December 26, 2016

"It's all about U."

A map of the world showing all the countries' slogans.

Some sound like a guy answering the phone: "Yes, it's Jordan."

Some sound like they were written by a cow: "Much mor."

Some lie so blatantly that it works as a cynical joke: "Always beautiful." "You are invited."

38 comments:

tds said...

Venezuela - "It's your [final] destination"

Laslo Spatula said...

At the Advertising Agency…

“People, Saudi Arabia has hired us to come up with a new Official Slogan for their country. Let’s start with some brainstorming, okay…”

“This one’s easy.”

Go ahead, James.”

“Saudi Arabia: Die, Jews, Die.”

“I LIKE the rhythm, James, but I’m thinking we need to go more positive, people.”

“Okay: then how about “Saudi Arabia: Jew-Free, Always”?”

“Ralph, that IS a step in the right direction, but let’s think wider, people.”

“Just brainstorming with this, but how about “Saudi Arabia: No Woman Drivers Here”?”

“I kinda like that one, Bob, but we probably need to be more inclusive.”

“Inclusive?”

“Yeah. But in a way that doesn’t include gays, modern women or other religions.”

I got one — and it already has a song to go with it!”

“I’m feeling excited now, Frank: tell me.”

“Saudi Arabia: Whip It Good”.”

“Uh…it might be hard to get the song rights on this one, Frank, but I like your holistic approach.”

“Man, this is fucked up, Trevor. I mean, Saudi Arabia? And we’re supposed to find something good to say? I mean, how about “Saudi Arabia: We’re A Shit Hole, But We’re A Rich Shit Hole”?”

I understand your frustration, Nate, but this is our JOB: we are Professionals. Again, people: we want positive, okay?”

“I got it!, Trevor!”

“Yes, Alan?’

“How about “Saudi Arabia: Praise Allah, We Have Oil”?”

“Frankly, I think that’s as good as were going to get today. Good work, people, and wish us luck on landing that Iran Slogan contract…”


I am Laslo.

Unknown said...

The map omits North Korea: "A visit that will last a lifetime."

Lewis Wetzel said...

I thought that Germany's slogan would have something to do with shit.

Lewis Wetzel said...

The new sovereign, hi-tech, internet-powered Libertarian nation of Freedonia has as its slogan:
"Shop for weight loss products online in India at Elecwire. Online shopping of weight loss products, slim & Curve body slimmer, slim evolution oil, slim sauna bath, slim sauna belt, nutritional weight loss products with cash on delivery and free shipping from India..
http://www. elecwire. com/ slim-and-beauty/weight-loss."

Ann Althouse said...

I like: "Djibouti Djibeauty"

tcrosse said...

Earth: Mostly Harmless.

David said...

I like: "Djibouti Djibeauty"

Beats what US military stationed there call it: "Africa's Asshole."

The Drill SGT said...

Iraq: "The other Iraq: (Kurdistan)"

WTF?

walter said...

Have to have an angle..

Bob Ellison said...

France. Rhymes with pants in English.

Iceland. Not as cold as Greenland.

Chile. Don't try to eat us with corn chips.

AllenS said...

Venezuela -- Bring your own food and toilet paper.

Bob Ellison said...

Also, nothing for North Korea? That should be a lay-up!

We kill our uncles, but we might not kill you!

The night sky in NoKo is free from light pollution.

tcrosse said...

Channel Islands: I see England. I see France....

lemondog said...

Syria Always Beautiful

Bob Ellison said...

Tanzania. The accent is on the penultimate syllable, you ugly American. We know Tanzanya sounds funny, but we're really tired of that joke.

mikee said...

Tourism is a web of lies, obviously.
Business travel, on the other hand, is reality based.
Taiwan: Not Red. Yet.
Korea: It isn't a bribe when they give you a receipt.
Japan: Much better on an expense account, definitely.
Singapore: What an airport!
India: The hotel and the worksite were nice.
Italy: Wine with lunch in the factory cafeteria!
Vermont: IBM still keeps us all alive in winter.

EDH said...

A map of the world showing all the countries' slogans.

More of that Russian "fake news," no doubt. It's all lies!!!

“Our Worst Critics Prefer to Stay” is, while perhaps not outrightly uplifting, a wonderfully concise acknowledgment of the paradox that a capitalist democracy inevitably is: a place that is often well worth complaining about, and which allows you to complain as loudly as you wish.

About a year later went to see Dubner at a Freakonomics 2 talk he gave in Cambridge, which touched on the Theory of Revealed Preference. Introduced myself afterward and had to explain to Dubner that, in fact, Revealed Preference Theory was a main theme behind the motto in that "critics," despite what they say, reveal their true preferences by "staying".

Original Mike said...

United States - All Within Your Reach

Sounds more like a coyote smuggler's slogan.

Lewis Wetzel said...

All Within Your Reach, None in Your Grasp.

tcrosse said...

In 1976, for the Bicentennial, Art Buchwald proposed a new National Motto for the USA:
'The Check is in the Mail'.

traditionalguy said...

Mullah Obama has just initiated another UN Resolution, this time to rename Israel, contained within its 1948 Truce Lines(a/k/a the pre 1967 Lines): " Obama's Final Final Solution."

Greg Hlatky said...

New Jersey: "You want a @#$%& slogan? I'll give you a +$=@< slogan!"

Achilles said...

The US is about to be the proud owner of "Used to be a part of the UN, but we wised up."

JAORE said...

Germany: Sig Heil to Allahu Akbar in under a century.

Josephbleau said...

Per Frank Zappa, Sheik Djibouti.

Arthur James said...

I always have an eye for Romania, the home of endless beautiful women with names like Lavinia. The Dacian people, stubborn to Rome, barbarians proud and strong, held out a fortune for Emperor Trajan to conquer. I found it interesting one of the greatest treasures, besides precious metals, was the huge deposits of salt, a blessing for Rome in seasoning and preservation.

tcrosse said...

Queens, NYC: I got your slogan right here.

buwaya puti said...

Spain just has a hashtag, whats with that.
#Spainindetail
Also meaningless IMHO.
They can do a lot better.
Spain actually does have a national motto, dating back to Charles I/V in the 16th century, its right there on the coat of arms - "Plus Ultra" - "Go Beyond". May work as a tourist slogan, but seems like a better fit for, say, NASA.

The Philippines - "Its more fun in the Philippines" - is, if it is granted the leeway of a subjective opinion (given that tastes in "fun" diverge), pretty straightforward and pretty often quite correct. A simple promise.

walter said...

India
How may I help you?

Thailand
Fuck yeah!

Dr Weevil said...

Is Djibouti "Africa's asshole" (David, 7:50am)? It has a crater lake called Lake Assal (heh!), which is the deepest point on earth outside the Sea of Galilee and the Dead Sea, also the saltiest lake on earth except Don Juan Pond in Antarctica (so salty it never freezes).

Dr Weevil said...

Uganda's would look better if they made the pun more obvious:
Uganda
U're welcome

tcrosse said...

Ukraine:
FCK. The only thing missing is U.

Dr Weevil said...

Who wants to tell the Finns that "I wish I was in Finland" is bad English? Should be "wish I were". Hmmm: maybe they're trying to attract the young and ignorant (and unthrifty), and repel the old and pedantic (and tightfisted).

The Cracker Emcee said...

They all sound like they were made up by the same exceptionally lame, white-bread ad agency. Most dairy cooperatives have snappier slogans than this drivel.

BudBrown said...

Maybe if you say were in Finland your lips freeze together.

kentuckyliz said...

UK: What happened to Cool Britannia?

Sayyid said...

I read Jamaica's motto as "Get it right, Haiti" twice before it clicked that they just put the other country's name starting on the same line.

Frankly, it would be a better motto that way anyway, so I'm going to suggest they run with it.