May 12, 2013

"[P]eople who are infatuated with government... have no realistic idea of what an awful husband the government really is."

I said at the end of that post about how the government should pay people to stay home and cook "wholesome, healthy meals" in a program funded with a tax on "harmful foods." I'm starting a new post to highlight some of the great comments.

BDNYC said:
If your wife doesn't fuck you enough, there should be a government program, financed by taxing prostitutes and pronographers, which encourages marital sex by paying wives to have sex on a nightly basis. It will make marriages happier, which will help the economy. There will be a multiplier effect. Or something.
Mogget said:
How do you tell the government you have a headache when it wants to fuck you?
El Pollo Raylan said:
Government is a terrible husband because:

(a) He's a polygamist: e pluribus unions are the norm: he's not looking out for you but your neighbor as well.

(b) He's a terrible lover: his IRS has an anal fetish.

(c) He's a pedophile--unabashedly interested in your kids at ever earlier ages.

(d) He can't control his own urges which means that another government will ultimately have to control him.

(e) He is a gun nut, buying and hoarding ammunition like it's going out of style.
ADDED: betamax3000 has a series of comments about "Government Husband." Here are a few:

Government Husband says you Look Sexy Tonight: let's make Sweet, Sweet Taxes.

Government Husband will Tell you What you are Making For Dinner tonight.

Government Husband looks like Harry Reid, Naked. Give Government Husband a Little Sugar.

Government Husband didn't Mean It, baby. He just gets Angry at the Middle East.

On occasion Government Husband likes to have Anonymous Sex with Foreign Governments in the Public Restrooms at Parks. Do Not question Government Husband's Needs.

Government Husband thinks it is Cute when you and your little friends play 'Democracy.'

100 comments:

Matthew Sablan said...

If government was your husband, would that make Mother's Day as important as the Fourth of July?

Quayle said...

Plus, he isn't interested in you as a person at all. He only wants your vote and your money.

Like the husband that comes home early only on Fridays when its your payday.

Otherwise you never see him; he's out getting drunk on power.

bpm4532 said...

If government was your husband, just think how important father's day would become instead of the diminshed event it is becoming. Kwanzaa is higher profile that father's day.

Pogo said...

Feminists traded one patriarchy for another,
leaning back everywhere without complaint.

edutcher said...

Government as husband puts you in thrall to it the way women are in thrall to their husbands in the Moslem world.

You are not his beloved, you are his property.

How would you like a burqa in the middle of a Philadelphia summer?

betamax3000 said...

Divorce from your Government Husband is Not Allowed. He has made a Commitment to you, til Your Death do you Part.

AprilApple said...

He's a terrible lover: his IRS has an anal fetish.

har.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband says you Look Sexy Tonight: let's make Sweet, Sweet Taxes.

rhhardin said...

Lie back and think of England.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband will Tell you What you are Making For Dinner tonight.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband looks like Harry Reid, Naked. Give Government Husband a Little Sugar.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband didn't Mean It, baby. He just gets Angry at the Middle East.

edutcher said...

A lot of guys who went through the draft in the mid 20th century had a very strong opinion of government as husband.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband wants to sleep with those two Good-Looking Friends of yours. Government Husband will let you Watch.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband wants you to get a Brazilian Wax. Government Husband will Pay for it, of course: don't you worry your little head.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband wants to know Who you were talking to on the Phone. It better not be who Government Husband thinks it is.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband wants his Feet Rubbed at the Massage Parlor. You will pay for this out of Your paycheck. Weekly installments are Fine.

betamax3000 said...

Sometimes Government Husband likes to Dress Up like a Woman. Do not make Judgments on Government Husband.

betamax3000 said...

When -- dressed as a Woman -- Government Husband wishes to use the Ladies Room. Complaints will not be Tolerated.

ricpic said...

All the education anyone needs regarding government is "Government is force" and "Government is dangerous fire," both statements made by G. Washington, who, case any progressives haven't been informed, was the father of our country.

betamax3000 said...

Dressed as a Woman, Government Husband Knows He is the Prettiest of them All. You agree, don't you, baby?

betamax3000 said...

Sometimes, in the morning after, Government Husband looks at the caked make-up and smeared mascara on his Face and -- for a fleeting moment -- wonders if This Is What He Should Be Doing with His Life.

Then: Drone strike.

exhelodrvr1 said...

It wouldn't be rape rape.

garage mahal said...

Government is an abusive father.

GOP continues attack on state's local governments.

These proposals undermine local governments - especially in Milwaukee. And this ram-it-down-their-throats style of politics is all too typical of Walker & Co. It's a lousy way to make policy because no policy is long sustainable without broad support. Someday when the other side regains power, as is inevitable, the Republicans may finally begin to understand that.

ricpic said...

Hey beta, what is it that compels Government Husband to play Government Wife?

betamax3000 said...

On occasion Government Husband likes to have Anonymous Sex with Foreign Governments in the Public Restrooms at Parks. Do Not question Government Husband's Needs.

betamax3000 said...

You do Not have the Right to ask why Government Husband is buying the Morning-After Pill for your Fourteen-Year-Old Daughter. Government Husband has Needs that you couldn't Understand.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband was looking at your Sister's Health Records the other day: did you know your Sister recently had a Venereal Disease? That is OK: Government Husband has already paid for the Penicillin.

betamax3000 said...

Sometimes it Burns when Government Husband Urinates: this Not your Concern.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband reads your E-mails when you are Away. We need to Talk when you Get Home.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband thinks it is Cute when you and your little friends play 'Democracy'.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband is Jealous of Texas. Government Husband will Show Them who is Boss.

DADvocate said...

Government is an abusive father.

Father knows best. Now, shut up!

betamax3000 said...

Baby, you seem a little Distant tonight: tell Government Husband all about it.

wyo sis said...

Government husband should be careful or he might find he's married to a Bobbit.

wyo sis said...

Add a t

edutcher said...

What happens to government husband when his son is named Oedipus and Dad abuses Mom?

edutcher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
betamax3000 said...

Government Husband would Love It if you were to dress up like Nancy Pelosi in that Little French Maid Outfit tonight: it puts Government Husband in the Mood.

betamax3000 said...

Baby, you know Government Husband puts in a Long Day's Work: the least you could do is pick up around the House a little. Also: Government Husband needs Fresh Socks.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband looks at Internet Porn as Part of His Job, Protecting the People: it is Not what you Think.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband likes to put Two Fingers in your Bank Account and One in your Retirement Fund: Government Husband likes the Government Shocker.

Big Mike said...

These proposals undermine local governments - especially in Milwaukee. And this ram-it-down-their-throats style of politics is all too typical of Walker & Co. It's a lousy way to make policy because no policy is long sustainable without broad support. Someday when the other side regains power, as is inevitable, the Republicans may finally begin to understand that.

Neither in Milwaukee nor in Madison does it penetrate the Democrats' minds that the reason they got Walker and the Republicans in the first place is the Democrats' own "ram-it-down-their-throats" style of government.

virgil xenophon said...

@wyo sis/

Add? I thought the Bobbit(t) affair was all about subtracting..

Big Mike said...

@wyo sis, I thought bobbitization was a form of subtraction.

Big Mike said...

@virgil, you beat me to it.

betamax3000 said...

You didn't Build that, Government Husband did.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband is Big Enough to admit it: Mistakes were Made. Now watch your TV show about Vampires or Whatever, Government Husband has Work To Do.

betamax3000 said...

Yes, Government Husband has Had Some on the Side before: What difference at this Point does it make?

AprilApple said...

ah garage - what a craptastic link.
BTW - I who is the author of that "opinion"?

I have relatives in WI and I know what they pay in property taxes. Ridiculously high.
As usual with the progressive left- high taxes are never high enough.

The key paragraph:

As the state has limited local governments' ability to raise property taxes to meet the challenge of rising costs for services, some of those governments have turned to user fees. So what are local governments supposed to do? Faced with rising health care costs, legacy pension costs and other costs - the same kind that businesses face - governments would be handcuffed. How does that result in anything but a loss of service? Is that what state legislators want?

We can't solve anything without tax hikes! waaaaaaa. handcuffed! waaaaaaaa.

Fees! We need fees! The democrat's secret way to tax.
Democrats exist for one reason:
Tax Hikes.
One more reason: Money waste.

betamax3000 said...

Baby, why can't you be more like Julia? She Appreciates what Government Husband does for Her.

garage mahal said...

With so many examples of brutish and overreaching government right in her own backyard, I'm starting to wonder if Althouse really is cruel and neutral.


Bwhaha. Just kidding. We always knew she wasn't.

betamax3000 said...

Baby, you know Government Husband doesn't like it when you are doing your Cruel Neutrality Thing. Is Being Everything For You not enough?

betamax3000 said...

Baby, you know Government Husband likes it when you Tickle the Senate.

cubanbob said...

I'm not gay. I don't want have to forcibly married to Government Husband. Can I be excused from this arranged marriage?

Chip S. said...

So, garage, do you also propose that Milwaukee public school teachers be required to send their kids to public schools?

cubanbob said...

Chip Garage is so convinced of his worth as a public sector drone he won't mind if the evil governor were to propose legislation to the effect that all WI and its sub-divisons employees salaries, benefits and pensions have to voted on and only by a special election of private sector taxpayers.

betamax3000 said...

Government Husband wants to Stimulate your Economy tonight.

Chip S. said...

garage is a public employee? I thought he made his living fishing for walleye.

Jay said...

garage mahal said...
It's a lousy way to make policy because no policy is long sustainable without broad support


HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA

You believe that about ObamaCare too, right?

You're an idiot.

Jay said...

garage links to a hysterical screed.

garage thinks every bit of criticism is valid.

garage is dumb.

garage mahal said...

garage links to a hysterical screed.

What's hysterical about it?

michaele said...

That's some roll you're on betamax3000...thanks for the entertainment.

Jay said...

"The governor's obsession"

"surely contribute to simmering city-suburban and racial divides"

"eagerness to punish Milwaukee"

"Walker law that eviscerated most public employee unions"

" ram-it-down-their-throats style of politics"

Not at all hysterical!!!

Totally rational, and intelligent!

garage mahal said...

Not at all hysterical!!!

It's all true. Not that you really care of course.

chrisnavin.com said...

Cubanbob:

No more than you can be exempt from the public conversation we're forced to have about gay marriage. This is what the people want.

Freedom is next.

bagoh20 said...

"It's all true. Not that you really care of course."

Frustrating, isn't it?

LilyBart said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MayBee said...

Hahahahaha, Betamax!

Sam L. said...

69 comments: heh, heh, heh.

Chip S. said...

Here's what's true, garage.

Forcing city employees to live in the city so that they pay city taxes is equivalent to letting them live anywhere they want and cutting their pay by the difference b/w Milwaukee and wherever they choose to live.

If it were done that way, though, I'm confident that you'd howl w/ outrage. But b/c Evil Scott Walker is on the side of city employees in this case, you're howling w/ outrage in the opposite direction.

You continue to amaze.

Sam L. said...

April Apple: YES! FEEd me, FEEd me!

cubanbob said...

Cubanbob:

No more than you can be exempt from the public conversation we're forced to have about gay marriage. This is what the people want.

Freedom is next.

Chris if I am deaf, dumb and blind why can't I get an ADA exemption from the national conversation?

bagoh20 said...

Your husband is Tony Soprano in a jacket and tie.

El Pollo Raylan said...

@Chip: Acute Walker Derangement Syndrome (WDS) means opposing WI's sitting governor. His symptoms were exacerbated by the failed recall and garage now risks developing full blown chronic WDS. This includes not siding with common sense for partisan reasons. There is no known cure for chronic WDS except ridicule and treatment under Ingacare.

Bruce Hayden said...

What is a bit scary to me is that there do seem to be a large number of women who are opting for the government as their husband, as evidenced by their overwhelming vote for Obama in the last election. And, thanks to LBJ's ill fated War on Poverty, we are into the third generation of fatherless families esp. in some of the minority communities. No wonder really that those are exactly the same communities where violence is rampant, since the males coming out of those fatherless families are never really civilized, either by a father, nor by marriage. Instead, they run in violent juvenile packs until they either die and/or end up in prison.

Making this worse though is that breeding opportunities for males have traditionally been what motivates them, along with the promise of helping to raise (and civilize) their own children. This is what has given us all those modern conveniences that have liberated women in this country, including cars, planes, dishwashers, washing machines, TVs, modern medicine, etc. But, instead, the idea seems to be for the government to take the money from the males, and give it to the females to raise their children with. But, this disconnection severs the tie between males and both breeding opportunities, and raising their own children. Maybe as a result, we now have a "slacker" generation, where young adult males are delaying, maybe into their late 30s, marriage and parenthood, and instead of making the world a better place for all, are, instead just working hard enough to support their play.

garage mahal said...

. This includes not siding with common sense for partisan reasons.

Common sense = Punish people that don't support you and reward those who were loyal to you.

Even the Journal Sentinel is starting to call them out on it.

cubanbob said...

The Government Husband has been a very abusive spouse to me. If I shoot him dead can I claim a battered spouse defense?

Bruce can men who lost their woman to Government Husband sue for alienation of affection?

cubanbob said...

Common sense = Punish people that don't support you and reward those who were loyal to you.

It's The Chicago Way. You have a problem with that?

garage mahal said...

It's The Chicago Way. You have a problem with that?

It's pretty laughable to call it "common sense".

El Pollo Raylan said...

It's pretty laughable to call it "common sense"

What garage is saying is that if the trend continues, he'll be a raging Tea Partier and I'll be the fellating Obamite.

cubanbob said...

It's The Chicago Way. You have a problem with that?

It's pretty laughable to call it "common sense".


That's what passes for common sense among leftist-democrats. You should know, you voted for them and support them. Your just pissed because Walker refused to play by your rules of how republicans should engage.

Jay said...

garage mahal said...

It's all true


No it isn't.

But remember how worried about "ram it down your throat" when it came to Obamacare?

You stupid, silly hypocrite.

McGehee said...

People who constantly demand more and bigger government invariably go on to complain about politics, and politicians.

It's like they don't know what causes it -- which given the sorry state of civics education these days, may be the case.

Kent said...

Government Husband? Well, it's actually also Government Nanny, Government god, and Government Pimp. As for the last part, I remember the South Park episode "Butters Bottom Bitch" and the speech a pimp gives Butters on how to handle money. Basically, he said you have to brainwash the ho into thinking all the money is yours, and that she has to ask for money from the "bottom bitch" (the leading ho, but still a ho) who then asks the pimp, who then gives the money out. Sound familiar? Does "good for you!" and "you didn't build that" mean anything? Have you noticed how they don't say "your tax dollars at work" anymore because the words "your dollars" appear in that statement?
I also think that most atheists see the state as a mini-god that runs their lives and gives them stuff. The Christian is actually the one who believes in the separation of Church and State, because we're the ones, unlike Atheists and Islamists, who see a difference between the two.

McGehee said...

Kent said, "Government Husband? Well, it's actually also Government Nanny, Government god, and Government Pimp."

Indeed, I would simply replace "husband" with "pimp" for a proper understanding of its role.

Methadras said...

Why does this all sound like a mockery of some DPRK public service announcement?

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says he has to withhold money from your paycheck. It's for your own good. Otherwise you'll just waste it.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says you have to pay for the other girls' abortions. Those unwanted babies won't go away by themselves.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says you have to give up some more rights. It's for your own good. He'll protect you.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says 'Don't argue. That dumb old Constitution doesn't mean anything. It's like, a hundred years old.'

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says you'd better cut back on them colas and Slurpees. Or else he'll just take them away. Don't make him bring out the Pimp Stick!

Number Six said...

Government Pimp likes to touch children and little old ladies, under their clothes. He makes them stand in line and he makes you watch while he does it. It makes him feel powerful. And you're afraid to make him stop. He smiles when he says it's for your own good. So he can protect you from the Bogeymen.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp envies the European government pimps. Their bitches are lots more eager to get on their knees.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp doesn't like it if you talk about some power that's greater than Government Pimp. Ain't - nobody - greater than Government Pimp! Don't make him get mad. You won't like him when he gets mad.'

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says your children belong to him. He'll make sure they're raised right.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says your little boys are too active, always running around and makin' noise. Give em some Ritalin.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp says ''I've given you everything. You're nothing without me.'' He feels entitled to take it away if he wants to.

Number Six said...

Government Pimp expects you to pay for his limousines. And airline tickets. And hotel bills. And the salaries for his guards and entourage. He's entitled to something comfortable. You got a problem with that?

Nate Whilk said...

betamax3000 5/12/13, 11:54 AM

Government Husband wants to Stimulate your Economy tonight.

Whether you want it or not!