Said David Sedaris, quoted by Gabb Schivone in "The Hot Dogs and the Notebook/How David Sedaris turned me into one of his freaks" (Slate).
I wish there were a comments section over there. Schivone tries so hard to attack Sedaris and to inflate the importance of his anecdote, an anecdote that I won't even repeat... and not because of scruples about theft. It's not something you'd want to hear. Read "Portnoy's Complaint" if you'd like a description of a kid's relationship to a food item.
ADDED: I'm seeing comments there now. They are not supportive of Schivone. A good one: "The hot dog is not a story. Telling Sedaris about the hot dog is a story."
Posts
25 comments:
What if I were a carpenter?
What if you were a lady?
"Read "Portnoy's Complaint" if you'd like a description of a kid's relationship to a food item."
I have, and I was a kid once, too,...
Wait until this guy discovers that people steal memes and repost them thousands of times.
MarcusB. THEOLDMAN
Kevin wins the thread.
Gross. Portnoy’s Complaint was the first and last Philip Roth book I read, I was so grossed out.
Ah the old "relationship" with a food item.
A tale as old as time....
[At least we didn't read about baseball and apple pie. Geez I had a boring youth.]
Consider that this guy is now putting his own name on the story. He wants people to know that he's one of the abnormal freaks featured in a Sedaris routine.
From the article:
"As it happens, I am a teenage sexual assault survivor (that’s another story). Sedaris appearing to be compulsively attracted to my story in this way felt like a violation of a certain order, aside from these unspoken literary “rules,” perhaps specifically because of the intimate nature of the tale. He couldn’t have known that. He probably didn’t notice how I froze in that moment, how I wanted to tell him to stop writing but couldn’t. He did what he does, and I just stood there. At any rate, he wasn’t really looking at me anymore once he grabbed his notebook. He had moved on to the next venture."
So:
1. The writer is allegedly a "teenage sexual assault survivor." Therefore, he is a lifelong victim who must be believed and must win. Actually, per the article it seems he sexually violated himself. In fact, it "felt like a violation." This after he volunteered the story to Sedaris, a famous storyteller.
2. He is upset that Sedaris was attracted to the story he himself decided to tell Sedaris!
3. He seems further upset that Sedaris couldn't read his mind and see that he "froze" and did not want Sedaris to write about the story he just told.
4. He's upset that Sedaris "moved on" to the next person waiting to have a book signed.
Pitch to Slate: "Masturbating with frozen hot dogs"
Slate: "Not interested."
Pitch to Slate: "What if I add David Sedaris?"
Slate: "A celebrity masturbated with frozen hot dogs?"
Slate: "No, no. I masturbated with frozen hot dogs. And he wrote it down."
Slate: "$200."
Poor Gabb, not being able to write about sticking frozen hot dogs up his butt when he was 12. There goes a promising career.
In the 60s, a successful H'wood writer named Sy Gomberg used to tell anyone present at H'wood soirees stories about his deli-owner father and a little boy from the inner city who was the beneficiary of the Fresh Air Fund. For years Gomberg told variations of the same stories.
Then, in 1970, Gomberg heard from some friends that Hallmark Hall of Fame had aired "A Storm in Summer," a 90-minute tv movie written by Rod Serling that appeared to be based on the relationship between the two. Gomberg went wild, claiming that these were his stories to tell, and he'd planned to do so someday. Serling denied that he'd based his award-winning script on what he'd heard Gomberg tell repeatedly.
Whether or not Serling had been so inspired, at some point Gomberg had to realize that telling these stories to writers, producers, actors, et al for years was an exceedingly dumb thing to do.
Word to writers, aspiring or established: Never tell anyone outside the family what you're thinking again. In fact, don't tell the family either, especially if the story is about sticking a frozen hot dog up your ass. It's going to make a great Sedaris story--the time a total stranger came up to him and thought he'd love to hear about when he was 12 and...
It must be hard to live a life so sheltered from the realities of wild human society. The resulting self-absorption cluelessness and jealousy must be a horrible way to live. The person so starving for affirmation gleefully relates his best most entertaining story, which briefly enraptured one of his heroes. Completely lacking in self-awareness he describes an orgasmic feeling of joy from the approval of some stranger. But such a shallow dopamine hit is soon overtaken by his greedy sense of ownership as if his story was copyright protected.
Certainly David Sedaris has collected thousands upon thousands of such antidotes from various friends family acquaintances strangers and from all levels of media to create his schtick that pays him so handsomely.
This happens all the time in the world of technology applied science and engineering. It is one reason why human technology grows so quickly like the rapid spread of the new world Clovis point throughout the rest of the world.
I think what's really going on here is the poor young man had one great anecdote and probably thought that that was the basis for a best-selling novel. Instead a true professional wanted to jot it down so it could be one small insignificant part of a giant tapestry made up of thousands of such stories.
"I have, and I was a kid once, too,..."
LOL. Weren't we all.
What happens to people who steal other people material? Look no further than what happened to Carlos Mencia and the comic community. Joe Rogan has a couple shows about it.
A stranger came up to Sedaris and told him about having used hot dogs in an unanticipated manner. That happened to Sedaris and is his story. Sedaris used that story without attributing it to Schivone, so Schivone got a 2600 word column out of it.
And so it goes.
Secular religion.
Pah. R/radiology has much better stories AND images on Foreign Body Friday.
Amazing what guys manage to fall on in the shower.
That story was first revealed to me in an old National Lampoon story. the story was a long article about a fictitious fraternity initiation. It involved lots of drinking, "booting", a frozen hot dog, and quenching the camp fire. Epic. Obviously, I thought this was all made up. Maybe not.
The story was "Night of the Seven Fires," written by Chris Miller. Hilarious, in an awful way.
I'm reminded of something similar with Welles and Chaplin. Welles met Chaplin at a party and told him idea for a movie. Chaplin said nothing, but later made the story idea into M. Verdoux. Welles talked to Chaplin, and he paid Welles 5000 dollars and gave him a Film credit.
Welles certainly did better than Rene Clair, Chaplin lifted whole scenes from À Nous la Liberté, and didn't give Clair a cent. Another man had to sue Chaplin when he stole his idea for "The Great Dictator".
By comparison "stealing" a story and putting it in a book seems like small potatoes. Usually that standard, writers would have to pay royalties to everyone person they wrote about.
I'm reminded of something similar with Welles and Chaplin. Welles met Chaplin at a party and told him idea for a movie. Chaplin said nothing, but later made the story idea into M. Verdoux. Welles talked to Chaplin, and he paid Welles 5000 dollars and gave him a Film credit.
Welles certainly did better than Rene Clair, Chaplin lifted whole scenes from À Nous la Liberté, and didn't give Clair a cent. Another man had to sue Chaplin when he stole his idea for "The Great Dictator".
By comparison "stealing" a story and putting it in a book seems like small potatoes. Usually that standard, writers would have to pay royalties to everyone person they wrote about.
Schivone writes about Sedaris "I watched him wield his notebook like an eager bookie who’d found his latest chump." Does bookie still have negative connotations? I suppose the
eager ones do. It reminded me that I think the Feds should hire an official lottery cheerleader. Whenever there's another billion dollar winner the cheerleader can be jumping for joy because we all just won like a third of the payout.
I'm always shocked that Roth didn't get a Nobel Prize. He had all the qualifications. I think Bob Dylan was chosen over him.
Garry Marshall, on finding material for sitcoms:
"Once you tap from your own life, then it's easy to steal other people's lives....Then I was totally secure and said, 'I'll never, ever run out of material.'"
"I wish there were a comments section over there."
On Slate? They have a hugely active comments section (although it's the clickbait-y advice columns that get the most responses). The Sedaris article has more than 200 comments so far.
Obligatory Seinfeld refs:
Kramer Sells His Stories
" wild chicken said...
Pah. R/radiology has much better stories AND images on Foreign Body Friday.
Amazing what guys manage to fall on in the shower."
It was a million to one shot doc. A lot of missing context. It's Season 6, Episode 21.
From the same episode,
He stole my move!... it's like another comedian stealing my material.
Tip:
Never tell anyone about your planned story.
Only talk to them about your recently published story.
Post a Comment