August 14, 2008

Why Ernest Borgnine looks so young... for a 91 year old guy.

87 comments:

Trooper York said...

Thank you.

Ernie is a great guy. I met him on a flight to Vegas once and sent him some champagne.

He was great in From Here to Enternity. And the Wild Bunch. The Dirty Dozen. Marty. He is a star.
A working man's star and not a pretty boy.

And he married Ethel Merman for two days and lived to tell the tale.

God bless him.

Trooper York said...

He told a story that's in the paper today about how he was in the navy and enjoyed whores and chinese food for two dollars. They asked him what cost the two dollars. He said the whores, the food was free while you waited in line.

What a guy.

Plus what he said about why he looks so good. Very true.

MadisonMan said...

He doesn't look that young to me. Unlined, yes, but that's because he's not stick thin.

The reactions of the interviewers are a riot. I shook his hand!

Trooper York said...

And don't forget Airwolf. With the great Jan Michel Vincent. Damn. I love seventies TV crap.

Ron said...

Ernie has an RV and drives around the country, having cookouts with any group of strangers he can find!

Trooper York said...

Crap Airwolf was in the eighties. I am getting old. I keep forgeting things I better take Ernies advice.

Where was that Joey Heatherton album cover?

XWL said...

Hmmm, the YouTube comment puzzles me.

Did the fox news guy mean, 'I bet you find some stuff on youtube that you find 'useful' in helping things along', or did he mean, 'Have you ever uploaded video of yourself 'enjoying some alone time''?

(disturbing to consider, one way or another)

but then, why would Ernest need YouTube when he has this to come home to. . .

bleeper said...

Good catch on the Airwolf decade. The drunken bum who played the pilot was and is an idiot - couldn't he even pretend to mimic the way a real cellist achieves vibrato? Damn, that was a lame show. But it as poorly acted and had cheap effects.

Trooper York said...

I know wasn't it great. The only one that was better was Jake and the Fatman.

bleeper said...

Holy Schnike! That Tova bit made me laugh out loud. No, really! Got a magazine?

MadisonMan said...

XWL, I think the anchor immediately realized what would happen to Borgnine's comment.

Trooper York said...

Hey laugh all you want youse guys. Tovah makes some really and I mean really serious cheese on QVC.

And that cracker factory psycho in the ugly sweaters. Multi-multi-millionaire.

Bob said...

So Ernest Borgnine is the guru of the Ace of Spades Lifestyle?

Ron said...

If only John Edwards had the wisdom of Ernest Borgnine...he might be VP today!

Ron said...

hmmm...in that Edwards/Borgnine analogy does that make Obama Tim Conway or Joe Flynn?

Trooper York said...

Now that you mention it, Elizabeth Edwards does bear a striking resemblance to Gavin MacLeod.

XWL said...

Speaking of Gavin Macleod . . .

Was this really a DVD set people were clamoring for?

(and I have to admit, I may add it to my rental queue, just to relive my childhood horror)

As far as the YouTube crack, MadisonMan's take makes more sense, but I prefer my misreadings of his comments, anyway.

bleeper said...

Include Tim Conway in the discussion and Obama becomes Carol Burnette. Only without the penis.

Trooper York said...

Carol Burnette had a penis? I mean I know she was bossy and everything but damn. Who knew?

Trooper York said...

And let me tell you somehing. You can never have enough Charro.

Trooper York said...

Sorry, Charo has only only one R.

Two great t's and a really nice a even today. But only one r.

I wonder if she knows Ernie's secret.

Trooper York said...

Man, I just went to Charo's website. She's still got it.

Now if you were a sleazy politician you could get a pass if you were banging Charo instead some campaign movie making skank or cheap escort. Cause you know people would be pissed and all but you could always say "But dude, it was Charo."

Cuchi-Cuchi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trooper York said...

Did you know that Charo's real name is María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza Rasten.

Man that's a mouthfull.

Charo. Mouthfull. Hee,hee.

Ann Althouse said...

Wow. Ernest Borgnine masturbating lit a fire under Trooper York.

Trooper York said...

Hey that doesn't sound right.

Wait a minute.

I just needed a place to hang out without butting into serious political nerd talk.

You know everyone loves your culture posts. Politics, not so much.

Ron said...

Carol Burnette had a penis? I mean I know she was bossy and everything but damn. Who knew?

Ah, Ernie taught her that ear tugging thing...code, I tell ya, code!

Wow. Ernest Borgnine masturbating lit a fire under Trooper York.

any Trooper knows when you rub two dicks, er sticks, together you get fire...

Trooper York said...

At least that's my little opinion.

I mean it's tough injecting Joey Heatherton into high-falutin political jibber jabber.

Injecting Joey Heatherton. ALL RIGHT. Hee,hee.

Trooper York said...

Hey Ron, keep your reminiscences about your times at sleep away camp to yourself, alright. We are talking about Charo and Joey Heatherton here buddy. Keep your eye on the ball and your hand on your...err, well you know what I mean.

Ron said...

What's that, your fantasizing about Ernie Borgnine and Charo with Joey Heatherton watching? Again? Isn't this the one where you wear a Razorback plastic hat and dress like Margret Mead?

Ron said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Pastor_Jeff said...

Doesn't his wife Tova have a line of cosmetics?

I hope there's no connection there.

Trooper York said...

Well occasionally the cold cream comes in handy. For chafing. I mean I just heard that, I don't know from personal experience. Really. I swear.

Really.

ricpic said...

Will Ernie build a shrine to Joey? She sure earned it.

Middle Class Guy said...

He gets the answer to his questioh:
"I masturbate a lot."


Then he shakes Ernies hand!!!!!!!!!!

Trooper York said...

He just has to hope that Ernies a lefty.

Mortimer Brezny said...

Ernest Borgnine's Skin Cream.

Putting the skin, and the cream, in skin cream.

Middle Class Guy said...

Trooper York said...
He just has to hope that Ernies a lefty.


What if he's ambidextrous?

Trooper York said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

CJColucci said...

For some reason, I can't hear what's on the YouTube clip. What did Borgnine say that had everyone laughing so much?

Anthony said...

What if he's ambidextrous?

HE CAN BREATHE UNDER WATER, TOO?????

MadisonMan said...

So is that what went on in McHale's navy?

cjcolucci: Apparently forgetting that he was wearing a lapel mike, Borgnine, when asked what he does to stay looking so young, at first says he daren't say, then leans over and says sotto voice -- but everyone can hear him -- that he masturbates. A lot.

David said...

Yes, perhaps, but entirely without result.

Beth said...

And he married Ethel Merman for two days and lived to tell the tale.

Thirty-eight, but who's counting?

In her autobiography, the chapter titled "My Marriage to Ernest Borgnine" is one page, left blank.

Anthony said...

I for one will now always associate that term with Gretchen Carlson.

I refuse to say anything more on that count.

Sofa King said...

Holy cow, I'm gonna live forever!

Trooper York said...

Just made it back. Whew. Had to work on my longevity. That MILF Hunter guy is one crazy dude.

Trooper York said...

I just had a sick thought. Is this how we explain Helen Thomas?

Trooper York said...

And Strom Thurmond?

save_the_rustbelt said...

Ernie may have the longest filmography of anyone in the history of Hollywood. Off to check IMDB.

Just checked with my wife (aka the world's greatest nurse) who specializes in geriatrics. She says most men never ever quit thinking about their manhood until they are taking the last few breaths.

I hope I make it 91.

Trooper York said...

Well listen to Ernie. Practice makes perfect.

vnjagvet said...

Where do the fish tacos come into (no pun intended) this thread troop?

Trooper York said...

We are focusing on the visual today. The sensual act of eating a fish taco must be postponed while we do the important work on extending our longevity. And of course to do so on the internet you will need two hands.

Middle Class Guy said...

Trooper York said...
And of course to do so on the internet you will need two hands.


Two fisted....

Oh, never mind.


Woosley agress with me on that.

Trooper York said...

Throughout the ages man has searched for the secret of long life. How to remain hale and vigorous into your dotage has baffled physicians and philosopher since the dawn of time. There are hints and portents in many of the great works of art and literature that lead us in a certain direction. The oldest man in the Hebrew Bible was Methuselah who often spent time down by the river watching the women bang clothes against rocks while their thin shifts would get soaked and cling to their sensual semitic limbs. Homer mentions in the Iliad how Nestor the septugarian warrior at the siege of Troy would often repair to his tent alone to contemplate a statue he had commissioned of Helen of Troy. The Roman tyrant Sulla had commissioned many works of art that depicted the most riotous scenes of sexual excess that he loved to view in the privacy of his villa. Of course we all know of the tale of Ponce De Leon who spent his life in search of the fountain of youth. And now the great sage and artist Ernest Borgnine has revealed to us that the secret to the fountain of youth is in the palm of our hand.

XWL said...

Well, the fountain of youth may not be in the palm of your hand, so to speak.

But according to WebMD, Ernest Borgnine may have found an effective way to lower his risk of contracting prostate cancer.

(Poor Mayor Giuliani, too much catholic guilt to take matters in his own hands, I guess, good thing they caught it early)

Trooper York said...

What about Joe Torre? I mean he was a ballplayer for crying out loud.

Well at least Derek Jeter has nothing to worry about.

Trooper York said...

Plus Guiliani is a jerk-off. He just doesn't jerk off. There's a differance.

Hoosier Daddy said...

I guess that means I'm immortal....

Hoosier Daddy said...

When I was in high school I set the bed on fire once. Now that was embarrasing.

Trooper York said...

I just hope it isn't like the Highlander.

"In the end there can only be one."

Imagine if they redid the Highlander movies as a porno and the immortals would have to have fluffers and then a battle on a roof top and then..and then...oh well nevermind.

Hoosier Daddy said...

The Dirty Dozen.

Troop, that is actually one of my favorite WW2 movies. Donald Sutherland acting as a General was priceless. He almost used the Oddball character from Kelly's Heros.

Wish I wasn't late to the show. This looked like a fun thread.

Trooper York said...

Hey any movie with Lee Marvin and Ernie is as good as it gets.

Did you ever see Empire of the North where Lee Marvin is a hobo riding the rails and Ernie is a sadistic conductor who throws them off the trains. That's one cool movie.

They don't make actors like Ernie, and Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson anymore. Now the tough guys are shitheads like Bruce Willis. Shit. He lost his woman to the fuckin pool boy.

Hoosier Daddy said...

Actually Doocy had the best line.

"Oh! And I just shook his hand!"

But the joy of the whole thing is that only a seasoned citizen can say that on national tv and everyone thinks its cute.

Trooper York said...

And Clint Walker as Posey. John Casseveties as Franco. Jim Brown. Bronson. Trini Lopez the lemon tree guy. Kojack as Maggot the murderer from NOLA. The great Robert Ryan as the tight ass general. Richard Jaekel as the MP. Man that's a freakin' movie. None of this cartoon shit.

Hoosier Daddy said...

They don't make actors like Ernie, and Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson anymore.

That is no shit. You know the thing about those guys is that they were real people who did real jobs before being actors and becoming big stars. All three were in the military and saw combat. Actually when you looked at all those guys from the day they had a lived in look about them. Whereas even guys like Bruce Willis are essentially manufactured tough guys.

Now the tough guys are shitheads like Bruce Willis. Shit. He lost his woman to the fuckin pool boy.

Thanks Troop. Now I need to clean my monitor and you made me waste a full swig of Guinness.

blake said...

The oldest man in the Hebrew Bible was Methuselah who often spent time down by the river watching the women bang clothes against rocks while their thin shifts would get soaked and cling to their sensual semitic limbs.

Well, yeah.

XWL said...

To bring this back to Election 2008, which candidate will step up and suggest that porn site monthly subscriptions be tax deductible as medical supplies?

Which candidate will not only discourage the prosecution of massage therapists who offer 'happy endings', but instead subsidize the activity?

These are questions that must be asked at the first debate.

If Jim Lehrer doesn't ask these question at the debate focusing on domestic policy issues on September 26th held at UMiss, I'll be very disappointed.

vnjagvet said...

I understand Jimmy Swaggert is now proclaiming a faith healing miracle for the prevention of prostate cancer.

It is based on his analysis of the Borgnine interview and materials linked on this thread.

Hallelujah!

Why have mags under the bathroom rug when you can get all you can handle (get it?) on the web.

Saaaaaved at last. Saaaaaaaaved at last. Thank God Almighty we are saaaaaaved at last.

bleeper said...

Love the one you're with.

vnjagvet said...

Of course, Jimmy also has his own personal testimony as to the efficacy of the cure.

phx said...

Joey Heatherton did a week as cohost on the Mike Douglas show ca. 1967-68. I wish they would Youtube those. It gave me a reason to hurry my a33 home from school.
Hey, anyone remember Ernie reading Playboy in Flight of the Phoenix. I think it was the issue with the Playmate of the Year on the cover.

Trooper York said...

I remember that man, that was great. How about the week he had John and Yoko on as cohosts. That was awesome.

Of course the best Mike Douglas show I ever saw was when Ryan O'Niell was promoting a boxing movie he made with Barbara Striesand. So they set up a boxing ring and he is going to spar with a local heavyweight from Philly. So O'Niell gets in the ring and acts all tough and is swinging haymakers like he was Joe Louis. Anyway after the round was over, Mike Douglas goes to him "How do you feel." O'Niell says that "I feel great, I wish this was a real fight cause I could of taken him out."

The punchline to the story was that the fighter was Joe Frazier. One year before he fought Ali in the Garden.

All actors are assholes.

Except for Ernie of course.

Cedarford said...

save_the_rustbelt said...
Ernie may have the longest filmography of anyone in the history of Hollywood. Off to check IMDB.


Save you the effort.
Mickey Rooney is "only" 88 but got his start a generation earlier than Borgnine. His 1st feature film was in 1927 and the old, little guy was still churning out character actor role product in 2007.

80 freakin' years!

But I'm a bigtime Ernie Borgnine fan. Not a Mickey Rooney fan, who I consider a garden gnome in his old age.

Ernie Borgnine was great in movies and after my uncles mentioned how much they loved McHales Navy, I finally got a DVD and watched 12 shows. Damn, they were funny!

I think the secret to Borgnine looking much like he did 50 years ago, with great vigor - is not do to plastic surgery or organic juice but simply being a tough, ugly goat like Jack Palance (who was famously doing one-armed push-ups in his 70s). Beauty fades, but when you are an ugly chunky guy like Ernie Borgnine - your looks seem to last..

bill said...

Ann Althouse said...
Wow. Ernest Borgnine masturbating lit a fire under Trooper York.


How can you tell? Looks like the way he reacts to every thread. Not that I read him. I just scroll for 20-30 seconds until I see a name that isn't Trooper York, read that comment, then scroll for another 20-30 seconds until I'm past that batch of Trooper Yorks. Makes the comment section more manageable that way.

save_the_rustbelt said...

Ernie did some Spongebob Squarepants - wow.

Whenever the grandkids are here SBSP is a major necessity.

And Ernie did Wagon Train, one of the coolest shows ever, even though the wagons never did get to California.

Mickey Rooney never did that.

save_the_rustbelt said...

Joey Heatherton in a short skirt and go-go boots --- helped me survive my youth.

Sheepman said...

Well, my telephone rang it would not stop,
It's President Kennedy callin' me up.
He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow?"
I said, "My friend, John, Brigitte Bardot,
Anita Ekberg,
Sophia Loren."
(Put 'em all in the same room with Ernest Borgnine!)

Trooper York said...

Sorry you feel that way bill. I know I always enjoy your contribution, as sparse as they might be. Where would we be without them?. I know you don't post all that much because you are busy with stalking the Jonas brothers and you activities with NAMBLA, but I do enjoy your wit and verve. Your contribution is valued. All the best. Your pal Trooper.

MadisonMan said...

It's the middle Jonas brother's birthday today. He's 19. I know this because I have a daughter who HAD to buy the new CD on Tuesday.

blake said...

MM--

Your disclaimer reminds me of all the fathers who had to go see Freaky Friday and Mean Girls because their daughters loved Lindsay Lohan.

Heh. Jes' sayin'. NTTAWT.

MadisonMan said...

I've seen those 2, plus Parent Trap. Mean Girls was funny -- but it had a great cast. Freaky Friday? Not so good, but it had Jamie Lee Curtis in it. Parent Trap? Well, it wasn't as good as the original one.

Didn't spend money to see them, but got them from the library. (Actually, daughter got the PT on VHS for a gift from someone).

As for the Jonas Bros., the daughter likes the CD. It's put on her iPod so I don't have to hear it.

Trooper York said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Trooper York said...

Well my favortie Lindsey Lohan film is Herbie Fully Breasted..er..
I mean Herbie Fully Loaded...heh.

blake said...

Herbie was the one where they had to photoshop her.

Her very figure was not "family friendly", except in the not often meant sense of encouraging males to start a family with her.

reader_iam said...

In her autobiography, the chapter titled "My Marriage to Ernest Borgnine" is one page, left blank.

My word, that's wonderful! Exhibit one that less, truly, is more.

(Borgnine is fab. That clip is the funniest thing I've seen in ages.)

reader_iam said...

Bill's one of my favorite commenters, anywhere.

Trooper York said...

Of course he is, that figures.