December 8, 2009

"Paramedics removed a woman from Tiger Woods's Florida home early this morning and transported her to hospital...."

"... WESH-TV reported that a patient at first refused to be taken for treatment, but was later listed as an 'advanced life support' patient and transported to hospital. WESH broadcast footage of what it called 'a middle-age' woman being taken into the hospital on a stretcher."

Another mystery. Should we avert our eyes?

Video.

ADDED: Apparently, it was TW's mother-in-law. And, hey, isn't this headline (hilariously) mean?

73 comments:

Bissage said...

On the plus side, this time the prosecutor will know better than to let Mr. Woods try on the golf gloves by himself.

Firehand said...

Not avert our eyes: we should bloody ignore it.

That the major media can spend so much time on this, and ignore so much else...

traditionalguy said...

Oh no! Elin Woods has attacked again. Poor Tiger. How many golf tournaments will he miss at this rate?

The Drill SGT said...

A sad slow motion meltdown. Tiger and his empire were built up as the American success story. The fall from those heights is gonna leave scars on him and all around him.

smokeandashes said...

Advance Life Support is just a paramedic service. It has nothing to do with the seriousness of the patient. If you call 911 in most cities you are going to get an ALS service. Damn ignorant media.

knox said...

What a mess.

Pogo said...

Probably just one of his mistresses hiding in the closet too long.

It can get really hot in there, plus it's dark.

k*thy said...

"What a mess"

...and it's only Tuesday.

Ricardo said...

Maybe they've got a "mold" problem in the home, that's making everyone sick?

Martha said...

YES! We should aLL avert our eyes. What began as a tabloid story morphed into a bimbo eruption farce and now the entire affair is becoming a tragedy. Leave Tiger's family alone!

Dogwood said...

Probably just one of his mistresses hiding in the closet too long.

It can get really hot in there, plus it's dark.


And then there are those smelly moth balls, highly toxic little suckers.

Arturius said...

I'm not a conspiracy minded person but it does gives food for thought when this nation is looking at a major overhaul of our health care system and the Administration is toying with the idea of the overreaching EPA regulations on our thermostats yet the major news of the week is Tiger Woods and which cocktail waitress he teed up last.

It certainly defines the Imperial Roman theory of bread and circuses.

Pogo said...

What started as a minor domestic tragedy is rapidly devolving into a financial farce.

With each revelation, it begins to sound more and more like R. Kelly's Trapped In The Closet, that ridiculous 12-part song that never ended.

Pogo said...

I'm waiting for the midget and something involving costumes.

Arturius said...

Tiger and his empire were built up as the American success story. The fall from those heights is gonna leave scars on him and all around him.

Well I'm not convinced Tiger is destined for the same dustbin of celebrities gone bad. If he was tied to the bottle or lines of cocaine I might agree, but marital infidelity only seems to bring down politicians, specifically those of a GOP bent. For a young sportsman like Tiger, I'm hardly shocked he was getting some on the side. Even if whatshername takes him for 50%, he'll still have more money than he could ever spend in a lifetime.

peter hoh said...

Dreher suggests the possibility that Mrs. Woods tried to kill herself.

Almost Ali said...

Drip, drip, drop, bang, bam...hailstones the size of golf balls.

OldGrouchy Doug Wright said...

This story will not end well, IMHO!

michael farris said...

Why avert our eyes? This multi-bimbo meltdown of Woods' career is the funniest media train wreck in ages.

If he was too stupid or horny to consider the probable results of his behavior then shame on him, that just makes the situation all the more hilarious for the more jaded among us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the kids, the kids. If Woods didn't care enough about them to keep it zippered why should I?

wv: woogy (my new slang term for what he was thinking with, if you get my drift)

Glen said...

The pressure will stay on until Tiger plays the race card.

AllenS said...

I'm listening to KFAN out of the twin cities, and they just reported that the woman taken from the Woods' house was Elin's mother.

[Insert mother-in-law jokes here]

bearbee said...

....yet the major news of the week is Tiger Woods...

Corruption is rampant.

America is being screwed over by the politicians.

Media no longer capable of independent, unbiased, serious, in-depth investigative reporting.

Tragic.

Scott M said...

...and at this point, I became interested in this story.

t-man said...

It looks like Tiger's next product endorsement will be as a stand-in for the Morton Salt girl.

edutcher said...

Ann said...

"Paramedics removed a woman from Tiger Woods's Florida home early this morning and transported her to hospital..."

She had to be removed from Tiger's neck (or, uh someplace) surgically, no doubt.

This is, what, number 8?

(Just because it may be his mother-in-law doesn't put him in the clear.

I saw a cartoon years ago with a bartender, indicating a morose patron further down the bar, telling a customer, "You think you've got mother-in-law troubles? He got his pregnant!").

Jason (the commenter) said...

Now this is becoming sad. Don't avert your eyes though or you'll miss an important lesson. Probably five or six lessons the way things are going.

The Crack Emcee said...

"Media no longer capable of independent, unbiased, serious, in-depth investigative reporting."

That's what I just said, today, as well.

jeff said...

"Should we avert our eyes?"
Yes.

Jeff said...

According to SI.Com, it was his mother.

JohnAnnArbor said...

Maybe they've got a "mold" problem in the home, that's making everyone sick?

Or Chinese drywall?

Dogwood said...

Probably five or six lessons the way things are going.

I think we're up to nine lessons at this point.

Dogwood said...

Stay tuned for the back nine.

Jeremy said...

Avert your eyes from what...Tiger's mother?

Adele Mundy said...

Jeremy put down that tomato!

Pogo said...

How many is it so far?

The Skank Classic, an 18-hole course with an easy front 9, but very few finish the rest unscathed, or married.

Adele Mundy said...

Wow you got bail really quick.

MamaM said...

This story reminds me of yesterday's, "Crazy Diamonds: Another Shady Optical Illusion".

LoafingOaf said...

Firehand said...
Not avert our eyes: we should bloody ignore it.

That the major media can spend so much time on this, and ignore so much else...

I can't resist following it. Nancy Grace's coverage is way out of hand but I watch it. The way she analyzed every detail of his crash with maps and so forth the other day was pretty funny.

With so many media outlets, there's nothing wrong with a few of them covering it in obsessive fashion for those who are interested. Except, apparently that stuff gets such good ratings that the rest join in. So...is it wrong for them to cover what people are discussing? Everywhere I go, people bring up Tiger in small talk.

My mom's Swedish and she's taking what Tiger did to Elin pretty personally. She went on a big anti-American rant over it yesterday when we were talking about how Tiger was offering her money to stay. lol

The Crack Emcee said...

Averting your eyes is what allows things like this to continue.

Grow up and accept your role, as witness, in society - it's ours.

BTW - Tiger's finished.

Adele Mundy said...

The Tiger Woods story is diverting but please Mr. Oaf do not let it distract from your overwhelming concentration on Sarah Palin’s uterus.

Michael Hasenstab said...

No one died? Dang. Eight mistresses isn't quite enough to qualify Woods for Congress. A death of one sort or another could put him over the top, though.

LarsPorsena said...

Let us be thankful that Tiger is in sports and not politics. Unlike Max Baucus, he can't appoint his bimbos to be a US Attorney.

SMGalbraith said...

The latest was that it is his mother-in-law. Yeah, he's finished.

It's been said a thousand times so one more time won't hurt - we really don't know what type of person these celebrities or powerful people really are.

E.g. JFK was a really a jerk. He'd like to belittle other men. Forget the womanizing; he was just a mean man. Churchill too although that's not a surprise.

Et cetera, et cetera

Martha said...

I remember hearing that JFK's father offered Jackie money to stay married to womanizing JFK. It worked out...at least JFK was elected President with wife in tow.

ricpic said...

Worst of all, only one of the nine (so far) is hawt.

Quasimodo said...

Tigergate: the gift that keeps on giving ... kinda like herpes

t-man said...

The headline is hilarious. Do you think she is old enough to get the allusion?

SMGalbraith said...

Eugene Robinson at the Post, perpetrating a first degree 'writing-while-committing-sociology' crime, is complaining about Tiger's choice of mistresses.

Apparently, Woods wasn't diverse enough in his choices and, according to Robinson, “appears to have bought into an 'official standard of beauty that is so conventional as to be almost oppressive.“

Chew on that one.

More likely is that the first Playboy centerfold that Wood jerked off over as a boy was a long-haired leggy type.

Men aren't that complicated when it comes to sex, Mr. Robinson. Couple more like this and you'll need to give back that Pulitzer.

traditionalguy said...

Let me do the math calculation of how many people Tiger has had sex with equalling the number of sex partners that all of his partners have had etc, etc.. Poor Elin has apparently been the recipient of the sexual transmissions of diseases and spiritual forces of hundreds of thousands other people thru Tiger. No wonder her mother became sick to her stomach.

David said...

This is the greatest bimbo eruption in modern history. How can you not look?

As to putting more "important" news in the background, people are capable of absorbing more than one news story a day.

Scott M said...

I don't know if anyone has pointed this out, but, for crying out loud, isn't this what prostitution is for in a marriage?

Scott M said...

Starting to see buzzes here and there on the blogosphere about the diversity, or lack thereof, in his choices. This is an area where the diversity pimps always jump the shark. It makes them look foolish for even getting involved in the argument in the first place and then the foolishness is compounded because Tiger didn't follow their ideal of what a diverse bevy of bimbos should look like.

The only upside I see here, from a celebrity point of view, is that his choices in bimbo were lightyears better than Slick Willie's.

Joe said...

Woods doesn't get that he was supposed to get mistresses a) who kept their mouths shut and b) he didn't carry on with like he was sixteen.

I say this tongue in cheek, but partly seriously too--it shows a fairly strong lack of judgment.

After seeing pictures of about half the mistresses, its clear he likes blonde women. What I don't get is that none are even close to being preternaturally attractive, like his wife. (I'm being generous; in fact most of Tiger's mistresses for which there are pictures are just plain ugly. Another sign of bad judgment.)

peter hoh said...

Yes, #6 got a deliciously nasty headline, though I'm thinking it will pass over most youngish people.

Her smile reminded me of the old Poligrip ads.

Scott M said...

@Joe

I agree on the surface, simply from an attractiveness POV, his wife is incredibly beautiful.

My wife and I were discussing this and, to her credit, she doesn't know anything about this scandal. When I mentioned that I couldn't understand it because Tiger's wife is so attractive, I followed up with, "well, maybe she's a real bitch, we don't know". She answered that Tiger's wife had quite possibly hit him with a golf club and was renegotiating their prenup for more money...of course she's a bitch.

Some comedian, circa 2000, was commenting on Hugh Grant cheating on Elizabeth Hurley, basically saying that no matter how stunningly beautiful a woman is, somewhere there's a guy that's tired of screwing her.

Eric said...

Dreher suggests the possibility that Mrs. Woods tried to kill herself.

Why would she do that? Her daughter is going to come out of this worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Most people could handle a whole lot of public embarrassment for that kind of money.

AllenS said...

Let me get down and dirty. What Eugene Robinson wants to say, is this: Tiger ain't fuckin no n..... black women. In fact, he ain't even, ever considered it.

Ricardo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
michael farris said...

"Woods doesn't get that he was supposed to get mistresses a) who kept their mouths shut and b) he didn't carry on with like he was sixteen.
I say this tongue in cheek, but partly seriously too--it shows a fairly strong lack of judgment."

ITA, it shows:

a) he's socially stupid and does not have the first idea of how to deal with people (the cringe-inducing voice mail shows that, if I were one of his bimbos who'd been inclined to silence I would start talking to the press immediately).

b) he has terrible taste, boring and banal : none of them women are especially attractive, certainly none are as attractive as his wife and there's no indication that they're interesting to talk to either, they're probably boring in bed too.

c) he's cheap!!!!!!!! he has money out the wazoo, he could afford to buy off a high end courtesan (discretion guaranteed) in every city he plays golf in, instead he's trying to pretend he's some great seducer when his money is his only social asset (and he's too dumb to know that).

His initial reaction seemed smart: let it blow over and don't embarrass yourself in public. Now it just seems like more cluelessness.

I'm generally against excessive alimony but while cheating is one thing, excessively stupid cheating at this level comes out as massive disrespect for his wife and I'm hoping she gets as much as she can when she walks.

David said...

The alimony is dropping by the hour. Gatorade has become the first sponsor to drop Tiger. All other sponsors pulled their adds even as they were expressing support. They will start to fall by the wayside or renegotiate. Tiger's cash flow be cut 60-70-80%

How much debt does Tiger have? Will he become just another dumb ass athlete who squandered a fortune?

Will Elin recognize that her (and her children's) meal ticket is about to be destroyed and do something dramatic to stand by him?

Stay tuned (but avert your eyes). Caution: this is likely to get very ugly.

michael farris said...

"How much debt does Tiger have? Will he become just another dumb ass athlete who squandered a fortune?"

Wouldn't surprise me a bit.

"Will Elin recognize that her (and her children's) meal ticket is about to be destroyed and do something dramatic to stand by him?"

You think there's a chance? That would make the comedy even more sublime (if simultaneously nauseating - gross out humor cannot compare with naked self-interest disguised as pious repentence).

Penny said...

As a result of this Tiger Woods fiasco, if I were a reporter, I would do a Google search of "guards his privacy". It might take me to the next big scoop.

AlphaLiberal said...

Glenn Beck asks, "Do you believe Tiger Woods may actually be OJ Simpson?" .

My, what an interesting question. Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson.

What do they have in common?

Not that Glenn Beck is a racist or anything, there must be some other link.

Anybody? Anybody?

Adele Mundy said...

"My, what an interesting question. Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson."

They are both really really mean to waiters.

Eric said...

The alimony is dropping by the hour. Gatorade has become the first sponsor to drop Tiger. All other sponsors pulled their adds even as they were expressing support. They will start to fall by the wayside or renegotiate. Tiger's cash flow be cut 60-70-80%

If nothing else this should get him a lucrative gig with Trojan.

AlphaLiberal said...

Oh, look! Rush Limbaugh is attacking another black athlete!

"Black unemployment is terrible," started Limbaugh. "The black frame of mind is terrible. They're depressed..."

[Yes, because they only have one frame of mind!]

"I'm sure Tiger Woods' choice of females is not helping 'em out with their attitudes there either."

Well! This is so weird. It's like Lush's statements are racist but, as we know, that's just plain impossible.

How to explain these comments?

Penny said...

There are 28 pieces in a domino set. To date, only 7 have fallen, including the mother-in-law.

Poor Tiger. LITERALLY, a poor Tiger.

Beau said...

Seriously, Tiger should move into the house on C street. He needs some expert advice.

Adele Mundy said...

"My, what an interesting question. Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson.

What do they have in common?"

They both give their mother-in-laws
really really bad gas.

wv: disslunt: what Loafing Oaf does to Sarah Palin's uterus.

Methadras said...

AlphaLiberal said...

Oh, look! Rush Limbaugh is attacking another black athlete!

"Black unemployment is terrible," started Limbaugh. "The black frame of mind is terrible. They're depressed..."

[Yes, because they only have one frame of mind!]

"I'm sure Tiger Woods' choice of females is not helping 'em out with their attitudes there either."

Well! This is so weird. It's like Lush's statements are racist but, as we know, that's just plain impossible.

How to explain these comments?


How do you explain your ideology, you tool?

The Crack Emcee said...

Tiger and O.J. both have, extremely, conventional taste in women. (did you guys hear O.J. was attacked in prison? Supposedly a racial thing, put him in the hospital.)

I like how AlphaLiberal spouts his racial/racist shit about Rush knowing I'm here: his cognitive dissonance must be off-the-charts. Tell me, Alpha, how does Rush spout all this racist shit, for years, without pissing off his (mixed-race) audience - or losing sponsors? How does he get away with it - continually according to you - while also having a black producer? And, man, he sure does have a lot of black listeners for a dyed-in-the-wool racist, doesn't he?

Or maybe, just maybe, you're stupid, crazy, and imagining things,...in other words:

AlphaLiberal!!!

wv: amacrip - what O.J. probably said that got him put in the hospital.

Almost Ali said...

"I'm sure Tiger Woods' choice of females is not helping 'em out with their attitudes there either."

Wrong. In gangsta ball, it's a hole-in-one. A slam dunk. Ribs on the bone.

And if there was anyone who wanted to get down with the bro's - it's Tiger Woods. Like the black Escalade with the shiny pimp-wheels - all the gang$ta col-lahs.

El Presidente said...

Just say nay to mean headlines.