January 18, 2007

"Everybody in the world says they’re going to do a television series based on us..."

"But then they realize that the story of four middle-aged men, with no sex and violence, is not going to last two weeks."

Senators Schumer, Durbin, and Miller and Representative Bill Delahunt live together.
The common bathroom upstairs is stocked with supersize bottles of Listerine, CVS cocoa butter, Suave shampoo (with dandruff control) and a hair dryer...

The refrigerator is mostly empty save for apples, grapes and about two dozen bottles of beer.
Roommates... dandruff... no food... no sex... The life of a Congressman is hard!

21 comments:

DBrooks said...

"But then they realize that the story of four middle-aged men, with no sex and violence, is not going to last two weeks."

Oh, but the tedious polemics and demagoguery make up for the lack of sex and violence.

Richard Fagin said...

Whddaya mean no sex? Barney Frank's roomie was running a gay prostitution ring. Gerry Studds was banging one of the pages.

Simon said...

Two of the most loathsome politicians in the recent history of the Senate living together. There is surely an appropriate metaphor, but none springs readily to mind.

katiebakes said...

What a delightful article! I love the idea of Schumer being the messy, lazy roommate.

Hamsun56 said...

I'm not a big fan of Schumer and Durbin, but I must admit that I have a slightly more favorable view of them after reading the article.

andthenblammo! said...

Sen. Durbin knocks on door:

"Hey! Are you going to filibuster that bathroom all day??"

(laugh track)

Sen Shumer(voice behind door):

"Quiet, there's finally some logrolling going on
in here!"

(hysterical laugh track)

Sen Durbin, sotto voce:
"I gotta get him outta there quick" (Louder):
"Hey, Chuck, there's some guy with a camera in the living room!"

(laugh track)

(Door flies open, Sen Shumer runs out with pants around ankles):
Sen Shumer
"Where? Where?!!"
(runs offcamera, sound FX of falling down stairs; hysterical laugh track)

Looks like Emmy material to me!

vbspurs said...

Dude, this is a Broadway show waiting for Rosie to make it happen.

"The Odd Couples"
"Three Men and a Big Slob"
"Friends" (Durbin is Rachel)

Of the three, I'm sure we can find a suitable vehicle for Schumer -- he can play the Rizzo role to Delahunt's Olivia Newton-John.

Cheers,
Victoria

vbspurs said...


Oh, but the tedious polemics and demagoguery make up for the lack of sex and violence.


Power is an aphrodisiac, and there are some people who (not having the amourous skills of a JFK or Bill Clinton) are quite content with getting their jollies from politics alone.

Speaking of whom, Jack Kennedy's Washington roomie was Florida Senator George Smathers.

Smathers once left for Florida, leaving JFK in the company of some guests.

When he unexpectedly came back to the Georgetown flat a moment later, he found JFK chasing around three blondes around the apartment, already in his skivvies.

Somehow, I can't see either any of the Rt. Honourable gentlemen showcased here, doing so in the absence of the others.

Cheers,
Victoria

Anonymous said...

Cocoa butter and a hair dryer. You can't make this stuff up. God help us all.

dick said...

Passed this on to a friend - loved her comment:

“I once had to pick up a mouse by the tail that Durbin refused to pick up,” complained Senator Charles E. Schumer of New York, referring to his roommate Senator Richard J. Durbin of Illinois.

how ironic - a rat picking up a mouse

vbspurs said...

Cocoa butter

Yeah, a touch effeminate that. Mind you, it's not Kiehl's.

Kerry is a Kiehl's man, through and through.

Cheers,
Victoria

Drew W said...

A sitcom about those four cohabitating legislators? No. As characters, they're way too white to make it these days. It needs something extra. Maybe they could keep the basic formula, but add Robert Guillaume to the cast as their clever, putdown-spouting butler.

Hey, if they changed the setting to the antebellum South, it could be called "Four And Three-Fifths Men."

shake-and-bake said...

What the hell is "CVS cocoa butter"?

tcd said...

Assuming CVS refers to the drugstore chain, I think CVS cocoa-butter is to show their common people creditability. As in "look they use generic store brands just like you common people". And Victoria is right about Kerry and Kiehl's. Nothing short of the most expensive beauty products for a metrosexual like Kerry.

Adam said...

Quit the Kiehl's bashing -- there is nothing wrong with appreciating good product.

There is a great story in Obama's memoir about showing up at his Capitol Hill apartment his first night and realizing that he had no shower curtain, and was worsed to shower by standing next to the wall and pointing the nozzle directly at it . . .

AJ Lynch said...

Jeez they could call the new show "The Complainer, The Whiner & The Sniper".

Simon said...

Drew W said...
"A sitcom about those four cohabitating legislators? No. As characters, they're way too white to make it these days. It needs something extra."

How's this: one of them loses their seat at the beginning of the first episode, and Condi Rice moves in as his replacement. Cue hilarity as bumbling bleeding-heart white liberals try to grasp the idea that powerful, articulate, sexy, black conservative women actually exist and reconcile the cognitive dissonance that arises from various mishaps along the way.

Mortimer Brezny said...

Re: Cocoa butter

That the cocoa butter is from CVS shows that it is cheap. In the context of that paragraph, it is also used to show that the Senators purchase in bulk. If you shop at CVS, you'll know that the CVS brands -- which are next to the real brands -- are usually packaged nearly identically to the product brand leader, of lesser price, and of greater volume. In other words, you get more of the same thing for less, only it has the word "CVS" on it. While I suppose the "common man" shops at the CVS, the "common man" generally doesn't buy the CVS brand goods at the CVS unless he needs the goods in bulk. The point, I think, is that the Senators foresee habitual use of Listerine and cocoa butter and anti-dandruff shampoo over the long-run. The reason why is they're politicians who need clean breath and clean hair and soft hands. But even so, the idea that four men who live together have all chipped in to buy bargain-basement cocoa butter in bulk could imply that one or more of them is a compulsive onanist.

Revenant said...

the story of four middle-aged men, with no sex and violence, is not going to last two weeks

"The Odd Couple" ran for five years, and that only had TWO middle-aged men in it. :)

vbspurs said...

But even so, the idea that four men who live together have all chipped in to buy bargain-basement cocoa butter in bulk could imply that one or more of them is a compulsive onanist.

Call me a dirty, filthy conniving wench (not that you don't already), but that was the first thing that came to mind about the Cocoa Butter.

And no one is dissing Kiehl's!!

I am a faithful Kiehl's user for eons, and so is everyone in my household.

My father was raised with Geo Trumper shaving and grooming items since he were a lad. Today, he buys the Art of Shaving line (having been introduced to it, by my mother), after we've re-mortgaged the house.

You buy, what you know, or what is given you -- not necessarily because your metrosexuality is in question.

That they buy SUAVE shampoo, which is but a step up from PRELL for freak's sake, puts paid any idea that these fine gentleman are doing anything more than sharing a flat.

Cheers,
Victoria

LoafingOaf said...

“I once had to pick up a mouse by the tail that Durbin refused to pick up,” complained Senator Charles E. Schumer....

This characterization is not fair to Mr. Durbin.... For starters, it overlooks Mr. Durbin’s gift for killing rats. “He will kill them with his bare hands,” Mr. Delahunt marveled.


I hope they're joking. There are humane traps available at any hardware store, if their slobbery attracts so many rodents.