January 14, 2009

Let's watch "American Idol."

It's perfectly acceptable behavior, I assure you.

7:06: I love the pure optimism of delusion. A young woman sings horrendously and is told she sings horrendously, and she processes it into the notion that she picked the wrong song.

7:20: Big-hearted opera guy sings "Think!" and they restrain him before he gets to the "Freedom!"s. He's operatically emotional about his doom, and — cue opera soundtrack — we see a montage of other doomed contestants.

7:36: I knew when they inserted a commercial break that the "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" guy — Von Smith — was somehow going to be approved of, and he was. Strange. I can believe that they saw talent, but couldn't somebody have mentioned the taste issue?

7:46: Matt Breitzke — the welder — sings the great song "Ain't No Sunshine." He's good, and you can tell he's one of those guys that get through because he's masculine. They put his audition right after a strange man who... was not.

7:54: Jessica Furney touches me the most, and not just because she lives with her 93-year-old grandmother and has to yell at her to talk to her. Not just because she sings Janis Joplin ("Cry Baby") and I've been waiting all these years for a female rock singer to get somewhere on this show. She's nicely natural and real.

8:11: Daniel Gokey — whose wife just died — sings "I Heard It Through the Grapevine." He looks like Robert Downey Jr. and he's good. He makes it through, which is what we wanted, after he said that he wanted to be here so that people would find out about that woman who died.

8:15: Anoop Desai — who's pursued the academic study of barbeque — auditions in shorts. "It's all a bit geeky," says Simon, but the guy was good. And he's through to Hollywood. Sweet Paula say, "Forget the clothing thing, you're fine."

8:19: A montage of everyone singing "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" — which, right?, makes all lawprofs think of Marbury v. Madison — reveals the essence of the show: the terrible curse/blessing of American confidence. Is it bad to be bad if you believe in yourself? Yes, but it doesn't matter much. Is it good to be good? Yes, of course, now please make me happy.

49 comments:

Nichevo said...

No it isn't.

Ann Althouse said...

Snob!

dourwolf said...

I'm with Nichevo. I'd rather read a book. Or a blog, for that matter.

blake said...

Inside of a blog, it's too dark to read.

Nichevo said...

If I was a snob would I have tried so hard to get into your pants?

TitusRenalFailure said...

Wow, does Nichevo need to share some gossip....

traditionalguy said...

The human drama of these hopeful and courageous young people does make us old timers thankful for the ride. Pass it on to the grandchildren. They may not figure out Bobby Dylan's music, but they will add something we need for today's challenges.

Donna B. said...

I wrote that song, horrendously.

Jen Bradford said...

Watching AI auditions I always wonder what it would be like to have that sort of nutty confidence. I know scores of genuinely talented people who don't have a fraction of these contestants' bravado/ego. It's a weird rip-off somehow. But sometimes I think: thank God that kid is so deluded, or he'd be vaporized by the experience.

Chip Ahoy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha. The chick wailing because she FAILED cracked me up. Ha ha ha ha ha.

MadisonMan said...

I wish I could watch, but I'm at a conference. On the plus side, I'm not in Madison, but in the desert southwest, where the temperatures are delightfully warm.

Chip Ahoy said...

♪Sum ♬ where ♪ o ♫ vah the ♩rain ♩ bow ♩way ♪up
hah ♬ there ♪ iz an ♬♬ optical phenomenon ♪ I ♪ can dis-cern ♪ on ♪ a rainy ♪but still sunny ♪ day.

Chip Ahoy said...

My ears just now commanded me to stop watching this and ordered my hand to grab the remote and push buttons furiously.

blake said...

Well, geez, Chip. Who's in charge, here? You or your ears?

John Burgess said...

Has AI modified it format to edge closer to 'Queen for a Day'? The tearjerker back stories are a little difficult to take even though they're incredibly predictable.

If the girl taking care of her granny progresses, I predict granny dies before the girl gets booted.

I do appreciate that the show is spending more time on the winners than the lusers, but it's getting near gaaky land. Still, an improvement from last season.

SteveR said...

Well I guess if we can celebrate unwarranted optimism then maybe we should accept the idea that after eight seasons people think its important to claim some kind of tasteful high ground about American Idol.

Nah! No part of what makes America great was created by snobs.

Darcy said...

Huh. John Burgess watches AI? Now, that's an endorsement!

michaele said...

I'm enjoying the greater use of creative editing to add more entertaining loopiness to the proceedings. I find myself laughing out loud at some of the silliness. I guess my standards are low.

MadisonMan said...

I did end up watching some, and why on Earth did they pass through that weasely black kid who kept saying Please Please Please Please. Ugh. Simon was right on about him.

I also didn't think the lady at the end, who they said was the best singer, had a particularly nice voice, but I agree that she has that undefinable potential star quality.

Michael H said...

Simon has been neutered by the producers. He is far less likely to rip into a contestant than in previous years. This will hurt ratings because people tune in to watch the humiliation.

TMink said...

" I love the pure optimism of delusion. A young woman sings horrendously and is told she sings horrendously, and she processes it into the notion that she picked the wrong song.."

That is what makes delusions SO difficult for people like me to work with. They cannot be reasoned away because they are unreasonable! That poor woman had the facts before her, and she could not hear them.

Sad really. At least it is just a singing delusion.

Trey

10ksnooker said...

American Idol, along with 24 have lost their luster. Killed by the same deranged political thinking that infests all of hollywierd these days.

JAL said...

"weird"

One of those violations of the I before E rule.

Trooper York said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trooper York said...

Ok time for our not happy recap. Sophisticado’s like Nichevo can vacuum the rugs in their tuxedo until Oscar comes home for dinner but the rest of us want to wallow in all-American craziness. This is Kansas City Missouri home of Harry Truman, Tom Prendergast and Freddie Patek the original crying girl. So strap it on bitch and let’s get cooking.

Trooper York said...

First up is poor deluded Chelsea. She thinks her mom and dad are really still in love after all the tuoris and turmoil and that it is not all a sham for political purposes….what…..oh it’s a different Chelsea....this one thinks she can sing….wrong again…next time think bikini

Trooper York said...

Next up is a tall drink of water that sings a song that Simon actually wrote. But she gets the words wrong. She’s just cannon fodder for Hollywood week as they have to come up with 200 singers and they can’t bounce everyone. If you can’t get the song right for the audition how are you going to memorize the new songs every week?

Trooper York said...

Next up is a girl with a pretty dress and cowboy boots. Sort of the way Harry Reid probably dresses in the privacy of his own home. She gets through on personality and cuteness but is cannon fodder as well.

Trooper York said...

Next up is Andrew Sullivan’s ex-boyfriend who is an opera guy with a totally black outfit that does not fit properly. And he does not sing properly. He tries to sing Aretha, or at least makes an attempt but man is he bad. It brings up the whole issue of white guys trying to sing like black guys. Even if it sounds good man it is just not right. The guy’s like that Aussie dude from last year just can’t keep pulling it off week after week. Enough already. There is only one Joe Cocker. The rest of you are Joe "Cock-it-uppers."

Trooper York said...

There is a whole bunch of people crying including this one chick that bends over and wails like someone killed her whole family. But it’s not just one bend over wail thing. She reprises it with an extra treat of flying snot. I haven’t seen anyone this upset since Alphaliberal found out they ran out of Obama dildoes.

Trooper York said...

Next up is the obligatory gay guy with a fedora. They had one two seasons ago, a Mario or something, who had to quit because he had a record contract. This guy screams like he was on a rollercoaster but they put him through anyway. We get to meet his mom who he lives with in a little motel on the interstate. I wouldn’t want to stay there in about ten years from now if you know what I mean. Just sayn'

Trooper York said...

Next up is Jason Castro’s brother Raul. No that’s the other Castro’s. I think his name is Michael who said he only started singing twenty days ago. Dude it shows. Anyway he gets a legacy appointment like it was the University of Wisconsin or something and is through to the next round. He can’t sing for shit but has a promising future as a comedian which he shows off when he says he is less “girly” than Jason. Hee, hee. Good one.

Trooper York said...

A couple of crappy ones and then we get a welder dude so the straight guys can be represented. What do you want to bet they put him in the group with the oil rigger from yesterday? And that Seacrest will be hanging around while they practice. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Trooper York said...

Next up is a crazy girl who was voted most likely to kill herself on Paula’s lawn with two tone dyed hair. Reminded me of Frank Gorshin in that Star Trek episode when he was one color on one side and another on the other. She sang like him too. Thank God they have tranquilized Simon or he would have eviscerated her then and there. But that probably explains his nipples this season.

Trooper York said...

Next up is a cute kid who can sing with a deaf grandma who they film a whole segment with so she will probably make the top twenty. Generic and nothing special she just has to hope to hang on to make the tour so she can eventually grow up to be on celebrity rehab and have a porno tape like Jessica Sierra.

Trooper York said...

Next up, holy shit Snoop from the Wire is trying out for the American Idol. She tries out with her sister who is a lovely girl but they pick Snoop cause if they don’t she is gonna bust a cap in their ass. The whole family is outside and I swear I saw Chris in his army jacket lurking in the background. Cool.

Trooper York said...

Next up is these two friends who audition. The first has another one of these weird haircuts and gets through and then it is the drama guy that they have been building with promos for the past ten minutes. His story is that his wife died four weeks ago. I repeat his wife died four weeks ago. And he is on a television show using it for sympathy. I will just leave it there.

Trooper York said...

Next up is Randy’s chance to shine when a geeky Indian guy ambles over from the Dell Answer center to try out. Randy’s all “Slumdog Millionaire in the House.” Turns out the guy has got a PHD in barbecue or some shit which perfectly sums up what most of us real Americans think about you academics. But the funny thing is the guy can sing. Not just run a 7-11 like Biden would sentence him too so it is pretty cool. Plus you know that everybody in the phone company in India is gonna jam the lines when he is up. This is getting interesting. He's going to Bollywood. I mean Hollywood. Cool.

Trooper York said...

A whole lot of filler and then two cheerleaders come in to rev the crowd up for this skinny gay guy to sing Motown really badly. They toss him to the curb, gently and he goes out to meet about sixty young girls who he is their “best” friend. It’s sad really. All those crushed hopes. His revenge will be to become a fashion designer and torture women with ridiculous clothing.

Trooper York said...

Next up is a marching band teacher who is technically competent but not inspired like the dread locked teacher guy of a few seasons ago. So he could go far but will not make it all the way. Cute baby though. Cutest kid so far. Plus the two year old is already taller than Seacrest.

Trooper York said...

Next up is Luckyoldson. He has a blonde Pete Rose haircut and a medal from the Special Olympics or something and tells a sad story about how his mom doesn’t believe in him. He sings a song that he wrote and is gently told that he didn’t cut and tells them to “let the suckfest” continue and “suck my dick” and “why don’t you read a music book or periodical” and is ushered out of the room to while away the hours typing on the internets.

Trooper York said...

Next is a sprightly little dude with shades who does a back flip and begs throughout. Simon as usual is the only one who is honest with him but they put him through to get destroyed in Hollywood. His family is outside and his mom gives him this great big hug and the joy they show is not to be gainsaid. It’s little enough to have a victory now and then so I hope they savor it as much as they can.

Trooper York said...

Now they are down to the crack ho’s who mistook the audition for the bus station. They show tons of shots where this babe is sleeping with her messy wig and little bubbles of spit forming on her smeared lipstick. She can’t understand why she didn’t get through and goes out with a rant. God Bless baby.

Trooper York said...

The last lady is a wonderful mom with three kids and a very patient husband. Her name is Rounds and she is round in all the right places as a real woman should be. She gets through and is overjoyed. A great way to end the night. I hope she makes it to the finals.

Trooper York said...

In case you are wondering, I am not hanging out with Coach Reed. This is a reprise from somewhere else.

Oh and Sarah Jessica Horseface is pulling away.

Ann Althouse said...

You're arriving a little late, TY.

Trooper York said...

Better late than never.

Besides it's more fun to post something fun that nobody reads.

It's the doing it that's the fun, it doesn't matter if nobody sees it.

Just ask garage mahal. Hee,hee.

Trooper York said...

Oh, there is a double negative in there somewhere. Sorry teacher.

Nichevo said...

Blogger Trooper York said...

Next up, holy shit Snoop from the Wire is trying out for the American Idol.

R U SRSLY? OMG how do they let her out in public. Did they make her learn to speak English first? But as you say, who would dare stop her, esp. if there's a nailgun handy.

Oh and I'm sorry I don't like to watch trainwrecks, I guess I'm not cool enough for Lee Lee's. [sob]