May 7, 2012

"To be honest, I don't know what I want a male for."

"I have some fabulous electronics to use instead. And any woman who tells you she doesn't is lying."


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Saint Croix said...

7) My woman is wearing a fur coat and she's attacked by some crazy PETA woman and is getting her ass kicked. And I say "Hit her, honey!" And she's still getting her ass kicked. And I say "Right cross, right cross," and she's still getting her ass kicked. And I'm like, "You're doing great, you're doing great." And my woman says, "Would you SMACK her, please?" And I'd say, "Okay, back the fuck up, vegetarian." Trying to be mean and threatening. But honestly? I still wouldn't hit her. I'd grab her though. If there was a swimming pool nearby I would drop her in a pool. And I'd definitely try to calm her shit down. But I guess I'd have to let go of her at some point. I still wouldn't hit. But I have to be careful how I let her go. Otherwise we're back where we started, right? So I guess I would kind of toss her. In the grass or something. Or down a hill. A big, grassy hill. And then she would probably cry and I'm going to jail. Shit. Violent women suck.

8) Uptight neighbor lady is holding the baby and making goo-goo noises and then says, "Oh, he made a mess!" And she tosses the baby on the floor. I'd slap her one. I know that's wrong but shit, you can't toss a baby on the floor like that. Intentional baby dropping is a big-time no-no as far as I'm concerned. And that trumps the no hit woman rule. I'd probably go to jail for that one too. Shit.

9) My wife goes post-partum and starts assassinating the kids. That's why it's a good idea to have a lot of kids. I'll probably get blamed for this shit too.

10) I'm walking in the park and a crazy neo-Nazi skinhead who looks vaguely familiar jumps out and maces me in the face. And I'm like, "Ow!" And I'm yelling and crying and bleeding from the eyes, trying to remember. Did I sleep with this woman? She looks vaguely familiar. That's some scary shit right there, neo-Nazis who look vaguely familiar. And I still don't hit her though. Cause it's wrong to hit women, even women wearing swastikas. For all I know I did some evil man shit and I drove her into the Nazi party. And made her shave her head. So I'm just waving my arms around, saying "Why? Why?" Like a damn liberal or something.

Come to think of it, not hitting women is a liberal rule. I'll bet Oog didn't put up with this shit. This is why feminist equality is so weird to me. Chivalry is basically a liberal concept. And yet they want us to abandon that shit and replace it with unisex rules that make it okay for men to hit women in self-defense. That's fucked up, I think. It's almost always wrong to hit a woman.

Unless it's a neo-Nazi skinhead who maces me and then kicks me in the balls. I'm pretty sure I'd lose my temper at that point. I mean, I don't like Nazis anyway. You got one free hit but that's it. A macing and a ball-kicking and a swastika = smack. That is if I can find her. I bet I lose that fight and go to jail. And she'll probably get a book deal out of it. How Crazy Right-Wing Bastard Drove Me Into the Nazi Party.

This is why you should talk politics before you go to bed with a woman. At least make sure they belong to a major party or something.

The Crack Emcee said...


Crack,...I hope you can find the woman who will heal you, and when you do meet her, I hope you allow her in close enough to do it.

Thanks, C. I will. I'm pretty sure of it. Finding women ain't no problem. Finding one I want is. I thought I had her, but there was no holding back the outside world. I didn't even try. Like most, I just didn't get it. Now I do and I'm still condemned - damned if you do and damned if you don't - if that's the case, I'll do. Fuck these bitches.

When your made of diamond, you can't have a crack to let someone else into your life.

Easy for you to say. I was married for 20 years. The idea of wasting another 20, just to endure that kind of pain again, isn't something I plan on dealing with again. I'm glad for you, but you are the cheater - not the other way around. Add in the deaths that followed - and the condemnation that comes with all of it because I'm no push-over - and I've been rubbed raw. It's going to take a very special someone to get close enough to me. But it could happen.

Just not with anyone like Allie or leslyn, with their hypocrisies, double-standards, and weak attempts at trying to get under a man's skin. I've always been more drawn to DBQ or Synova - no-nonsense women, who are reasonable and intelligent, and understand not only basic values but which way is up. The difference between those four women (Allie and leslyn on one side, and DBQ and Synova on the other) is staggering.

My wife and I are getting older and fatter. When I wake up next to her in the morning, and I look down at her face she asks "What are YOU looking at?" I tell her "I'm looking at an angel". The good part is I mean it.

Y'all have got me so wrong. I used to sing "You are my sunshine" to my wife and made a point of saying, "I love you" several times a day, and I gladly put up with all of her moronic gay friends and all that. I never demanded dinner on the table, or told her where to go, or how much money to spend. What I'm trying to say is, my wife didn't suffer from a lack of love but a lack of sense. And we live in a society which encourages that. A society that insists women are right and men are wrong and the beatings will continue until morale improves. Well fuck THAT.

Real men hit back.

That's how this society these bitches think they run was created. And it's going back. I put up that link, earlier, where James Taranto is talking about the "disturbing" trend amongst young males of withdrawing from women. They know what's going on. It's so obvious what's happened to their fathers - what their fathers ALLOWED to happen and now stand by as it supposedly happens to their sons - they ain't going for it. They'd rather be called lazy, and shiftless, or endure the arrows I've had thrown at me here (violent man who probably spends a lot of time in jail, boo-boo) but they ain't going along. And then they, too, will get fed up. Because stupid bitches get on your nerves, I don't care how many blow jobs they deliver. And that's all you want because, under these circumstances, they can destroy your life if you have kids with them.

The writing's on the wall.

And I'm writing it.

Anonymous said...

And you would be justified, especially with the Zombie woman.

harrogate said...

Some of this stuff is really wonderful

traditionalguy said...

Self control is a basic requirement of love for another. So we do give up some of our independence when a women loves a man or a man loves a woman.

The net result is better than being alone without a companion to pick us up when life's tragedies descend and descend they will.

I really loved reading Carnifax's 8:39 witness to that, and I recall that he has had his share of tragedies.

The scripture speaks of a three fold cord not being easily broken. That is a truth about rope making. Two is better than one, but three is the most supportive design for a rope.

The Christian marriage asserts that a husband,a wife , and God are the three cords together for maximum strength.

Christian marriage says that it is a covenant. Covenant is seen as a powerful protection for the parties because it cannot be broken by loyal makers. Without a covenant, the risks in sharing your life together are too dangerous for men and too dangerous for women.

Bottom line is where do men and women find loyal covenant keepers today, outside of the USMC. Men and women have become more and more lovers of money, lovers of themselves, and generally unsafe people.

But another friend of mine used to say, "gold is where you find it."

Carnifex said...

I was always disappointed in my father not showing enough emotion towards, well anything really. He has mellowed a lot in his old age. But I am cut of a different cloth.

Why would I deny my emotions, and what I feel for my wife? That's just silly, and doesn't make you a man, it makes you less than human.
I daresay, if someone called me effeminate I would get a good laugh out of it. I wouldn't hit them for it. Again, that's childish. And it would mean that I resented their opinion, when in reality, I don't care about their opinion.

yashu said...

LOL St. Croix's Top 10, bravo.

The Crack Emcee said...


I don't care about their opinion.

As I said to AllieOop yesterday, "I don't care" is a dangerous phrase because it means nobody else has to either, which can open up Pandora's box to all kinds of mayhem. I care about what everyone says, and consider it seriously, because there is the chance I'm the one who's wrong - a fact too many today narcissistically refuse to entertain.

And what gives anyone the right not to care? Did they somehow miraculously make the others disappear from the planet? Isn't that the beginning of the slippery slope into Naziism, that we can refuse to care about others? (Ask the Jews how they felt about people not caring about them.) Where does the idea, that only the opinions we agree with are valid, come from? And how can anyone claim to be a good person when they think that way? They are basically consigning their fellow man to an inhuman status from the get-go.

We are a seriously confused people when it comes to ethics nowadays,...

Freeman Hunt said...

I stand by my entirely subjective position that my mother's generation--at least the women who I've known-- largely bought the notion that men are A. defective and B. not really necessary. I and many of my peers were raised that way, and it's been a conscious choice to live differently.


Freeman Hunt said...

The other night we watched War Horse, and it got to the part where men are rushing out of the trenches onto the battlefield. They're running and getting shot at and shelled, and I turned to my husband and said, "You guys are incredible."
"What do you mean?"
"This is a movie, but real men did that in real life. Not special men, just regular men. They really did that. That's incredible. Men are incredible."

Men are neat. Women are neat too, just differently neat.

I wouldn't recommend that movie, by the way.

The Crack Emcee said...

"Real men did that in real life. Not special men, just regular men. They really did that. That's incredible. Men are incredible."

Indeed. But so many are determined to make us forget that, for some bullshit about worshipping "goddesses" and "getting in touch with your feminine side" - it would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

Remember Semi-Tough? We're playing that whole scenario out again, but on a larger scale, and the result will be the same:

Men will discover they're perfect as they are, and women will re-discover we hold their lives in our hands, and not the other way around.

And I know, because I'm watching the culture slowly catch up, this time there will be a revenge on the NewAge Movement that started this feminist bullshit, ridding us of it's debilitating stench, once and for all. I'm talking a scorched Earth, unrelenting, shut-the-fuck-up-I'm-working assault on the entire edifice of lies and liars who either unleashed it on us, or worked to maintain it. Everything will be on the table.

The only question I can't answer is if it'll happen before or after we cripple ourselves by allowing it to fester so long,...

Anonymous said...

And behold!

The wrath of man! Tremble ye women, meekly bow to the superior man, for he holds your fate, nay your very existence in his mighty hands. The very air that ye breath is metered out by man, he will swipe his mighty fist onto your breast and knock you down into the earth from wence ye came, oh woman!

Man will be merciful to you, if only you humble yourselves before him, grovel wenches, kiss his feet and ye shall be thrown the bone from his table. Be thankful for his beneficence.

Open thy thighs willingly and beg thy master to spill his seed into you for that is thy purpose, the reason you exist on this earthly realm called life.

Be of good cheer, be comely and with lowered voice tell man you love him beyond life, you will dash your own head upon the rocks if he but only points a finger and demands it is so.

Taken from The Time of the Great Cleansing, the Book of Crack,Chapter 3, verses 1 through 4.

Now we shall sing today's hymn, Mighty is thy Sword Oh Man!

ken in tx said...

I posted this on another thread, but it seems to fit here as well. I once had a Nazi girlfriend. She was married and treated her husband like dirt. She picked me up in a bar. I lived next door to a TV model who made a lot of commercials for local department stores. She was black. I had once helped her get back in her house house when she had locked herself out. I pushed her fanny through a window. I told my girlfriend how I enjoyed feeling her fanny.

She said, “ Hitler was right! Kill them all! Her name was Helga.

She used to bite me during sex and leave big bruises.

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