I haven't read to the end yet, but I've seen many hostile references to this column. Are they hostile to the letter-writer or to the ethicist? I don't know, but I became hostile to the letter writer when I got to the sentence quoted above.
First, he's a man in bits and pieces: "Part of me... somewhat disappointed ... one of the most important..." I was so disgusted I had to restore myself by listening to "All or Nothing at All" by Frank Sinatra. (There's also "All of Me," but that actually is about a man in pieces — "Take my lips/I wanna lose them....").
This letter-writer guy needs to figure out what all of him thinks and to spare any woman the fate of being with a man who's not completely satisfied with her and who doesn't regard their relationship as his most important relationship. The fact that the partialness is based on race is the least of it. No one should want this insipid guy.
Let me read on. He wants to "prioritize" race "to combat implicit bias" so he can educate himself "on issues of racism, sexism and other forms of kyriarchy...."
Okay, I learned a new word. It's not in the OED. Wikipedia identifies it as a recent feminist coinage based on the Greek word for "lord" — "Kyrios." Lord, have mercy upon us.
Letter-writer guy — who sounds like a left-wing incel — says: "Both I and my hypothetical partner of color would be choosing more learning and less comfort, to put forth greater effort and practice more listening, than we otherwise would in a culturally homogeneous committed relationship."
Just use A.I. for this. Don't be out there looking for a woman to make you uncomfortable. I'm getting uncomfortable just reading about you. This could be a humorous composition, of course. It is pretty funny.
Only now am I reading the ethicist's response. He gives credit to the guy for his "devotion to self-improvement" and merely cautions that this "strenuous self-optimizing" might not be too appealing to the woman. Letter-writer guy deserved a much harder smackdown.
Posts
72 comments:
I don't think he wants a wife, he wants a pet. Or maybe a mascot.
John Henry
Best to a marry a who rather than a what.
Living in Brooklyn isn't what it used to be.
"Bits and Pieces"
This is where we need Lazlo to jump in with a female version of his black diversity consultant, who mostly wound up reinforcing small-c conservative ideas shared by people of all colors.
Letter writer boy needs a Pam Grier type to school him on black women.
I don’t have Lazlo’s gifts, so I won’t even try.
JSM
He sounds like my loopy brother.
Is he looking for a wife or a Vice President?
"Just use A.I. for this."
Kiddo. They already do. AI wrote that letter. AI probably wrote the response.
But just in case, I'll warn him. There's a reason all the black guys want white chicks.
Maybe not real letter? Or as real as all of the letters to Playboy and Penthouse were, perhaps?
If it is real, then a very confused and unserious person wants advice on how to keep living that way, while atoning for something or other.
Dating someone because of their skin color makes you racist.Not more or less racist - just racist.
Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode with Elaine and her maybe interracial dating situation.
We will never know how many letters to advice columns are real, and how many are just concoctions.
KAA may have to be careful with his answers, since he comes from an interracial marriage himself and is now involved in a (same sex) interracial marriage. His grandfather was Stafford Cripps, if that means anything to anyone else.
The divorce rate for WM BW marriages is roughly the same as WM WW marriages, but I am betting that if it turns out that the BW is selected as an exotic ornament just intended to signal the man's virtue, it might not work out that way. But I think that there are BW who fetishize WM, how does the song go "White men, pretty as girls!" so he might have a few years before they both tire of it.
He calls it self improvement, I call it a fetish.
The "Ethisist's" response is gold:
“Your devotion to self-improvement is impressive,” the Ethicist’s reply begins. “Like a dish of quinoa and kale that you may once have forced down and now actively enjoy, a woman of color could, you think, raise your game, supplying something like antiracist roughage.”
So according to the NYT, a black woman is like quinoa and kale that people can barely tolerate but put up with for the roughage.
Diversity (i.e. class-disordered ideologies): racism, sexism, ageism, etc. #HateLovesAbortion
Social liberalism (e.g. hookup culture, open relationships, etc).
Perhaps he's a selfie-hater/lover, a sadomasochist. #NoJudgment #NoLabels
Transhumanist? Anthropic dysphoria?
Equivocal and Insidious.
“ reinforcing small-c conservative ideas ”. What does the c in small c mean?
Isn’t this guy worried that he may not pack the gear to make his dream work?
The letter writer reminds me of a little girl from the 1950s-60s dreaming of his...
Kyriarchy Date
Kyriarchy Date
Are you ready for your Kyriarchy Date?
Don't be late, it will be great
Open the door for your Kyriarchy Date
When you open the door, will your Kyriarchy date be a dream or a just another whitey?
Oh. Fun and surprising, that's Kyriarchy Date. Remember, Milton Bradley makes the best games in the world. So, Open the door for your Kyriarchy Date
These letters are just as phony as the old Penthouse Letters. You remember, And there I was watching as the Giant Afro lowered herself on my turgid member. "Ah, I thought, So this is what Mick Jagger talked about in Brown Sugar"
I recommend one of those DNA companies that break down ancestry. Establish your criteria dude. And hold fast! For example: A MINIMUM of 25% African American, another 20%+ PO(other)C. That gets you to majority minority. But don't forget to deduct 10% or more points for ancestors from the worst of the colonizers like French, English and Spanish. Only then will you deserve to rest easy.
Putz.
When I read "Penthouse letters" I think "Acrotomophilia". IYKYK. So authentic.
I'm am aging straight white male. But this clown of a writer needs to adopt the gay motto "Love is Love". When or if the writer finds the right person--maybe a Lithuanian albino? he will figure it out. Until then he'll go on looking for "his type". I'm reminded of the line in the Amazing Rhythm Aces "Third Rate Romance, Low Rent Rendevous" where the woman looks at the man and says, "You're not my type, but I guess you'll do." But Michael at 1123 is right--this might be just a cut rate version of the old Penthouse Letters.
I am selling this bicycle because my therapist suggested I need to come to terms with my attraction to african-american women. No sister is going to date a 34 year old systems administrator riding a european grocery bike.
- from Best of Craigslist “Stately Dutch MILF Magnet”
"Part of me thinks that I will always be somewhat disappointed if what ends up becoming one of the most important relationships in my life is with another white person."
I feel ya, bro. I love my wife, but part of me is somewhat disappointed that I ended up with another right-handed person.
"domination on the basis of gender, race, religion and other identities"
There are several categories on P*rnhub for this guy.
To me, it is sad that ALL they think about is a persons color. Tells you ALL you need to know about these progressives and how regressive they really are.
You too, Althouse? And here I had been giving you points for avoiding the siren call of this sorry-assed article. Can annyone imagine being a black woman dating a white guy and wondering whether he’s the shnook who asked this question and only sees her as a stereotype and not as a real individual?
..."“Like a dish of quinoa and kale that you may once have forced down and now actively enjoy, a woman of color could..."
So.... he's a racist, a misogynist and a vegan ?
This guy's most important relationship is with a probably disappointing part of himself because he's a total wanker.
". Letter-writer guy deserved a much harder smackdown."
Don't worry, his next girlfriend(s), likely attempted girlfriend(s), will deliver the much need smackdown.
A Southern black woman would just roll right over his sorry white boy ass.
Many decades ago my wife and I participated in the marriage encounter movement that helped enrich many marriages. It seemed to me that the most important message from that discipline was that love is a decision not an emotion. That works if there is mutual attraction and a common goal. Negotiating skills are paramount. This looser has taken that thought to a perverse ludicrous position.
You want my advice: Go back to Bulgaria.
I love the song "All of Me" but think Sinatra's version is way too cheerful and over-produced (and I like Sinatra). It's supposed to be a sad song! So far Willie Nelson is the only one who seems to have gotten it right. I wish there were better versions by others.
Fake. 100% fake. Author is trying to justify his job and needs something to write about that that matches his worldview. so he made it up.
That guy's problem is that he has no "self". Merely a construct cobbled together from clippings from the Times and the Atlantic.
I used to share a house with a "sports journalist" for an actual print newspaper. He occasionally brought us up to date on the long-running contest among his colleagues over who could get the most, or the most absurd, advice column letter published.
“a neologism…derived from the Greek words for “lord” or “master” (kyrios) and “to rule or dominate” (archein) which seeks to redefine the analytic category of patriarchy in terms of multiplicative intersecting structures of domination… Kyriarchy is best theorized as a complex pyramidal system of intersecting multiplicative social structures of superordination and subordination, of ruling and oppression.”
I had to look up kyriarchy. After reading this I still don’t know what it means. But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want to be around anyone who does.
Albinophobe? His confession is selfie im-peach-ing.
Critical Diversity Theory (CDT).
I’ve got a crazy daughter who would probably marry this guy. She would smoke him like a cheap cigar, take all of money and leave him battered and stunned in a ditch.
Kypocrisarchy.
He needs to spend some time in black neighborhood bars. Make some friends
"This is what I should want, what I've been told is good and right and proper, and I'm honestly not sure if I really want it, so is there something wrong with me? I'm trying really hard to believe all the right things, but... I'm as limp as a dishrag when I contemplate it all. How do I get my mojo back, so to speak?"
"First off - forget what you've been taught. Disregard what you're 'supposed to want', ignore all the people shrieking that to not want X is the same as RAAAAAAACISM. Figure out what kind of women you're really attracted to. And I'm not talking 'this is the type I'm SUPPOSED to be attracted to', I'm talking about the sort that tickles your limbic system pleasurably, the sort you look at and think 'Ya know, I could see myself with her in 30-40-50 years with some kids.'
Going into searching for a partner (and let's be honest here - you're not looking for a partner, you're looking for an anti-racist medal you can display, for whatever reason) you need to decide whether it's externals or internals that you're going to prioritize. Appearance only goes so far. If the two of you don't mesh mentally, you're doomed to disappointment.
The Atheists are left writing to the NYT ethicist for absolution.
That was written as a joke by an Althouse right winger, or as serious by one of our leftists
Frank Sinatra and Kyrie Eleison? This is an excellent post!
I'm confident that he will not be finding a partner, of any sex or ethnicity, interested in a long-term relationship that is looking for "less comfort".
Oh man, this one from hoe_math is a banger.
https://youtu.be/tyf4GXT_oWA?si=G_-aE_r9pjFKPdNI
White face, black feet, a peach of a breast, and an identity crisis to "mete" all of your day after regrets.
As a practicing Muslim, I have always tried to be exogamous in at least one and, ideally, two of my marriage partners. As an added plus, if the senior wife is Black or Latina, it helps the white wives overcome their racism. I prefer my concubines to be Asian, but, in this regard, age not race is the deciding factor. With good will and an open mind, many of the problems that people encounter in their marriage can be overcome.
The nice thing about ethical religions is that they are context-oriented, frame shifted, etc. Why settle for a nag and a hag of any color, when you can Choose... sequester the thought... choose.
This sorry cuss sees having a woman of color as a merit badge he can wear.
"So according to the NYT, a black woman is like quinoa and kale that people can barely tolerate but put up with for the roughage."
Well, yeah. Take Big Mike, for example.
let's Try THAT on, for size:
"Part of me thinks that I will always be somewhat disappointed if what ends up becoming one of the most important relationships in my life is with a black person."
nope! doesn't sound RACIST, at all!
I prefer my gender served with a pussy hat, a side of breasts, in a straight dish, and a womb with a view of our Posterity, conceived rare and unique.
He should solicit a second WaPonion. Pun intended.
It's hard for me to believe that the letter is fake in the sense that it was authored by the NYT "ethicist". I can believe that the letter is a masterpiece of trolling of the NYT's politically narcissistic readership, simultaneously insecure and preening. It's a hilarious response to the ubiquity of interracial couples in advertising from which we seemingly cannot escape.
The letter wasn't from Godfrey Elfwick, was it?
Correction: pussy without a hat[e]. Venus is not a place to visit, let alone to live.
Darkisland said...
"I don't think he wants a wife, he wants a pet. Or maybe a mascot."
He wants a trophy wife.. a social justice wokism trophy wife.
David Thompson's gimlet eye noticed this too:
https://thompsonblog.co.uk/2025/02/his-hypothetical-partner.html
I'd like to pre-emptively ask the ladies present for their pardons as I descent into redneck rudeness here, but I read this column as a Woke NYT readership version of the conversation at a bar among more manly types along the lines of "Any of you boys ever done any black p***y? I been recently thinking about givin' it a try..."
I often suspect that public attempts among my fellow men at being more socially sensitive about sexual matters are actually covers for trying to score with a different set of chicks. I'm cynical that way.
Imagine how miserable it would be going through life looking at every, damn thing through the prism of race. Miserable and exhausting. I don't know how they do it.
I'm now older than my grandparents. Not my choice; just modern medicine and genetics. I still love and want to support my grandchildren. Whatever is left when my wife and I die, will be theirs, but I hope it's not TOO much. My guess is, it won't be.
As a white man, part of me likes this. And part of me doesn't. As a straight mane, sometimes I think I like this, and sometimes I dont. As an atheist, part of me wants this, but other parts of me dont. As a Leftist, part of me agrees with this, and part of me doesn't.
I'm jig-saw puzzle man.
I couldn't believe that Frank Sinatra song has 2.8 million views. I thought times had passed Sinatra by. Guess not.
Quayle wins the thread @ 12:11 PM!
Godfather,
"I'm now older than my grandparents"
I don't think that's how it works..
Post a Comment
Comments older than 2 days are always moderated. Newer comments may be unmoderated, but are still subject to a spam filter and may take a few hours to get released. Thanks for your contributions and your patience.