May 25, 2012
Thanks for calling attention to that, Drudge.
Now, why did Obama say that? He was in Iowa, talking about a speech Romney had just given in Iowa, and I'm picturing Obama's speech-writing team brainstorming about how to insult Romney appropriately:
Speechwriter #1: Romney's speech was bullshit.
Speechwriter #2: Yeah, it would be great if Obama could just say: Bullshit!
Speechwriter #3: Here we are out in farm country. Just a lot of farmers. They know bullshit. There's bullshit, cowshit everywhere on farms. So I've heard. Cowpies everywhere. This state is wall-to-wall cowpie. Get me outta here.
Speechwriter #2: Romney's speech was a big cowpie. A cowpie of...
Speechwriter #1: Distortion! Cowpie of distortion!
All: Ha ha ha ha.
Speechwriter #2: Seriously, he should just say that.
Speechwriter #1: Yeah, because Iowans love all the endless visits from politicians who try to suck up to them with Iowa-related humor and can never think of one damned thing except that Iowa is farms, farms, farms.
Speechwriter #3: And are these really even cattle farms? Dairy farms, whatever? I thought Iowa was more: corn.
Speechwriter #2: Shut up. Cowpie of distortion. It's hilarious. The college kids will love it. He said bullshit, but he didn't say bullshit. Grandma and college dork alike will titter.
Speechwriter #3: They'll titter their udders off. But could you please just Google to see if cows are an Iowa thing, because I'm afraid cows are more Wisconsin, and, you know, cattle, like steers and shit, they're more Nebraska. You've got Iowa right there in the middle...
Speechwriter #1: You win the National Geography Bee, now shut up.
Speechwriter #3: Iowa right there in the middle, but with the corn. Corn, so....
Speechwriter #1: Corn is too obvious. They hear corn all the time. It lacks subtlety.
Speechwriter #2: Subtlety?! What the fuck are you talking about? We're in Iowa. There's no subtlety. Subtlety is a nonissue. Focus on the topic at hand. We need an Iowa-appropriate joke, and the joke on the table is "cowpie of distortion."
Speechwriter #1: The cowpie is on the table. Now, get out your knife and fork and dissect this thing. Dig in!
Speechwriter #2: I say cowpie of distortion is the perfect joke for these fucking farmers, and kids and grandmas all over the country are gonna laugh their asses off if it's the last thing I do for our very cool POTUS.
Speechwriter #3: Cowpie of distortion isn't cool. Who talks like that? Cowpie of distortion? It's like Ball of Confusion. [Sings:] Evolution, revolution, gun control, sound of soul, shooting rockets to the moon, kids growing up too soon, politicians say more taxes will solve everything.... Ball of confusion!
Speechwriter #1: Ha ha. You Googled those lyrics.
Speechwriter #2: Yes, and by the way, more taxes will solve everything.
Speechwriter #3: Ha ha. Now, could you please Google and make sure they have cows — in addition to corn — in Iowa? Because the joke on the table is cowpie of confusion... I mean, distortion.