May 23, 2024

"But if you know a person who is OK with silence, you can try... 'companionate solitude,' where you do something alone together."

"When [psychologist Robert] Coplan was young, he would go fishing with his father on a quiet lake. 'We would sit there for hours at a time and wouldn’t say a word to each other,' he recalled. 'It was like I was alone, but he was there, and that was comforting.'"

From "We All Need Solitude. Here’s How to Embrace It. Alone time can help you reduce stress and manage emotions, but you have to be intentional about it, experts say" (NYT).

42 comments:

Shouting Thomas said...

You won’t catch many fish if you yak in the boat.

Aggie said...

"/...but you have to be intentional about it, experts say..."

Must be a city-folk 'experts' point of view, where solitude is harder to come by.

Darkisland said...

In Tom Wolfe's "The Right Stuff" book, someone says of Gus Grissom "You could fly with him for 8 hours and if he said more than 3 words, he would think you had had a deep and thoughtful conversation"

Something like that, anyway. Been years since I last read the book.

John Henry

wild chicken said...

What a life. Write an article about herself, call a few "experts," hit submit.

Easy-peasy.

Wince said...

In other words, I need my "me" time.

gilbar said...

Imagine a man and a wife.. Sitting in their parlor.. Reading books.. In silence.. for 50 years.

Or..
Imagine a man and a wife hike to the top of a beautiful mountain crag..
They stand there alone..
Then the wife (whose name is Karen) starts yakking about how RUDE Betty was at bridge club last week.
The man throws the wife off the mountain, to her death.. Was he justified?

AlbertAnonymous said...

I love the commentariat here. First two comments matched my first two thoughts. Made my day!

Howard said...

Shouting Thomas is absolutely right. You want to yak into the water and use it as Chum.

Lem the artificially intelligent said...

When I read "alone together" I think of Bill and Monica.

Cato Renasci said...

I'm reminded of Tom Lehrer's quip in the introduction to one of his many songs: "If you don't have something to say, then simply shut up"....

I have never understood the need to fill silence with words....

Although one must be careful to avoid stereotypes, in my anecdotal experience over the past 75 years, it is far more often women who seem uncomfortable with silence, and with silence together in company....

Tofu King said...

I'm continuously amused by the life insights of the young urban NYT writers.

Meade said...

Shhh… I’m trying to read my favorite blog.

Darkisland said...

Most evenings I sit in the living room reading or working on my laptop while my wife watches "Casa de las Famosas" (I had to show her how to vote for MariPili), Exatlon, Turkish soap operas or the like.

We usually don't have much to say but it does feel good just to hang out with her.

John Henry

narciso said...

You voted for mari pili ok thats a deal breaker

Leland said...

She wants him so badly, knows what she wants to be
Inside her there's longing, this girl's an open page
Bookmarking, she's so close now
This girl is half his age

wendybar said...

I love my alone time. I don't get much anymore, since I am the lone caretaker of my 87 year old Mother now. Husband works from home, and is going to retire in 2 years. I crave a week to myself, alone with my books but I can't see it happening anytime soon.

Mike (MJB Wolf) said...

I don't hang out with people who can't enjoy a quiet moment, especially long moments consisting of big chunks of hours.

chuck said...

The NY Times spends an inordinate amount of time providing therapy. Makes me wonder about its subscribers.

Yancey Ward said...

There are lots of people I would be more than happy with which to have companionate solitude, but only because I couldn't often just get away from them.

Oligonicella said...

I really wish I'd written it down but a Japanese acquaintance told me they have a word that basically means "quietly enjoying the company of a good friend".

Anyone here speak Japanese and can affirm, correct or refute that?

Oligonicella said...

gilbar:
Was he justified?

It's a coin flip. How'd she land?

n.n said...

Together as if you were alone.

Paddy O said...

Ron Swanson appropriately

The video version.

Mason G said...

"it is far more often women who seem uncomfortable with silence, and with silence together in company...."

Henry Phillips- She's Talking Again

n.n said...

Until a meow disturbs the silent lucidity.

Rusty said...

leftists tend to be a chatty bunch.

CJinPA said...

We would sit there for hours at a time and wouldn’t say a word to each other,'

See also: Men and barbers.

It's kind of a guy thing. My sisters always joke about being able to put me, my dad and granddad in a room and hear nothing.

BamaBadgOR said...

Henry David Thoreau: "I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."

Mason G said...

"leftists tend to be a chatty bunch."

They have to figure out a person's political affiliation in order to know whether to like them or hate them. Can't do that without some chit-chat.

Richard said...

Does he also like the sound of silence?

Original Mike said...

I'm marveling at the phrase "OK with silence". I bet the typical NYT writer couldn't stop talking if their life depended upon it.

Original Mike said...

"But if you know a person who is OK with silence, you can try... "

"But if you know a person" suggests that the writer does not know such a person.

Leora said...

If the unexamined life is not worth living, it does not make the excessively examined life worthwhile. Excessive concern for how I feel right now and how I can feel better does not seem like a useful way to proceed to a meaningful existence.

JRoj said...

Wish I could get my bride of nearly 38 years to understand my need for solitude. Even after all this time she takes my desire to be alone as rejection.

Michael K said...

More sympathy for all those white single educated women who can't get a date, let alone a mate. They are the vast majority of NY Times readers.

Sheridan said...

I could even share space with Kamala so long as she kept her mouth shut. No eye-rolls either. Or heavy breathing. And no Secret Service nearby.

Charles said...

Dogs often make better companions than people for the simple reason that they cannot speak.

Mea Sententia said...

For Quakers, the sacrament of the presence of God is silence. They find the Divine not in the Eucharist, nor in a sermon, but in silence. Silence, the absence that is also a presence. I have only attended a Quaker meeting once, but it was a profound time of silence.

Dave64 said...

Quiet time is good, but it's not for everybody. Articles that try to push a way of being really bother me.

RCOCEAN II said...

What woman was ever OK with "Silence" or needed solitude?

I have yet to meet one.

Mason G said...

"More sympathy for all those white single educated women who can't get a date, let alone a mate."

They can. Or, at least, they could have at one time. Except they're sure they are all 10s and much too educated to consider anyone below their imagined position as a potential partner. And since more women than men go to college and get degrees, a lot of those women will have to settle for growing old with their cats.

You go, grrl.

catter said...

We call it "being each other's cats."