I need a new reality show.

Now that the two "Apprentices" are over, I need a new reality show to while away the occasional evening hour. If I were in the Czech Republic, I could watch this reality show about gorillas:

Their every move is covered from a mobile studio, housed in a container outside the enclosure, where producers track and edit the action around the clock.

Highlights are shown twice every morning on the breakfast TV show, with further action available on cable. There is also live screening available online.

Viewers text in votes for their favourite animal - but the winner does not get to return to the jungle.

Instead, once the series is over, the gorilla with the most votes will receive 12 melons - a favourite fruit. It is also a play on words for the KCs11m (£256,055; 379,268 euros) prize for the rival human Big Brother show.

That's not much of a show! And those puns from other languages? Well, you'll just have to try to imagine people finding that entertaining.

Anyway, I've decided to become a fan of "Project Runway." I've watched three episodes of the new season, up through the lingerie episode, which made me cry! I'd become ridiculously attached to Daniel Franco. The show is extremely well done, with genuinely interesting and challenging tasks about designing, shopping for fabric, sewing, attaching these sewn things to the models, and verbally defending your work. The contestants come across as nicely individualized characters. As a character, Santino is better than Evil Jim of "Martha's Apprentice." It's fun reading the Television Without Pity recaps too. The recapper, Jeff, has a touching affection for the dorky Diana and a rage to reveal the meanest quotes that come out of Santino:

Emmett asks Santino what he wants on the bustier that he is making, and Santino says, "Just finish it." Elsewhere, in an interview, Santino says that he got "a sack of potatoes" when he chose Emmett to be on his team. He calls Emmett "dead weight." Just like this show isn't The Apprentice or Survivor and it's unnecessary to be all "strategy" and "alliances" and shit, I also wouldn't feel the need to clean the slate after every challenge. I'd be like, "You were rude to me on the runway. Do NOT fucking talk to me at the fabric store." I'd hold a grudge. But that's just me. Santino continues in his interview that, when he saw the look that Emmett was working on, it was incomplete and looked like a "Christmas elf's" outfit. We see Santino cover his eyes and just generally start to wig as Emmett tries to comfort him. Tim enters and tells everyone that it is time for everyone to leave for the day. Santino falls to the floor. Emmett, of course not realizing that Santino is talking all kinds of shit about him, says to Santino, "You are a very good designer. You have Nick and I [sic] dealing with it. We believed it from the first minute that we sat down together to talk about it. This is not the time to be second-guessing your vision." Nice little pep talk, huh? Santino still has his eyes covered. I wonder if he's trying to keep himself from telling Emmett that this is all his fault.

Ha ha. The comedy and drama are sublime!

UPDATE: So is the first season of the show available on DVD? Ah, yes! It is! I buy it immediately.