May 25, 2011

Scotty wins. Seems to be having a love affair with Lauren.

Beyonce appeared to be in hell while singing a hellishly awful song. Steven Tyler got to follow Bono. Jennifer Lopez's husband had a whole big number because he's Jennifer Lopez's husband. Tom Jones showed up and sang "It's Not Unusual." Besting him in the oldest man competition, Tony Bennett was there. He's 85! He sang with Haley. Like they're a couple. Judas Priest deigned to appear. "American Idol" is not something they scorn. Who can scorn "American Idol" now? They sang with James Durbin. And Jack Black sang with Casey Abrams. That was ugly. Jacob Lusk got Gladys Knight and they sang about Heaven. Lovely. Scotty McCreery did a duet with Tim McGraw who, we're told, is the most-played artist on the radio of the last 10 years. And Lauren Alaina did her duet with Carrie Underwood. And Lady Gaga sang about being "on the edge" while standing on a scenery cliff, which I was worried she'd fall off of, and then she did intentionally fall off in the end, onto some hidden foam, no doubt. I'm sure she'll be back to howl at us on future occasions.

Off the top of my head, that's what I remember from tonight's big "American Idol" results show.

33 comments:

ironrailsironweights said...

I guarantee you that none of the women contestants actually looks like an adult woman.

Peter

RuyDiaz said...

Jennifer Lopez's husband had a whole big number because he's Jennifer Lopez's husband.

True as that may be, he's also a huge deal in Latin America.

Now, all you nice folks who watched the show do carry on.

Meade said...

The so-called love affair with Lauren is just something cooked up by the producers, trust me.

vnjagvet said...

I trust you Meade. I wasn't going to comment but the word verification was too good to ignore:

"PLAMES" -- the couple that got Libby in trouble.

Ann Althouse said...

"True as that may be, he's also a huge deal in Latin America."

Who else who's a huge deal on another continent got a big song? But, okay, I apologize to Latin America. Just saying how it looked to me.

Joanna said...

Casey singing with Jack Black cracked me up.

I also liked the pretaped segment where contestants made fun of Scotty and Lauren's youth. "They can't even read.... They're just learning cursive." Heh.

Dead Julius said...

That's fucked up.

Should be a lesson to all the young readers of Althouse out there:

Don't do drugs.

Especially if you are planning on watching FOX and then blogging about it.

Eat a pizza and take a nap and then post something sensible, Professor!

sane_voter said...

Jack Black and Casey singing Fat Bottomed Girls was hilarious and entertaining. Too bad J-Lo didn't shake her ample booty to that song like she did for her hubby El Diablo.

kimsch said...

Marco Antonio Muniz and Jennifer Lopez are both of Puerto Rican descent - born in New York. Not another continent...

I knew Scotty would win. My cousin said Lauren was robbed, but I reminded him about the season with Katherine McPhee. She came in second, but who was it who won? I can't remember his name. Never really heard from him again.

wv: skines

SteveR said...

I can't remember his name. Never really heard from him again.

Well Taylor Hicks was similar to Scotty in having a solid and overwhelming fanbase of young females. 120 million votes worth.

I expect Scotty may actually sell some music, however

madAsHell said...

My 85 year old mother watched the show while I was washing the dog in the laundry tray.

She said the show was "boring". All the girl singers were trying to hump something.

"Where did all the nice girls go?"

...but she thinks "Two and a half Men" is hilarious! Yes, she understands the references to masturbation, disease and whatever else.

yeah....my mother kept the faith when I was smokin' pot, flailing in college, and seein' the wrong women....

Dad's gone. So, every day I make sure that she isn't wallowing on the floor in her on waste.

In the end, it's good to have children nearby.

I still think about the wrong women.

kimsch said...

Taylor Hicks. Thanks.

wv: prillyp

SteveR said...

I still think about the wrong women.

A good friend wrote a song

Ever since I was a young boy, I've had women on my mind.

Not the kind you take home to mother but mostly the other kind.

Ralph L said...

Meade said...
The so-called love affair with Lauren is just something cooked up by the producers, trust me.
You have reliable gaydar, or does he feel guilty for beating her?

Ralph L said...

So is that 2 winners and 1 second (Aiken) from North Carolina? The rest of the country must really suck.

hombre said...

The country kids are having a "love affair?"

Oh, please.

The Crack Emcee said...

And it still adds up to a big-assed "WHO CARES?"

Contrived art can be nice (see The Monkees) but, generally, it's a statement of how bad things are:

I can't remember his name. Never really heard from him again.

Call me whenever the real thing shows up - I don't need imitations.

el polacko said...

scotty and lauren were the only contestants who had a bible quote listed as their 'favorite quote' on their official idol page...actually, they both had the SAME quote "i can do all things through christ.." scotty thanked the lord for his win and shared his jubilation with lauren. they are partners in christ...not in the bedroom.
that said, i give scotty a year before he is giving blowjobs for coke. the music biz is a harsh master.

Suburbanbanshee said...

Lady Gaga as Tosca, huh?

It's traditionally a mattress behind the prison parapet....

David said...

Meanwhile, in important news, Hines Ward of the PITTSBURGH STEELERS, wins Dancing with the Stars. Way to go Hines.

Ralph L said...

In one production, they used a trampoline, and one night she bounced back onto the stage.

marylynn said...

I missed the first hour. But of what i did see, I thought Beyonce was awful, and Lady GaGa is just. too. weird.
I like both Scotty and Lauren. They both appear to have a genuine naivette and innocence about them. Scotty's Mom looked happy, and yet also had kind on an "oh no" look on her face - she knows their normal small town life is pretty much gone and she is not loving that.
I hope they stay nice kids - Carrie Underwood has been able to, why not them? I suspect its a little easier to stay normal when you are in Country music than in the depravity of the rest of the celebrity industry.

Cedarford said...

Haley Reinhart-Tony Bennett duet was best performance of the night. Haley is 20, Tony 85. Haley adapted to Bennett's range and style, showcased the Legend, even danced a bit with him. Enchanting stuff. Best of the night.
Standing O from judges and audience.

Gaga performance, James Durbin and Judas Priest, Scotty McCreery and Tim McGraw were also quite good.

Casey Abrams brought the comedy to the night with his "Fat Bottomed Girls" duet and the skit he did with James on who was a bigger whiner about being eliminated. (And icing on the cake was Pia spoofing her rep as a beauty pageant singer by showing up with a gown, tiara, and sash saying #1 Most Shocking Elimination)

All in all, a pretty fun show. No real suspense about who would be crowned winner. Scotty had it in the bag.

pauldar said...

Scotty will sell at least one album. My wife will buy it. Odd, she was never really a country fan before Scotty. Is now

Meade said...

"You have reliable gaydar, or does he feel guilty for beating her? "

Neither. I just recognize a man in love. Scotty ain't. And he'd be smart not to be for at least ten years.

Nice summary, Cedarford.

PatCA said...

Good show. Feathers! Jazz, salsa, rap! Judas Priest counterpunched by the gospel group! Shimmying booties! Contestants having fun, thank goodness, rather than nervous breakdowns--we didn't miss you, Simon.

I'm exhausted. I feel like I danced all night in my sleep.

MadisonMan said...

I watched some of it. I thought Skeletor's performance was pretty bad, but I liked seeing Sheila E on drums. Tony Bennett with Haley was the best performance, IMO.

Trooper York said...

I thought James was going to play with Steven Tyler. He must of bet dealed him.

Trooper York said...

That Marc Anthony is one ugly mofro.

Trooper York said...

Pumpkinhead is gonna be a big star.

As is Tourettes boy.

The rest of them will be working in Hooters in two years.

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Joseph Mario Medillo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joseph Mario Medillo said...

I Bet she will never give her whole heart to him, only just half of her heart though... I Never Gave More To You Than Half Of My Heart