April 21, 2016

"My tentative theory is that Hillary may have sporadic flare-ups of goiter, worsened under stress."

"Coughing is a symptom. High collars mask a swollen throat. In serious cases, an operation may be necessary. Is this chronic thyroid condition disqualifying in a presidential candidate? Certainly not in my view, but I don’t like being lied to — by candidates, campaign staffs, or their media sycophants."

Says Camille Paglia, who is perhaps suffering from some medical disorder. Who knows exactly what? And we're not — most of us — doctors, but why shouldn't we collect things that could be symptoms and tag it with some gruesome name.

Goiter! Is there an uglier funny word in the English language?



"What's the trouble? Are you alright?... It's my goiter, isn't it?"/"Did you say goiter? What goiter?"/"This football-shaped lump jutting out the side of my neck."/"Oh, that goiter. Hey... Heh heh heh... Whaddya know... It's nothing. It's nothin', it's um, in fact, it's um, it's very distinctive, y'know? Um, I mean you
want to know something? I, I wish I had one. Really...."

68 comments:

Barry Dauphin said...

I thought her coughing might be due to BP medication.

dreams said...

I can remember as a child seeing an occasional old woman with an enlarged goiter caused by a lack of iodine. Iodized salt solved that problem but it might become a problem again because of low salt diets

Virgil Hilts said...

I have been reading about Harvard Law and Husam El-Coolaq (the student who know one will name) and I thought the goiter was a perfect metaphor. Come on Elaine, say his name!

dreams said...

"I thought her coughing might be due to BP medication."

If it was BP medicine, it would be changed to a different medicine. Ace inhibitors cause a cough in 10% of people.

traditionalguy said...

Paglia's article could just be re-printed by Trump's Campaign and sent direct mail to the voters. That is passionate Hillary Shaming.

Virgil Hilts said...

Looks like goiter guy is spelled Husam El-Qoulaq. For some reason his linkedin profile is down.

Big Mike said...

I don’t like being lied to—by candidates, campaign staffs, or their media sycophants.

The problem isn't just the lying -- if we eliminated every politician who ever lied I'm not sure who'd be left. Carson? Fiorina? To me it's the reflexive lying of Hillary and her cult -- the lying when there is no reason to lie, the lying when it's clearly obvious that she's lying, the lying about the lies, the never-ending mendacity.

And that's on top of the other Hillary flaws so well enumerated by Paglia.

Mary Beth said...

but I don’t like being lied to

A reason to have stopped listening to Hillary a couple of decades ago.

Tank said...


...Hillary ... but I don’t like being lied to ...

Surrealistic.

Listening to "that woman" talk is worse than a poke in the eye.

Which is worse? Waterboarding or listening to The Vagina bark out a few sentences.

MadisonMan said...

I don't like reading speculation about politician's health problems because it's just that: unsourced speculation. (I also don't like News Articles that start out as 'Unnamed Sources confirmed that...")

There are plenty reasons to oppose Hillary in the election, some enumerated nicely in the linked-to article -- that goes off the rails IMO when health speculation starts. That she may or may not have a goiter is pretty far down on the list of reasons to think Hillary is all wrong for this country.

Bob Ellison said...

"Goiter" is not intrinsically funny. It sounds pretty normal, like "loiter" and "goat".

But we all remember that picture in our social studies or science textbook in grade school of a person with a goiter.

pm317 said...

Paglia, the Hillary hater diagnoses her "symptoms" and calls her a liar. What is new!

Comanche Voter said...

Whatever is "wrong" with Hillary goes far deeper than any potential medical problem. Character is destiny, and at some point it's going to get pretty toasty for Hillary. Well that is, if you believe in an after life.

Curious George said...

"Goiter! Is there an uglier funny word in the English language?"

Carbuncle.

Bob Ellison said...

"Carbuncle" is indeed hilarious. Much like "bunion" and "cadaver".

"Carbuncle" gets my vote. Imagine being named Carl and having nieces and nephews.

Laslo Spatula said...

Girl with the Pony Tail on the Treadmill:

Ew.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

That guy staring at my breasts has some weird lump.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Is that a goiter? Ew.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

And he just keeps staring.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

And now I can't stop staring at him and his... thing.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

We're just staring at each other, like we're powerless to stop.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

I can't look away.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Maybe the way I'm feeling is how guys feel when they stare at my tits or ass.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Except my tits and ass are normal.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Better than normal.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

You could bounce a quarter off my ass.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

While his lump is just... mushy. Speckled.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Like a yam, maybe.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

It would suck if he had an Audi.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Like: Great! I have an Audi! But Shit! I have a goiter!

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

That would be sad.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

Maybe he drives a Prius. That would be better.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

That would probably make him feel better about himself.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

An Audi would be wasted.

(pony-tail swish, pony-tail swish)

I am Laslo.

AReasonableMan said...

Paglia and Dowd appear to be in a competition to show who hates Hillary most. This is an area of human endeavor where I fell April Apple could shine.

Psota said...

Barnacle

Ann Althouse said...

Carbuncle .. Carb Uncle.... Sounds like a fat guy.

Carol said...

Oh, piffle. A lot women get hoarse and start coughing when they talk a lot. If I get in a long phone call with someone I start coughing after 20 minutes. It's probably from poor vocal technique, dry air, allergies, all kinds of stuff.

Hillary-shaming is right. If this keeps up I may have to cast a sympathy vote. Because let's face it there are few elderly women who could survive this gauntlet.

Nyamujal said...

I read this a while back. It's by Michelangelo:
"
A goiter it seems I got from this backward craning
like the cats get there in Lombardy, or wherever
—bad water, they say, from lapping their fetid river.
My belly, tugged under my chin, 's all out of whack.
Beard points like a finger at heaven. Near the back
of my neck, skull scrapes where a hunchback's lump would be.
I'm pigeon-breasted, a harpy! Face dribbled—see?—
like a Byzantine floor, mosaic. From all this straining
my guts and my hambones tangle, pretty near.
Thank God I can swivel my butt about for ballast.
Feet are out of sight; they just scuffle around, erratic.
Up front my hide's tight elastic; in the rear
it's slack and droopy, except where crimps have callused.
I'm bent like a bow, half-round, type Asiatic.
Not odd that what's on my mind,
when expressed, comes out weird, jumbled. Don't berate;
no gun with its barrel screwy can shoot straight.
Giovanni, come agitate
for my pride, my poor dead art! I don't belong!
Who's a painter? Me? No way! They've got me wrong.
"

Karen of Texas said...

I'm just considering that someone, not looking at you, Carol, would consider a presidential vote, sympathy or otherwise, for someone they classed as elderly. Unless your underlying motive is she picked an awesome VP and she's going to die or become incapacitated and removed before she can do any damage...

Laslo Spatula said...

Lubricious.

I am Laslo.

robother said...

Methinks La Paglia doth protest too mush.

traditionalguy said...

A thyroid Tumor is usually a cancer.

And Bernard the Buzzard, he just watches and lurks to see if his prey succombs before the election.

Karen of Texas said...

Btw, for those of you who don't have thyroid issues? They are a bitch in some cases. Mine is due to the development of an autoimmune illness. Before I was diagnosed, 24 hours of sleep wasn't enough. If Hill has a thyroid issue, someone is making sure they're on top of it, or she wouldn't be able to function physically - or mentally in severe cases.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Camille Paglia is better educated and maybe smarter than Penelope Trunk.

Bushman of the Kohlrabi said...

There are many good reasons to be concerned about Felonious McCankleFace. A goiter doesn't even crack the top 1000.

Karen of Texas said...

Tradguy - goiter does not equal tumor.

cubanbob said...

With all the evidence of Hillary's criminality shes focused on Hillary's goiter?

EDH said...

"Goiter, huh, gee that's too bad."

Bob Boyd said...

Maybe she has Kuato under there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlkKYpnFu5o

Rob said...

I'm guessing oral gonorrhea, for which I blame her dog of a husband, or perhaps from Huma, for which I blame her dog of a husband.

Giovanna said...

What absolute bullshit. She wears high collars because some dumbass thinks she has a goiter? Why does this dumbass think she is being lied to? Jesus, the woman has to confess to having a goiter? What if she doesn't have a goiter or isn't even hypothyroid? What if she coughs occasionally because she has a dry throat? What petty ignorant nonsense. Focus on her real issues, she has several.

Paddy O said...

A weasel with a goiter.

Giovanna said...

"Camille Paglia is better educated and maybe smarter than Penelope Trunk."

Camille Paglia is a moron, maybe only slightly less of one than Scott Adams.

Lawler Walken said...

Hillary is old so she probably does have health problems. She seems confused a lot and not all that energetic. I think it's the deterioration that comes with getting old and having a fairly sedentary lifestyle for a long time, not necessarily a goiter.

Gusty Winds said...

Which do we think is bigger? Hillary's goiter or Trump's penis?

holdfast said...

Given some of the emails we've seem, dementia is a bigger concern.

BDNYC said...

I expect Hillary has some underlying medical condition that causes her coughing fits. It's blatant and happens way too frequently not to notice. Paglia can speculate all she wants, although her opinion is basically useless since she's not a doctor. I do enjoy how Althouse seems to resent Paglia, who's a genius and operates in the same or similar intellectual space as Althouse (i.e., an old style feminist who is very critical of modern, reflexive left-wing thought).

eric said...

I don't think she has goiter. Most likely she has a few sexually transmitted diseases from many years ago, when she actually slept with Bill.

She needs lots of rest. And water. A presidential campaign isn't good for women who've had such a rough life, living with Bill.

Tank said...

Does lying cause coughing?

Rob McLean said...

Everyone knows that "kumquat" is the funniest word, because it has not one but two instances of the intrinsically-funny hard K sound.

Levi Starks said...

Flare up?
Too bad, if it was just an eruption I'm sure she'd know how to deal with it.

Fernandinande said...

Billary's cretinism is also funny:

"In 1848, the Italian King Carlo Alberto of Sardinia commissioned the first epidemiological study of goiter and cretinism in his Haute-Savoy territories, where hideous cases of goiters and cretinism frequently occurred in the population."

Bob Boyd said...

Hillary's goiter was caused by global warming.

Lem said...

Before today I would have associated goiter with Victoria Secret.

Put the goiter in with with the delicate wash setting.

FullMoon said...

Dry throat from being under influence of meth, or amphetamines in order to maintain such a grueling schedule.Would account for her "down times" also. Three or four days of sleep and rest after a long meth run is normal. No big deal, as she is not an addict, and if she were, she could quit anytime she wants. And she is under a doctors care, just like that fat singer, Elvis Preslery was.

Dan Hossley said...

Remember the Christmas movie with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed "It's a Wonderful Life". Everytime an angel gets it's wing a bell rings. I just assumed that Hillary coughs every time she racks up another $1,000,000 in donations.

Brando said...

THe health issue is an interesting and important one--we know she is almost 70 and has had health issues before, and is about to take office in one of the more mentally grueling jobs out there (which has aged Obama from a guy who looked like he was in his early 30s to a guy who now looks about 60 in just 8 years). The fact that her "doctor" is putting out questionable health info and the media is helping keep this thing quiet is disturbing--and Dems should be livid that their party is trying to foist this pig in a poke on them who could end up severely weakened in time for the general election or after taking office.

Laslo Spatula said...

Man, I've pimped them all: girls with a club foot, girls covered in splotchy-ass birthmarks, girls with goiters. You'd be surprised how often a dude will fuck anything if the price is right, and that's my job, I make sure the price is right in a tight market. That club foot ain't such a big deal when you only have a Ten in your wallet, you know what I'm saying...?

The guys who go for the girls with goiters, though: I can't figure that shit out. One guy used to love rubbing his cock all on my goiter-girl's goiter, he'd rub and rub then jizz all over that lump. Turns out his mother had a goiter, too: some white folk are sick like that...

I don't do amputees, though: I leave that to the specialists. I did have a girl with six fingers for a while, though: a lot of the hand-job dudes liked her a lot -- said the extra finger made all the difference. Me, it kinda freaked me out, that extra finger all stuck out like that, but money is money, you feel me...?

Shit: then the bitch got all tweaked out on meth and cut it off with a steak knife and tried to sell it to a customer in a used sandwich baggie with like left-over mayonnaise and shit: obviously I then had to kick the bitch to the curb. After I got my cut on the finger deal, of course: a pimp keeps pimping, you hear me?

I am Laslo.

Freeman Hunt said...

We could probably use a president with a goiter. Maybe it would give the person more character.

Not Hillary though.

EMD said...

Cretinism is an epidemic in the Capitol District.

Quaestor said...

I don't think she has goiter. Most likely she has a few sexually transmitted diseases from many years ago, when she actually slept with Bill.

Just yesterday I watched a 2008 made-for-Austrian-television epic called "Kronprinz Rudolf" which strangely enough is about Crown Prince Rudolf, the son and heir apparent of Emperor Franz Joseph, who in 1889 shot his teenaged mistress and then himself thus setting the stage for the outbreak of WWI.

It seems that Rudolf led a dissolute life in his 30 years, having several mistresses, including the mother of the girl who elected to die with him, and frequenting classy Viennese brothels with his aristocratic friends. Consequently he was diagnosed with syphilis at age 26, but not before infecting his wife and rendering her infertile. According to the movie Rudolf's most obvious symptom was a persistent ragging cough, which could only be controlled with opiates. I don't care to look it up, so if anyone can say a bad cough is really a symptom of venereal disease, I'd appreciate the info.

As to a goiter on Hill's neck, I find that both amusing — like a spare head (Think of Rosie Greer running around with a papier-mâché Ray Milland head glued to his shoulder!) and elucidating. Goiter and hyperthyroidism go hand in hand. Here's some of the symptoms:
Sudden weight loss
(Hillary's love of the pants-suit makes this hard to judge. I'd give this a wash.)
Tachycardia
(This can cause fainting, something Hill is known to do from time to time.)
Increased appetite
(Unless that includes a ravenous appetite for graft, the appetite thing must also be dismissed.)
Nervousness, anxiety, and irritability
(There ain't nobody more nervous, anxious, or fucking irritable than the Hildebeest, but in her case it's a character trait and not a symptom. Wash)
Tremor
(I haven't seen that, ergo wash.)
Sweating
(I think we can safely blame James Comey and Bernard Sanders for the copious pools of Hill sweat seen hither and yon. Another wash.)
Changes in menstrual patterns
(What? You mean Hill's desiccated bag? In truth, I have seen healthier graveyards than that woman's womb.)
Increased sensitivity to heat
(See Comey and Sanders above)
Changes in bowel patterns, especially more frequent bowel movements
(Hill has been know to bolt off the stage at rallies and debates. This one fits.)
Goiter
(No sign of the the dreaded two-headed transplant. Yet.)
Fatigue, muscle weakness
(This is Hillary Rodham — Forget that! Not Rodham — Clinton we're discussing, not Missy Hyatt. Wash.)
Difficulty sleeping
(Impending indictment explains that better. Wash.)
Skin thinning
(How thin is thin? Thin skin is, after corruptibility, THE defining Hillary character trait.)
Fine, brittle hair
(Fits. Don't tell me that blond stuff isn't a wig.)

Nope. Sorry, Camille, the goiter theory is not supported by the evidence.

FullMoon said...

Laslo Spatula said...

Man, I've pimped them all: girls with a club foot, girls covered in splotchy-ass birthmarks, girls with goiters. You'd be surprised how often a dude will fuck anything if the price is right, and that's my job, I make sure the price is right in a tight market. That club foot ain't such a big deal when you only have a Ten in your wallet, you know what I'm saying...?

The guys who go for the girls with goiters, though: I can't figure that shit out. One guy used to love rubbing his cock all on my goiter-girl's goiter, he'd rub and rub then jizz all over that lump. Turns out his mother had a goiter, too: some white folk are sick like that...

I don't do amputees, though: I leave that to the specialists. I did have a girl with six fingers for a while, though: a lot of the hand-job dudes liked her a lot -- said the extra finger made all the difference. Me, it kinda freaked me out, that extra finger all stuck out like that, but money is money, you feel me...?

Shit: then the bitch got all tweaked out on meth and cut it off with a steak knife and tried to sell it to a customer in a used sandwich baggie with like left-over mayonnaise and shit: obviously I then had to kick the bitch to the curb. After I got my cut on the finger deal, of course: a pimp keeps pimping, you hear me?


You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me?

madAsHell said...

But we all remember that picture in our social studies or science textbook in grade school of a person with a goiter.

The Dad down the street was a physician. He left his textbooks out for the kids. Of course, the only thing I learned was about elephantiasis, and the picture of a guy with his testicles in a wheelbarrow.

Quaestor said...

Carbuncle .. Carb Uncle.... Sounds like a fat guy.

How about a Dutch carbuncle — a wen that gives sage advice?

Or Carbuncle Sam — I WANT YOU to stop picking at that thing, dammit!

Or Bob's your carbuncle — what you say to someone with HIV

Or Carbuncle Tom — Not with a barge pole!

MadisonMan said...

I do enjoy how Althouse seems to resent Paglia

I have a very different reaction to the Althouse-Paglia relation: that Althouse admires Paglia and enjoys her writing!

William Chadwick said...

She also has man-hands.

Which Huma loves.

tim in vermont said...

Dowd's hatred of Hillary is her one redeeming quality. It goes way back before Monica, and being right about them hasn't softened her much either. More people hate Hillary than life her,by far. Maybe not in Manhattan.

Christy said...

Anyone else look at those Hillary suits and wonder about body armor?

Quaestor said...

You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me?

Funny.
Funnier
Funnier-er
Funnier-er-er

traditionalguy said...

Enlarged thyroids are visible and don't cause dry coughs, but Thyroid cancer starts very small and causes dry coughs.

Sammy Finkelman said...

From Camille Paglia:

Does anyone really think that world-renowned Hillary, whose main residence for years has been in Washington and not Chappaqua, has as her primary physician an obscure young internist in Mount Kisco, New York?

In other words, this was a person who was given, or allowed to know, carefully tailored information, and to give her, or have some nurse(s) do, a limited examination, so she could attest to Hillary's good health. She might also be someone available in case of emergency who could be counted on to keep things confidential, as they are anyway ethically required to do.

eric said...

If it's Trump vs Hillary, I can see him damning her with faint or is it feint praise.

Hillary? Oh, I love Hillary. Did a great job all those years ago defending her husband's escapades. I mean, trailer park trash? Perfect! I wouldn't have said it better. No really, I wouldn't, I love women. But, I hope she gets better soon.

Gets better? What's wrong with her?

What's Wong with her? You tell me, you're the Reporter. I just hope whatever it is, she gets better soon. I mean, I'm going to win this thing, but who wants to win against someone who is sick? I'd rather she is healthy. Maybe I'll send her a get well soon card.

Bill said...

Goiter! Is there an uglier funny word in the English language?

Gonad?
Scrotum?
Adenoid?

Bruce Hayden said...

"Felonious McCankleFace"

Love it.

tom faranda said...

uglier word? Sure - starts with a c ends with a t .