October 18, 2007

Brick, pear, cello, goblet, apple, cornet, column, bell, lollipop, skittle, vase...

... hourglass. These are the 12 possible shapes for a woman's body, in case you didn't know. Life for women is too complicated. If you're a woman, could you figure out which one of these you were or what clothes are supposed to cure whatever it is that's wrong with it? If you're a man, could you imagine an equivalent article aimed at men?

IN THE COMMENTS: Mr. Forward lists the 10 shapes of men: "Prick, bear, jello, goober, apple core, colander, shell, my old pop, fiddle bass, and beer glass." And Roost on the Moon adds: "Don't forget condom hastily stuffed with an old sock!"

CORRECTED: That was 10 shapes of men, not "10 shapes of me" (rather frightening!).

20 comments:

george grady said...

I find this tendency to make arbitrary, ridiculously overprecise classifications absurd. It's really abuse of the word "the". So these are "the" twelve body types? C'mon! Where's the "pencil" or "pufferfish" body type?

And what about "the" five love languages? There are precisely five general ways to show love, eh?

And "the" sixteen personality types? At least until the author wants to write another book and their cutting edge research has come up with four more, right? Then we'll have "the" twenty personality types.

Mr. Forward said...

The ten shapes of men:
Prick, bear, jello, goober, apple core, colander, shell, my old pop, fiddle bass, and beer glass.

Roost on the Moon said...

Don't forget: Condom hastily stuffed with an old sock!

Hoosier Daddy said...

Life for women is too complicated

Oh sure and life is a walk in the park for us men.

Please

Original Mike said...

If you're a man, could you imagine an equivalent article aimed at men?

No, I can't. And why do you think that is?

Wurly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ricpic said...

Most are pears
Sad to say;
Worthy of stares
When lovely vase.

George said...

A "skittle" is the British word for bowling pin. It's not the candy. (And aren't skittle, vase, and goblet really the same?)

Can't say I've ever seen the "lollipop" shaped woman...

Adrian said...

ten shapes of *men*, not of you - geez, prof, you're a looker, give yourself some credit!

John said...

"Mr. Forward lists the 10 shapes of me"

Freudian slip, Ann? It's really not all about you.

rhhardin said...

It's because women are in competition with each other to attract men. If I don't have a man, who will take care of me?

No doubt some evolutionary advantage that happened after women discovered flowers.

But without the neuron that makes men attracted to women, women would be all kneecaps and other undifferentiated body parts instead of the exotic creatures they feel themselves (correctly so far) to be.

Picasso lost interest in his models at age 80. Karen L. Klienfelder (_The Artist, His Model, Her Image, His Gaze : Picasso's Pursuit of the Model_), being a woman, felt that he had finally come to terms with his mortality.

Actually what happened is that that neuron finally stopped firing.

In the meantime, Picasso had an interesting use for the asterisk.

Melinda said...

Mr. Forward lists the 10 shapes of me

Oh. It's a typo. I was thinking, "Geez! Why would Mr. Forward say something so mean?"

Henry said...

Don't forget...

50 pounds of mud in a 5 pound sack

Ann Althouse said...

Sorry... really sorry... about the typo. If I wanted this to be all about me, it sure wouldn't be all about me that way.

Jennifer said...

Can't say I've ever seen the "lollipop" shaped woman...

Lollipop. See also.

former law student said...

In a great book I once read on moonshiners, the "revenue agent" tells a tailor he's shaped like a sweet potato -- thick in the middle and tapered at both ends.

J. La Lane. said...

Which one has the flabbiest arms?

ahnuld said...

Who cares? That's fixubull. Which one has the fattest forchuns?

knoxwhirled said...

Jennifer, don't forget Giada de Laurentis... I've only seen bigger heads on toddlers.

Bart Hall (Kansas, USA) said...

Dang, not one of 'em even looks remotely like my wife, who, well into middle age, can 'clean' well over 100 pounds and 'squat' almost 200.

Every one of them needs to get her flabby self out to a gym. Yuck.