October 11, 2010

"How do I stop a squirrel ruining my lawn?... I’m in the u.k so i do not have access to guns or explosives before I get tons of killing suggestions."

... "The problem is not the squirrels. It is your attitude. I’m not trying to be mean.
Squirrels have just as much right to your yard as you do. Maybe more. The
animals of the world do not see property lines. They are doing what they need
to do in order to survive. The fact that you are upset by their behaviour only
makes you look self absorbed and petty. Please leave them alone. Take a
different approach and laugh at their antics. They are funny once you can let
it go. Chili powder might blind them. Do not use it."


Oh, I'm just out here on the front stoop, helping Meade with the gardening, by doing the part of the gardening that you can do on Google. Squirrels keep burying acorns in the otherwise lovely new lawn.

66 comments:

rhhardin said...

Hawks are putting away squirrels for the winter now.

peter hoh said...

Get a dog. And get invisible fencing.

But not a big dog, as they can tear up the new lawn and a whole lot more.

Jason (the commenter) said...

Just think of squirrels as delicious food and your problem will quickly be solved.

AllenS said...

If you watch the squirrels gather the acorn, you'll see them chew the pointy top of the acorn off before the bury them. They will not grow once they do that. The squirrel is looking at soft ground because of the garden work, and that's why they choose that area to bury this winters food.

El Pollo Real said...

Get a dog

Yeah, I don't understand why that didn't happen. It seemed like you two would be naturals. Somewhere a poor pet is languishing--waiting.

Dogs can wreck yards though.

former law student said...

Sod available by me is grown through a plastic mesh -- for strength and handling reasons, I believe, but which I also suspect keeps squirrels from digging.

NotYourTypicalNewYorker said...

Squirrels aren't bothering me.

It's the moles, I can't abide the cursed moles.

I put the trap here, they go over there...

It's the moles I tell ya.

Fred4Pres said...

Nice comment, but the air rifle works very effectively and may actually be legal in the UK.

Poison mouse bait may work too.

Alternatively ditch the lawn and let nature take its course.

1jpb said...

They definitely need a dog.

I'd recommend an Australian Labradoodle. My sister has two, they have great temperaments, they get along w/ people, kids and other dogs, they don't destroy stuff, and they don't shed. As it happens, I'll have my own on the twenty second, when it becomes ten weeks old.

Irene said...

Poodle!

AllenS said...

The squirrel is doing its thing. Don't worry, after the squirrel stashes the acorn for the winter, and then retrieves it this winter, they will leave your law alone until next fall when they will do it again. It's like the gathering of the leaves that fall every year at this time, and they will fall, this year and next...

If you want the little fuckers dead, buy a pellet gun. I will expect you to eat them, if you kill them.

traditionalguy said...

I believe that Mike Huckabee is in favor of adding squirrel filets to Food Stamp approved purchases. That should do the trick. If not, then set traps. Meade can do the executions, or if he doesn't want to do that, I would recommend driving them out, trap and all, to the wilderness on the next 20 mile bike ride. But DO NOT import Canadian Geese to scare them...this has proved to have "unexpected" consequences that cause squirrels to become popular again like W has done.

1jpb said...

Oh, and Meade The Elitist (as he has described himself) will get elitist cred with this breed.

Then, to max out on elitist points he'll need to upgrade his 'lever lock' tapes, to at least 'fatmax,' but preferably 'extreme,'

AllenS said...

Or, if you kill them, throw the little dead bodies in the road, and garage will pick them up.

Sorry, garage, I couldn't help myself.

Crimso said...

I'd like for that idiot to come to my house and climb into the attic and see where squirrels have been chewing on my wiring. Little fuckers. And it's hard to keep them out, the house is 180 years old and has numerous possible entry points. Believe me, we're working on it. Tempted to stick my cat up there for a week or two.

garage mahal said...

Speaking of dogs, I just put my name on the picking order for one of these guys. Only 4 pups, I'm 2nd in line. Been 8 yrs since I had my chocolates, it's been long enough.

Irene said...

garage, adorable!

garage mahal said...

hehe tell me about it. I love big block headed english style Labradors, and get a load at the block head dad.

Ann Althouse said...

We don't want a dog.

Big Mike said...

You could try this.

rhhardin said...

Dog means no day trips unless you take the dog, no travel, etc.

On the other hand, you have the dog.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

I hear opossums will get rid of squirrels no problem.

El Pollo Real said...

We don't want a dog

please??

Palladian said...

"We don't want a dog."

A dog doesn't want you either!

Moose said...

For moles, get castor oil. Mole-scoot I think is one brand. The theory is this: Moles eat the grubs and other burrowing insects and worms. Spray the yard with castor oil and it covers their food in something they can't stand.
You spray the castor oil and then water the heck out of the lawn. Soaks it in.
Thing is, it just drives them into your neighbor's yard, so - don't tell them you're doing it...

New "Hussein" Ham said...

Put out a bushel of acorns to feed the squirrels.

Once they know you're feeding them, they won't bother to bury acorns. They won't even bother to work at all.

Haven't you learned anything from the Democrats Food Stamp Program, Ann?

Irene said...

You also might try wrapping dog hair in cheesecloth and scattering the tufted packages in the yard. I'd recommend choosing the hair of a smelly breed, like the Springer Spaniel.

rhhardin said...

Dog had, this morning.

Dagny said...

I used to have squirrels in the attic; found out how they got in and made a little one-way door so they'd all be out before I fixed it. Then a raccoon was digging at another spot, where I found some water damage. Repaired that, not knowing I had trapped a pair of possums. Didn't take long to solve that problem, but it was sorta loud.

Hey, chili powder may blind them, but I bet it would make them taste good.

Lem said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SteveR said...

If you want a pet a dog's a fine pet and I'm sure you won't mind dealing with what to do with a dog when you travel around to Ohio, NYC, TX, etc.

If you want a dog to take care of an animal problem you'll likely just end up with another animal problem which could mean many things worse than a few squirrels can do.

SteveR said...

Hey, chili powder may blind them

But they'll still be able to find an acorn ever once in a while.

HDHouse said...

..the 2nd amendment and squirrels........

Revenant said...

I had a problem with squirrels. So I got a pellet rifle.

Revenant 5, Squirrels 0.

Chase said...

The Strangest thing:

Recently, while driving home with my daughter down a tree-lined street with no curbs, a bicyclist coming the opposite direction crossed the street and stopped. He was a grey-hair-in-a-pony-tail glasses wearing professorial type who looked like he taught in Berkeley (maybe Madison!). Just before we passed him, he placed his hands on either side of his face, next to his ears, and rubbed vigorously up and down. I remarked to my daughter "that's how they store food for the winter", followed by, did you see the tail on that thing?". Her laughter for the next 6 blocks made my weekend. We now have a secret sign - rubbing our cheeks - to enjoy together.

Chase said...

Rev,

LOL!

Chase said...

By the way Rev, my extremely left wing brother-in-law - who would love to see all guns confiscated except for law enforcement and would ban all recreational hunting - bought a pellet gun to go after squirrels and gophers in his yard. Can't wait for Thanksgiving dinner conversation this year!

edutcher said...

Irene said...

Poodle!

Yorkie!!

B Treasure Dog was to squirrels in the yard what Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday were to the Clantons. She never caught any, but they always had to look over their shoulder.

Ann Althouse said...

We don't want a dog.

Perhaps Madame could rent.

New "Hussein" Ham said...

"I had a problem with squirrels. So I got a pellet rifle."

I had a problem with squirrels, so I got myself a soup pot.

Gooooooooooood cracker:

http://www.gamebirdhunts.com/Resources/GameRecipes/SquirrelRecipes/SquirrelSoup/tabid/306/Default.aspx

Irene said...

edutcher, I still have the tail of the squirrel that my childhood poodle cornered.

jeff said...

my neighborhood is just scrawling with squirrels, and when they start helping with the mortgage, THEN they will have every right to frolic in my yard. Until then, they are here due to my benevolence, and the fact they keep my cat amused.

Palladian said...

"Perhaps Madame could rent."

Didn't they actually rent a dog from the hotel when they were on one of their vacations?

Bill said...

There's an old joke about three different churches that are overrun with squirrels in their belfries.

The Baptists round them up in traps but are unwilling to kill them so they take them to the edge of town and release them. A week later the squirrels are back and they (the Baptists) are right back where they started.

The Anglicans accept the squirrels into their congregation and start feeding them (and probably making them deacons too), so they're stuck as well.

Only the Catholics were able to solve the problem. They baptized the squirrels and now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

(wv: briss)

Paco Wové said...

"Or, if you kill them, throw the little dead bodies in the road, and garage will pick them up."

I thought you were going to say ...that way it will look like an accident.

John Burgess said...

The Brit can use a slingshot--in UK-speak, a 'catapult'. I've used them, in the UK, and they work, though squirrels are rather slow learners.

A blow gun would probably do the job better, though.

Triangle Man said...

@Palladian

There is definitely a borrowed dog precedent from the courtship trip to Meadeville.

Chip Ahoy said...

The problem is not the squirrels, it's your attitude. I'm not trying to be mean. Don't have to try, it comes quite naturally to me, along with being entirely unhelpful.

1) humane traps
2) relocation

EDH said...

I was surprised this morning to see a squirrel picking through the eviscerated remains of another squirrel, road kill, at the side of the road.

I don't think squirrels are cannibalistic or even eat meat.

I figure either it was paying its last respects or rummaging through the stomach contents.

Roux said...

Try moth balls. I'm trying that with armadillo's that are destroying my mother-in-laws gardens and it seems to bee working.

If that doesn't work get a BB gun.

Cedarford said...

The Brits are freaked out about invasive Eastern USA gray squirrels. It has been an obsession of the foppish fast degenerating UK'rs for almost a decade.
I understand air rifles are also frowned on.
The simple solution for Brits is the Hav-no-Heart live trap, a filled with water rubbish can, and the Mike Huckabee (TM) combination popcorn popper/squirrel fryer.

Set the trap, called Havahart in the USA, with Althouse acorns or similar fare. Catch bad American squirrel, drop in water in can while inside the trap. (Let pure native Brit dark squirrels go.) Remove dead squirrel from trap after 5 minutes submersion. Chop off their tiny feet, skin, clean...then off to the Mike Huckabee wild game fryolator for some tasty Green-approved 100% organic meat.
Set trap for the next noisy, bothersome Yank squirrel.

Meade said...

Truth is I like the squirrels and I enjoy watching them even when they tear up the new lawn. Grass seed is relatively cheap and I enjoy sowing, watering, and watching it sprout almost as much as I enjoy watching the squirrels bury their acorns.

There are more than a dozen dogs here in the neighborhood who I've become mutually fond of.

Granddogs.

Meade said...

NotYourTypicalNewYorker : The moles are your friends. They aerate the soil and eat pest larvae. It's a misconception that they eat bulbs and other desirable garden plants - they're completely carnivorous.

Set your mower blades higher and/or walk down their feeding runs before firing up the mower. Also, where the female mole pushes up a mound of soil, spread it with a rake or with your boot heel so the mower doesn't hit it. It's the mower that does the damage, not the mole.

Amy1 said...

Be glad you don't have RATS! Like I do. In darkest suburbia. The wisteria covering my large patio had become an apartment house and highway for rats. I asked my country-raised father, who shook his head and said "rats are an age-old problem" and refused to help. A long internet search revealed the suggestion that Bounce (the dryer sheets) contains some fragrance that scares rats. But not new-improved Bounce (whatever that might be), it has to be original Bounce. So I got some, balled some sheets up, stuck them in the branches of my wisteria: no more rats, at least none that I see, not like there were before.

The same internet source also said peppermint extract (not its cheaper version p oil) will also work.

So I suppose for a lawn you would have to get creative about where to put the bounce. Maybe just lay a bunch of sheets out, under a rock apiece, and see what happens. BTW: please tell us if it works. Aren't squirrels just rats with a bushy tail?

former law student said...

I just put my name on the picking order for one of these guys

Be careful, garage. This sounds like a backyard breeder getting a litter from the family pet. See what kind of health guarantee you get.

http://www.thelabradorclub.com/subpages/show_contents.php?page=Selecting+A+Puppy

The Crack Emcee said...

You're discussing the state of the garden vs. the squirrels? (Fuck, am I running with the wrong crowd,...)

Give it a break: the squirrels win. Moose, too. And don't forget the froggies.

A guy died for the froggies.

former law student said...

The wisteria covering my large patio had become an apartment house and highway for rats.

Any deterrent that relies on scent (Bounce, mothballs) will have to be frequently replaced as the scenting chemicals evaporate.

A neighbor despaired of keeping his Italian cypresses rat-free so he eventually cut them down.

Here they wrap palm tree trunks with sheet metal (I forget how high) to keep rats from climbing them and nesting in the fronds. Three foot metal tubes around your posts/vines might do the trick, assuming the rats don't jump on your arbor from above.

Eric said...

City people. Just poison them.

Squirrels can be very expensively destructive. There's a house about a mile from me built on an embankment. The owner though the ground squirrels burrowing into the side of the hill (under his house) were cute.

The place is a total loss. It's just been sitting there condemned for years.

NotYourTypicalNewYorker said...

Meade, thanks for the mole knowledge, I dislike them a little bit less now.

maybe.

MadisonMan said...

If you cut down all the Oak Trees in University Heights, there would be no acorns to bury.

Trooper York said...

Use a photo of Helen Thomas.

That got rid of the pigeons that were infesting my backyard.

Bob_R said...

I got your animal rights right here. The squirrel has a right to bury its nut in the pit bull's yard. The pit bull has a right to kill it. So do we. I's a competitor for our territory. We can choose to kill it or not at our convenience. Many people choosing not to kill them are making that choice on aesthetic grounds no different than the choice to have a uniform green lawn. How about a side order of moral superiority to go with that.

Superdad said...

What you need is a 10 year old boy and a sling shot. Let the little guy snipe at squirrels all day long. If he manages to kill any of them. Field dress and skin them. Roast them with fresh root vegetables and eat. Depending on how much winter fat they have put on you just might be able to make a nice rich pan gravy with the drippings.

dbp said...

She can stuff the acorns with condoms and eventually, no squirrels.

former law student said...

City people. Just poison them.

UW extension pamphlet claims poisoning squirrels is illegal in Wis. Should Meadhouse try, I expect the judge would take the familiar "And you, a law professor" attitude. They recommend a .22 rifle (gets the job done without spoiling the meat).

Airgun pellets probably lack sufficient kinetic energy to penetrate a squirrel's tough skin.

http://learningstore.uwex.edu/assets/pdfs/G3522.pdf
City people. Just poison them.

Squirrels can be very expensively destructive. There's a house about a mile from me built on an embankment. The owner though the ground squirrels

Ground squirrels and tree squirrels are quite different in their destructiveness. Ground squirrels dig burrows while tree squirrels build nests

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