April 27, 2016

Man in Brooklyn gets sucker-punched by a guy who says: "This is because you look exactly like Shia LaBeouf!"

"I didn't even see the guy. I just see his fist coming towards me. It knocked me, and while I was falling down the stairs, all I hear was, 'This is because you look exactly like Shia LaBeouf!'"

28 comments:

Shawn L. said...

You can never be too careful when it comes to Actual Cannibal Shia Labeouf...

https://youtu.be/o0u4M6vppCI

coupe said...

In a city of millions, keep your head on a swivel....

...and always, always! carry an ice pick.

Up the belly, and into the heart
Men will fall, and life will part.

traditionalguy said...

New York needs a Hate Crime Law. One that outlaws the hated Shia Laboeuf

Brando said...

When they came for the people who looked like Shia Laboeuf, I said nothing, because I look nothing like Shia Laboeuf...

ddh said...

What's the frequency, Kenneth?

rehajm said...

If it were the 70s the guy would've stabbed him. This sounds more like the later Ed Koch years.

Henry said...

"Readers in Washington get sucker-punched by a columnist who says: "Plato would be horrified by Trump’s rise."

Wilbur said...

"This is because you're named Shia Labeouf!!!"

J. Farmer said...

Hmm...knockout game?

holdfast said...

It was an understandable reaction. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull raped my childhood.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

I think it was in Yankee Doodle Dandy that the young George M. Cohan got beat up by street toughs because he portrayed Peck's Bad Boy on stage.

Maybe that's meta-something.

Maybe not.

Texas Annie said...

How does one pronounce Shia LaBeouf? This is what I get for reading more than listening or watching.

Laslo Spatula said...

Look-alikes to be sucker-punched next:

Jake Gyllenhall. Moon-eyed woe-is-me face.

Ryan Gosling. Sad-eyed face on much too big a head.

Ben Affleck. Used to date Jennifer Lopez face.

Matt Damon. Squeezed donut face.

Brad Pitt. Pretty boy pretending to be soulful face. A second punch for marrying Angelina Jolie. Because.

George Clooney. Insufferably smug motherfucking prick face.

Jeff Goldblum. Pseudo-intellectual self-infatuated face. Like an older Shia LaBeouf, almost.

Philip Seymour Hoffman. Dead, but the lookalike would still deserve it. Puffy squinty self-satisfied pretentious artiste face.

Paul Rudd. Self-aware nice-guy milk face. Punch!

All the male actors in the "Avengers" Series. All of them. You guys are done already. Stop. Mock hero interchangeable faces. Includes Robert Downey Jr: especially.

Paul Giamatti. Quintessential Asking-for-it face.

I am Laslo.

vza said...

Thank you for posting this story. I laughed myself silly this morning...and lord, I needed that! The comments are hilarious, too.

Char Char Binks said...

Justifiable.

Ipso Fatso said...

Who the hell is Shia Lebeef?

robother said...

After all these years, Ann is still exhibiting snobbism toward Brooklyn. The guy is from Brooklyn, but he was sucker-punched at the Delancey Street subway stop on the Lower East Side (that would be Manhattan).

mikee said...

I, for one, think the attacker just used the victim's vague resemblance to Shia Leboef as an excuse, and likely he would have assaulted the poor guy even if he'd looked like Daniel Radcliffe. And definitely if he'd looked like Rupert Grint.

Friendo said...

I saw Squeezed donut face open for Insufferably smug motherfucking prick face at CBGBs in '82

Dr Weevil said...

I wonder how many Americans are like me in knowing who Sleepy LaBeef is (6'7" rockabilly singer) while being totally ignorant of whether Shia LaBeouf is man or woman, singer, actor, dancer, stand-up comic, reality TV star, or what. I've heard the name before, but only know that because it's an unusual name. Should I look him/her up now? I probably will, but mostly to see if s/he has an unusually punchable face.

Owen said...

Somewhere, the ghost of Bernard Goetz stirs.

Laslo Spatula said...

I would never knock out a Scarlett Johansson look-alike.

Knock up, maybe.

I am Laslo.

holdfast said...

Hey Laslo - leave RDJ, Jeremy Renner and Samuel L. Jackson alone. As to the rest - have at it.

But I'll still take Cobie Smulders and Emily Van Camp! You can have ScarJo.

n.n said...

Knockout Games.

Char Char Binks said...

Owen said...
Somewhere, the ghost of Bernard Goetz stirs.


Probably in New York City, since, at latest report, that's where Goetz lives,

Clyde said...

I bet that happens to Shia LeBeouf all the time.

Rhythm and Balls said...

Keep it classy, Brooklyn.

amr said...

Do we know that the attacker was not Shia Labeouf?