March 5, 2016

Do I have to read about Bo Ryan's 6-year adulterous affair that didn't involve the misuse of state funds?

I'd rather not see this in the light of day.
"I take full responsibility for my actions and unfortunately I believed the things he said to me. However, I do feel and I believe most in the community would agree with me that a man who is manipulative, a liar, cheater and deceptive, should not be coaching and mentoring or be a role model to the young men on the basketball team. He lied and deceived me, his family and the University of Wisconsin..... We all know how charming and charismatic he is, and I fear he will do this again and next time lives may be ended because of his recklessness.... I believe [his family has] a right to know the caliber of the man they call 'husband,' 'father' and 'grandfather.'"

66 comments:

rcocean said...

Woman has adulterous affair that ends badly. Tries to destroy man. News at 11.

Men in the same situation usually let it slide or resort to physical violence.

Difference in the Sexes.

madAsHell said...

I was greeted with a survey that I assume allows me access to the article. Yes, I did not participate in the survey.

traditionalguy said...

Well he had his last Hurrah. No word on whether he dribbles before he shoots. And no Sex Tape for sale yet. I dunno if this is for real.

It's Madison, Jake.

john said...

Obviously a case of using her for his Trump Anxiety.

Paco Wové said...

"a man who is manipulative, a liar, cheater and deceptive,'"

Seems she was A-OK with the guy while the affair was in progress. Hell hath no fury, etc.

Ann Althouse said...

"Woman has adulterous affair that ends badly. Tries to destroy man. News at 11."

The thing that makes it not the same old news is that Bo Ryan was extremely important to people here in Wisconsin, overwhelmingly popular and beloved. It's very painful to us.

Second, I'd just say I don't know how a woman who has an affair with a married man can feel justified striking out in a public and destructive way. You wronged that man's wife and family and you knew you were doing it. She openly stated that she expected to steal him away from that family. How can you want that exposed? It's one thing if you actually get him in the end. Even then, it's hard to get the world to admire you and congratulate you on the happiness you found. But if you didn't get what you wanted, shouldn't you withdraw and take stock of yourself and find a way to live a good life. Now, the woman's name is in the news. How do you move forward?

rhhardin said...

Maybe his wife is a bitch one way or another. That's always my first guess.

That's a test of character and not everybody passes.

Bay Area Guy said...

Did the woman know Bo Ryan was married? If so, she is pretty sleazy herself.

Ann Althouse said...

I know what the answer to my question is. When affairs end, people are very emotional and don't rationally assess the costs and benefits of different actions. This is a big deterrent to having an affair in the first place. You do it because of the immense drama of the passion, the break from marital calmness. You are moving into risky, irrational territory. You're trusting another person with your wellbeing and the wellbeing of your family, even as you are doing something distinctly UNtrustworthy. It's so foolish, but that's you -- the fool for love.

Rob said...

Hell hath no fury . . .

Ann Althouse said...

"Maybe his wife is a bitch one way or another. That's always my first guess."

Everyone is a bitch in one way or another.

If you're not going to stick with your wife/husband and work out the various bitcheries, don't get married.

It says "for better or worse" for a reason. So what if you got worse? It's partly your doing. Deal with it!

rhhardin said...

the fool for love

I'd contest that. One woman is as good as another as far as sex drive is concerned, so his wife would do fine. It's sex drive that would drive the man outside marriage, if he can't get laid inside marriage.

Putting out is how a wife shows a man she's satisfied with him, if she's going to do that.

As doctor some-woman said long ago, to a caller who said that sex wasn't a priority to her any longer, "Is your marriage a priority to you?"

rhhardin said...

Milton made the case for divorce, when you have a mute and spiritless mate, or some phrase like that.

I don't know what divorce would have entailed back then. There may be reasons to avoid it today when all you want is to find a woman who appreciates you.

rhhardin said...

Everyone is a bitch in one way or another.

No sex is a particularly bad way to be a bitch. The guy is wired with an obsession that he has to get rid of, and sex does that.

The wiring is how you got married in the first place. It's very risky to put your husband to that test, in addition to being bitchy.

rhhardin said...

So that's always my first guess. A guy mostly would rather stay home, all things being equal.

fivewheels said...

So her whole case for Ryan's misuse of university funds -- the reason for her to try to sabotage him with his employer -- is that he had a phone paid for by the athletic department and he sometimes called and texted her with it?

What a cunt.

mccullough said...

I'm guessing that Bo Ryan's wife knew he was having an affair or affairs. He should have chosen his mistress better. She didn't handle this well.

Ann Althouse said...

rh

Your picture of what sex is is so horrible.

Ann Althouse said...

"Putting out is how a wife shows a man she's satisfied with him, if she's going to do that."

What is the function of that last phrase except to say that sex is terrible for the woman?

Meade said...

RomCom for rhhardin

rhhardin said...

I think sex is a bother to the woman. Not terrible for her.

The man, though, remains wired.

"if she's going to do that" means if she wants to show the man she's satisfied with him.

rhhardin said...

There was some amusing romcom where first sex didn't work out at all. The First Time (2012) I think. A romantic problem was introduced by the horror of it.

rhhardin said...

The sex that says no is necessarily going to be different from the sex that's always saying yes.

Meade said...

"So I gave up the chicks to save my mouth" is the funniest line in that romcom commercial.

madAsHell said...

I'll never understand why rhhardin has watched so many romantic comedies.

rhhardin said...

There were also a couple of romcoms where the woman accused the man of faking an orgasm.

Meade said...

You sure you're watching romcom and not gayporn?

rhhardin said...

40 Days and 40 Nights was one of them. The other was better but too long ago to narrow down.

rhhardin said...

Another cheated-on woman of course is Hillary. Take your guesses on that one.

Meade said...

"Another cheated-on woman of course is Hillary."

Now you're dipping into the hard core sado-masochistic genre. Can't you just tune in Jeopardy?

coupe said...

Adultery, like sodomy, is just a sin. It's the side effect of the states only allowing one spouse at a time.

The solution, is for the states to get out of the marriage business, and save billions in upholding the laws.

If we want to expand lawyer welfare, then maybe allow up to five spouses.

Patrick said...

Bo probably refused to pay the blackmail.

rhhardin said...

I watched and bailed out early from 4 dvds today. I'm down to the dregs.

rhhardin said...

DVD cover blurb ought to distinguish funny teen-ager from funny adult.

madAsHell said...

Your picture of what sex is is so horrible.

Is the picture painted by this statement?....The guy is wired with an obsession that he has to get rid of,

I met my wife while I was struggling through engineering school. After we became acquainted, my grades improved, and I could focus in the classroom. Let me tell you, it wasn't her cooking. So, I have to agree with rhhardin.

Meade said...

"Let me tell you, it wasn't her cooking."

Forgive me if this is too personal but what was wrong with her cooking?

FullMoon said...

hhardin said... [hush]​[hide comment]

I think sex is a bother to the woman. Not terrible for her.

The man, though, remains wired.

"if she's going to do that" means if she wants to show the man she's satisfied with him.

Brother, you just said more about yourself, than about "women".

traditionalguy said...

I just want to know what size his fingers are.

Seriously, the 5 year affair sounds like semi Mormonism. Being Engaged to be married the next in line afternoon the Day of The Final Decree also sounds so Hollywoody. Even Princess Di dumped her rider before 5 years were up.

The trouble is male egos that take flirting seriously. The experience of an attractive woman who sees good in you is not supposed to lead to sex. It is just fun playing pretend.

Love is the answer, but the one you are married to is better every time.

FullMoon said...

The best thing about an affair is the attention.. man,or woman, in a satisfactory marriage gets a little extra attention from someone, makes them feel appreciated. They may be appreciated and loved at home, but not realize it. New person shows interest, endorphin's flow. Like a drug. Mild euphroria and sense of importance.

Meade said...

"I think sex is a bother to the woman. Not terrible for her."

I don't know very much about sex. I'm still learning. Beginner's mind, you know.

But I'm pretty sure that if you're "bothering" her, you're not doing it right.

AReasonableMan said...

Ann Althouse said...
Bo Ryan was extremely important to people here in Wisconsin, overwhelmingly popular and beloved. It's very painful to us.


You are aware what college sports coaches do, aren't you? They defraud young men for a living.

rcocean said...

"You are aware what college sports coaches do, aren't you? They defraud young men for a living."

LOL. They give young men a chance to MAKE a living. Either as pro athletes or in whatever field their all-expenses paid college education qualifies them for.

AReasonableMan said...

rcocean said...
They give young men a chance to MAKE a living.


How does that work out in practice? They make Trump U look like Harvard.

rcocean said...

Off Topic. I'm reading a biography of Martha Gellhorn. A big 1940's feminist icon to some, otherwise known as Mrs. Earnest Hemingway.

It seems she had no compunction about going after married men. Felt no guilt at all about breaking up marriages. She thought it all bourgeois nonsense. If you couldn't hold your man, tough.

She broke up Hemingway's 2nd marriage, was David Rockefeller's mistress, went after Eleanor Roosevelt's Jewish Doctor, etc. What's funny is when she found out her husband TS Matthews had a polish mistress she immediately divorced him. But only because she found the mistress so "tacky" and "mediocre".

rcocean said...

"How does that work out in practice? They make Trump U look like Harvard."

A rhetorical response to a reality based assertion.

AReasonableMan said...

You didn't answer the question. How does that work out in practice?

David Begley said...

Agree with all of Althouse's comments here.

Always admired how Bo coached the Badgers. He put them on the basketball map.

His last two full seasons were his best with two Final Four appearances. During this time he was also conducting the affair. Just sad for the Ryan family.

rhhardin said...

I see the trouble with a lot of bail-out DVDs. It's okay that the guy has a problem that interferes with the girl, that's just plot material. But then it turns out in addition he has yet another really bad problem as well, ex machina, halfway through the DVD.

That's eject time in PowerDVD.

Dramatic structure is going to hell.

Freeman Hunt said...

"He lied and deceived me, his family and the University of Wisconsin...."

Wrote a woman who carried on a long affair with a married person. Might be tough to climb that moral high ground.

RJ said...

He's a big jerk on the court. Why would you think he wouldn't be a big jerk off the court?

Freeman Hunt said...

Rh, have you seen The Intern? It has Anne Hathaway in it.

I saw it recently because someone else picked it. Cascade of spoilers to follow.... This is the movie: Woman is married to man who doesn't seem good enough for her, but that's not mentioned in the movie. Woman runs very successful business. (Which must be a major female fantasy because it keeps coming up in the very few romcoms I've seen.) Man stays home with child. Man has affair. Woman makes no move to leave him, hoping he'll come around. He does. He says he's sorry, and he's so proud of her business, and he'll do a better job in the future of staying home with their child and not shagging other people.

I don't see how that is supposed to appeal to women, but it made almost $200 million.

(The main part of the movie is supposed to be the friendship between the Hathaway and De Niro characters, but that was set against the backdrop of the marital situation.)

rhhardin said...

The Intern was okay. The marital problem was there for the old guy to help her with. It's okay for old guys to be wise, while younger guys are in the wrong.

Bridge of Spies was good, but I judge good by the best moment rather than the whole. Can you guess the moment?

What else was newish.

Man Up with Simon Pegg and Lake Bell also good.

I'd recommend the older Eagle vs. Shark, which is good when you think back on it the next day.

Gerard Grosso said...

A very wise comment ms Althouse:
"...When affairs end, people are very emotional and don't rationally assess the costs and benefits of different actions. This is a big deterrent to having an affair in the first place. You do it because ...."

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Ann Althouse said...But if you didn't get what you wanted, shouldn't you withdraw and take stock of yourself and find a way to live a good life. Now, the woman's name is in the news. How do you move forward?

Eh, Monica Lewinsky pretty much landed on her feet, didn't she? (I mean, she started on her knees, so...)

MayBee said...

"lives may be ended"?
what a drama queen.

Gross.

MadisonMan said...

Agree with Patrick @5:37.

I could be wrong. No cash received, so she got mad.

I wonder why she is not named.

Earnest Prole said...

a grown man named Bo?

Largo said...

coupe said...
"Adultery, like sodomy, is just a sin. It's the side effect of the states only allowing one spouse at a time."

Is it sin only at the point of orgasm?

Largo said...

(Sodomy I mean -- not adultery.)

Curious George said...

"Ann Althouse said...
If you're not going to stick with your wife/husband and work out the various bitcheries, don't get married.

It says "for better or worse" for a reason. So what if you got worse? It's partly your doing. Deal with it!"

Does "Richard Cohen" ring any bells?

Curious George said...

"Ann Althouse said...
"Woman has adulterous affair that ends badly. Tries to destroy man. News at 11."

The thing that makes it not the same old news is that Bo Ryan was extremely important to people here in Wisconsin, overwhelmingly popular and beloved. It's very painful to us."

I'll bet half of the people in the state have no idea who he is. Those that do are overwhelmingly male, and sports fans, and could give a crap if Ryan was getting some strange. Hell, I'll bet many think "Atta boy Bo!"

But even if true, now you know what some always knew. Bo Ryan is an asshole.

SJ said...

@Earnest,

"Bo" must be a college-football-coach name. Or a sports-team name. The first thing that came to mind was the former coach of University of Michigan Football. His parents named him "Glenn", but he was referred to as "Bo" by most people.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bo_Schembechler

@AReasonableMan,
If the point of a University Sports program is to produce educated graduates (who are also good at playing sports), the record is hit and miss.

If the point of a University Sports program is to make money from alumni by selling tickets to games, then the record is usually a success.

Most of the oddity comes from the fact that student athletes are forbidden (by the private-association rules of the NCAA) from earning a salary.

If the University defrauds student athletes, it also defrauds many other students by promising that a University Degree is a key to a comfortable life with a good income.

Curious George said...

"MadisonMan said...

I wonder why she is not named."

"The woman’s Feb. 11, 2015, email was sent to Ryan, Blank and senior Athletic Department officials Walter Dickey, Terry Gawlik and Bruce Van De Velde. Although the name of the woman who sent the message was blacked out, UW spokesman John Lucas confirmed the woman is Robin Van Ert, a massage therapist from Madison."

Owen said...

"...Robin Van Ert, a massage therapist..."

No comment.

Roger Sweeny said...

They give young men a chance to MAKE a living. Either as pro athletes or in whatever field their all-expenses paid college education qualifies them for.

Scholarship athletes in the money sports (basketball and football) know that their first job is "the program." If they're cut from the team, they lose their scholarship. With all the travel time, the practices, the conditioning, etc., there is a lot less time left for their second job, being a student.

john brower said...

he did well for a 68 yr old man can u blame him fine looking woman at 42 doesnt look it