November 9, 2012

When you make pancakes, "all creativity is disallowed. There are no variations to pancakes."

Says Chip Ahoy in last night's Lavender Café:
Homemade pancakes are like a thick batter. The batter will have milk and flour salt and sugar and probably vanilla. Extrapolate from that. Blueberries bleed and turn the batter a weird color. You can hold off and toss the berries onto the pancake after the batter is poured onto the pan. Very specific ratios must be followed. If the batter is too thick or too thin then adjustments are not allowed. In fact, all creativity is disallowed. There are no variations to pancakes. If you change one single thing, this kitten here get's it.

21 trillion eggs
17 B-52's of milk pasteurized to minus 27 degrees Celsius
1 light year vanilla extract
487 billion salts
18 pretzels
42 giraffes of green and yellow wines
bake for 400 trees and smash flat with a box of toothpicks.

Serves 81 for 18 minutes each. Serve with ratchets and propellers. Surplus can be frozen for 76 years.

I meant to mention, this only works for the little over half of you guys here who live on the planet were twenty trillion dollars in national debt is not a deciding factor in national elections. I heard you guys were here and thought, hey, maybe they'd like some pancakes bon appétit.
Bon appétit! 

33 comments:

Oso Negro said...

There are indeed many rules of pancakes. One that I have noticed is that pancakes are delicious up to the bite that makes you feel nauseated.

LarsPorsena said...

Jabba the Hut's recipe?

Rusty said...

Who made these pancakes?
Mmmmmmm! They're Bamalicious!!!!

Curious George said...

Yeah dudes on a roll man.

Matthew Sablan said...

IHOP tells me there is a variety of beautiful, wonderful rule-breaking pancakes.

Scott said...

Logorrhea = creativity

a psychiatrist who learned from veterans said...

Speaking of creativity, I can construct an answer to how and why WI would not recall Scott Walker but elect T. Baldwin, but it wold be of interest to see what the model answer is in the back of your Lehrer buch.

theribbonguy said...

MMM...pancakes!!

Now being served in debtors prison.

sydney said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

Carnifex said...

I"m gonna' take this oppurtunity to apoligize for my behavior being so churlish after the election. I was very distraught by it. But I am almost ready to climb off the window ledge...Maybe in a day or two.

Again, apologies to all I offended. It won't happen again. The churlishness...I'll still prolly' be offensive.(baby steps)

Mary Beth said...

Why can't I just eat my waffle?

rhhardin said...

I'll stick with encoignure loaf

rhhardin said...

The trouble with flying is headwinds both ways, and cars passing you below on the thruway.

Aerobatics is interesting for a while, but it's all g-forces mostly, except spin entry from a hammerhead stall is pleasant, there being neither gravity nor airspeed for a few moments.

But you degenerate to practicing landings in impossible conditions, a battle of reflexes with the wind.

Then it turns out that long distance bike riding is more interesting.

but I am a robot said...

I'd like to whole-heartedly second Oso Negro's comment. The marginal utility graph is fairly flat with a sudden and severe drop-off into the negative.

Moose said...

We're entering the "I can't be out of money, I still have checks" phase of our economy.

The ensuing inflationary spirals will be magnificent!

MadisonMan said...

I have recently learned that pancakes made from a gluten-free mix (that includes natural flavoring) are really pretty awful.

bagoh20 said...

OK. I stayed up all night trying this recipe. Now who is gonna clean up this mess?


Tits,
~B.H.Obama

wyo sis said...

My brother and his friends had a category called burnt pancake in their girl watching lexicon.
Basically a girl that looks really good from the back, but when approached head on would scare small children.

Obama's economy is not unlike that.

bagoh20 said...

"Burnt pancake" That's a good one. When most men unknowingly encounter a burnt pancake, they have an overwhelming need to flip it. This can lead to miles of excessive walking or driving in a single day. A trip to the mall alone can be an exhausting workout.

edutcher said...

Chip has an exclusive contract with the Defense Department.

Carnifex said...

I"m gonna' take this oppurtunity to apoligize for my behavior being so churlish after the election. I was very distraught by it. But I am almost ready to climb off the window ledge...Maybe in a day or two.

In the immortal words of a great equestrian, "Never apologize, it's a sign of weakness".

Stay mad, they stole it and are going to try to destroy the country.

We have to get it back and fix it.

Stay mad.

JL said...

This looks like a cafe thread so I would guess it is ok to be OT:

A fews years back I jokingly said that the Republicans in congress should call the bluff of the Dem's demand to tax the rich. Create a bill to do just that- tax the actual millionaires and billionaires. Watch the Dems heads explode as they are forced to put up or shut up about taxing their wealthy backers.

Well I'm not joking anymore. My Republican hating -- and they do hate them-- brother and sisters and their older children have been pushing class warfare since the OWS crowds showed up. Well, if you can't beat 'em join 'em. All aboard the class warfare bandwangon.

Tax the rich! Get rid of the tax loopholes for them. Hell, tax their wealth as well. Seize it if you have to. Most of those wealthy bastards vote Democrat anyway. Let them eat their words. They want higher taxes, give it to them; and hard! I would love to see the Hollywood nitwits be exposed as the hypocrites they are when they start howling about it.

Tax the rich!

Re: Chip's anger last night- They want you to hate them. It justifies their irrational hatred towards you.

I refuse to hate. Even the rich. But I'm serious about taxing the shit out of them.

ricpic said...

Saddest sight of all is a spaced out druggie in a Waffle House at 6 AM leaning over his plate of pancakes with a fag in his mouth and the ash at the end falling into the pancakes and syrup mix.

theribbonguy said...

"Saddest sight of all is a spaced out druggie in a Waffle House at 6 AM leaning over his plate of pancakes with a fag in his mouth and the ash at the end falling into the pancakes and syrup mix."

Wait...you can still smoke at Waffle House?

EMD said...

How about breakfast burritos rolled in pancakes?

Stuff 'em with eggs, bacon, hash browns, sausage and syrup.

ed said...

"How about breakfast burritos rolled in pancakes?

Stuff 'em with eggs, bacon, hash browns, sausage and syrup. "


They call those "crepes".

Personally I'm in favor of taxing the shit out of the rich. Let the liberal Democrats put up or shut up. So I suppose I'm at the "light a match to watch the world burn" phase.

On the other hand: pancakes!

Rusty said...

MadisonMan said...
I have recently learned that pancakes made from a gluten-free mix (that includes natural flavoring) are really pretty awful.


MM, "gluten free" is code for, tastes like shit.

I make very good Swedish pancakes.

AprilApple said...

Pancake recipe for Obama's dept of math?

Rusty said...

AprilApple said...
Pancake recipe for Obama's dept of math?

Yes, but it involves Obama taking off his shoes.

EMD said...

They call those "crepes"

Bullshit. Crepes are thin and wimpy. And are filled with fruit.

I'm talking full-flavored thick fluffy pancakes with sausage links, hash browns, scrambled eggs and bacon stuffed inside, drenched in syrup and dusted with powdered sugar.

ambienisevil said...
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Deb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Astro said...

I respectfully disagree (slightly).
You add the yolks of the eggs to the flour mixture. Once that is moderately blended, you whip the egg whites into a froth and carefully fold the whipped egg whites into the batter.
Then pour your batter onto the griddle.
The pancakes come out with a much better texture.

I concur about adding the blueberries after you pour the batter, but you've got to cook them at a lower heat otherwise you'll burn them waiting for the centers to cook with the added mass of the blueberries.
Pecans are a great option instead of blueberries. Even better if you lightly roast them first.

M. Sean Fosmire said...

No one comments on the reference to "giraffes of wine?"

That is the second time in a month I have seen that particular malapropism.