February 11, 2013

"The world’s most experienced penis reattachment surgeons can be found in Thailand..."

"... where, during the 1970s, an estimated one hundred vengeful Thai wives, spurred by media coverage of a prominent 1973 case, sliced off the penises of their adulterous husbands as they slept. When a suitably equipped microsurgeon was on hand to reattach the errant appendage, the men were able to resume philandering within a matter of months. Though probably with reduced success: The penises, though operative, were shorter, numb, and often only partway erectable. The most serious complication, in the Thai attacks, was infection. Two of the wives flushed the penises down the toilet, forcing their husbands to grope for their lost manhood inside the septic tank. (Incredibly, both were found, cleaned, cleaned some more, and reattached.) More commonly, the women would hurl the penis out the window. In the cases described in 'Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam,' all the recovered penises were 'grossly contaminated.' Better that than eaten by livestock. Many rural Thai homes are elevated on pilings, with the family’s pigs, chickens, and ducks tending to mill about seeking shade in the space underneath. It is not, oddly, the pigs, but rather the ducks, that the castrated Thai must worry about. The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks, but the author says there have been enough over the years to prompt the coining of a popular saying: 'I better get home or the ducks will have something to eat.'"

I'm reading "Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex," by Mary Roach.

45 comments:

Tim Wright said...

Uh...Meade...everything ok?

Icepick said...

The paper does not provide the exact number of penises eaten by ducks....

That is yet another combination of words that I would have never expected to see. No wonder the Pope wants to retire.

chickelit said...

Confucius said: Man going through airport turnstile sideways surely going to Bangkok.

Now we know he'll be OK.

kentuckyliz said...

It's fun to explore how odd little expressions came about.

Just explored "left footer" recently.

Guimo said...

We had Loretta Bobbitt doing this around here 20 years ago. She hasn't moved to Madison, has she?

Methadras said...

What's the lesson here? Women are fucking nuts. Regardless of where they come from.

Rusty said...

Can they flesh out the circumference?
I could see that coming in handy.

Inga said...

Dang! A woman scorned.

Chop, chop fling thing
Quack, quack, slurp, burp.
Quick quick fix dick.

From the Thai Dick and Jane series.


Mr. T. said...

One Night in Bangkok...

chickelit said...

This Vietnamese woman made sure there would be no reattachment: link

Bob Ellison said...

I saw The Castrated Thai open for The Sex Pistols.

David said...

I'll never look at an AFLAC commercial the same way again.

Paul said...

Hmmm, penis reattachment surgeons in Thailand.

Ok, if I make a slip with my Glock I'll keep that in mind.

And I hope it will keep on ice long enough for me to fly there.

Mark said...

Inga, that was pretty brilliant.

Mark said...

Don't feed the ducks.

edutcher said...

I don't think they'll be needed at our newest National Park.

Basta! said...

I went with a Chinese friend to a *real* Chinese restaurant, where I was persuaded to try duck tongues. It took dozens of individual tongues to make up the dish. I had visions of all these poor tongueless ducks waddling around, and felt slightly guilty.

Now I just feel sick.

DADvocate said...

Where do you find the best penis reduction surgeons? That extra length isn't all they make it up to be. It can really hurt if you sit down wrong.

F said...

I've been to Thailand, but I guess I never peeked over the divider at a bank of urinals to see how many penises the average Thai has: ". . .sliced off the penises of their adulterous husbands as they slept." From what I've seen in the showers at Gold's Gym, American men seem to be limited to one penis each. I'd like some elucidation (for statistical purposes only) on multipenisity in Thai men.

DADvocate said...

From the Thai Dick and Jane series.

I'll give you credit for that one, Inga.

Cedarford said...

Sounds like a BS story.

If it happened that frequently, I could see follow-up stories of the men of the village burning or flaying alive the woman that did the sexual mutilation - as a lesson to other women.

And ol' John Wayne Bobbit lost his shot at a "heat of anger" freebie to use the same knife his wife used to give Lorena Bobbit a "Black Dahlia" or "Joker" smile she could carry the rest of her life.


edutcher said...

DADvocate said...

Where do you find the best penis reduction surgeons? That extra length isn't all they make it up to be. It can really hurt if you sit down wrong.

That and most women only seem to have just so much room IYKWIM.

Bob Boyd said...

As you may remember, after Lorena Bobbit cut off her husband's penis, she ran out of the house with it, got into her car and drove away.
What happened next is not as widely known.
As she went down the street, realizing she still had the penis in her hand, she threw it out the window. The penis flew through the air and splattered off the windshield of an oncoming car containing an elderly couple. Shocked, the old lady looked at her husband and blurted, "Good God! Did you see the dick on that Bug?!"

Erika said...

Heh, Inga, nicely done!

el polacko said...

physical mutilation of males is HiLArIoUs !!! imagine the yucks when female breasts get cut off and flung to the hogs ! that's some funny shit, ain't it ?!

AllenS said...

Does anyone know if they do extensions?

chickelit said...

el polacko said...
physical mutilation of males is HiLArIoUs !!! imagine the yucks when female breasts get cut off and flung to the hogs ! that's some funny shit, ain't it ?!

Or breasts sliced off and fed to a garbage disposal--hysterical! No reconstructive surgery possible without skin grafts! But hey, maybe she deserved it!

Ed Gein was way ahead of his time

EDH said...

Deep Duck.

AllenS said...

Remember the scene in Goodfellas when Henry Hill wanted to go out and his wife said she knew he was cheating and threw his car keys out the window?

Henry: "I'm still going to go out."

Karen: "Not without your penis you're not."

Inga said...

Just doesn't seem worth the effort cutting off a spouse's penis. So much easier to just get a divorce, cut it off cleanly. The marriage that is.

Steve Koch said...

What a horrible story. Weird post by Althouse, can you imagine her posting something like that about women?

Chip S. said...

Chicks w/ dicks; men w/o 'em.

Thailand is a confusing place.

Anga2010 said...

Ghastly and vile. I can hardly imagine what revenge I would take for such an offense.

BarrySanders20 said...

Other Barry should work this into the SOTU speech.

Under Obamacare, you'll be able to keep your penis if you like it.

Saint Croix said...

LOL, Inga.

The Mary Roach books are awesome.

kentuckyliz said...

Nice poem, Inga.

I propose a new word: castra-Thai

(A variation of castrati)

sydney said...

Just one point of contention. Castration means removal of the testicles. The correct term for removal of the penis is amputation.

gerry said...

Egad. Pad Thai penis-stuffed duck.

Tibore said...

Note to self: Never move to Thailand, lest we find ourselves partially emasculated. :-S

Aridog said...

Hmmmmm ... interesting.

Thread winner: Inga's Thai Dick & Jane

2nd Place: BarrySanders20's "under Obamacare, you'll be able to keep your penis if you like it."

3rd Place: Chickelit's link, reference Cathy Kieu calling the charges "aggravated mayhem."

Say WHOT!?




Aridog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aridog said...

kentuckyliz said...

It's fun to explore how odd little expressions came about...Just explored "left footer" recently.

Good grief. Did you ever resolve that weird Irish pejorative? My Irish family, mixed Mick and Unionist, and assorted friends, could not agree on whether it was Catholics or Protestants.

I assured them I didn't give a shit. Somehow that seemed even worse to them :)

cubanbob said...

Where do you find the best penis reduction surgeons? That extra length isn't all they make it up to be. It can really hurt if you sit down wrong.


Of all of life's problems that should be the worst one you should have.

Bryan C said...

Genital mutilation is hilarious! Wait'll ya get a load of what those wacky Arabs do to their daughters!

SOJO said...

Where's Shouting Thomas on this one?

I want to hear his commentary on his beloved Asian women. lol.