May 7, 2012

"To be honest, I don't know what I want a male for."

"I have some fabulous electronics to use instead. And any woman who tells you she doesn't is lying."

213 comments:

1 – 200 of 213   Newer›   Newest»
John Lynch said...

Tune in, turn on...

Carnifex said...

I've seen these things...in documentaries...they vibrate, spin, thrust, twirl, come in different sizes, and go like the energizer bunny.

I can make babies...that's about it.

Err... I used to be able to make babies.

Oh, and when are we gonna get some reciprical treatment...my hand's getting tired.

I want all you former lovers of mine, I faked every one ...so there!

It's God getting us back for internet porn!

chickenlittle said...

Women, imitating men, opting for mastubation.

ndspinelli said...

Cheesehead women prefer a big summer sausage or ring bologna.

Carnifex said...

Ps.

My wife is a luddite...hers is wooden.


Truthfully we got a leetle bitty backpack zippered up and locked, in the back of the closet so the grandkids don't play Star Wars with the things. I can see them chasing each other around the house, hands getting numb from buzzing. And my wife would be mortified.(sounds like a good prank)

If it makes my wife happy, I'm happy.

OMG...WV: ulticals dingser

Maguro said...

My wife is a luddite...hers is wooden.

A luddite, really? I would've guessed Dutch.

crosspatch said...

I guess this just saddens me. I am really getting tired of women putting men down every chance they get and how we are portrayed as dolts in popular culture.

Try being a sole-parent single Dad. It's pretty hard. All the community resources for single parents are for mothers. Try taking your kids to a playground group or seeing about getting into someone's babysitting share group.

I guess there's a little resentment on my part when it comes to this particular subject. I see women treat men like dirt all the time and hear them say things about men in public that men would be fired for if they said them about women.

Sore subject with me since my wife died and I was left raising two elementary school aged children on my own 3000 miles from any family. Yeah, I know women go through that often when some jerk takes off and leaves them with kids, but there are absolutely no community resources or cultural resources for single fathers except their own family and if those aren't nearby, you're on your own.

Carnifex said...

Amish maybe?

edutcher said...

Ms Hatcher, who was quite endearing as a recurring character on "MacGyver", has spoken about this before.

The translation is:

"No man wants me, so I need something with batteries".

PS The Blonde says I'm the warmest thing she can think of - especially on a cold night.

AllieOop said...

Nick, I prefer Hungarian sausage, er, um, I mean a Hungarian man.

Tibore said...

""I have some fabulous electronics to use instead. And any woman who tells you she doesn't is lying."

Males have fabulous electronics for that too. It's called the internet.

;)

Carnifex said...

@crosspatch

I've been fighting a 1 man war against Hollyweird for years about their portrails of men...movies like Regarding Henry, or Forrest Gump, that portray men can only be loving and caring if their simpletons...just the tip of the iceberg...it's common sitcom fair to make the male lead a punching bag, unless he's gay. Then he's desirable and sensitive, and loving.

Right now, the worst is 2 1/2 men. The Alan character has gone from a poor guy down on his luck to a masochistic leech sucking a living off the other characters. Truly disgusting, and I refuse to watch these sort of shows.

crosspatch said...

Could you imagine the crapstorm if some famous guy said "to be honest, I don't know what I want a female for" and talked about his "fleshlight"?

Wouldn't that be seen as turning women into nothing but a sex object and being able to replace them with another sex object? But it is cool and fashionable when a woman does it?

AllieOop said...

Crosspatch, don't worry, plenty of women still prefer the real thing, no need to fret.

crosspatch said...

Oh, I know a lot of women prefer the real thing, I am simply venting my spleen a bit about the portrayal in the media and in culture.

Younger people see this stuff and in influences how the think as they learn what is "cool" and what is "uncool".

Part of the more general war on heterosexual men, if you ask me.

madAsHell said...

...and who is gonna fix the damn thing when it breaks?

YoungHegelian said...

What saddens me more than the undercurrent of male bashing, is the thought that so many women need to have their personal lives validated by reading that a move star APPROVES!

I mean, how clueless of a woman do you have to be to never have considered buying a vibrator. But yet, when one still needs the nihil obstat from an official glamorous person to close the deal. Cowards! Own your sexuality!

You don't see the guys waiting around for Chuck Norris to tell us it's okay to pull the pud, do-ya?

Anga2010 said...

YAY! And as a man, I can say, quite honestly, that I have no use for you either.

Paul said...

You can tell them if all I wanted was pleasure I could just use my hand (no batteries needed.)

But sadly they don't see that life is far more than just self-pleasure. I guess none of them have ever really known what love is all about. They seem to be stuck on self gratification. Everything revolves around them.

Coketown said...

This all makes too much sense.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who last made news when her sunlight-free lifestyle landed her in intensive care, owns a vibrator--probably because her sexual persona too closely resembles her character in The Royal Tenenbaums: listless, torpid, boring. At least vibrators don't say, "Come on, honey...move a little bit."

Then women such as Mrs. Coldplay (how apt!)-- women that can't tell the difference between a man and a vibrating mold of plastic-- proceed to lecture the rest of us on sex. Really. The only way I couldn't tell the difference between Paltrow's dildo and a man is if both were in another room. But then I would wonder: why are they together in another room? Has vitamin D-ficient Paltrow really driven men to such extremes? Probably.

I continue on to ponder the article. Vibrator purchases are up; owning a silver bullet is officially a trend. Which makes me wonder: Why must women do everything in groups? Whether it's pilates or spinning or deciding which plastic pony to ram up their cooters, it's pretty much Marketing to Females 101: convince one and you've convinced millions.

And then I remember the War on Women. Oh yeah. Duh. We can add "Vote for Obama" to pilates and spinning etc. Women are stupid and do everything in groups. Except of course for the one thing men wish they would do in groups.

This all makes too much sense.

Freeman Hunt said...

""I have some fabulous electronics to use instead. And any woman who tells you she doesn't is lying."

Maybe she meant woman as a member of the subset of women who don't know what they'd want a male for.

phx said...
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phx said...
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el polacko said...

so are you telling me that women are just now discovering being 'master of their own domain'?!

Jason said...

Heh. Betcha she's got half a dozen pickle jars piling up in her refrigerater she can't get open.

Peter said...

Could you imagine the crapstorm if some famous guy said "to be honest, I don't know what I want a female for" and talked about his "fleshlight"?

Silas and Charlene, two amorous farmkids, are getting romantic out in a field one dark evening after a rainstorm. "Uh, Silas," Charlene says, "you're not in me, you're in the mud."
"Well put it back inside you," Silas replies.
A few minutes later, Silas asks "Charlene, am I in you, or am I in the mud?"
"You're in me, Silas, oh God you're in me!!"
"Oh. Could you put it back in the mud?"

EMD said...

so are you telling me that women are just now discovering being 'master of their own domain'?!

If vibrator sales are up, they're losing the bet.

John Lynch said...

For some reason many people reduce relations between men and women to sex and power.

How depressing.

Alex said...

I have to assume conservative women don't have orgasms or don't care to. No wonder they're so angry all the time!

Original Mike said...

I don't want a male, either.

I hope there isn't anything wrong with that.

leslyn said...
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DADvocate said...

I have all the kids I want, 4, and two ex-wives, which is better than having a wife. I have plenty of female friends. But beyond casual conversation, none of them have anything to offer that I want. Ms. Hatcher might be surprised to find out how many men are glad she doesn't want a male.

bagoh20 said...

This is not going to end well.

But, at least nobody is gonna tell her that her lover isn't really that in into her.

I wonder: do women imagine a newer, sexier, more mysterious sex toy to help them get off with the one they are with. `

DADvocate said...

I have to assume conservative women don't have orgasms or don't care to.

If you bothered to use your brain (but I ask to much) and do a little research, you'd find conservative women have the most orgasms, which explains all the angry feminazis. Once again, you flout your stupidity.

AllieOop said...

Dadvocate, I wonder if they shout hallelujah! Or maybe they call their husbands Willard in the height of passion.

Original Mike said...

Hey, the race-baiter showed up!

bagoh20 said...

I'm currently single by choice, and have been for a few years now. Women have lost something attractive. It's not physical - I'm as attracted as ever to them in that regard, but something has been lost. A sensitivity, a desire to be supportive, the ability to love a man, and to enjoy him for his natural differences. There are too many cynics out there who get in their heads.

Of course this is not true for all women, but the others get snapped up right away.

Is that just menopause, or is it the culture?

Icepick said...

If ever a thread called out for, and needed, The Crack Emcee, this one is it!

It would be good to hear from Titus, too.

traditionalguy said...

Very interesting.

So a woman really wants a man for romance, social escort, eating companionship, trip companions, golf games, dancing, seasonal parties, walking the dog together, sensitive emotional understandings, pillow talk and intelligent conversations.

And all of this time I thought it was for sex. Oh yeah, that was me who wanted the sex.

The good news is that as we grow old together the sex can lessen and we continue to enjoy each other. So men still win with a good woman.

Col Mustard said...

Sensual feeling is great. Orgasms are really great. But, if you haven't fucked someone you love, you're still a virgin. Toys are useful when you don't have anything else but hearts and minds trump enegizer bunnies.

Icepick said...

Col Mustard

Icepick said...

In the bedroom.

Icepick said...

With a pipe bomb.

Icepick said...

BOOM!

Carnifex said...

You'll notice the most reactionary conservative indulges his wifes pleasures...I will accept all adulation for this...Thank you, Thank you, and thank you, personal face messager.

Ps.

Why don't Hoosier women use vibrators?

They keep chipping their teeth.

Icepick said...

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

bagoh20 said...

""To be honest, I don't know what I want a male for.""

Then please do not get one. No man deserves that. We are like dogs - we need to be needed above all else, but we need to be needed as men, not as a girlfriend with a sex toy attached.

Let me see - want sexual satisfaction, but not into men? What could that mean?

AllieOop said...

Bagoh,
So are you saying menopausal and postmenopausal women are different somehow in their behavior than a menstuaing woman? I would suggest they are less labile, more focused, no extra hormones messing with their brains.

A woman's personality doesn't change drastically after menopause.

AllieOop said...

Exactly what a woman wants Tradguy.

bagoh20 said...

"A woman's personality doesn't change drastically after menopause"

Perhaps, but does a culture change? Feminism is post-menopausal now.

AllieOop said...

Oops forgot, add the last thing Tradguy said and you have the perfect man. Men take a lesson from Tradguy.

leslyn said...
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AllieOop said...

Bagoh, I suppose feminism has changed the culture, some good some bad. We women choose which we want to embrace.

bagoh20 said...

I think women have just been getting too much sex. Men, we need to go on strike. Oh sure, you can romance them, enjoy them, play with them, but do not fuck them.

Imagine the paradise we will have in about 5 years. And none of you gay guys better cross that picket line either.

SOLIDARITY!

Alex said...

Post menopausal women are afflicted by cottage cheese belly.

AllieOop said...

Haha, funny Bagoh, then women should buy stock in the sex toy industry, in five years time we will be rich and satisfied.

Erika said...

@bagoh20:

I think your observations are indeed largely the culture, but I also observe a bit of a pendulum swing back. Among wives my age (32) I see a blossoming of interest in growing as "servant wives." I hasten to clarify that this doesn't mean "doormat wife," and that it is mirrored by the desire of their men to be "servant husbands," but it's a recognition of the simple importance of taking seriously their husbands' needs and doing their best to meet them. This varies from couple to couple of course, but common themes are being sexually available and enthusiastic, making a reasonable effort to be physically attractive to him, respecting his occasional need to have time to himself for hobbies or simple quiet, teaching the children to honor and respect their father as the head of the household, speaking to/of him courteously and respectfully, sincerely appreciating his role as primary or sole family breadwinner, and being genuinely interested in him as a person and not just a billpayer or fellow kid wrangler.

I can say that my mom's generation is full of bitter divorced women who have terrible attitudes toward men, but I see a lot of healthier relationships among my friends. I certainly hope that the Me Generation's damage is receding into the past, as I have three daughters and a son to marry off someday, and I hold out hope that they will find spouses who are loving, supportive, faithful, respectful and who honor each other.

Lem said...

Guess what..

None of those women ever really worked a day in their life. They've never really dealt with the kind of sexual issues that a majority of the women in this country are facing in terms of how do they pleasure a man, how do they teach em a few things, and why do they worry when they land in Colombia.

Alex said...

I mean let's face it, no man would dare admit to his wife that he'd rather fuck that young hottie who works at the reception desk.

leslyn said...
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AllieOop said...

Erika, such generalizations about boomer women! I have children older than you that I raised alone after my husband died. My three daughters and one son were raised by me a liberal woman to enter a relationship with a long term commitment in mind and not take their spouses for granted and that children are a blessing and a huge responsibility, so don't take it lightly.

The divorce rate has continued to climb in both liberal and conservative households. It's not more prevalent in my generation.

leslyn said...
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AllieOop said...

Yeah, what's with that Lem? Is that some tune that plays in your head daily and you can't get it out? Ear worm?

bagoh20 said...

The reason some women think they do not need a man is that they are confused about what one is. Their idea of a man is one of a defective creature who needs fixing, adjusting, feminizing, just to get close to acceptable.

If you think a hamburger would be perfect if it was just made without meat, then you don't like hamburgers.

Men think women are amazing, mysterious and wonderful, and the perfect companion just the way they were created naturally.

Unfortunately many women do not agree.

yashu said...

Aw come on guys, don't take it so seriously; the woman quoted is making a (lame) joke.

There's an inherent comedy in the idea of sex toys as substitutes for body parts. There's a ridiculousness to it-- the ridiculousness of human bodies, the ridiculousness of the human sexual condition-- a ridiculousness that applies equally to men and women. Anyone who publicly talks about their own masturbation is at least in part laughing at themselves, inviting laughter at themselves. We're such ridiculous creatures, especially when in pursuit of orgasms in abstraction. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Cf. Portnoy's Complaint.

At the end of the day, obviously, neither pieces of liver nor battery-powered orgasm machines provide love.

Synova said...

Any woman who claims to call any woman who doesn't admit doing what she does, a liar, is a liar. Everyone doesn't share the same guilty secrets and some people really *are* faithful in thought as well as deed. Some men really don't view porn, and some women really don't have solitary sex. (And of those who do, only the truly pathetic can't manage without batteries.)

"...something has been lost. A sensitivity, a desire to be supportive, the ability to love a man, and to enjoy him for his natural differences."

I've been reading romances lately (I should not do this, it makes me cranky) and I could easily fall into a rant about this.

I read Georgette Heyer's Historical romances and her heroines range from worshipful, submissive children to independent, forceful women. Her heroes range from meek, thoughtful gentlemen to the domineering. (She pairs meek with meek and strong-willed with strong-willed, in general.)

Historical romances written now are not just more explicit than what Heyer wrote from 1927 to 1975. The "desire to be supportive" is gone. It's simply gone. Any notion that the man can be counted upon, for anything, is gone. That he might solve problems or simply be competent to manage in the world without a woman is... gone. Where both the hero and heroine in a Heyer novel might strive to be sensitive to the other and supportive of the other's business, in current novels she's got to be *in* his business, and he's got to be supportive of her, but never ever will she decide that her role is to support him or trust his abilities to function in his world without her help. Because that would be, oh, I don't know, being a doormat or something.

But Heyer's heroines who "don't need a man" (and there are plenty) and who desire to be in charge of their own lives and who find the restrictions of the culture oppressive, still do not disrespect the men they fall in love with. They are competent women who are attracted to competent men who they then trust to manage without supervision.

Erika said...

Allie, I'm glad you feel satisfied with the job you did raising your kids to someday be good spouses.

I stand by my entirely subjective position that my mother's generation--at least the women who I've known-- largely bought the notion that men are A. defective and B. not really necessary. I and many of my peers were raised that way, and it's been a conscious choice to live differently.

I do not apologize for generalizing.

yashu said...

Though as Alvy Singer puts it: Don't knock masturbation; it's sex with someone I love.

AllieOop said...

Bagoh, I told my children that the biggest mistake they would make would be to marry a man or woman they felt they could change. If you don't like them the way they are , don't marry them.

Another one will come along who will be a better fit. Be patient.

wyo sis said...

I don't have electronics and I'm not lying. What woman would prefer electronics to a real loving relationship with a man? These women are focusing on a small thing and missing a big thing. Small thing=selfish physical sensation, big thing=loving mind exploding co-equal giving and receiving of great pleasure. I don't want to get graphic, but really electronics!?! Give me a break.

Freeman Hunt said...

Allie, the stats I'm finding show the divorce rate declining.

wyo sis said...

Yashu
I was told Woody Allen said that. Sigh.

Freeman Hunt said...

And it also sounds like you've given your kids good advice.

Lem said...

Lem always says that no one ever worked a day in their life. How pleasant for him.

Hilary Rosen's comment is seared.. seeaaaared in my head.

How soon we forget..

yashu said...

wyo sis, it was said by Woody Allen ("Alvy Singer" is his character in Annie Hall).

AllieOop said...

Freeman, that's good to hear, maybe we boomer mothers didn't do such a bad job raising our kids then, did we?

William said...

I never thought that celebrities had better political insights than me, but I figured that what with their good looks and money,they had better sex lives. Not so much apparently. Or maybe it'
s all a cover story while they fuck the pool boy....I wonder what female celebrity will be the first to bring out her own line of sex toys. Probably Kardashian. Perhaps Snooki could compete with a cheaper model with greater RPM's. Maybe Isabella Rossellini could bring out a luxury line with a mink travelling case.

bagoh20 said...

You can tell the perfect man by what he drives. If it has a pair of those fake balls hanging off the rear license plate, that's him.

AllieOop said...

Good to know Bagoh, I'll keep my eyes peeled.

wyo sis said...

Oh. I guess everyone knows I've never seen Annie Hall now.

Ralph L said...

I imagine Snooki demands the real thing, with coiffed hair and a tan.

george said...

OK, so now that Althouse has clued us all in on what to get our wives for Mother's Day where is the Amazon link?

The Crack Emcee said...

Icepick,

If ever a thread called out for, and needed, The Crack Emcee, this one is it!

Thank you. (Note to AllieOop - you'll notice nobody asked for you, or your pity, you stupid ho.)

Anyway, the first thing that stands out about the article is who these women are - all NewAgers:

Paltrow, a follower of Kabbalah with Madonna, sells that quack colon cleanse that the medical authorities admonished her for earlier this year, because it made false health claims. Considering she's with the guy from Coldplay, I'd say she's much more credible when claiming she needs a sex toy.

I've got lots of quotes by and about Jane Fonda - here's one of my favorites:

"[Jane] Fonda was delivering remarks to close out the 'Superlove' portion of 'V to the Tenth,' [Eve] Ensler's two-day birthday party for her vagina-loving organization, V-Day, and for the play that started it all, 'The Vagina Monologues.' Fonda -- who had drummed up publicity for this event back in February by uttering the word 'cunt' on morning television -- began her speech with some copious crying. 'I am so proud to be a woman!' she'd said, sniffing mightily as she took the stage. It ended with some Eckhart Tolle-influenced wavy-gravy about how we're all fields of energy. 'This is not just new-age hogwash,' she said, 'It is actually how reality works.' (Um, no, not really. But she's Jane Fonda, so that's OK!)"

Another one is the chick from that NewAge hogwash movie, Avatar. Shall I go on?

Long story short - it's a good thing they've got electronics because I wouldn't fuck these crazy bitches with Ritmo's dick. Not one of them knows what life's about (which is why they have to overlay it with the gold flake of NewAge bullshit) and I'd bet good money every one of them is lousy lay to begin with.

And, if there's one thing I hate, it's having to show a stupid cow how to be good in bed. ("If you can't party with the big boys, don't show up!") Man, that shit can take years.

"That's why masturbation is king,..."

AllieOop said...

No wonder your wife cheated on you with the New Age stud, Crack.

The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

No wonder your wife cheated on you with the New Age stud, Crack.

And looking at your photo, I understand why your husband's dead.

It's GOT to be like a fucking vacation,...

leslyn said...
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The Crack Emcee said...

Ooh, and I love the phrase "New Age stud, " when the fucking scammer's old enough to be my father.

I swear, what you dumbshit's think you know is hilarious - and reveals you to be idiots every time,...

AllieOop said...

Crack, I've never had a problem attracting NORMAL men, little whining snivelers like you licked my heels like good little puppies.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

leslyn ,

Crack can't get laid because every woman is a "ho"

Didn't I tell you, just a few days ago, that I had a fucking lawyer waving her checkbook at me and I turned her down? And didn't I tell you the problem isn't that I can't get laid but that you bore me? And wasn't that in some casual conversation when I had nothing to prove and was just talking about shit? So why do you want to lie now?

You guys are gonna get sick of deluding yourselves about me one day,...

The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

Crack, I've never had a problem attracting NORMAL men, little whining snivelers like you licked my heels like good little puppies.

Sister, I'd have that nose so far up my ass we'd have to call 911 to revive you.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllieOop said...

Crack, if you think for one minute that you are an attractive man in any way, physical or spiritual or cerebral, you are deluded as you think we are. You really don't deserve my pity, I withdraw it once again.

You are ugly, inside and out, also quite disgusting.

The Crack Emcee said...

Hey - see if any of this adds up:

bagoh20,

I'm currently single by choice, and have been for a few years now. Women have lost something attractive.

AllieOop,

Crack, I've never had a problem attracting NORMAL men, little whining snivelers like you licked my heels like good little puppies.

bagoh20,

The reason some women think they do not need a man is that they are confused about what one is. Their idea of a man is one of a defective creature who needs fixing, adjusting, feminizing, just to get close to acceptable.

And this crazy bitch thinks she's met a man like me because she got some dead faggot to worship her.

You can't make this up!

AllieOop said...

Crack, you are one twisted sister, I'm now LMAO, unreal.

I think we are witnessing the undoing of what was Crack.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllieOop said...

And Crack, Bagoh IS a real man, take a lesson, that is if your addled brain can absorb anything anymore.

The Crack Emcee said...

leslyn,

Ah, Crack, so you are still festering over being too hateful to keep a woman.

Not some NewAge bitch who thinks she's a fucking "goddess" and I should look at her that way. Listen to bagoh again:

Men think women are amazing, mysterious and wonderful, and the perfect companion just the way they were created naturally.

Unfortunately many women do not agree.


Oh yes they do - and that's what makes them so ugly now. They don't need you because they've got MIRRORS! Shit, they send naked cellphone photos to each other!

I'll be damned if I'll ever feed into that shit. They created my attitude and I ain't giving it up for anybody - if they're goddesses, then I'm a god, and I'll be damned if a god is below anybody. Now suck my dick!

Why don't you tell us that bedtime story again about how a woman wants you so bad she'll wave a checkbook in your face but you turn her down?

It's better than anything you've said and, I'm sure, a man you can't handle getting that kind of attention and shrugging it off just burns you up. But you forget - I was rock star. I'm used to women wanting me and not the other way around. I can give a shit. I've been with three girls at a time - Swedish girls - so there's not too much your demanding, feminism-pushing, nagging, nothing-but-trouble asses can do for me.

Now suck my balls.

AllieOop said...

And no one wants your dick and balls anymore.......

Oh gawd, Crack if I wasnt laughing so hard now it would be sad.

Bruce Hayden said...

I think that the thing that bothers me the most is that this is just another example of women believing that they can, and maybe should, live without men. And, maybe financially they can now, esp. if they are "Julias", depending on the government, cradle to grave, which is tasked to take from men the material means to support these women, with no responsibility to the men from whom this support is taken.

And, putting Julia aside, if a woman, or a bunch of women, want to go off on their own, then fine. I, along with a lot of men, are just fine staying out of estrogen rich environments.

The problem arises though when they think that they can adequately raise the next generation without significant male involvement. Some can - and I include my ex there, even though she ultimately remarried. Most, I will submit, cannot do it at all well.

One of the rarely mentioned statistics, for reasons of political correctness, is that the one factor that has probably the highest correlation for males being in prison, is that they grew up in a fatherless household. Very few males in prison grew up with a father in the house, and, in particular, their biological father. I will suggest that any time someone claims that prison is racist because Blacks are so much more likely to be incarcerated is looking at things backwards - the problem is not Blacks, per se, are any more likely to be criminals, or be caught doing criminal acts, but rather, they, thanks I think to progressive policies, are more likely to come from fatherless families.

Males are civilized by two things, and women and marriage are involved in both. One is the influence of older males mentoring and disciplining them. And, the other is marriage and fatherhood. Not paternity, but active fathering.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

Crack, if you think for one minute that you are an attractive man in any way, physical or spiritual or cerebral, you are deluded as you think we are.

See, right there - "spiritual" - you nutty smegma cannon. I could give a shit about your "spiritual" outlook on me or anything else. You can keep lying to yourself, that you're such a catch and I'm just a blowhard, but the truth will win out. It always does.

You really don't deserve my pity, I withdraw it once again.

And what's changed in the world? Not a goddamned thing.

You are ugly, inside and out, also quite disgusting.

Yeah, because I won't bow to the likes of you. Ugly? Look at that photo you've got and tell me about ugly. I know - you think you look intriguing or something - but it's obvious you've got a shnoz the size of Brooklyn and enough hubris to fill a stadium.

Take my word for it, "I've got to get me a piece of that" are not words that come to mind when I see the suburban nightmare that makes up the likes of you.

AllieOop said...

Crack, your nose is huge , maybe you should've had surgery like Michael Jackson. There are far more attractive AA men than you, you are no longer a rock star, alas.

No looks , no money, no fame, no balls. Has been.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

Crack, Bagoh IS a real man, take a lesson, that is if your addled brain can absorb anything anymore.

My addled brain? You obviously can't read because he just said HE DOESN'T WANT YOU EITHER!

I'm currently single by choice, and have been for a few years now.

What a man - coming to the EXACT SAME CONCLUSION I HAVE about your stanky ass.

Face it:

All you bitches are doing is CHASING MEN AWAY. We don't want you. Even young boys don't want you anymore:

The "decent single men" are missing because Schalet's "romantic" boys do not overcome their fear of sex, a fear whose rational basis is no less powerful after the age of majority. Women's trouble finding husbands is only part of the problem: Men who aren't interested in marriage also have less incentive to be productive workers or responsible fathers.

This is a serious problem with worrying economic and social implications. No amount of feminist happy talk about "choice" or Bennett-like bluster about "manning up" is going to solve it.


Nope. All that's left is THE MACHO RESPONSE.

And you bitches hate that more than anything else. Look at you - determined to try and crush what you cannot have and what does not want you. YOU are the sick ones. YOU are what's ugly. As bagoh said, it's not men who are trying to change you - you actually think you can change men.

Well, I'll gladly be your test case:

Good luck with that.

Saint Croix said...

"To be honest, I don't know what I want a male for."

You want a man to be father to your children.

One of the sad things about the sex revolution is how angry men and women are with each other, and how we avoid each other now. What is the sex revolution except anonymous, drunken sex with strangers? And once you decide that relationships are a burden, and sex is all about finding pleasure for yourself, why not replace human beings with machines?

Technology will just make this trend weirder and weirder, uglier and uglier.

Chip Ahoy said...

The thing is, I clicked on that link and the first thing I saw was a picture of Jane Fonda.

A really old Jane Fonda. Like lines all over the place, old. As if the oblique light emphasized with dark and light contrast every tiny line and the unmerciful lens captured every tiny detail and offered no softening Gaussian blur, and the viewer is left thinking, where the viewer is me, "goodness time has been unkind."

The machines makes sense and I'm not offended in the slightest.

AllieOop said...

And Crack, I've had real men, never was at a loss for a man and enjoyed great sex in my day. Never had a man cheat on me.

I would NEVER ever be attracted to something Ike you, you are repulsive.

bagoh20 said...

I said women are wonderful the way they are made naturally - not the way they many make themselves today. Then they try to make men fit with that abomination, and of course that's not even possible.

We can't both be the man, and women just need to face it, you don't know how. I have no desire to be any part of the woman in the relationship. It's all yours.

Now if you could stop trying to be me, maybe you'd be a hot version of you. I don't want to fuck me, but you would, if you knew what you wanted, and weren't afraid of it.

The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

No looks , no money, no fame, no balls. Has been.

I love how you think you can work that last nerve, but, alas, what you know about me is nada. Sorry, girlfriend, but I'm working on another record right now.

What are you working on - besides a yeast infection?

Saint Croix said...

Part of liberalism is that they are worried (if not obsessed) about overpopulation.

So they discourage marriage and babies.

Liberals are all about birth control, abortion, homosexuality, and masturbation. Notice that we'll have public service announcements about most of this stuff. But where is the announcement that 90% of a woman's eggs are dead by age 30, or that 99% are dead by age 40? That's a secret liberals don't want you to know.

Read that article. It dismisses a film of a man having sex with a woman as "porn." That's short for pornography, or "writing about whores." So ordinary sex, that leads to happiness and children, dismissed as bad. But solitary pleasure alone, that's good. Do that, citizen.

The good news is that liberalism is self-correcting. They don't reproduce and those that do abort their young.

The bad news is that Islam is reproducing like mad.

bagoh20 said...

"you are repulsive."

Now that's hot!

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllieOop said...

Are you talking to me and Leslyn Bagoh?

bagoh20 said...

I think I'm gonna have erotic dreams about all of you tonight. "You were there, and you , and you!"

Trust me you'll all be perfect.

AllieOop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

leslyn,

Lonely pussy hound.

ROTFLMAO!!!!

A "lonely pussy hound" who doesn't chase pussy - even turns it down - and the fact I'm insulting two women in the most disgusting manner possible proves what a horn dog I am, right? Right?

God, you're insane.

But the best part is - and I mean the ABSOLUTE BEST PART - is that your attitude is the product of the very quality bagoh (the real man) is explaining to you:

You actually think you not only CAN best me but that you SHOULD.

Here - let me tip you to a little secret:

Where I come from, we knock women out with our fists. No cops show up to protect you when you decide to shoot your mouth off. You either have to back what you're saying or shut-the-fuck-up.

You yuppie bitches don't know what it's like to deal in the real world, that's why you think you're all that. I know black girls who will kick your ass all up and down the block for even THINKING about talking like you two harpies talk. Because you can't back it up. You're all talk. All you know is if you get yourself in trouble, the police will come to protect you. THAT'S why you talk shit - not because you've got anything to offer anyone. And I know that. I inow it as well as I know my name. In the real world, both of you would be reduced to working as prostitutes and there wouldn't be a goddamned thing you could do about it because you ain't got what it takes. You rely on an artificial version of reality to survive.

You mean nothing to me.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllieOop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bagoh20 said...

"Are you talking to me and Leslyn Bagoh?"

I don't know, maybe. I'm talking to women who end up saying what the title of the post does.

I actually don't end up with women like that, I avoid getting close to them, but I know them, hear them and read them a lot. None are happy, and I know they can't be. It's part of that personality, to be dissatisfied. They can't stay happy for more than a couple hours at a time.

Is that you?

frank said...

@ Synova, wyo sis, Ericka, Freeman, even AllieOop [until her 11:45PM electronically induced mental masturbation] all very good, very interesting comments on the meaning and difference between love and sex.

AllieOop said...

Bagoh, not me. I'm generally very happy, I earned that right. I don't try to change people, I either love them for who they are or I pass them up.

Bruce Hayden said...

The girls don't escape unscathed from growing up in a fatherless household either. How does a girl learn self-love? To be confident that she is loved, for who she is, and not what she looks like at some given time, or for her current accomplishments? I would suggest that it is from unconditional love from close male relatives, and, most importantly, from her father. And, she is much more likely to be deprived of this in a fatherless family.

Should it be surprising these days, that so many young women look like and dress like, well, sluts? What do they have to offer males for their approval? Obviously, nothing internal, at least in their minds, so it has to be their sexuality. But, that means that they will be in a race with the clock for the rest of their lives, a race that they will inevitably lose, no matter how much money they have to try to counter the effects of aging.

Back to raising boys for a minute. A friend of mine had two boys, and then got divorced. Then, as the boys approached adolescence, she remarried. I was visiting one day, and watched how her new husband handled the younger of the two, who was now a young teen ager. The step father asked the youngster what he had done wrong. The boy responded. He was asked what the consequences were for that. The boy replied. And, they were imposed. End of discussion. And both boys turned out well - the older was a National Merit Scholar. My friend, who saw how well this worked with her sons, wanted me to step in and do the same for a friend of hers who had raised her son almost entirely by himself. And, I declined, noting that it was too late. Maybe I took the easy way out, but the boy was already a teenager, had been effectively raised without a father almost his entire life, and was already out of control.

The setting of effective boundaries is one of the things that males in general, and fathers in particular, seem to be far better at than females (in general, of course). When adolescent males need these boundaries the most, their mothers seem to think that being their best friend will suffice instead. It doesn't.

I dated another of this friend's female friends for a bit, and she had raised several kids without fathers. Brilliant woman, ABD for a PhD in child related issues. And, yet, all of her kids had constant run-ins with the police. I asked her whether she thought that the police were the boundaries that she was not providing for them. She had to agree.

Finally, let me add that one of the added benefits to society of marriage, when it comes to males, is that they become other-centered, and esp. so when they accept the burdens of fatherhood. And, this means that they go to work every day, often at jobs they don't like, work long hours, sacrifice a lot, and create much of the wealth in this country.

Instead of the young mature males settling down, getting married, and raising children, we are seeing the "slacker" generation, where they are delaying settling down, maybe living at home, and only working hard enough to allow them to play, whether that means partying, traveling, engaging in sports, etc. And, indeed, many see no reason to rush into marriage, since sex is available from so many women who believe that their sexuality is their primary attraction, and they are decently likely to have to support any kids they provide sperm for, without the ability to father them, or without a woman to make them believe that the sacrifice was worth it.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllieOop said...

Oh frank, I was playing around, trying to get Crack's goat and Bagoh's attention.

Bruce Hayden said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bruce Hayden said...

Bad blogger. Bad. Told me that I had not typed the right characters and had to try again, so I typed in the new set, and got double posted. Sorry.

The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

I would NEVER ever be attracted to something Ike you, you are repulsive.

Flick my switch, bitch, and you're right - I'm straight from the gutter.

But you still miss the point:

The gutter is the level you dwell on - where you ask me to go. Who needs your shit, Allie? Who do you THINK needs or wants your shit? Those guys that used to lick your heels? Hell, go talk to them. Go fuck them. You really shouldn't be fucking with me because I'LL NEVER DO THAT. Do you understand?

I'm not one of your feminized males who wants your attention, or will break my neck trying to get a look when you walk in the room or down the street. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. You mean NOTHING to me.

I'm a man. We built this shit. ALL of it - the computer you're communicating over, the lightbulb you're resting under, the bed you'll sleep in tonight - all of it. And I know it.

What have you done? What have WOMEN really done? Even Camille Paglia said if women ran the world we'd still be living in grass shacks. So what good are you, except to do what you're doing now - talking shit?

Sorry, but nobody has to listen to that shit anymore. You're "liberated."

But, if there's one thing you've GOT to understand, that also means SO AM I.

Liberated from the likes of YOU.

And it's obvious - you bitches HATE it.

Well, sorry, but you fucked yourselves.

Better go get some electronics, you silly hos.

AllieOop said...

I'm not a feminist, Crack you are a silly silly man.

The Crack Emcee said...

bagoh20,

"you are repulsive."

Now that's hot!


And, bag, you know how it works:

In person, she'd be doing anything in her power to get with me - if only to prove to herself she could (which she couldn't.) I'm not taking a word she says seriously because I know better. They lie to themselves all the time. Listen to leslyn calling me a "lonely horn dog" when she knows better. It's all a cover for her delusions that every man wants her.

The truth is she wants a man to want her.

She's a woman - and they're as predictable as heartbeats.

AllieOop said...

LMAO, you seriously think I would want you Crack, what the hell do I have to do kick you in the nuts to prove to you that you are repulsive? Gawd. I feel almost violated, lol.

The Crack Emcee said...

leslyn,

I guess it's OK for me to say that when you think you can threaten me with fists, pansy ass, you'll end up in cuffs.

My point exactly. It's all you've got. THAT's why you talk shit. THAT's also why you ain't worth shit. Because you have no PERSONAL INTEGRITY. Your entire identity relies on someone saving you - from yourself.

Even the scrawniest of men have more personal strength and identity than you do.

You're worthless.

The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

Oh frank, I was playing around, trying to get Crack's goat and Bagoh's attention.

And failing miserably at both.

bagoh20 said...

As an example of how it's not what women think: I remember when I was in college, I met a girl who after our first date, went to my apartment, stole my motorcycle - which was a very large street bike - and picked me up outside one of my classes. We drove off into the countryside and blew off school for the day.

Now that's kind of a macho thing for a young girl to do, but she was also very feminine and completely a woman in every way. She was very independent, and took no shit from anyone, but was completely compliant to my wishes and needs. She wanted to be a woman to me, because she wanted a man back. She had no self-doubt about herself, and wanted a man to be man. There really was no other way to be with her. She was strong and completely, totally female. Never demanding or angry, just fun and open. She sacrificed nothing being a woman.

AllieOop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bagoh20 said...

Now Crack would probably be pissed about her disrespecting his property and driving his bike, but it just made me horny, and I knew I'd soon be doing the driving.

AllieOop said...

Sorry Bagoh, I had to delete that that last comment, but that was for you, you're a great guy, sweet dreams.

Saint Croix said...

Oh St Grouch, you're just deluded.

You think I'm deluded in the first post, where I say that the sex revolution has made men and women angry at each other? There's so much misogyny and misandry in this thread, are you kidding?

Or am I deluded in the second post, where I say that liberals want to engage in population control?

Do you know who Obama's science czar is?

Are you aware of what the Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng is a dissident about? He's protesting all the forced abortions in China. He's upset about the one child rule.

Chen embarrasses the Obama administration because they want to suck up to the Chinese authoritarians. But also liberals are sympathetic to the Chinese desire to limit and control human reproduction. Liberals worry about resources way more than human rights.

I may be wrong, and there's no agenda here. Maybe it's just an article about how normal it is to seek sexual pleasure with a machine.

But why do liberals indoctrinate children about birth control? Why is having a baby referred to as a "mistake"? Why is homosexual marriage on the liberal agenda? Why articles about how women don't need a man?

I say liberals push these things because liberals worry about scarce resources. Why do liberals attack the Catholic church? And why do they do so specifically over birth control?

Answer: liberals hate large families. You want to piss off a liberal? Have six kids.

Bruce Hayden said...

Should it be surprising these days, that so many young women look like and dress like, well, sluts? What do they have to offer males for their approval? Obviously, nothing internal, at least in their minds, so it has to be their sexuality. But, that means that they will be in a race with the clock for the rest of their lives, a race that they will inevitably lose, no matter how much money they have to try to counter the effects of aging.

I know that it is in bad taste to quote oneself, but, I didn't know how to cut this down more.

In any case, after I posted it, I noted all the comments about Jane Fonda. And, I was reminded of an interview I saw with her awhile back. I think that it was after she had her autobiography published. She talked about her marriages, and how one of her husbands had pressured her into the nude scene in, I think, Barbarella, by withholding approval.

You would think that she had all the advantages that growing up with a famous father would have provided. And, at least professionally, that hasn't hurt her. But, what was noticeable about her interview was her realization that she didn't believe that she had any self-worth, and sought approval from men, because she never received it from her father. She portrayed him as very cold, and never complimenting her on her successes - which is why their working together on On Golden Pond was so important to her.

So, I was not really surprised to find that she was being quoted here - thrice divorced and having had a cold, unloving, father (no matter how much we all liked him on film). Also, as to looking old - the woman looks great for being 74. But, again, I would suggest that that is through a lot of expensive work, and is just more evidence of what I think, from that interview, has been a lifelong, unfulfilled, quest for male approval, through her sexuality.

The Crack Emcee said...

Crack, what the hell do I have to do kick you in the nuts to prove to you that you are repulsive?

No, just leaving me the fuck alone would be good enough. But you can't. You've been on my nuts all day long, so you must want something. There must be something about me that intrigues you because no one spends this much time on someone they're not interested in.

What has it been now? 12 hours, at least. Because you don't like me. Sure.

I'm sure you don't like me now, because I haven't responded to any of your overtures positively. I've been calling you a bitch, a ho, a cow, and anything else that's appropriate from the moment you piped up. You've gotten nowhere with me. You think I'm disgusting? So. What do I care what you think? You've already stated you don't care what others think and, I told you, that gave me cart blanche to shit all over you. You're no one I would want to get with because YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE. You're just some shitty bitch with your wacky ideas about pitying gays and blacks and anybody else you want to patronizingly look down on with your condescension and pity.

Fuck you, Allie.

Nobody needs you, least of all me.

AllieOop said...

I guess I was a poor example of a liberal, I had four kids.

bagoh20 said...

Buenas noches. Now lets all make my dream a hot one. Places everyone.

AllieOop said...

Give it a rest Crack, you were the one that started with me wayyyy back 12 hours ago, I just didn't let you get the better of me.

I want nothing but for you to ignore me, I'll do the same for you, but if you want a fight every time you see me on a thread fine, I'll fight.

AllieOop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

bagoh20,

Now Crack would probably be pissed about her disrespecting his property and driving his bike, but it just made me horny, and I knew I'd soon be doing the driving.

Nah, she sounds like fun. It's true, few girls would think to be that forward with me - I've been told I'm intimidating - but, once they get to know me, they always like to see how much leash they can get. And, once a friendship's established, what do I care? Shit, I might GIVE her the fucking bike, if I don't need it.

Just because I think she looks good on it,...

AllieOop said...

Of course I had to delete that, night!

yashu said...

Damn, Crack and Allie, get a room you two. (Or three, if you take leslyn with you.)

I've seen flame wars in my time but this is-- whew. There's some really hurtful stuff being lobbed in both directions here, but of each you seem to be getting something out of it, so I'll stay out of it.

Well, I'll just say this:

Allie does seem to have the unfortunate (and annoying to me) habit of personalizing arguments, either instigating flame wars or stoking them-- it's like high school in here lately. But if other commenters let themselves be drawn into nasty personal scuffles or themselves provoke them-- that's on them, too.

Crack's issues with (or views on) women-- that's a forest I dare not broach. As a woman-- and someone who wishes Crack well-- I find much of it… depressing.

Anyway, ducking to avoid the crossfire and going on my way.

PS Interesting thoughts from Bruce Hayden, with which I largely agree. Going to sleep now.

Saint Croix said...

I guess I was a poor example of a liberal, I had four kids.

Big families were common back in the day. And Catholics, of course, used to be liberal. Think of the Kennedys and their large families.

But now liberalism is hostile to Catholicism. Obama has declared war on the Catholic church. Over birth control.

Liberals use libertarian rhetoric ("choice" and "liberty" and "freedom") but liberalism is not about these things. Liberalism is about the state. It's about control. Birth control is control, and liberals like it very, very much. What liberals want to do is nudge people, so they don't have to do what the Chinese are doing, which is force people.

The Crack Emcee said...

AllieOop,

Give it a rest Crack, you were the one that started with me wayyyy back 12 hours ago, I just didn't let you get the better of me.

Oh yeah, lying for 12 hours is really winning the battle. You go, girl!

I want nothing but for you to ignore me, I'll do the same for you, but if you want a fight every time you see me on a thread fine, I'll fight.

Because no matter how "repulsive," and "disgusting," and whatever else, you have to do it, don't you? You just HAVE to? Or else you'll fucking DIE.

Like bagoh said, you women today will never fucking get it.

And, it should be obvious by now, I for one want absolutely nothing to do with you.

AllieOop said...

Yashu, I'm lobbing this one thought your way, go back and see who said what that began this monumental flame war. I'm no ones victim and I defend myself, I never am the first to attack. I personalize things in accordance to how insults have been personalized toward me.

As I said , I do not attack, but I will defend myself, always.

MayBee said...


I mean, how clueless of a woman do you have to be to never have considered buying a vibrator.


Really? You have to be clueless to never consider buying a vibrator?

I don't get the fascination with electronic toys, but I know some people are. I just don't get how it has turned into a girl power, everybody does it thing. It's fine to keep it private, and it's pathetic to find it empowering.

AllieOop said...

Yeah Crack, they're beating down the door to defend you, yep. Because you are a rock star!

Good night , sweet dreams of New Age vixens fighting over your attention, lol.

The Crack Emcee said...

yashu,

Crack's issues with (or views on) women-- that's a forest I dare not broach. As a woman-- and someone who wishes Crack well-- I find much of it… depressing.

Don't yashu - this is only online bullshit, not real life - and not to be taken seriously. I just spent a month in the company of a beautiful woman, and all of her girlfriends, and a wonderful time was had by all with no issues of this kind at any time (I had just put a photo of us together on my blog, but, unfortunately, my blog got taken down so...). Of course, those weren't women trying to get anybody's goat, or handing out pity like theirs meant anybody gave a damn, or accusing me of lying - they know my career and treated me like the artist I am. Yes, I was hit on, but my rejection wasn't brutal or anything. The woman and I are still friends. I just didn't sleep with her. It's for the best.

Anyway, take from this what's offered - some real talk. It's not some display of "Crack's issues" but how real men talk and think when they're not bothered with impressing women and are determined to say their peace.

I, for one, am sick of tiptoeing around women's feelings. I'm divorced. MY feelings matter now. And they're taking a backseat to no one unless I say so. I learned that from how women behave today.

It's a beautiful thing to behold, isn't it?

Saint Croix said...

Where I come from, we knock women out with our fists. No cops show up to protect you when you decide to shoot your mouth off. You either have to back what you're saying or shut-the-fuck-up.

Women are peace and men are war. Peace needs to soothe war. War needs to defend peace. Sometimes war declares war on peace. And peace is in trouble, real trouble. But then war steps in, between war and peace. And war says, "I'm not messing with you, war. I just want to fuck up peace a little." And war says, "Fuck you, war. I'm defending peace." And war declares war on war. And after war gets his ass handed to him on a hat, war is like "Oh fuck, oh shit, peace! Peace!" And war says, "Fuckin' A, peace. Peace is awesome." And peace is standing there all smug, going, "I told you, I told you. Why don't you listen to me?" And war says, "I listen. What the fuck do you think I'm doing? I'm defending you." And peace says, "You're using war!" And war says, "Fuckin' A." And peace says, "War is wrong." And war says, "Don't be so cranky." And peace says, "War is wrong! War is wrong!" And war says, "You're not being peaceful." And peace says, "What the fuck do you know about peace?" And war says, "It's good. I like peace. What do you know about war?" And peace says, "I hate it! War sucks!" And war says, "I know." And war starts feeling sorry for himself and peace has to give him a hug.

rcommal said...

I love my husband and am grateful for him everyday. Reading this thread makes me even gladder I'm not out there.

The Crack Emcee said...

Saint Croix,

Women are peace and men are war.

That's bullshit. Women today are exactly as AllieOop described what she's been up to - not "defending" herself but trying to "get Crack's goat." And, with feminized males, it works. But here's the thing:

In the real world, when two men talk shit and one goes "too far," he knows he'll probably be facing a busted jaw or a pistol. But these "liberated" women rely on a double standard - that they're equal but the rules of chivalry will apply and nobody would dare lay a finger on them. Or, as leslyn said, they'll end up in handcuffs.

Real men say "bullshit" to that. Sure, I may end up in handcuffs, but - before the cops get there - that bitch is going to pay for talking shit AND my night in jail. Just as any man would. THAT's treating them as equals.

That's also why people hate Rappers - because we're not feminized. We see what this society has done to the rest of you - where women have stuck their heels in most men's necks and allowed them to cut off their balls as well. (Like Allie said, she's had "puppies" licking her heels. Not MEN - she's probably never known one - that's why she and leslyn think I'm like all these other poofs. It's all they know.) I know it's partially why my marriage ended, too:

My wife couldn't get me to bend over, the way all her girlfriends, gay friends, and metrosexuals said she had to, otherwise I didn't love her - so she left with some asshole blowing NewAge smoke up her ass about her being a goddess.

Good riddance.

No, the majority of women are as they've always been throughout history - nothing but trouble, unless there's someone with values around to set limits. Like Allie also said earlier today, she doesn't care what others think, so she's revealed herself as a woman with no concern for others, out to get someone's goat. In other words, typical.

And she and leslyn still have the nerve to doubt I would turn a woman down for sex. Seriously. They obviously have me confused for a feminized fool - and have spent far too much time around them themselves. So much so that, I sincerely don't think they'd know what to do with a man, but piss him off.

Oh, and then they'd find themselves in real trouble,...

Alan said...

What does that gal need a male for? I got a list.

Years ago I spotted an article (that seems to be a dead link) about a product called the Boyfriend Arm Pillow, which was catching on as a fad in Japan. Amazon sells it. I blogged a post about what a pillow can't do - sex toys can't do these things either.

A pillow can't share the rent and grocery expenses.
A pillow can't give you a backrub.
A pillow can't dance with you. (Sure, you can grab it and twirl around on the floor, but it ain't the same thing.)
A pillow can't look after the kids while you're shopping.
A pillow can't give you kids to look after.
A pillow can't pick up a few things at the store for you.
A pillow can't introduce you to new books and music.
A pillow can't tell you that you look pretty.
A pillow can't laugh with you while watching a television sitcom.
A pillow can't bake you a birthday cake.
A pillow can't play board games with you.
A pillow can't take care of household chores while you're sick.
A pillow can't take you to the park for a picnic.
A pillow can't fix that broken faucet.
A pillow can't share the latest Internet humor with you.
A pillow can't say "I love you." (And if they ever release a talking version of the Boyfriend Arm Pillow, it can't say it and mean it.)

Saint Croix said...

Sure, I may end up in handcuffs, but - before the cops get there - that bitch is going to pay for talking shit AND my night in jail. Just as any man would. THAT's treating them as equals.

Okay, so there's a crying baby in the Crack house. And Crack is mad because that baby just won't listen. That baby is talking shit! So Crack yells at the baby and tells her to shut up. Bitch won't listen. So Crack shakes the baby and the baby shuts up. So then Crack goes to jail.

In jail, Crack says, "I showed that baby! I am the Macho Response."

But then Feminist Crack gets mad at this metaphor. What is up with all these damn metaphors? Plus it's the infantilization of women. So Feminist Crack says, "She's not a baby. She's an adult. She's a woman. She's dangerous. She's the biggest danger there is. Didn't you see G.I. Jane? She's an evil force of evil. Way scarier than a baby. I had to hit her, she was so powerful and scary. She was the demon."

But then Feminist Crack realizes that this sounds kind of retarded. And then he realizes that damn bitch got him locked up in a cage, just by talking and using words to piss him off. "See, I told you bitch was dangerous," he says to the other Macho Responders, also in jail. "I told you." And they say, "Shut up, bitch." And Crack says, "I'm not a bitch. You're a bitch!" And so it goes.

Rusty said...

Knock yerself out , sweetheart.

Roger J. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Roger J. said...

I think it was Robert Heinlein who said masturbation was cheap, easy, fast and effective--its only problem is it is lonely--sorry if I didnt get the aphorism right, but it seems to be on target.

harrogate said...

Jesus, but this thread turned real ugly real quick. Proving once asgain that just as water is wet, and the sun it hot, politics is not sexy.

tim in vermont said...

It can't help that we live in a society that routinely mutilates the male sex organ at birth.

B said...

yashu said...

...it's like high school in here lately.

More like junior high.

Crack is Crack. Harsh and often combative. But his usual back and forth with other commenters doesn't take away from the blog in my opinion. Agree with him or not, he's never boring and no one can say not he's not an original thinker.

Spiteful Allie, though, seems to be in the middle of it with one regular commenter after another.
This happened a short while back and she was deep into the devolution of many threads on the blog descending into boring chat room nonsense then too.

Fen said...

The "I don't need a male" nonsense doesn't bother me. Its like when New Hampshire insists that it doesn't need Texas. Women seem to have some new philosophy or gadget or diet every year that will finally "unleash" them from their dependency on men.

The sex that really doesn't need the other also has no need to talk about it 24/7.

traditionalguy said...

Wow! I missed the fireworks last night.

Crack is my long time friend. And he is a great writer with well developed insights from his life experiences. And Allie is obviously a good woman with many talents learned from her life experiences.

I keep wondering why Crack sees Allie's strengths to be a threat to his world view?

Crack is continually in a fight with various forces of deception. And if I was in a fight, then I would go get Allie to join me.

But being willing to accept an intelligent woman as a worthy equal seems to be a fearsome thing to once wounded men.

My Egyptian friend used to say to me, " Once bitten by a snake, then always afraid of a rope."

Stay tuned.

harrogate said...

Fen: Such aggression on all fronts. Tsk, tsk.

And of course, I would hope that women still do stand to gain more from men than New Hampshire from Texas.

Just Lurking said...

I read somewhere that excessive use of a vibrator can desensitize a woman. I imagined eventually needing to sit on a jackhammer to get off. No thanks. A creative mind doesn't need powertools for sex.

As for the woman not knowing what to do with a man? She clearly doesn't deserve one.

purplepenquin said...

I still can't get that mental image of Crack taking a nose up his ass out of my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I ain't judging! But knowing he likes it like that helps better explain his attitude towards women...

Carnifex said...

Here's what it is boys and girls. The hard unvarnished truth.

Sex with someone you don't love is just masturbation with the other person standing in for your hand. Sex with a machine is even colder by far. I know. I speak from experience.

Like most everyone else I had sex before I found my wife. But afterwards, after finding "the one", I realized sex wasn't that great. Not compared with love.

Then my wife and I had an argument. She left for a weekend, and in bitter tears I returned to an old partner. I did it one time. The sex was good, the love was missing, so I never went back.

My wife and I reconciled. She found out about the affair. We're still working on that. That's been over 10 years now.

It's trust ultimately. My wife knows things about me that no one else has a clue, and I the same with her. I trust her implicitly, she does the same. I will die when she dies, and vice versa, we are swans.

I've had the opportunity to cheat since. With beautiful women. But I won't, I can't.

For all of the bitter people out there I feel sorry for you. Your bitterness will scab over, scarify, until you won't be able to find that person you were meant for. When my wife and I first started dating, waiters would ask us how long we had been married. And this was after weeks.

Bagoh, AllieOop, you 2 need to find a room. You argue like a old married couple, like my wife and I do.

Crack, I'm sorry you were hurt so bad. You try to hide your sensitivity behind this rough exterior to keep from being hurt anymore, but your sensitivity comes through...Why do you think you're one of the more popular responders on here? I hope you can find the woman who will heal you, and when you do meet her, I hope you allow her in close enough to do it.

And that's it. You have to allow someone to see you for what you are. To see all the scars, and pimples of your soul, and trust them not to use it against you. We're all flawed, the Hollywood crowd more so than most, because they've been told that they are so beautiful, they have no flaws. When your made of diamond, you can't have a crack to let someone else into your life.

Ps

My wife and I are getting older and fatter. When I wake up next to her in the morning, and I look down at her face she asks "What are YOU looking at?" I tell her "I'm looking at an angel". The good part is I mean it. And THAT is what it's all about.

chickenlittle said...

AllieOop said...
Or maybe they call their husbands Willard in the height of passion.

5/7/12 10:02 PM

Most telling comment of the entire thread.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Saint Croix said...

It can't help that we live in a society that routinely mutilates the male sex organ at birth.

dude, my penis says fuck you. so to speak.

this thread cracks me up.

so to speak.

Freud's like, oy vey.

AllieOop said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AllieOop said...

Aw Carnifex, that is sweet, who would dare call YOU a "feminized" man?

Tradguy, I'd be happy to help out in a fight anytime, but round two with Crack may not happen, I'm hoping we just ignore each other.

PP, that nose wasn't mine, will never be mine. Any man who would try to physically abuse me would be on the ground in agony fast.

A man wanting to abuse me has never happened in my real life, I've had some "manly" men in my life too, fighting wasn't on our agenda, we were otherwise occupied

But of course I would be happy and smiling and cheerful while doing it. All things to all people, a woman.

Then move on to the next thread.

Joe Schmoe said...

Man, this thread is crap. All the entreaties to raise your game, and selective deletions of supposedly cluttered posts, and this is what we're left with. A bunch of shit. It was a red meat post to start with, so I guess you reap what you sow. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be without me.

X said...

"To be honest, I don't know what I want a male for."

to invent your vibrator. it's not going to Human Resource or Gender Study itself into existence.

Nathan Alexander said...

In modern USA, a woman can never be wrong. Her choices can never be wrong choices. There can be no open judgment of a woman.

That's the point of the Pro-Choice and Feminist movement. Liberal ideology is founded on the idea that certain behaviors and certain victim groups cannot be judged as wrong or bad.

In fact, establishing oneself as a victim is justification: the bad result is something that was imposed on the victim, not their choice.

It all dovetails: a woman can never be wrong, therefore when anything bad happens, she is a victim of a man's choices or actions.

The fascinating result, however, is that the least reliable description of a woman is what that woman says in public.

"The woman doth protest too mightily" indeed.

AllieOop said...

Yes of course Nathan Alexander knows women, he knows the mind of any woman anywhere, he can predict with amazing accuracy what a woman will do and how she "really" thinks.

harrogate said...

Much of the vitality in human society, along with much of the conflict and anxiety, arises from differences between men and women, both real and imagined. Long may it all continue.

harrogate said...

And, Allie demonstrates remarkable good cheer and verve considering how some treat her on these boards. it lends a lot of credence to her heels comment.

AllieOop said...

Harrogate,
And I never kicked a puppy:)

harrogate said...

Ha

Saint Croix said...

Much of the vitality in human society, along with much of the conflict and anxiety, arises from differences between men and women, both real and imagined. Long may it all continue.

Maybe vibrators cause some John Henry anxiety? I can't run for 6 hours. Well, maybe I can, but I'd have to read some books first. Do some yoga. I'd rather have an orgasm and start over.

Here's a joke about a farmer who sticks his penis into a cow-milking machine.

dreams said...

"Women, imitating men, opting for mastubation."

Men don't need electronics.

Steve Koch said...

Interesting but very painful thread, I could not read all the responses. Looks like the war between the sexes continues unabated. Be kind to each other, there is a child inside each of us.

The old but true joke is that women fuck to hug and men hug to fuck. The point is that women are much more relationship and marriage oriented than men are. I agree that marriage civilizes men.

As American men become ever more reluctant to marry American women, there will be an ever growing trend of Americans marrying foreigners. Quite often the foreigners will be exploiting the American just to gain citizenship.

In the future, Americans will mate with robots that are programmed to please (both sexually and psychologically), tailored to the precise requirements of the individual customer.

Steve Koch said...

Technology and law will encourage/enable American men and women to draw farther and farther apart. Men will be able to reproduce without women and women are already reproducing without men (beyond an initial semen contribution). They will effectively be separate species and will inevitably fight wars. The men will win the wars unless the women become much more like men. Either way, the future looks bleak for women in their current form.

Transformative change to the human species very soon is unavoidable due to advances in computer hardware and software, genetic engineering, nano engineering, and human-machine hybrids that exploit these technologies. Modified "humans" will be produced for military, political, religious, and economic advantage. These enhanced humans will conquer the non enhanced humans (i.e. us).

ndspinelli said...

"Can't we all just get along?" Rodney King


I don't like conflict, it makes me uncomfortable.

Rusty said...

Just Lurking said...
I read somewhere that excessive use of a vibrator can desensitize a woman. I imagined eventually needing to sit on a jackhammer to get off. No thanks. A creative mind doesn't need powertools for sex.


You'd have to talk to Amanda Marcotte about that. Rumor has it shes reduced to straddling a cement mixer filled with engine blocks.
NTTAWWT

rcommal said...

As for the post title (a quote, I know): For me, without the yang, my yin is out of of kilter. At bottom, I seek kilter and balance.

Steve Koch said...

At first the sex robots will be expensive so customers will rent them for short time periods (eg: an hour or two). The companies that own the sex robots will capture feedback from the customer and construct sexual profiles that will be used to improve the variety and reality of sex robot performance. Customers will be able to select a particular sex profile for any transaction. Profiles of celebrities will be captured and made available so that customers can virtually fuck that celebrity. There will be a huge market in sexual profiles.

rcommal said...

And I say that in the catholic sense, not in either the goofy, touchy-feely sense or the equally shallow me-Tarzan, you-Jane sense, both of which seem pretty disordered, to me.

harrogate said...

Steve Koch,

What are you doing wasting this on a blog comment board. You've got a great idea for a sci fi story! whether or not it ever comes true!

rcommal said...

Steve: Interesting, but I'm pretty much as skeptical of dystopic fantasies as I am of utopic ones. They're twin sons of different mothers, if you ask me, and I think humankind is too enamored of both--largely escapist, IMO--visions.

Saint Croix said...

Steve I believe the future is almost here.

And the breast is detachable. Yay!

oh my god, that movie is so wrong.

leslyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

Saint Croix,

Okay, so there's a crying baby in the Crack house. And Crack is mad because that baby just won't listen. That baby is talking shit! So Crack yells at the baby and tells her to shut up. Bitch won't listen. So Crack shakes the baby and the baby shuts up. So then Crack goes to jail.

In jail, Crack says, "I showed that baby! I am the Macho Response."

But then Feminist Crack gets mad at this metaphor. What is up with all these damn metaphors? Plus it's the infantilization of women. So Feminist Crack says, "She's not a baby. She's an adult. She's a woman. She's dangerous. She's the biggest danger there is. Didn't you see G.I. Jane? She's an evil force of evil. Way scarier than a baby. I had to hit her, she was so powerful and scary. She was the demon."


Jesus, man, are you really this dumb? Comparing wayward women to crying babies? Here, let me give you a more apt, and real world, example of the danger you chuckle at:

I am still tortured by the idea that if I had thrown my wife out the window, there would be three other innocent people alive who are now dead.

Why are they dead? Because this feminized society saw me as a threat - the black man with his talk of values and ethics and setting things to right - and they protected the precious goddess and her homeopath so they could be allowed to kill.

My question to you is, why are so scared to go to jail for what's right? Why would you allow anybody to walk over you, just because you face the possibility of sanction? Do you have sons? Is that the world you want for them, because it's definitely the one that's been created for them? What on Earth do you so-called "men" think you're doing? You get manipulated by facing extreme examples of violent men in the media, like Tony Soprano saying, "Whatever happened to Gary Cooper, John Wayne, the 'strong, silent type'" before he kills someone, and you think, "I should never be like him," like that means - because no man wants to be a psychopath - under any circumstances should you bother to defend yourself. And that's how you talk yourself into rolling over for women and allowing them to walk all over you. I mean, I can hear it in the words you wrote. You're a sap. Oh, heavens, I might go to jail - what an AWFUL dilemma. Sure, tell it to MLK and all the other people who did so for what's right.

You "men" need quotes around the word because nobody should ever confuse you with the real thing. You'll write all day about metrosexuals and feminized males but you pusses won't do anything about it. As Tradguy said, if he needs help, he'll run to AllieOop. Good luck with that, Big Guy. She'll be working to get your goat because you didn't show the appropriate amount of pity for gay guys in no time, and then you'll be arguing with the stupid cow yourself, and wishing you had a reasonable guy to talk to. Oh joy!

purplepenquin,

I still can't get that mental image of Crack taking a nose up his ass out of my mind.

Funny, bird. Very funny,...

Here's the podcast if anybody wants to hear it.

Dante said...

It's just the fickleness of women. Look to the animal kingdom to understand how much influence women have over male behavior and genetics.

So now that women have made us what they want, they don't like what they have made, so they have men create a replacement for themselves.

chickenlittle said...

And you're wrong about the imitation. Women needed it first. When Harry Met Sally

That scene always brings a smile and a laugh.

*laughs*

Saint Croix said...

Top 10 Circumstances When I Might Smack a Woman Like Demi Moore in That Stupid Feminist Movie

1) Lorena Bobbitt whacks my pecker off while I'm sleeping. And I wake up and I'm like, "Damn I knew that name was familiar!"

Personally I think it's more important to find a bag of ice and get that shit to a hospital--assuming I can find the damn thing. Apparently she tosses 'em out of car windows. That's a sad day, when you're looking for your penis in the street. Need a flashlight. And paper towels! I bet I'm bleeding. I don't see how I have time to hit her, frankly. Funny how you prioritize. Vengeance, or saving the phallus? It's not even close, really. Personally I think it would be justified at the scene of the crime like that, but you got the ticking clock scenario. Got to stitch that shit up fast.

2) Patty Hearst scenario. Crazy ass woman is brainwashed by terrorists and robs a bank. You can smack a woman if she's robbing a bank. That's rare, though. Plus they're usually armed. Or that woman who tried to shoot Ford. You can smack her, that's okay. Or any of the Charlie Manson bitches.

3) If she's a woman zombie and she's like dead and she's attacking anybody? I would fuck that shit up.

4) I guess if she's got rabies I might hit her with a broom or something. "Stay away from me! Stay away from me with the rabies!"

5) I'm in Iraq or Pakistan or someplace like that, God knows why, and a crazy woman terrorist with explosives taped to her body runs at me going "Ya! Ya! Ya!" Boy would I smack that. I hate terrorist shit.

6) It's a legally sanctioned bout where some female kickboxer is stomping my ass. I saw this on Jackass one time and I realized that when a woman knocks me down six times and I'm all bruised and bleeding, I think I'll probably try to hit her once. If I'm wearing boxing gloves and she's kicking my ass and it's sanctioned by the government. Somehow that makes it okay. It's like it's okay for a male doctor to look at my woman's vagina. Or, for that matter, put his hand on my privates or put some damn thing up my ass. Some shit is okay just cause we accept it.

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