February 18, 2014

In Kazakhstan, Russia and Belarus — protecting women from insufficiently absorbent underpants.

If you like your panties, you can keep your panties. But the government must insure proper standards, and if these ladies — pictures of protests at the link — think they like lace panties, please listen and learn. The Moscow-led Customs Union has a better, more scientific and expert understanding of what you really want, and it thinks that deep down inside, you are really very moist and lace does not absorb enough moisture.

ADDED: Confession. Meade found that article and emailed me the link. After I wrote this post and alerted Meade, he read it and said: "Thanks for being my cat's paw... my pussy paw."

MORE: A "cat's paw" is, to quote the OED, "A person used as a tool by another to accomplish a purpose." Historical example:
1657 Killing is Murder 3 These he useth as the Monkey did the Cats paw, to scrape the nuts out of the fire....
1883 American 6 245 Making themselves mere catspaws to secure chestnuts for those publishers.
The use of the word "pussy" to refer the vulva or vagina goes back as far as 1699:
1699 T. Durfey Choice Coll. New Songs 7 Johnny..many Times Pussey had fed.
1790 A. Tait Poems & Songs 144 Thro' Susan's Holland smock or spare Or on her pussie for to stare.
1865 ‘Philocomus’ Love Feast i. 9 My poor pussy, rent and sore, Dreaded yet longed for one fuck more....
1879 Pearl Oct. 108 To handle, feel, and revel in such a luxuriously covered pussy and bottom, excited me more every moment.
1899 Mem. Dolly Morton 88 Two, or three of them put their hands on the ‘spots’—‘pussies’ they called them.
1913 L. Strachey Ermyntrude & Esmeralda (1969) ii. 12 I'm also sure that it's got something to do with the thing between our legs that I always call my Pussy....
1973 A. Powell Temporary Kings v. 258 Louis's stuffed a charming little cushion with hair snipped from the pussies of ladies he's had.
I hope that's not too pedantic... so pudendantic...
1841   F. H. Ramsbotham Princ. & Pract. Obstetr. Med. (1855) 33   These parts, closing and surrounding the genital fissure, altogether constitute the pudendum....
1922   A. G. Magian Sex Probl. Women ii. 31   The Vulva, or Pudendum, includes—(1) The labia majora and minora bounding the pudendal cleft. (2) The mons veneris. (3) The vestibule, [etc.]....
1993   B. W. Aldiss Tupolev too Far (BNC) 36   What I clutch in my hand is a fruit of the sea almond. It's..covered with a fine but coarse fibre like pubic hair. In fact, the nut resembles a girl's pudendum.
AND: The origin of "cat's paw" is a fable by La Fontaine, and it reveals why the quotes above include references to nuts.



(More of J.J. Granville's fantastic illustrations of La Fontaine here.)

20 comments:

Saint Croix said...

Moist is my favorite word in this post.

Saint Croix said...

No, wait, panties.

Meade said...

You're a pussy riot.

viator said...

Thank goodness governments keep an eye on our welfare.

Ann Althouse said...

From the OED entry on "moist":

1958 J. Barth End of Road vii. 110L "I felt my nostrils flare like a stud's at the nubby tight sex of them, flustered and pink-scrubbed, giggling and moist."

JRoberts said...

Ah, Big Government and "Freedom FROM Choice"

EDH said...

Dennis the Constitutional Peasant:

Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was an Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away...

Now we see the violence inherent in the system.

Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

rhhardin said...

It's a payoff to Big Cotton.

Deirdre Mundy said...

When the government is paying for your yeast infection and bacterial infection treatments, the government will want to dictate the sort of underwear you buy. Obviously, non-cotton underwear is like soda pop- it is unhealthy and must be banned.

But it's the conservatives who are interfering in your sex life, by refusing to pay for it.....

When the panty police come, will it be a war on women?

Bob Boyd said...

I see opportunity. I'm moving to Kazakhstan to pursue my life long dream of being a swashbuckling pantie smuggler.

Bob Boyd said...

Adventure! Untold riches! The adoration of millions of screaming, lace-pantie-starved, Kazakh women who will fling their sodden, state-approved britches at me as roll into (what's the capital?) in triumph after another harrowing run through the deadly gauntlet set out by the PPP (Putin's Pantie Patrol) to catch 'The Fox'.

Meade said...

"When the panty police come, will it be a war on women?"

Excellent question but I can't help it won't be only on women. It will escalate. Expand.

Also, when I become sick of love, what can Obamacare do for my condition? Palliative panties?

Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder
Sometimes I feel like I’m being plowed under
Could you ever be true?
I think of you
And I wonder

I’m sick of your underpants; I wish I’d never met them
I’m sick of your underpants; I’m trying to forget them

Just don’t know what to do
I’d give anything to
be with your underpants

David said...

"1865 ‘Philocomus’ Love Feast i. 9 My poor pussy, rent and sore, Dreaded yet longed for one fuck more...."

Often imitated. Never equaled.

Magson said...

My sister posted this to Facebook this morning since she lives in Astana, KZ. She's not affected by it, but she likes to post things she finds "odd" about her new country of residence, though usually it's more about what people consider fashionable, tacky furniture in apartments, the fact that if you ask people about mail service they go "Mail? What's that?" and that everything has to get notarized, often multiple times.

But yeah, this qualifies as odd too.

FleetUSA said...

Two thoughts spring to mind:

First, the nice one, I prefer "velvet kitty".

Second, the not so nice, I imagine Madame Chair Pelosi (or HC) dictating the requirements of panties (and shorts) in order to help some union buddies business.

RecChief said...

next they will regulate large sodas

RecChief said...

Bob Boyd said...
I see opportunity. I'm moving to Kazakhstan to pursue my life long dream of being a swashbuckling pantie smuggler.


I'd rather be the guy who does "random" inspections to ensure compliance, because I see a wave of irish democracy in their futures.

Bob Boyd said...

RecChief said:
"I'd rather be the guy who does "random" inspections to ensure compliance, because I see a wave of irish democracy in their futures."

Hopefully we can come to a...uh... mutually beneficial arrangement.
And you'll be needing one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/General-Tools-MMD4E-Digital-Moisture/dp/B00275F5O2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1392744073&sr=8-1&keywords=moisture+meter

Available thru the Althouse Portal.

mccullough said...

Time for a panty raid

alan markus said...

Maybe this guy could get tenure at a Russian University?

The college professor who claimed that he secretly filmed under the clothing of two female students to determine whether they had improperly failed to wear undergarments to class has pleaded to a video voyeurism charge, records show.