June 15, 2011

Telling the old "Can you make me one with everything?" joke to the Dalai Lama.



That extreme awkwardness defines the expression "losing something in the translation."

54 comments:

Left-footer said...

Hilarious. Thank you.

PatCA said...

Good joke!

I saw the speak once and it was quite awkward. He made jokes about cute women...weird.

Charlie Martin said...

I suspect our friend Mr Gyatso has heard that joke approximately 13,557 times. He has a very dry sense of humor.

(Captcha: dintvoid?)

Phil 3:14 said...

Well, a good thing he didn't tell him this one

Scott M said...

Telling the old "Can you make me one with everything?" joke to the Dalai Lama.

Doesn't being a Marxist require leaving your sense of humor, like a common sense understanding of human motivations, at the coat check?

Carol_Herman said...

Pizza works only if the world is flat.

Maybe, we all are "one with everything." Down in the quantum world. Of electrons?

Why did anyone think this joke would work with Mr. Lama?

Why didn't Mr. Lama reply, "No meat. Can't have everything. Lots of extra cheese, though."

Patrick said...

Well, he's met the Dalai Lama, so he's got that going ....

(surprised it took this long)

X said...

A rabbi, a priest, and the Dalai Lama walk into a lesbian bar and the middle aged white guy behind the bar says "what'll you have?"

edutcher said...

First, be sure he understands pizza.

Then, make sure he understands the difference between condiments and the Meaning of Life.

Seeing Red said...

I don't want to be 1 w/a self-proclaimed marxist.

William said...

As a source of yucks, the Dalai Lama is no Anthony Weiner.

Palladian said...

"He has a very dry sense of humor."

I once heard him speak at Temple Emanu-El. Later, during an informal "Q&A" session, someone asked his opinion of money. He said something like "It's good to have a lot of it."

I got a blessed silk scarf out of the deal.

David said...

Did he cry?

Did DL console him?

Mars and Venus.

Jim said...

It's all in the delivery.

(Get it? Pizza. Delivery. Humor.)

AllenS said...

Very good, Jim.

Brennan said...

This is Tom Friedman's fault. For a hot, flat, and crowded planet, humor apparently is locked up by Smoot-Hawley.

traditionalguy said...

That was funny. But I am a sucker for puns.

Richard Dolan said...

It's funny but not because of the lost-in-translation joke. All of the 30-somethings on the Aussie tv news program were lost in a different way. They would all have been more naturally cast in an Aussie remake of Baywatch or perhaps an update of the Ferris Bueller saga -- at least those ventures would have made use of their only apparent talent. It proves again, if further proof were necessary, that TV news is the real joke. Even in Australia, this stuff has to attract an ever smaller audience.

kristinintexas said...

I can't watch the video but I just had to say that I love that joke. I heard it as "what did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?" instead of something about pizza, and I laughed about it for the rest of the day. Favorite joke ever.

jimbino said...

I use that joke every time I order at the local sandwich shop. I ask for a tuna sub, buddhist style, then explain it to sure laughter. Since there's usually a newbie sandwich maker, it gets a lot of mileage.

Fred4Pres said...

That reporter has my joke telling skills? And the ability to crack himself up. That helps when you suck at joke telling.

That is funny. I am cracking myself up now just thinking about it.

Fred4Pres said...

He should have done the Bill Murray bit from Caddyshack.

Fred4Pres said...

Patrick of course got it.

Scott M said...

He should have done the Bill Murray bit from Caddyshack.

One wonders if the Dali is aware of that scene and, if so, how often it's mentioned by anyone other than Americans. For what it's worth, it's still one of the best Bill Murray scenes in Hollywood history.

Curious George said...

It was hard to make out the DL response, but it sounded like "Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga"

Fred4Pres said...

The hot dog vendor said "that will be $2.50" and the Dalai Lama handed him a five.

And waited.

The Dalia Lama said "Hey where's my change?"

The hot dog vendor said "change must come from within"

Fred4Pres said...

Why can't the Dalai Lama vacuum under the sofa?

Because he has no attachments.

gutless said...

This settles it. Mr. Lama has no sense of humor. The joke was great!

Fred4Pres said...

Since the Dali Lama is now a Marxist, perhaps these jokes would be appropriate:

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

A Marxist.

A Marxist who?

A Marxist who wants to give you a pamphlet about class struggle.

Fred4Pres said...

What did one Marxist say to another?

Like you, I also advocate a proletarian revolution culminating in collective ownership.

Fred4Pres said...

What’s the difference between a Marxist-Socialist and a Keynesian economist?

Several things, including but not limited to the following: The Marxist-Socialist believes that workers should own the means of production, whereas Keynesians support the private ownership over the means of production. Marxist-Socialists believe that centralized government would ultimately wither away after a revolution, whereas Keynesians advocate greater government action to ensure full societal employment. Finally, a Marxist-Socialist would not be invited to a party that a Keynesian was throwing at work because the Keynesian knows that the Marxist-Socialist would throw a stink about the way the cubicles in the Keynesian’s office were arranged.

[the only think drier than Marxists jokes, are feminist jokes]

Scott M said...

A Marxist who wants to give you a poorly xeroxed pamphlet about class struggle.

Needed a little sprucing up...

Fred4Pres said...

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Marxist-Socialist are in an airplane that is going to crash and there are only two parachutes. The Priest says, “I have always followed the word of Jesus, so I should have one of the parachutes.” The Rabbi says, “I paid for the plane rental, so I should also have one of the parachutes.” The Marxist-Socialist says, “I would normally advocate allocating these out according to one’s means, but I’m afraid of dying and would like one of the chutes, please.”


and finally (in the spirit of Walkerville and the recent affirmation of liberty and seperation of powers by a 4-3 majority of the Wisconsin supreme court):

How do you get a one-armed Marxist-Socialist out of a tree?

Ask two teamsters to drive three AFL-CIO riggers each carrying an IAFF approved ladder to the tree and help the one-armed Marxist-Socialist down.

Chip S. said...

Pizza works only if the world is flat.

There's no topping this.

Chip Ahoy said...

I find your pizza puns quite cheesy.

Titus said...

Australian women have some nice tits.

tits.

rhhardin said...

There's a llama in Michigan named Dolly.

Charlie Martin said...

I once heard him speak at Temple Emanu-El.

I so want someone to start a Reform congregation of comic fans and c all it Temple Kal-El.

Later, during an informal "Q&A" session, someone asked his opinion of money. He said something like "It's good to have a lot of it."

With that little Sideways smile. Once you're used to them, Tibetan monks can be hilarious.

Charlie Martin said...

I don't want to be 1 w/a self-proclaimed marxist.

But you already are.

Dave said...

There's no topping this.

Ehh. The critics panned it.

Patrick said...

"[the only think drier than Marxists jokes, are feminist jokes]"

That's not funny.

raf said...

Pizza jokes usually fall flat. Except when they're really deep.

ricpic said...

Does the Dalai Lama know more about life than you and me? No. He's just as steeped in ignorance as the rest of us. The whole guru worship business pisses me off.

Fred4Pres said...

Hey, Richard Gere can't be wrong. Ask any gerbil.

Skyler said...

Wow. I guess even Australia puts morons on their news shows.

Kirk Parker said...

kristinintexas,

Yes, that's the variant I know:

Q: "What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?"

A: "Make me one with everything."

But wait, there's more:

Q: "What did the hot dog vendor say to the Buddhist?"

A: "Change comes from within."

True story--my daughter had a boyfriend in her college days who was an intelligent enough fellow, but fairly humor-impaired. One day she overheard him telling the joke to a friend of his:

Q: "What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?"

A: "I'll have one with everything."

[Blank stare on friend's face... ... ... ... finally the BF explains:]

"I don't get it, either; it's Mary's joke!"

Methadras said...

Why is this guy revered for anything?

Chip S. said...

The critics panned it.

D'oh!

WoW Lawbringer said...

There are three kinds of bras:

Catholic -- support the masses
Salvation Army -- lift the fallen
Baptist -- make mountains out of molehills.

el polacko said...

the dalai lama is a giggly, hallmark-card-'wisdom'-spouting moron. are we just now figuring that out?

Clyde said...

@ Fred 4 Pres

"[the only think drier than Marxists jokes, are feminist jokes]"

A little K-Y will take care of that...

And you know the difference between Marxists' jokes and feminists' jokes? The Marxists say, "...To each according to his needs," while the feminists say, "...To each according to her needs."

phx said...

Total asshole. I'm sure the Dalai Lama doesn't mind.

abeer ahmed said...

visit us on lifeandstylemag.com
http://whois.domaintasks.com/lifeandstylemag.com

Ajoy Bhatia said...

To all the people panning the Dalai Lama's sense of humor - ever heard of cultural context? Anyone? Anyone?