December 22, 2008

Grande Conservative Blogresss Diva 2009.

GayPatriot emails:
[W]e define a conservative blogress as a smart blogress who has earned the respect of gay men by expressing herself with eloquence and without kowtowing to the politically correct mavens of popular cultural and politics.
I don't think you have to be a gay man to vote, though. I'm one of the nominees along with 14 others, so choose wisely. This year, I'm not going to try to get a lot of people to vote for me. In fact, I think what I'll do is go to each blog and pick one representative sentence from the top few posts and quote it here. You could read these sentences, click to see who wrote it, and then go to the Gaypatriot poll and vote for that blogress -- that is don't vote for me.

"Yeah, those of us who call ourselves Christians say 'we believe.' But it’s one thing to 'believe' and quite another to 'surrender.' Believing is the easier of the two. But surrender is what makes us holy."

"I, of course, like to keep both sides equally pissed off, so I may ... eat a ham and cheese sandwich to warn the Islamo-Fascists not to mess with me. I may also, however, burn an American flag at the same time."

"Young people, immigrant, youth ......... by G-d these dhimmis turn themselves inside out to rephrase, retool, and obfuscate the truth. Muslims riot. Not immigrants, yoots, or 'young people.' Oh, the idiocy."

"The trash collectors serving my area sent a notice of the pickup schedule for 'holiday trees', so I mailed them a nasty letter. When did we become a nation of Grinches?"

"Just as is the Law of Gravity immutable, so is the Law of Giving. Of course, what we get back in return for our gift doesn’t always come in the form we expect, but this just proves that the Cosmos, in addition to having a set of Laws, also has a Sense of Humor. This can be quite hard on the humorless."

"What's actually romantic isn't committing to somebody because you see how lovable, sexy, and charming they can be, but because you find out how annoying, insufferable, and lacking in some basic table manner they are, and it's still not enough to chase you away."

"As we Jews face a bleak future with Islamic extremism and violence on the rise, we also face an enemy within, just as the Jews and their Maccabees fought in their own community back in the day. The Hellenists were Jews who wanted to forsake Judaism for the secularism of the Greeks. Today, those same Jews are the ones who've forsaken Judaism for liberalism. They're the ones who voted for Barack Obama, the ones who continue to pander and 'outreach' to our avowed enemies in the Islamic community. I've written about so many of them on this site over the years, and their names need not be mentioned on this holiday. We know who they are. And their views must be crushed, just as the Maccabees crushed Jewish Hellenism."

"No matter what anyone’s feelings are right now for Bush after the auto bailout he announced Friday, there’s no denying that this is as shoddy a piece of 'journalism' as can be found on the pages of the NYT, as they ignore the significant contributions of Christopher Dodd, Barney Frank, PEBO (President-elect Barack Obama), Franklin Raines, and other prominent Democrats/Democrat-friendly industry fat cats to the mortgage/lending industry collapse."

"Amy Winehouse appears to be winning her battle against drugs as she looked the picture of health during a winter break in the sun."

"I can't think of another evangelical leader who would have the gumption to call attacks upon him 'incendiary hate speech.' White evangelicals are by definition incapable of being oppressed, according to the liberal definition. They are the haters; hatred is justified. They are not inclusive; exclusion is justified. [Rick] Warren challenges that idea. After years of acquaintance with his liberal critics, Warren is not afraid to shame them with their own language."

"If your primal instinct isn’t to scoop up that puppy, cuddle him, and whisper to him don’t be angry, puppy, and then swallow him whole, then I don’t think we have much to talk about anymore. We’ve grown apart."

"As another GSA official who facilitated the convenient change in policy regarding change.gov exulted to the Obama campaign after the domain was granted, 'Rock and roll!'"

"I've been around a long time. I've been incarnating in this realm for so many aeons I call both gods and demons 'Sonny.' Yet even I don't know the answer to such questions. And I can't ever know, for to know while incarnate would mean I'm not subject to any human limitations."

"Oh, and A Christmas Story? One of the few things Arnie and I disagree on. I simply cannot bear it: all those bratty, bullying, yelling little boys running around getting in trouble instead of just behaving (just like that Hope and Glory movie about the English boy during the Blitz: son, there's a war on -- can't you be quiet instead of playing in other people's rubble? There is nothing fun about this situation. God.); that wimpy whiny mother, and that horrible horrible father with the goddamn lamp who I spend the running time daydreaming about murdering in his sleep. Would the lamp fit down his throat? Just the foot, maybe? Hard to say..."

IN THE COMMENTS: Meade proposes a new contest:

"Mocha Grande Bitchin' Hot Rightwing Liberated Blogress Goddess Babe Who Will Cruelly Kick Your Ass To The Curb And Leave You Hooked Down On Your Knees Begging For Just One More Hit Of Blog Oh Please Oh Please Oh Please 2009 To Infinity"
Althouse
Anyone else
  
pollcode.com free polls

18 comments:

Fatmouse said...

Hmm. I'll probably vote for Malkin, since it'll piss off the right people. Of the lot, they all seem tolerable candidates, save for "The Advice Goddess." I've never known of a "funny" sex expert who wasn't deeply broken inside.

And it goes with a long standing rule of the internet - any female with either "Princess" or "Goddess" in their screenname should be ignored... at best.

Meade said...

"[W]e define a conservative blogress as a smart blogress who has earned the respect of gay men..."

Oh.
Well.

Don't it just suck being a Straight, Ordinary Average White(ish), Anglo-Saxon, Male... unnecessary and disenfranchised once again.

Will the nightmare ever end?
Is there really a God?
Who made liquid soap, and why?

*sigh*

Guess there's nothing left for me to do but crawl off and start my own gay as in happy contest:

"Mocha Grande Bitchin'Hot Rightwing Liber-ated Blogress Goddess Babe Who Will Cruelly Kick Your Ass To The Curb And Leave You Hooked Down On Your Knees Begging For Just One More Hit Of Blog Oh Please Oh Please Oh Please 2009 To Infinity"

There.

Voting open to all and as many votes as you like.

All chads counted by Meade, the final supreme court decider just in case the election doesnt quite come out the way it should.

Ann Althouse said...

LOL. If there's some reason for that hyphen in "Liber-ated," just tell me and I'll put it back.

Joan said...

Who made liquid soap, and why?

Silly, most soap was liquid back in the day, until they figured out how to get it to harden. (I learned this from The Witch of Blackbird Pond a million years ago, so if I'm wrong, blame my unusual ability to retain details from novels I read when I was in junior high.)

Funny, I really like Amy Alkon except when she talks about religion, when she' unbearable. But she's good at telling people to get their heads out of their asses and think about what they're doing with their lives. Lots of people need smacking around like that, and she has an entertaining style.

I like both Mary Katherine Hamm and Jennifer Rubin a lot, but neither one of them is "diva" enough to qualify IMO. I guess Ann Coulter doesn't blog, so she's out, but she'd be the #1 obvious pick. After that, it goes to Malkin. Everyone else is sane and calm by comparison.

Meade said...

"...just tell me and I'll put it back. "

Do you see, people? Is it not ovious? How many blogress divas would even dream of being so thoughtful? So meticulous. So... sweetly... obsessive.?

7.7 TRILLION more votes for our diva!

But wait. What do I see? Another tag? Another FREAKing tag!!!? No!

No No No No No No NO!

I. am. trying. to. get. it. [back down]. to. ELEVEN!

sheesh! What's an average ordinary guy gotta do?

Bissage said...

Joan, it’s an allusion to the movie “The Sure Thing.”

The reference speaks volumes to those of us who get it.

Meade is a clever guy.

Meade said...

ahem.

(muttering): excuse me?

I could use a "b" in there.

if you will be so kind.

thank you.

*slaps forehead, shakes entirehead*

jdeeripper said...

Debbie Schlussel - "As we Jews face a bleak future with Islamic extremism and violence on the rise....

Grande Conservative Blogresss Diva 2009 no, whiney, paranoid, manless yenta - WINNER!

Rachel Lucas is now and always will be a cheater. She pads her blog with endless photos of dogs in costumes, dogs in cute poses.

Cheater.

Whoever wins will be hated and envied by Andrew Sullivan.

Ann Althouse said...

A "b" in where???

JohnAnnArbor said...

In his 12:01 comment, he missed the "b" in "obvious" early on.

Ophir said...

The only one I read other than our esteemed hostess is Rachl Lukis. But then one of the reason I like these two smokin' babes is that, while they're not leftists, they're not really conservatives either. If they were running for office under the Republican banner both would be accused of being RINOs.

As for Schlussel, sheesh. One could easily write: "As we Palestinians face a bleak future with Jewish extremism and violence on the rise...". And who are "we Jews" anyway? Does Ms. Schlussel in Michigan face a bleak future because of Muslim extremism and violence? Debbie Schlussel Maccabaeus may consider herself "pro-Israel" but as a Jewish Israeli I consider people like her a far greater threat to my country than any Muslim in Dearborn, Luton or Clichy-sous-Bois. Or Ramallah for that matter.

Joan said...

Bissage -- ah, sorry, thanks. Haven't seen that one (or heard it quoted) in years.

As for Meade -- "clever" approaches a disservice. His wit and charm are well known and appreciated.

I can't stand Rachel Lucas.

Ann Althouse said...

"I can't stand Rachel Lucas."

Wow! Interesting! When I read her, I always get the feeling that everyone loves her. She has a commanding presence that makes me feel that way. I'm sure she doesn't care if some folks don't like her, but I'm interested when I see that they don't.

Meade said...

Joan: In fairness to you, I think I misquoted it and it should read "Who invented liquid soap and why?" but thanks for the nice compliment.

Is Rachel Lucas the one who takes humiliating photos of dogs? Well, I know I don't care for that type of cruelty and, besides, if Joan can't stand her, I probably can't stand her either.

Choose Wisely, People - Don't Vote For Our Diva - Why Would You?

What goes on in the final supreme court decider's chad-counting blog-addled brain? Hmmmm... this is going nicely. Yes, very nicely indeed!

Meade said...

Oh, and Bissage: Thanks, man. You're pretty wonderful too.

Ophir said...

I'm sure she doesn't care if some folks don't like her

She certainly doesn't.

Quoth teh Lukis:
I’ve gotten a few emails that reminded me of a list I need to make called The Top Ten Ways to Piss Off a Blogger [...] at the #1 or #2 slot would have to be “Telling A Blogger What To Write About In a Really Assholish Way.”

These emails I get are excellent examples. One of them said, “I used to love your blog but if you’re not going to write about anything important, I’m sorry but I can’t stick around.” Fuck off then.


I can see someone not liking her style or not interested in her posts. But to not stand her?

Joan said...

Nope, can't stand her. Here:
I’m entitled to have this pet peeve because I say so.

That's typical Lucas. I agree with the sentiment, but it irritates me that she said it. That's the kind of thing that you don't need to say, or if you want to say something like that, you say it in a Lilekian, recognizing-we're-all-a-bit-weird way. Which is not to say that Lileks doesn't irritate me occasionally, but with Rachel Lucas, it's pretty much a constant, so I avoid reading her much. Summing up, I'm a cat person, and Rachel Lucas has a tag category "cats and other assholes." OK then, moving on.

Meade said...

I'm a little crazy myself. I admit it. And I like cats. I even like some crazy cat people who let cats out of bags.

But I draw the line at crazy bag people who take things out on cats.