Watch the don't-call-it-the-State-of-the-Union with me.
8:00: How come there are already 43 comments? The thing hasn't started yet! I suppose you guys are really excited about this. Nancy Pelosi has her olive-green sweatshirt on. I've chosen CBS... Katie Couric is obviously reading from a script.
8:04: Ruth Bader Ginsburg! Among the living! Closeups. Cheers.
8:05: Michelle Obama. Sleeveless! Purple!
8:06: Hillary! Looking radiant. Rahm! He's hot.
8:11: It's O! Red striped tie. Super-short hair. He's kissing all the ladies. The CBS commentary is soooo lame. This is true bipartisanship... except to the extent that it isn't....
8:15: Oops! O spoke over Nancy. Is Chief Justice Roberts there in the audience laughing?
8:20: We have terrible economic problems, but we're going to solve them. To do that, we need to understand how we got here. Then he lists various reforms — like health care — that I think he'd be listing even if there were no economic crisis. I can't see the connection between his economic wish list and the crisis at hand.
8:25: The text of the speech. Great, now like Nancy Pelosi, I can read along. It would be cool if Nancy had her laptop up there and was live-blogging.
8:31: Damn those executives with their jets and fancy drapes! No drapes for you!
8:33: Screw Wall Street but I love small business. Just be small and I will love you.
8:34: "Slowly, but surely, confidence will return, and our economy will recover." There's no lilt of hope in that. Whatever happened to all the hope? This is leaden and lecture-y.
8:37: Which member of Congress is most obviously up past his bedtime? I'm going to say Charles Rangel.
8:40: "It will be the goal of this administration to ensure that every child has access to a complete and competitive education – from the day they are born to the day they begin a career." So... no child left behind?
8:51: Orrin Hatch's name is invoked. We see him reading the speech and grimacing at his own name. He is not a prideful man.
8:59: Obama supports the troops.
9:03: Now, he's in the generic inspiration, listing-of-the-heroes part. Some businessman handed out money because "I didn't feel right getting the money myself." See, rich folk? Cough it up.
9:08: "Some day years from now our children can tell their children that this was the time" — oh, he's doing "this was the time" again — "when we performed, in the words that are carved into this very chamber, 'something worthy to be remembered.'" That was a goofy crescendo. I mean, paraphrase it: In the future, we'll look back and say that we remember doing something.
9:09: "And God Bless the United States of America." He almost forgot to say it.
9:22: Waiting for Bobby Jindal.
9:24: "Happy Mardi Gras!" Bobby's all enthusiastic about Barack Obama, the first African-American President!
9:26: Bobby learned a can-do attitude from his immigrant dad. His emphatic hand gestures are not quite in the camera frame. But I think his style is pretty good, though it sounds super-rehearsed. Somebody taught him every inflection I think. And that eye contact. It's a bit unnerving!
9:29: Jindal is nicely upbeat and confidence-inspiring. Don't monitor volcanoes! Monitor the eruption of spending!
9:35: The GOP wants to win back our trust.
9:37: Bobby: plastic and peppy. But maybe we'll get used to him.