Writes Farrah Storr in "I’m happily married — but I holiday alone" (London Times).
June 7, 2023
"I booked a lovely little apartment on Rue Jacob and pretended I was a heroine in a 2003 film starring Diane Lane."
"I had coffee alone. I lunched alone. I flâneured alone. Admittedly I was too scared to go for dinner alone, so I’d sit by my apartment window eating liquorice from Monoprix listening to the world muddle through its own dramas on the streets below.
I have been to Paris with my husband many times.... But our days and nights are a compromise. Restaurants are deliberated over in accordance with our different tastes. Street directions are a tussle between scenic (him); haste (me). Breakfast in bed or at a café? Museum or shopping? Early to bed or a nightcap with the revellers? Everything must be negotiated when you are married. Not in a bad way, you are to understand. But individual desires must be ceded, the essential self gently led towards a middle ground."
Writes Farrah Storr in "I’m happily married — but I holiday alone" (London Times).
Writes Farrah Storr in "I’m happily married — but I holiday alone" (London Times).
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When I was young and stayed home sick from school I could see my mother's day. The soaps were on while she did a basket of ironing. The stereo was on while she cleaned. Bread was baked and dinner prepared. The house and the time were hers to do with as she wished.
This was a woman's solitude at one time.
"I’d sit by my apartment window eating liquorice"
Well, ain't that the height of bliss, the very apex of women's autonomy.
Is it true that women generally like breakfast in bed? Is this because it's a lot of trouble to get ready to go out and be seen? My sense is that men might find this a bit gross. Why not get good food at a good place, the hum of conversation, instead of seeing what the hotel sends up from the basement?
"But individual desires must be ceded, the essential self gently led towards a middle ground."
She sounds happy, I guess.
What's the point of being married then?
This is a cover story. She's picking up men, or letting herself be picked up, at French bistros and bars.
We all know what Diane Lane did with Viggo in that bathroom stall while her girlfriends were eating lunch. That was the tipoff.
change wife to husband
change paris to canada
change cafe to driftboat
and it's marriage as usual for LOTS of couples
Can we ask her husband how happy the marriage is?
Lucky for us, the wife and I see pretty much eye to eye on vacations. I cannot imagine enjoying a vacation spot without my best friend — my wife — along side me.
Those who are married should have wide latitude to find mutually satisfactory arrangements. It's hard to understand why this arrangement between these two married individuals is even noteworthy.
Can relate. No one can keep up with the number of galleries I am willing to visit in a day nor the number of miles I wish to walk, especially my partner. Partner and I haven't been on vacation together since we met!
Why did a My Way or the Highway person even get married?
My one stay in Paris was very nice because our AirBnB -- back when they were enjoyable -- was near a courtyard where we could hear kids playing. That kind of noise is great.
There is contentment and joy to be found in the ability to live an experience at least partially through a close partner’s eyes and preferences.
- Rafe
I would be interested to know if she felt sitting in her window and eating licorice for dinner was a compromise. Not with another person, but with her own fear.
"I’m happily married — but I holiday alone"
I don't believe any of it. This is the author trying to create a rationale for her dilemma.
"Everything must be negotiated when you are married." True, but when traveling, that's half the fun. Why make choosing a dinner venue so tedious? And in a city like Paris, you won't starve for want of a decent meal. Close your eyes, point your finger in some direction and follow it.
Why does this kind of article always read so twee and, pardon my French, gay? Exhibitionism for the middle-class, middle-aged, White woman.
If there are two things the left/MMM hate, it is compromise and family.
Off topic, but do you know why there are now posts that show 0 comments on the home page but actually have comments when clicked through? I only started noticing this in the last few days.
Breakfast in bed, like sex in a swimming pool, ain't what it's cracked up to be.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
or is it
Out of sight, out of mind?
A heroine, a fearless girl, a published activist, happily married alone. Satire on the Seine.
A married couple are either partners or spouses. Partners have a much better life together.
To eat alone or to eat in a cafe? This is the existential question that all of us must confront at sometime in our lives. Unlike other great existential questions, this does not have to be necessarily faced alone. She has, however, chosen to stare down this decision in solitude. Alternatives exclude. Each decision has consequences and there is ultimately no right decision. I wish her luck in navigating these difficult passages and admire her courage in choosing to make them alone. We need more hardy women such as her to carry humanity forward.
Apparently, marriage isn’t for her. My wife gets to do pretty much whatever she prefers, and I happily go along with her…except to bullshit musicals about suicide and sharing pizzas with pineapple in the toppings. Don’t get me wrong. I love pineapple and could eat a whole one by myself. But it’s really not a pizza topping, is it. However, since she is not a fan of Indian or Thai food, I haven’t had a good curry in years. Small price to pay so that she doesn’t vacation in Paris alone. But she has to make other arrangements to see Dear Evan Hansen. Now Wicked, Victor Victoria, Guys and Dolls, I’m in the car waiting.
- Krumhorn
I guess hotel sex was never considered as a possible compromise activity.
"...you are to understand."
This phrase clearly conveyed to me the understanding that I could stop reading right there.
Well after all, NYT's audience, I'm an ordinary woman,
Who desires nothing more than an ordinary chance,
to live exactly as she likes, and do precisely what she wants...
An average millionaire am I, with no eccentric fears,
Who likes to live her life, free of strife,
doing whatever she thinks is best, for her,
Well... just an ordinary millionaire...
But Let a man in your life, and you're up against a wall,
make a plan and you will find,
that he has something else in mind,
and so rather than do either you do something else
that neither likes at all
You want to Flâneuse,
he only wants to snooze,
You go to see a play or ballet, and spend it listening
to the Blues.
Let a man in your life
and you invite eternal strife.
""I had coffee alone. I lunched alone. I flâneured alone. Admittedly I was too scared to go for dinner alone, "
What's the difference with dinner?
What is this "too scared to eat dinner alone" thing that keeps coming up?! I am not a paragon of suicidal courage, but geez!
That aside - the compromises of marriage are part of what keeps it interesting. And without them, I'd just be living my normal life, reading all the time, never having been on a ski boat, never having mountain biked or skied, only having camped in a campground.
That's awesome- the husband can have the girlfriend over when she's vacationing alone.
She's a keeper!
This all makes no sense. The over-rich must travel about to get away from home just to be alone but are then afraid to intermix with the locals during such trips.
I would suggest renting a vacation place in the countryside outside of London proper for several weeks each year. Go there to waste life locked up in a private hideout and then travel savings can be donated to charity.
BTW: Farrah Storr (the flâneuse in this story) is the editor of the UK edition of Elle, so she likely has had interaction with E. Jean Carroll, but not like Donald Trump.
Any complaint that begins "I booked a lovely little apartment on Rue Jacob..." can and should be ignored.
Reality is Bogie and Bergman, Bogie says "German 88s, and close". Life as you have known it is threatened. Got a suit? Then suit up.
She's happily married because she's getting what she wants.
He's on the lookout for a better mate, and she will be vacationing alone 24/7/365.
"Everything must be negotiated when you are married." Yes, that's what marriage means. Don't want to negotiate? Aside from isolation, which is always an option (and may be unavoidable for the non-negotiators), there are convents and monasteries where you aren't required to negotiate -- or even allowed to do so.
More to the point, if one spouse agreed that the other spouse can vacation alone, isn't that the result of a negotiation ("everything must be negotiated when you are married")? Not my wife's and my cup of tea, but if it works for you, that's fine.
Alone. With a lot of money for self-indulgence.
“Big Mike said...
Can we ask her husband how happy the marriage is?”
It’s said that if Mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy.” Few people give a damn whether or not Daddy is happy. He’s supposed to just suck it up and keep earning money to make Mama happy.
I do enjoy solitude. Have taken occasional trips alone and enjoyed making choices that didn't involve any compromise. But compromise brought me many great experiences and I know did the same for my spouse. All vacations solo? That's not marriage.
Any man putting up with this crap needs to have his fking head examined.
Too much information.
I didn't read it but wonder if anyone has talked to the husband.
Dudes - read the story at the link. The husband travels alone to be alone. He started it.
Again -HUSBAND STARTED IT.
Next time she needs to head to L'Homme Bleu in the 11th. Best couscous in Paris.
I like her travel tips at the bottom. very helpful.
Interesting post - wife vacationing alone in Paris - preceded by a post about recruiting singles for porn films.
Publish and viability? Lust and abortion? The private life of others is clearly overrated in a socially liberal culture exacerbated through single/central/monopolistic solutions to cause and obfuscate the effect of shared responsibility through progressive prices.
Interesting post - wife vacationing alone in Paris - preceded by a post about recruiting singles for porn films.
A juxtaposition of dysfunction and social progress that should earn a day... a month of thematic prose.
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