities?
Look her up - looks like a lot of unwise plastic surgery.
Which is more "romantically cursed," Spain or Miss Pitcher?
Sounds like narrowly escaped.
Mike Wolf - exactly
Maybe he would actually have enjoyed doing something, rather than lying on the beach listening to her yack. Much of life may be sitting around listening to a spouse yack, but in any situationship knowing how to avoid the awkward, vacant moments is also a skill. Chalk it up to different energy levels, as much (or as little) her fault as his.
"Look her up - looks like a lot of unwise plastic surgery."
Collagen-injected lips are a poor substitute for sincere femininity.
I should have written Pitcher poured out her heart.
She pitched... strike one, two, three... fifth year anniversary?
He's out.
No dainty little dildos for Laura, Jamie. No siree. More girth means more worth when waxing about wallets. Now if only it he would magically pay for himself, she could forget about all those other disappointing dildidn'ts.
There's something very human and sadly comical about people like Laura Pitcher and her lovers, inhabiting lives (as so many of us do) driven by dimly understood instinctual behaviors. They know that they feel need, but can't effectively verbalize the need or operationalize its attainment.
5th anniversary?! This Pitcher is definitely not a closer! Ha.
Am I the asshole for stopping at "situationship"?
Sounds like she's destined to be alone for the rest of her life. She might have a boyfriend here and there, but I don't see the emotional maturity to develop and maintain a life long relationship.
It sounds like SHE is the problem.
Ann - lol. It filled a nice glass of iced tea.
in seriousness - reading 20-something sex life/ bf/gf experiences. ugh. It all sounds so shallow.
Maybe the boyfriend thought it was time for a relief Pitcher.
Paraphrasing Bukowski:
“I like women who haven’t had too many "situationships". I don’t expect virginity but I simply prefer women who haven’t been rubbed raw by "situationships". There is a quality about women who choose "situationships" sparingly; it appears in their walk, in their eyes, in their laughter and in their gentle hearts. Women who have had too many "situationships" seem to choose the next one out of revenge rather than with feeling. When you play the field selfishly everything works against you: one can’t insist on love or demand affection. You’re finally left with whatever
you have been willing to give, which often is: nothing.”
This sounds like bullshit. She was with the first BF five years and took a trip to Barcelona at the end of that spell. Then she's in Ibiza "two years later" with a new guy. Are we supposed to believe that these were her only two romantic getaways during that span of seven years? If there were other trips either to Spain or other countries, perhaps including trips with other men, then it seems kind of tendentious to draw a parallel between these two trips. Frankly, it strikes me that she was probably grasping at straws to find an angle with which to get a magazine editor to bite on a piece about her love life that's altogether pretty uninteresting.
My friend Jane, began dating again a few years after her husband died. There was one fellow she was quite attracted to but she decided that he was too short. Her best friend told her that if he stood on his wallet he would measure up.
Scott M - nope.
I read "The Cut" and mistakenly saw an "n" in it.
Nope. Laura is the problem.
Pitcher? I hardly knew her!
But she kinda liked the music?
Hassles in Spain.
Ha ha! If you can’t travel or pack a car together, that’s a good indication of the future troubles. The dude who booked the wrong hotel in Barcelona might have demonstrated the lack of attention to details and trouble with executive functioning, if that’s a one off, it’s forgivable, but if he is clueless about other things, not a good look. Who wants to plan and organize all your travels because you can’t rely on your partner, it will lead to resentment eventually.
This has clearly affected Laura and she might not be able to Lisbon anymore. She has debilitating psychological Spain.
Unless you're seriously attached, opportunistic overseas romance is best enjoyed when the object of affection is a resident of the destination, not sitting in the plane next to you. It's a variation on the 5 F's:
Find foreign hotties
Flirt with them
F them
Fly away
Forget-them-not
She sounds like not my wife.
After you hit the pitcher many times, time to face a new pitcher
Barcelona has an excellent public transportation system and hotels within walking distance of Barcelona Center are way more expensive.
"Barcelona offers a comprehensive and efficient public transportation system, making it easy to get around the city. The system includes the metro, buses, trams, and suburban trains, all integrated under a single fare system. "
What's wrong with an AirBNB within driving distance, where neither one feels trapped, like being 3000 miles from home can make one feel?
What's wrong with fucking each other every few days or on the weekend where neither feels committed ("trapped") instead of spending a month on the road together (where there will be times when you'd honestly want to be somewhere else ("trapped")?
Hmmm...
As an addicted traveler (who's not ashamed to admit I'm just a "tourist" much of the time), I believe nothing predicts lasting compatibility better than three weeks (or more) a long way from home.
I also own a small travel agency and ALWAYS tell clients that regardless how well a trip is planned or how much money is spent to avoid unpleasantness of infinite kind; something (s) WILL go sideways. Might be a tiny thing; might be a BIG thing but it will be a defining moment of the trip and, quite possibly, the relationship.
Good humor is always your Best Friend. You can spend the next four hours in a shittly little rail station waiting for the next train and taking command of the situation by insisting everyone in sight is a moron because you're gonna miss your dinner reservation in a famous restaurant. God forbid your companion decides to take-in the non-existent scenic view instead of supporting your insanity 100 percent.
Try to understand that just being safe, warm, dry, not penniless and with a person you enjoy/care about is a great start for battling disappointment. Take a deep breath and think of one of millions of ways you can make each other laugh or remember how well you handled the unexpected.
Twenty years later, you won't be telling stories about the perfect sunset you saw on that trip (long forgotten). You WILL be telling stories about how this became the best memory of any trip ever taken...
...maybe, you changed into the clothes you were going to wear to dinner and got seriously buzzed drinking beer from the vending machine in the station...
Reminds me of late afternoon in a tiny, dark Japanese ramen shop in the hills west of Tokyo, 45 years ago. The cold noodles were good, the cold Asahi was better and the young woman with me had the brightest eyes and warmest smile and mischievious nature imaginable.
We had come out there (getting lost a time or two) to hike by the river in solitude. As we arrived, the rain came down hard. It was the only sound in our ramen refuge. My first instinct was to lament our plan gone awry but I quickly realized that I was the happiest person on the planet to have the undivided attention and affection of the person I loved.
Sometimes rainy days make the best memories. It's up to you.
She seems nice...
I want the other side of the story.
RSM @ 11:06am,
"oh Romeo yeah you know I used to have a scene with him"
Oh, and its plausible that he booked a hotel room with a larger bed and the the hotel screwed them. My wife and I once stayed at a BnB in Venice that was absolutely magnificent architecturally. Why not quite a Palazzo it was close. Most roomy shower I've ever seen in Europe. The double bed was two singles pushed together were one was slightly higher than the other. So it goes.
Push the beds together, lay the mattresses crosswise, if things work as they used to.
"...Pitcher poured out her heart."
Tears or blood?
"We had come out there (getting lost a time or two) to hike by the river in solitude."
One time my wife and I were in Rome traveling with another couple and the husband fell ill. Nothing serious, but he was staying at the hotel so his wife accompanied us as we explored Rome. One afternoon we got off the metro a stop or two to early where we discovered a beautiful park with a giant pond, horse riding, glorious gardens, etc. Our friend was nearly frantic because we were lost. We pointed out that yes, we were lost, in Rome!
chuck said, "I want the other side of the story."
Ibiza boy:
Hooked up with Laura Pitcher
Didn't mean to meet a girl like her
Meet a girl like her
"Situationship" hair and "situationship" eyes
Had "situationships" with lots of guys
…And I ran, I ran so far away
I just ran, I ran all night and day
Thank god I got away
"and our room had two single beds."
ACROSS THE ROOM FROM EACH OVER OR ADJACENT?
Having lived in Europe and travel there for 50 years, only top tier international hotels have "American" style double beds
A traditional Euro double bed is two singles next to each over, hopefully with a mattress pad bridging the gap
Good humor is always your Best Friend.
Sure, sure. I just hope you don’t have to laugh all the time because you are dating or are married to a dumbo. We all make mistakes and fumble things up, but some people make them all the time. When I read an article like this, the neurodivergent bells go off, autistic/narcissistic, either doesn’t get it or doesn’t care, same thing to me.
The unpredictability of the travel is a beautiful and bond-making experience. Who knows what else transpired between those two, she says there was more.
"He’d booked the hotel without checking if it was within walkable distance of Barcelona Center (it wasn’t), and our room had two single beds. “
Laura, sweetheart, could the two of you afford a room near Las Rambles with a European king (180 cm) mattress? And no bedbugs?
"Having lived in Europe and travel there for 50 years, only top tier international hotels have "American" style double beds"
Its not all that rare for the "shower" to be a curtain on a line separating the shower head from the toilet and sink which always get wet anyway.
"Laura, sweetheart, could the two of you afford a room near Las Rambles with a European king (180 cm) mattress? And no bedbugs?"
Since she said he was her college boyfriend I'm going to venture a no.
Grok wrote this, right?
Any chick who uses the word "situationship" is going to get the cold shoulder from any self-respecting man.
I await a follow-up article from Pitcher in 20 years about enjoying Spain with her support-shihtzu and sipping sangria with her not-a-lesbo-sangria-sipping-wine-aunt-totally-platonic-girlfriend.
RSM, more like a 45 year old Pitcher wondering why it is so hard for a woman to find a good man, probably mens' fault.
Romantic partners really only fall into two categories: the disposable, and the retainable, and the categories are weighted. IOW, it is easier for a retainable partner to become disposable than a disposable partner to become retainable, and this is true for both sexes. Being coarser still, "you can't turn a ho into a housewife."
The experienced can tell - and quickly too - who's disposable and who's worth investing in, and like the old joke about suckers, if you look around the room and can't tell who's disposable, it's probably Laura Pitcher.
But yes, it will still be men's fault for facilitating her "situationships". The junky always blames the dealer.
Unless you're seriously attached, opportunistic overseas romance is best enjoyed when the object of affection is a resident of the destination, not sitting in the plane next to you.
Personal experiences vary and may be equally valid.
During my longish Debauchery Era (I am a slow learner), I stepped off many a plane thinking local feminity would be a target-rich environment. Maybe they were...
"Local" female expats, however, were a hungry bunch when it came to "the new kid in town"... esp. in Asia. Catch-and-release heaven, if you ask me.
Escalate that to Nuke Level in Tokyo, which was "home" to a community of very young round-eyed women working for a few months or years on modeling and English-teaching contracts.
Competition for familiar-looking and behaving men was intense!
I've had special friendships with native Europeans in Europe but every single one was a diplomat or friend met in some faraway capital, years before. Helping somewhat confused tourists navigate the local waters is often rewarded with a degree of dependence and appreciation.
I've been off smokes for 21 years, alcohol for 7 and other women for 30+. Not to say my mind doesn't wander... I think they call it "recovering".
The fifth anniversary of a friend with "benefits" ends without a commitment to a commitment to an open relationship.
Do these people not watch Seinfeld? There was a whole episode dedicated to this.
Five years and unmarried indicates something is very wrong. And given so much to see and do (and fantasize about) in Barcelona... to obsess over beds and taxis/metro is bizarre. Go walking on Montjuich, and downhill to Plaza Espana. Nowhere near the Ramblas (there are several, other than the famous one ). Buy a caganer in the Barri Gotic. See the underground Roman city.
Take the freaking train to Montserrat, Tarragona, Gerona.
Keep women affordable, available, reusable, and taxable... and the "burden" of evidence aborted, sequestered in liberal sanctuary following principles of progressive sects. Surprise!
Seinfeld? He's not sponge worthy? The calculus changes when you exploit someone else to extract capital in order to fund your joy and they are forced to "care" about your liberal associations perchance human rites.
Before breaking up with him, you ought to try hitting him with a pillow. And see if that works.
When did liberal culture become so repressive?
The traveling couple problem can often be reduced to a salesman... person.
Don't cry for me, Argentina. The truth is he never loved me. Not after five years. Not on an exotic relationship abroad. I was just a friend with "benefits", a distraction, equivocal, an interloper in a caco-phony climate.
They never got the Pitcher.
I'm betting that his time was no party either.
My experience tells me she never mentioned what mattered most to her ahead of time, but was very forthcoming after it was too late.
"My experience tells me she never mentioned what mattered most to her ahead of time..."
"If you really cared for me, you'd already know. I wouldn't have to tell you."
@Mason G, It's not about the nail!
There's a great line in the television series "Landman" that might apply to this lady (who found her latest boyfriend unresponsive). The Billy Bob Thornton character "Tommy Norris" tells his daughter that his ex wife would have been perfect if she didn't talk. That may be closer to real life since the now 70 year old Thornton has been divorced six times.
Ms. Pitcher and her then boyfriend get isolated in a culture--Barcelona, Ibiza etc where there's not much to do but talk to each other--and things don't go well.
A situationship sounds meaningful. "It's not you, it's me" is a line used by many who become cold and grumpy.
My wife and I didn't take our first trip until we'd been dating seven months. Flew to So Cal and then drove to Vegas. I figured if we could spend five hours in a car together across the desert, we'd be good.
Twenty seven years in September.
I wish we could hear the other side. It might be very entertaining!
What rsbsail said above. The other side of the story is really needed here.
It boils down to the expression I developed from the attitude of my first wife: Woman good. Man bad.
Last seven years, two men (sure, sure). Next seven years, eleven cats and unbelievable amounts of wine.
The problem wasn't Spain.
The problem was that a whore wanted to sleep with lots of men and find a way to break up with men that wasn't her wanting to go sleep with someone else.
Women naturally want to go sleep with men who have the highest testosterone markers in the group.
Women adapted to situations where the dominant men around them were consistent and to situations where the dominant males around them constantly switch. They form different attachment patterns in these scenarios.
These patterns applied to modern mate selection result in women pair bonding with a single male as a preference and women who sleep with many high testosterone men as a preference.
Pair bonding and large families lead to happier women than harem girls who sleep around for 15 years before having 1 or 2 kids usually with fathers that are not good fathers in one way or another.
I think the guy was lucky. Anyone who cares deeply about having 2 singles vs. 1 big bed is hung up on trivia.
Happy Anniversary, Laura.
Do you have any idea how many times I've had to share a single bed with a woman I was with due to circumstances. Screw in one, cuddle, but be able to handle sleeping separate without getting pissy about it.
When I have gone on a "trip" with a woman early in a relationship, it was never for more than a long weekend and ALWAYS within no more than 8 hours driving distance - at the max. Key West, St. Augustine, Captiva, Cedar Key...
Laura: "It's not the nail."
Was he the designated friend with "benefits?
Did she visit Planned Parenthood Corporation once, twice?
All's fair in lust and abortion?
I don't understand this. My wife and I vacation overseas twice a year. In the fall we go to Europe, the Middle East, or North Africa. In the winter we go to Mexico, the Caribbean, or South America. These are some of the best times we ever spend together, with lasting memories.
Two different common denominators to consider..
Does anyone honestly believe the boyfriend made the booking without checking with the girlfriend ? And if he did - then I'm guessing he paid for it all ?
Honestly if you were each paying your share, then there is no way he didn't check with her first. The narrative is showing a complete lack of accountability on her part - its all the boyfriend's fault.
One of the reasons I married my wife is her excellence as a travel partner. I recall an early trip where we found ourselves driving an unsuitably 2-wheel drive sedan on a rutted gravel road, which dwindled away into pastureland in the distance, as the sun set behind fiery thunderclouds, our car surrounded by curious free range cattle. We came to a stop as the last light died away because I had to see something behind a bush for a minute. The sky chose then to open in biblical terms with heavy rain suddely pouring on my squatting form. I recall the bell-like tones of my then-girlfriend laughing her ass off back in the car. I knew then she was meant for marrying me.
Man smart, Woman smarter… she thinks…
Imagine fing your boyfriend for 5 years but walking a few extra blocks from the city center or taking a cab on a week in Spain is a deal breaker.
Doing that requires “Big Cu*t Energy.”
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