July 31, 2013

At long last audiotape: Monica Lewinsky micromanages Bill Clinton's next blowjob.

National Enquire seems to have a cassette that was supposed to have been destroyed long ago. On it, we hear Monica handling the sexual logistics:
"Since I know you will be alone tomorrow evening, I have two proposals for you, neither of which is you not seeing me... Now the first thing that has to happen is that you need to pre-plan with Betty..."
Betty Currie was Bill's secretary.
"... that you will leave the office at, I don't know, at 7, 7:30 so that everyone else who hates me that causes me lots of trouble goes home... Then you quickly sneak back and then in the meantime I quickly sneak over and then we can have a nice little visit for, you know, 15 minutes or half an hour. Whatever you want."...

“Maybe we could go over and watch a movie together and just have kind of, I don't know, boxed dinners or something like that... And then that way we don’t have to deal with the problem of me… of there being a record of me going upstairs and we can spend some time together and see a good movie. So I don’t know, those are two proposals and you can’t refuse me because I’m too cute and adorable and soon I won’t be here anymore to pop over."
Ah, those were the days. When relationships had context. It was more dinner and a movie, an elegant trajectory of feeling, not merely those phony gasps of erotic pleasure from strangers in a digital vastness we hear so much of these days.
"I’m hoping you will hear this and you will choose which one you want to do and go tell Betty and then she can call me and let me know so I don't have to stress out all day and I don't have to call her every two hours and bug her because, I know you will find this very hard to believe, but I can be a pain in the ass sometimes. I’m very persistent, but um… I really want to see you."
How feminism has regressed since that golden era! Back then, a girl knew how to demand what she wanted and to get it.

ADDED: How blinded by sex do you need to be not to hear your future nemesis in her words?  I have two proposals for you, neither of which is you not seeing me... I can be a pain in the ass...  I’m very persistent, but um... But um, indeed! Think about how these  personality quirks will play out when you cut off her access. If you can. I bet you can't.

37 comments:

Matthew Sablan said...

The irony of planning to never leave a record of being there while recording the planning of never leaving a record of being there.

surf-ed said...

Actually, it's kinda' sweet in a 1990's sort of old fashioned way. Besides, the Prez usually has a lot going on so if someone else can take, ahem, the load off and put it on her, ahem, shoulders well all the better.

LarsPorsena said...

A special re-release audio in conjunction with the Hildebeast bio on TV?

Kelly said...

Good Lord, I thought this was over. Ugh...

damikesc said...

I notice that Dems aren't claiming Obama sleeps around. With Clinton, we were assured that EVERYBODY does it.

Pat said...

She does sound alot like Glenn Close.

Ralph Hyatt said...

How blinded by sex do you need to be not to hear your future nemesis in her words?

That's a rhetorical question, right?

Cause for a lot of men the answer is that they are as blind as they need to be.

There is a phrase describing this that lists two body parts and which of the two is doing the thinking.

Mike and Sue said...

Yeah! The comments are open! I love Althouse's insights and the readerships' take. I was kind of "on strike" until the comments opened. Why no announcement on Drudge?

traditionalguy said...

I blame bad testosterone. Good testosterone is the one which doesn't get caught spraying its genetic material into the wrong places.

Today's testosterone that only makes a "sex tape" for PR purposes is borderline routine conduct within the penisumbra of privacy.

TerriW said...

Hey, at least she was good at setting up events!

David said...

Let's see. Just who is taking advantage of whom? At the very least mutual exploration of vulnerabilities, seems to me.

Carl said...

Think about how these personality quirks will play out when you cut off her access. If you can. I bet you can't.

Those aren't "quirks," they're fairly standard female characteristics. The divorce courts are full of examples.

And you're right, we (men) can't think about how that plays out when we cut off her access (to the power, the money, status, whatever). If we could, we'd not only stop sneaking BJs from interns, we'd stop marrying for the most part, too.

Men should generally be grateful that the first thought that crosses the mind of an outraged and enraged woman is not murder. There are similarly certain thoughts that tend not to cross the minds of men for which women should be grateful.

GrandpaMark said...

".....so I don't have to stress out all day and I don't have to call her every two hours....

I once had a (pre cell phone) relationship with a woman who had the uncanny ability to call me within several minutes of my arrival home.

Being busy one day, I did not answer the phone. She called every 15 minutes until I answered several hours later. She had other, more attractive, Lewinski like behaviors.

I once followed a link from a commenter here to some Clinton-Lewinski transcripts.

Monica seemed to believe they were in love and had a future. Bill, not so much.

urpower said...

A warning to Hillary, that more of the famous Lewinsky tapes might not be mysteriously not destroyed? New conspiracy theory- Obama FBI leaks them to pave road for a handpicked Obama successor.

damikesc said...

Let's be honest, nothing says "hot and sexy" quite like a micromanaged blowjob. Amiright, guys?

Leit Bart said...

"But I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I'm going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false and I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiIP_KDQmXs&feature=youtube_gdata_player

cubanbob said...

I feel bad for Monica. The tape is 16 years old. What more is there to learn? That Bill is a horn-dog? That he was a good ole-boy buffoon as president? That Hillary was Standing By Her Man? Nothing new here. I suppose we all like dirty laundry but 16 years is long enough, let Monica have a life.

Jeff said...

How blinded by sex do you need to be not to hear your future nemesis in her words?

That's Weiner. Also the hairy palms.

Left Bank of the Charles said...

The person I feel sorry for here is Betty Currie.

kentuckyliz said...

Her longing to give him a BJ makes me think that she's really a gay man trapped in a straight woman's body.

Daniel in Brookline said...

damikesc:
I notice that Dems aren't claiming Obama sleeps around. With Clinton, we were assured that EVERYBODY does it.

The Dems aren't claiming ANYTHING about Obama. If we go strictly by what we hear, he didn't have any grades at Columbia or Harvard (but graduated with honors anyway).

So, yeah, as far as we know, Obama doesn't sleep around either -- unlike his Dem predecessors Clinton, Johnson, Kennedy, and Roosevelt. (Truman and Carter seem to be outliers in that respect.)

And why on Earth should we think President Obama sleeps around? After all, he's a narcissist with a legendarily thin skin, who loves to be told how great he is, who had a reputation for being a ladies' man in college, who has been treated like a rock star in public and private for years, who has made it abundantly clear that the only rules he respects are the ones he makes up himself, who often takes vacations separately from his wife and kids....

Hmm. Now you've got me wondering!

jaed said...

How blinded by sex do you need to be not to hear your future nemesis in her words?

Not really fair to Monica. Remember, she didn't rat him out - at least not voluntarily. She talked to Linda Tripp but it was (what she thought was) a private conversation, girl talk - but Tripp had hidden a tape recorder. And Starr had to get pretty heavy-handed with Monica and her family to get her to talk under oath.

It's true that revelations about this eventually got Bill into hot water. But it's not like she got outraged and went to the newspapers with the story. She would have been his nemesis even if - especially if! - the relationship had continued and she'd not been dumped.

jr565 said...

So back to comparing Huma to Hillary. Now that we hear the tapes of the blowjob monologues can we start saying that Hillary set back womens rights by twenty years because she stuck by her man and said the allegations were all based on a right wing conspiracy.

I almost feel bad for Weiner. He's getting kicked out of politics and all he did was send a photo of his weiner. Clinton actually did the deed with multiple ladies. And he gets invited to be the keynote speaker at the democratic convention.
And feminists say they will get out their presidential kneepads to service him (ie with blowjobs) because of his policy choices.
Meanwhile they same feminists are going to say that Weiner's wife is setting feminism back because she isn't dumping the loser.

paulejb said...

Just in time to boost Hillary's sympathy vote as the Huma/Carlos Danger plays out.

RebeccaH said...

This confirms my Clinton-era opinion that Monica Lewinsky was a predator looking for a powerful man to hook her claws in, wife be damned. That doesn't excuse Horny Bill, of course. He was all too willing to be hooked, and too arrogant to think he could be hauled in (and God help us if his alter ego Hillary gains the White House).

That said, I'm wondering who's going to benefit from this new/old revelation now. There are soooo many candidates.

madAsHell said...

So I don’t know, those are two proposals and you can’t refuse me because I’m too cute and adorable and soon I won’t be here anymore to pop over.

To pop over?? The pop shot stained the blue dress.

Ms. Lewinsky's self-esteem is broken.

zefal said...

David said...

"Let's see. Just who is taking advantage of whom? At the very least mutual exploration of vulnerabilities, seems to me."

One was in their forties, the other, nineteen.

Mark said...

No one in the press has even thought of contacting Reggie Love for his opinion.

John said...

I hope this is not off topic here but it does have to do with blowjobs.

Huma was raised from about age 2 to age 18 in Saudi Arabia by a very traditional Muslim mother and father.

What are chances she was enfibulated? That is, labia and clit removed and sewn up. I think there is a strong possibility of that.

If so did Weiner know that when he married her?

I suspect that if she was, he might be one sexually deprived puppy about now.

Maybe she gives a great blowjob (to get us back on topic) but sometimes it can be the greatest BJ in the world and if a guy wants to get laid, a BJ just doesn't get it.

Where is Andrew Sullivan when we need him? C'mon Andy, isn't it time for one of your investigative gyno journalism pieces?

John Henry

Michelle Dulak Thomson said...

I wondered whether there was a new start-up zine called National Enquire. But, no, it's the good old National Enquirer, with two r's, of John Edwards scoop fame.

Michelle Dulak Thomson said...

cubanbob,

I suppose we all like dirty laundry

Lewinsky certainly did.

Sorry, but someone was gonna say it, and it might as well be me.

Name said...

Wow. I know she was young, but that little excerpt was pathetic.

bpm4532 said...

Will we never be rid of the Clintons? Every time I think of them or see them on TV it's like someone is dragging their fingernails across blackboard.

zregime said...

"She was so impressed, that she just surrendered." The Great Pretender, Brian Eno

Mark O said...

Except in the movies, all this sex chat is rather mundane. By the way, Ann, what are you wearing?

colleen cafferty said...

Poor Monica though having this brought up again. Well, maybe with distance she, and the people who have turned her name into a running joke, will be a little more forgiving and it will improve her life.

Martin said...

Answering your 'ADDED" question, if I were married to Hillary, I might not notice that Monica was a bit controlling--I mean, by comparison, plus the opportunity to be with a woman who seems to care about me even if in a perverted way, compared to my wife who is only in it for herself---.