Althouse: "'Fake flowers are better than real,' my 5-year-old daughter, Jane, asserted as we dined on grilled cheese in a Baltimore restaurant strewn with artificial phlox. 'They don’t get all messed up.'"

June 29, 2025

"'Fake flowers are better than real,' my 5-year-old daughter, Jane, asserted as we dined on grilled cheese in a Baltimore restaurant strewn with artificial phlox. 'They don’t get all messed up.'"

From "Finding Beauty in Fake Flowers" (NYT).

***

67 comments:

Wince said...: Let’s talk about the “cheese” in those grilled sandwiches.

In the United States, products that are not made of at least 51% cheese are not legally considered cheese and are instead called "cheese food" or "pasteurized process cheese food". This includes American cheese, which is made from a combination of milk, dairy fats, emulsifiers, and other ingredients, but not enough cheese to meet the FDA's definition.; 6/29/25, 10:42 AM
rehajm said...: They’re only fake if you discover the ruse. Context matters- I was recently faked out by my mil with a big planter of fake impatiens mixed in with real plants on her front stoop.; 6/29/25, 10:42 AM
Achilles said...: Never understood why you would kill a plant to make a boquet.

I would rather have a live plant.; 6/29/25, 10:47 AM
RCOCEAN II said...: Haha. This reminds me of my wife wanting to get a plastic Christimas Tree because "you don't need to clean up anything" and "it lasts forever".

Totally missing the point.; 6/29/25, 10:49 AM
Original Mike said...: "This includes American cheese, which is made from a combination of milk, dairy fats, emulsifiers, and other ingredients, but not enough cheese to meet the FDA's definition."

I have never understood the appeal of "American cheese". I think it tastes like soap.; 6/29/25, 10:54 AM
Original Mike said...: And have always been amused by the term "cheese food".; 6/29/25, 10:55 AM
Howard said...: We sell a shit ton of cut flowers at our store. It's the gauntlet everyone has to pass through to get to the fresh berries. They add so much beauty and positivity to the store, it's one reason why we are wildly successful.; 6/29/25, 10:56 AM
Howard said...: Our organic American slices are great on burgers: organic pasteurized milk, water, organic nonfat dry milk, and less than 2% of disodium phosphate, salt, cheese culture, microbial enzyme, sodium citrate, organic annatto extract (for color), lactic acid, and vitamin A palmitate,; 6/29/25, 11:00 AM
Iman said...: Real flowers roll in solidarity with Baltimore in their eventual all messeduppedness.; 6/29/25, 11:01 AM
n.n said...: FlowerX. Fauxroma. It's what's in season. Maybe, baby.; 6/29/25, 11:01 AM
Yancey Ward said...: That little girl is a future Democrat.; 6/29/25, 11:02 AM
Original Mike said...: "Never understood why you would kill a plant to make a boquet."

So you can bring it inside.; 6/29/25, 11:07 AM
Original Mike said...: "Haha. This reminds me of my wife wanting to get a plastic Christimas Tree because "you don't need to clean up anything" and "it lasts forever".

Totally missing the point."

The Christmas Tree is a big deal at our house. Mostly my wife's doing, but I support it wholeheartedly. A real tree is a lot of work, but yes, a fake tree just doesn't cut it.; 6/29/25, 11:11 AM
FullMoon said...: Woman waters ‘perfect plant’ for 2 years before realizing it’s fake
.; 6/29/25, 11:12 AM
stunned said...: Kardashian cringe.; 6/29/25, 11:15 AM
Old and slow said...: If you want to see a really revolting "food" product, look up "Potted Meat Food Product" on the Walmart website. The really funny thing is that the online reviews are mostly very positive, and the most common complaint is that it is often out of stock.; 6/29/25, 11:21 AM
Jim Gust said...: The girl is not wrong, because it depends on the context. In my house, real flowers and real Christmas trees only. At a restaurant, fake flowers are perfectly cromulent, they don't interfere with my enjoying the food.; 6/29/25, 11:24 AM
Original Mike said...: At the university hospital I worked in for decades, they had a lot of planters with fake plants in the lobbies. Then they disappeared. Apparently they were thought to harbor disease or allergens or something.; 6/29/25, 11:31 AM
Heartless Aztec said...: Plastic is as plastic does.; 6/29/25, 11:31 AM
Lem Vibe Bandit said...: That poll is going to be close. Might have to go with "rank choice" if none of the choices gets over 51% of the vote. LOL; 6/29/25, 11:33 AM
Mason G said...: Right or wrong? I guess it depends on whether the girl's claim is made as a statement of fact or as a personal preference.; 6/29/25, 11:38 AM
Meade said...: I’m with the little girl. I like real Fake flowers—not the phony “real” ones. Most adults just don’t get it. Probably a Zen thing.; 6/29/25, 11:44 AM
Peachy said...: Lem - Rank choice. hahahahaha; 6/29/25, 11:49 AM
tim maguire said...: I like the balance in your responses—especially how you managed the right number of categories to allow “she’s not wrong” to be right in there with the plethora of correct answers.

And they are all correct (except “she’s not wrong”—she is), but I chose “they do get messed up,” because they do. They get dirty and dusty and they don’t get cleaned or thrown out.; 6/29/25, 11:56 AM
Odi said...: The imitation of a thing is never as good as the real thing.; 6/29/25, 11:58 AM
tcrosse said...: Cut flowers don't last very long here in the desert. The dry out pronto. I asked a guy who works at a florist if there's any cure for this, and he reminded me that they start to die the minute they're cut. My main use for them is in honor of my late wife, so I hardly need a reminder of mortality.; 6/29/25, 11:58 AM
boatbuilder said...: I voted #1, but the kid does have a point.; 6/29/25, 12:11 PM
Temujin said...: Real is the deal and it's not even close. But the real ones are expensive, much more so over the course of a month...or a year or more. And the labor of cleaning out the vases, changing out the dying flowers...that costs as well. I used to love fresh flowers on our restaurant tables, but...I think we had to cut them out or close. Actually, come to think of it, we closed.; 6/29/25, 12:13 PM
Josephbleau said...: “The imitation of a thing is never as good as the real thing.”

That is a common thought but abstractions of the “real” can be simple, pure, and easy to understand. Like the ideals of the Greeks.; 6/29/25, 12:15 PM
chuck said...: No one would pay $39.9 million for an actual sunflower. Van Gogh for the win.; 6/29/25, 12:18 PM
Dave Begley said...: Funny story coming from the Fake News.; 6/29/25, 12:18 PM
Dave Begley said...: Today's fresh flowers are very much genetically modified.; 6/29/25, 12:19 PM
Meade said...: Artificial intelligences are better than real. They
don’t get all messed up.; 6/29/25, 12:29 PM
Mary Beth said...: I picked "real flowers are better for touching and smelling" because they are. My actual preference would be to not have the vase on the table at all. I like more space on the table.

A vase with real flowers enhances a fine dining experience, it's just taking up valuable real estate in all other types of dining.; 6/29/25, 12:30 PM
Meade said...: Fake poppies won’t mess you up nearly as much as real. And don’t even get me started on the thorny controversy of real vs fake when it comes to lying in beds of roses.; 6/29/25, 12:49 PM
robother said...: Will the Real Joe Biden please stand up?; 6/29/25, 1:06 PM
Howard said...: To Meade's point, real fake flowers are real as long as you believe they are real. Once the plastique is recognized they transition to fake. Schroedingers Flowers; 6/29/25, 1:06 PM
Meade said...: That’s right, Howard. Or Plato’s allegory of the cave.; 6/29/25, 1:12 PM
Meade said...: Break your mind free from your daisy chains!; 6/29/25, 1:15 PM
john mosby said...: Old/slow: When I was in the Army, Potted Meat was hugely popular among troops as a supplement to their MRE's (and before that, C-rations). Very odd since it's essentially the same concept as the military rations. Guess it's just the very act of buying something different as a small gesture of freedom.

RR
JSM; 6/29/25, 1:17 PM
stlcdr said...: 6 years ago, we sold our house in MI. We painted the door, replaced the window boxes and put in fake flowers. It looked great, and didn’t need any upkeep before it sold. I would do it again.

Further, we decided on fake plants and flowers outside the front of our current house. No upkeep, and they keep looking great rain or shine.

Mind you, we also have metal storks, flamingoes and chickens - so much better than real ones. We also have real chickens so maybe not better, but require less maintenance.; 6/29/25, 1:23 PM
imTay said...: I was brush hogging last week and came upon a beautiful stand of daisies, I would have transplanted them, but they were entangled in other growth and very delicate, so I cut some and put them in a vase, and they are just now starting to fade and they were very lovely. There were also white wild roses growing at the edge of the wood, and I cut some of them too, and they paired great with the daisies. I have a mound system so it has to be cut twice a year, and I really love the minty smell of the plants there when they get crushed by the rusty blade.; 6/29/25, 1:26 PM
Original Mike said...: Here in northern Wisconsin, the deer eat any unprotected real flowers. We plant marigolds, which they seem less enamored with but will still eat, and protect them with netting. The netting detracts from the beauty, but is still better than fake ones (our neighbors have fake ones, so I am able to easily compare).; 6/29/25, 1:35 PM
Lazarus said...: Paper roses
Paper roses
Oh, how real those roses seem to be
But they're only imitation
Like your imitation love for me

Jane probably hates Marie Osmond, and don't get her started on Anita Bryant. Take her back to the child store and get a better one.; 6/29/25, 1:37 PM
Meade said...: “Here in northern Wisconsin, the deer eat any unprotected real flowers.”

Benjamin, I just want to say one word to you. Just one word… Alliums.”; 6/29/25, 1:48 PM
boatbuilder said...: For the record, you don't kill the plant to display fresh flowers.
Most flowering plants have a two to six week period when they are actually producing/displaying flowers. And each flower dies almost as quickly on the plant as it does in a vase.
You cut the flowers before their peak and the plant produces more flowers. Flowers are beautiful and a gift of nature. They also make women happy, so if you can't think of anything else to give her, guys, go with flowers. Do not--do not--give her fake flowers.; 6/29/25, 1:56 PM
Spiros said...: I'd rather have dried bouquets. They're still real and they last for quite a while.; 6/29/25, 1:58 PM
walter said...: Real or fake? Ask Lauren Sanchez.; 6/29/25, 2:01 PM
Original Mike said...: "Benjamin, I just want to say one word to you. Just one word… Alliums.”

Hmmm…; 6/29/25, 2:12 PM
Christy said...: Maybe it's a Baltimore thing. I remember a pal in an upscale suburb surrounding her pool with big bushy plastic Impatiens. This was back before the big Impatiens die off. They looked great from the house, but closer inspection appalled me. Thank goodness she replaced them with real shrubs the next year. I could still attend her killer pool parties. :-D; 6/29/25, 2:14 PM
khematite said...: Fifteen years ago, the NY Times covered a bitter legal battle over fake flowers in Forest Hills Gardens, a neighborhood in Queens, NY.

https://archive.nytimes.com/cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/24/in-queens-disassembling-a-monument-to-floral-excess/; 6/29/25, 2:48 PM
Original Mike said...: "And each flower dies almost as quickly on the plant as it does in a vase."

Yeah, that's why it doesn't bother me cutting flowers.; 6/29/25, 2:48 PM
Jim at said...: We have a couple AeroGardens at our house. Plant the flower pods. A lot of variety. Keep 'em trimmed, watered and food and they'll bloom over and over and over.

The current batches we have now? Planted more than a year ago.

No need for fake. And the outdoor flowers can do their own thing outdoors.; 6/29/25, 3:29 PM
Tina Trent said...: If they're in a diner, they're going to get greasy. You can soak fake flowers in the dishwasher's station and re-hang them occasionally.

Also, any time spent tending to flowers or silverware or folding napkins is basically time spent working below minimum wage for your boss, not making tips.; 6/29/25, 3:42 PM
Tina Trent said...: And if you want to hang grapes and grapevines on the walls of your Italian restaurant, I recommend the fake ones too.; 6/29/25, 3:44 PM
Peachy said...: If fake flowers are your only option - perhaps consider nothing at all. Embrace the power of negative space.; 6/29/25, 4:16 PM
Clyde said...: No consensus in the poll except that most of us think the girl was wrong.; 6/29/25, 4:44 PM
Aggie said...: Ms. Althouse, this has got to be the most evenly-divided poll you've ever given !; 6/29/25, 6:53 PM
curt said...: Much to our surprise, many restaurants exteriors in Paris and throughout northern France are festooned with fake flowers.; 6/29/25, 7:48 PM
Tina Trent said...: What is a real Italian restaurant without fake grapes somewhere?; 6/29/25, 9:03 PM
Oso Negro said...: The little girl in 25 years - “my robot boyfriend is much better than a real one. He never gets messed up”; 6/29/25, 9:11 PM
Sydney said...: I love watching the change in the real flowers close up as they bloom in the vase. I had peonies on the kitchen table earlier this month and I was astonished at the change in their colors as they went through the stages of blooming. Some went from light pink to white. The coral shades went from a light orange to pink. Made my day while they lasted.; 6/29/25, 9:25 PM
Aggie said...: @Sydney, absolutely. I used to have a small town home and it had a giant rose in the back yard, a mutabilis, left by the previous owner. It sprawled in the backyard with a diameter of over 10 ft, and the main canes were bigger than my forearms. It has a lovely, delicate blossom, a China rose with light fragrance, but its blooms start yellow and gradually pinken over a few days, as they open fully, sometimes going all the way to red. I really love that variety of rose.; 6/29/25, 10:17 PM
Tina Trent said...: It's as if nobody has ever been to Hobby Lobby...; 6/30/25, 5:39 AM
Chris-2-4 said...: The first 4 answers are all correct.; 6/30/25, 9:21 AM
Chris-2-4 said...: The little girl would be similarly wrong about those ridiculous battery operated "candles", especially the ones with the motorized wick that simulates a flicker.; 6/30/25, 9:28 AM
Marc in Eugene said...: I wonder if it was ever discovered who removed 93 Sheridan's decorations. The best comments of those I read: "Who cares about a bunch of plastic flowers?" "He made the neighbors look lazy."; 6/30/25, 5:11 PM