October 6, 2016

"I Let A Company Scan My Naked Body To Get The Perfect Suit."

"... I could see the vertical array of cameras surrounding me on six or eight sides... The walls burst to life: three camera flashes in front, three to the side, three behind my exposed buttocks. The light spun around me, detecting how my shoulders sloped, how my hips popped, how my chest caved..."
Not too long after my first visit, I went back into the Alton Lane showroom to get my suit.... The thing fit like a dream; no alterations needed. It was perfect around my neck...  The sleeves accommodated the different lengths of my arms (28.33 inches vs. 30.77). The pants fit nice and snug around my 39.37-inch butt... It was the suit I was promised. It was the suit the data had promised.
Isn't this the future? We want to order everything on line but the problem is always fit. I know one solution is to buy drape-y, stretchy things, but what if you could know for sure that everything you bought would fit perfectly (including shoes that take account of every bump on each of your differently sized feet)? It will all be made to order in the end, won't it? No waste, no returns. It's not just for bespoke suits, is it? But the one thing is, there will have to be incredibly accurate and intrusive pictures of you naked on the internet. That seems thoroughly unacceptable. And yet, the younger end of the population is already getting used to pictures of themselves out there on the internet. It's just a matter of time, isn't it? In the future, we'll all be on the internet naked, won't we? Not me, I mean, but some future generation.

89 comments:

David Begley said...

You just set Laslo up for some rude comment.

Nonapod said...

Sounds pretty awesome. If they could find a way that people could affordably do this at home this would really be great. For example: using some sort of inexpensive and clever imaging system (sort of like what the XBox Kinect or the HTC Vive lighthouse does) so you could upload your precise measurements to whatever website you do your shopping at, you could order exactly tailored clothes every time. And not just suites, everything. And you could update the data if you gained or lost weight or whatever.

coupe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bagoh20 said...

Stretchy is a perfect fit. The ultimate clothing will hang right, but stretch to make any movement or position feel comfortable. That's the future. Or alternatively, mumus for all of us.

Paul Snively said...

It actually isn't true that there will have to be naked pictures of you on the internet for this to happen. It isn't even true that the store will have to have naked pictures of you in its possession. We have, today, the software security technology necessary to make these kinds of applications possible without loss of privacy at all. What we don't have is either the political will to make it a legal issue or the popular awareness to make it a socioeconomic one.

MisterBuddwing said...

Kind of like what Susan Dey had to go through in the 1981 movie "Looker," no?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_wK74Ejnqc

BJK said...

Is the fitting around the bathing suit area(s) so important as to require strict nudity as opposed to wearing undergarments?

Unless it is swimwear, I don't think most people "go commando" when we actually wear the clothes. Wouldn't modeling based on nudity be less-accurate than modeling how people intend to wear the outfit of choice?

bagoh20 said...

I wasn't here for the gilded age, but I know that mankind on average was far poorer and worse off before it, and healthier and wealthier afterward. Those ten clothing making wage earners were starving root diggers before.

Laslo Spatula said...

Behold! The Future brings us the Perfect Camel Toe!

I am The Replacement Laslo.

MadisonMan said...

28.33 inches vs. 30.77

A 2.5 inch difference in arm length seems pretty big to me.

Severin said...

Coder here: I wouldn't store naked pictures of anyone if I was doing this, I wouldn't even take naked pictures. What you save are the measurements. Essentially it's a digital silhouette. What you want is 3d rendering of the body, I want voxels not pixels, I care about points in space, not colors. In fact I'd rather do this with laser range finders than cameras, but cameras are cheap and the software transformation is difficult but a solved problem, So they probably will use images, but they won't save them, it's a waste of data.

MikeDC said...

I don't see why one couldn't wear underwear for this. What's more, there's no reason someone should have to do this more than once if they're an adult who keeps basically the same body weight. The picture is developing a set of measurements. The measurements could be taken and re-used. And, of course, they could simply be transmitted, instead of the pictures, to the tailor.

This doesn't seem much different than how tailors have operated for a couple thousand years.

Sean Gleeson said...

Shouldn't the article have included at least one photograph of this allegedly perfect suit? Now I don't trust that any of it even happened.

Big Mike said...

I hate burst anyone's bubble, but there is no point in keeping the raw nude images so the companies won't. The images will have been reduced to sets of numbers that reflect the critical measurements.

Mom2Es said...

There's already a company that does this for women's jeans. They send you a pair of leggings with built-in electronics that measure you and then it uses the measurements to recommend jeans on their website. No naked pics required.

Diamondhead said...

As noted, you don't really need to be naked to be properly fitted for a suit. It makes me think that having you stand there naked with cameras pointed at you is partly meant to be marketed as part of an exotic experience.

Big Mike said...

@Severin, so that makes two of us who know how computers work.

Barry Dauphin said...

I thought it was going to be another post about Warren Beatty.

MisterBuddwing said...

We're arguing a moot point here. The article says newer technology using infrared instead of visible light means the subject doesn't have to get naked anymore.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Looks like we skipped right over the step of the robot tailors in Sleeper.

Ambrose said...

Didn't we have bespoke suits before the internet?

robother said...

Sounds like an internet scam to literally get the goods on everyone. Buy our Online Nudity Insurance and we'll insure these picture never see the light of day. Come to think of it, that's the Clothing Blackmail scheme that's been going on since that snake oil salesman got to Eve in the Garden.

Ron said...

Oh, we've seen the nude pics already Althouse.....Some wiseacre named "Evil Bucky" has them on Reddit....

I kid, I kid!

Joe said...

Why the alarm about nudity? Go to a nude beach sometime and it ceases to be a big deal.

eric said...

The reason everyone has nude pics on the internet is because of cloud storage. This is why you should always decline our storage by your mobile company. Older generarions especially don't understand this. It used to be, you snap a picture and if you have the film, you're safe. But now you snap a picture and it gets sent to your provider and they store it for you. Lots of people have no clue this is happening. Because when they first set up their phone they turn on the cloud storage and don't even realize they've done it.

kurt bermuda said...

I've always wanted a tailored jacket. However, I'm not going to pay $700.00 to $900.00 to get one. Let me know when a tailored fit can be had for less than $450.00.

mikee said...

I used to object much more to potential invasions of privacy, such as naked pics, when I was young and fit. Now that I am old and decrepit, I don't really care if anyone sees me naked.
Odd, that.

chuck said...

In the future, nothing will be private. Get used to it.

MisterBuddwing said...

Now that I am old and decrepit, I don't really care if anyone sees me naked.

Maybe that's why the average age of "naturists" seems to be about 65.

Ron Winkleheimer said...

chuck is correct.

There is an interesting novel by David Brin, called Earth. It postulates that after a couple of cases of nuclear and biological terrorism, privacy will be abhorred. People who attempt to have privacy will be assumed to be up to something nefarious. Everyone's life will be an open book available for perusal by anyone who wishes to do so. This includes people in government. In addition, even if anyone wanted to keep anything private, advances in nanotech and computing will make it impossible. Anything and everything could be a camera and microphone and they will be everywhere.

Rob said...

For some reason your headline reminds me of the Groucho Marx line, "Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."

On the other hand the subject matter reminds me of the posture pictures of yore.

Fabi said...

Please let me know where you can get a bespoke jacket for $700.00.

Lucien said...

It's a lot easier and cheaper to just wear shorts all year round if the climate is suitable -- not that there's anything wrong with kilts, mind you.

EDH said...

As I've said before, for years it's been difficult to get differently sized condoms in the United States.

It now looks like they are or will become available this fall.

Print out paper measure tape, two dimensions: length and girth.

The Vault Dweller said...

I always just get all my suits off the rack somewhere and then get it tailored. They fit well enough, look fair enough and more importantly are not too expensive. All the other men I've spoken with who have bought custom made suits fall into two categories. Those who have recently purchased one and love it to no end, and those who have owned the suit for more than a year and now regret spending several thousand dollars on a suit that is already starting to fall apart.

Bob Ellison said...

In most product categories, there is an inverse correlation between durability and price. Cars, clothes, software, government. The more you pay, the crappier it is.

tcrosse said...

Maybe they could hook up to the body scanners at the airport, if you wouldn't mind a garment that fits best when your hands are above your head. Just the thing for attending an BLM demonstration.

Sebastian said...

"there will have to be incredibly accurate and intrusive pictures of you naked on the internet. That seems thoroughly unacceptable." No, there won't have to be, and no, it won't be unacceptable.

In the age of IRS weaponization, bank record hacking, credit card stealing, DNA testing, and EMRs, having your physical measurements float around on the intertubes is the least of it.

Why is it more unacceptable to have accurate and intrusive online pictures of your body than accurate and intrusive online pictures of your mind, for example as revealed on this blog?

Harold said...

I'm waiting for shoes that way. Instead of Chinese made shoes labeled 8EEEE that measure in all ways exactly the same as the ones labeled 8D, wasting my time when I try them on thinking they might actually be wide.

And yes, I've taken a cloth tape measure to shoe stores and measured. If the last, the toe box are exactly the same- the shoes are the same size despite their labeling. With major brands that used to be made in the U.S., that I could mail order when they were made in the U.S., because I knew they would fit.

MisterBuddwing said...

I'm waiting for shoes that way.

Before my time (thankfully), but believe it or not, there once were shoe stores with fluoroscopes that they used to X-ray people's feet!

jerpod said...

Rob at 3:28 -- That was a really great read. I'd never heard of it. I loved this:

In other words, "We won't get fooled again." Though he is undoubtedly correct that nothing precisely like the posture-photo folly could happen again, it is hard to deny the possibility, the likelihood, that well-meaning people and institutions will get taken in -- are being taken in -- by those who peddle scientific conjecture as certainty. Sheldon's dream of reducing the complexity of human personality and the contingency of human fate to a single number is a recurrent one, as the continuing I.Q. controversy demonstrates. And a reminder that skepticism is still valuable in the face of scientific claims of certainty, particularly in the slippery realms of human behavior.

How can we apply these lessons to the issues of today, I wonder?

Paddy O said...

and they felt no shame

Michael K said...

Plus the scanner can sell the nude images of you. If nobody else is interested, you would probably buy them. Just to keep them off the internet.

HoodlumDoodlum said...

Voluntarily taking and storing precise optically-obtained measurements, even of your nude body, <> "be[ing] on the internet naked."

Jon Ericson said...

Would have saved President Johnson some titters.

madAsHell said...

""I Let A Company Scan My Naked Body To Get The Perfect Suit.""

Do I get my money back if the machine giggles??

Darrell said...

I used a personal shopper at Marshall Field in the 1980s and she lead me to a couple of really nice sport coats, marked down to $60 each at clearance. Their mens' tailor was backed up and the shopper brought in a young Japanese woman for the fitting. She marked up/pinned more than any tailor I'd even been to. When I picked up the coats, I found she had basically taken apart both jackets and reworked them perfectly. They fit like gloves. When I told her that she didn't have to go through all that trouble, she said that is what she has to do for all the women that come in--it was nothing extra at all. Yes, I did give her a big tip, even though she refused twice before accepting.

Rhythm and Balls said...

Isn't this the future?

The future will be not needing customized alterations because your perfect body proportions would never change.

wildswan said...

Circulating stolen nude pictures probably - no certainly - will become totally boring a nanosecond after it really gets going. It'll be like those porn site sidebars you get after wandering the internet - startling the first time and then obnoxious. Plus you could photoshop your head onto a wandering body picture and improve your image. Or change your gender. Or photoshop someone else's head onto a wrong body and show they are "really" a seventy year old man passing himself off as a twenty year old woman when really all along they are a thirty year old cisman.

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Left Bank of the Charles said...

"But the one thing is, there will have to be incredibly accurate and intrusive pictures of you naked on the internet."

The TSA already has those pictures. But perhaps for this they could scan you in your underwear. Or, a special thin body suit could be be developed for this purpose.

wholelottasplainin' said...

As I've said before, for years it's been difficult to get differently sized condoms in the United States.

It now looks like they are or will become available this fall.

Print out paper measure tape, two dimensions: length and girth.

**************
Down here in the Lone Star State we don't have that problem.

All our condoms are marked "Texas Size".

Francisco D said...

Texas sized?

Big hat, no cattle?

-Wisconsin sized

Jon Ericson said...

Who stole the Kishka?

Big Mike said...

@wholelottasplain, what you call "Texas sized" here in Virginia we call it "extra short."

Jon Ericson said...

Why do you suppose "California Kings" and "California Queens" were invented?
Urban Sprawl.

wholelottasplainin' said...

Jon Ericson said...
Why do you suppose "California Kings" and "California Queens" were invented?
Urban Sprawl.

************

I'd file all those under "California Dreamin'".

Jon Ericson said...

Hmm,
I'll have my staff submit several suggestions in reply.

Big Mike said...

The thought crosses my mind that women would have to be measured in their lingerie, wouldn't they? The difference in fit for a busty woman with no bra and with a push-up bra might be pretty substantial.

CStanley said...

What I'm wondering?

Why does this post read like Althouse is uptalking?

tcrosse said...

Who stole the Kishka?
Jascha brought it back.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"I am tailoring your suit for you, sir. When I am done it will be the most exquisite fit."

"Yeah, but you put your finger up my ass."

"Only in a professional way, sir, I assure you."

"I really don't think you putting your finger up my ass is going to make my suit fit any better."

"And that is where you would be wrong, sir. For a proper fit, everything radiates from the ass."

"i've been fitted for suits before -- expensive suits -- and I've never had anyone put there finger up my ass before."

"What can I say, sir? The suits may indeed have been expensive, but the tailors were obviously amateurs."

"This is making me uncomfortable..."

"Sir, your asshole controls your overall fit. The tightness at which you keep your asshole affects the fit of the pants to the clenching buttocks,and the resulting contraction of the stomach muscles defines your posture and thus the line of the shoulders of your suit."

"Okay, okay, but how much longer do you have to do that?"

"We're almost done. Now I am going to move the finger I have placed in your asshole through a series of calibration movements: please describe the resulting fit."

"Well, uh, it's tighter. now it's looser. Now it's tighter. Now it's looser. Now it's tighter. Now it's -- come on, can we just finish this up, please?"

"Just a moment and -- Done!"

"MY goodness! I thought you were some sick pervert, but this is the best-fitting suit I've ever worn!"

"Thank you, sir! And now, may I kindly request from you a stool sample."

"What? How does me giving you a bowel movement improve the fit of my suit?"

"Oh, sir: it doesn't. Tailoring clothing is my Job, but collecting stool samples from strange men: that is my Life."

Laslo would know where to go from here.

I am The Replacement Laslo.

Jon Ericson said...

Round and firm and fully packed,
It was hanging on the rack!

Mac McConnell said...

At one time Levi had stores in NY and other major cities around the world where you would be scanned for the perfect 501 fit. A computer would cut the pattern and denim, then sew together. These were non preshrunk Levis, originals. Then you would sit in a tub for a hour to get the perfect "shrink to fit", those old enough know what that means. Also remember when all denim Levis were shelved jeans?

Anyone letting computer tailor a suit is a racist, they hate jews and orientals touching them.

show me one socialist success in world history said...

This is a short story of a two possible AI futures, one dystopic, one utopian, in which clothes are measured and made to fit just as described in this article. This story is thought provoking and reads like an eminently possible science fiction given the state of AI, 3D printing and other fast-moving nanotechnological advances.

http://marshallbrain.com/manna1.htm

halojones-fan said...

Dear everyone:

GET. THE *FUCK*. OVER. The idea that people might see you naked. Okay? IT IS REALLY NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

Since I can recall I've been told (and more notably, it's gotten back to me from gals jabber together) that my cock's size is noteworthy. Plus I'm fit, w/ abs and such. So, I've never had a problem w/ nudity.

Even so I'd never do nudist hangout stuff. What happens if some hot gal starts getting touchy and frisky? Then well endowed turns into WTF. Presumably dudes w/ that limp dick problem don't need to worry about such. And, maybe these nudist groups frown on gals rubbing you down amongst the group.

I dunno.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

Intellectually, it seems stupid to think that having a big cock is important. And, I'd image that normal to small cockers don't worry about their situation too much (although Howard Stern talks about his little guy a lot.) But, why then have gals said that they love the size and girth? are they lying? It doesn't seem like it.

Presumably many small cockers still have the other tools in their box.

Mac McConnell said...

It's a big deal if you are dancing for tips or hangin at a gay bathhouse. ;-)

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

BTW, I've seen research that indicates that conservatives are more satisfied w/ their sex lives and religious folks are more happy. But, I wonder if anyone has rigorously studied the link between sexual satisfaction/happiness and cock size.

Or how about cock size and political orientation? I'd assume libs have small cocks.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

Also, didn't Freud come up w/ the theory that gals have penis envy? I guess this could be the same sort of thing that cause small and normal cockers to envy big cock dudes.

Presumably this sort of inferiority complex could explain why folks are afraid of the suit fitting machine that Althouse is highlighting.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

If you're not embarrassed by your cock size maybe it's that you're not fit.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

Or it could be the double: small cock and unfit.

Harold said...

For all talking about private part size, I was always told it ain't the size of the boat that counts, it's the motion of the ocean.

I'm inclined to believe it.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

Being an attractive dude w/ a small cock is probably better than being an ugly dude w/ a big cock.

It's that thing about wood falling in a forest w/ nobody around to hear it, did it really make any noise?

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

Anywho, hopefully Titus will show up to properly sort this out.

GRW3 said...

How much? Was my question. If a computer can deliver a bespoke suit for the price of a top quality rack suit, now you have something.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

"How much? Was my question. If a computer can deliver a bespoke suit for the price of a top quality rack suit, now you have something."

Nice suits are more than labor costs. Even more than a proper fit (which is essential) I love the drape and feel of beautiful fabrics.



















Rex said...

Harold, try ordering from Dunham shoes (a subsidiary of New Balance). Their shoes are actual size, and you can get up to 6E in some styles. I take a 9.5 4E, and it is such a relief not to have to buy 10 or 10.5 just to get the width I need.

Sam's Hideout said...

I don't know what this particular system is doing, but the main reason to take pictures is to generate a model of your body. There's no real reason to keep the pictures after the model is created.

Rex said...

BJK,

If you want a perfect fit, you need to know how your junk is hanging. Certainly true if you wear boxers, but also important if you wear briefs. I remember the first time a tailor asked me if I dressed right or left--I had no clue what he was talking about.

PBandJ_Ombudsman said...

"I remember the first time a tailor asked me if I dressed right or left"

Presumably there's an Althouse poll in this.

Anywho, I'm left. But, don't get too presumptuous. I've only voted D twice, ever.

Rockeye said...

We have arrived at the time where "privacy" has become a quaint concept only old people believe in. Good or bad, the only privacy left is in our heads. We gave the rest of it to our governments and the Mike Zuckerbergs and Googles of the world.

Mac McConnell said...

I prefer human tailors, you can have conversations with them. They have wonderful stories to tell about famous jazz musicians and politicians. Great men's shops are like barber shops or a group of lawyers on a golf course, they gossip.

FYI, some advice, never confide anything to a lawyer that golfs, they can't STFU.

Size? Never really thought about it, my benchmark is whether I get asked back.

MaxedOutMama said...

There's no need to have pictures - the data on body dimensions (what is needed rather than pictures) can be digitized and transmitted as needed in that form.

I guess if you are going to drop a lot of money on a suit, perfect fit would be worth it.

tim in vermont said...

I am happy for all of you guys with monster hogs, but seriously, it is possible to get a girl's panties wet without whipping out your dick first thing. I know they lie about whether size matters, obviously it does, but in the end, it doesn't matter as much as other things to most of them. And it is not somehow absurd to prefer to remain clothed where nudity is not required.

Bad Lieutenant said...

Thank you, Tim, for your kind words.

Big Mike said...

@tim, I believe that girls learn to say "It's so big!!!" regardless of size, if they like the guy and want to stroke his ego a bit.

Rockport Conservative said...

It reminds me of going into a shoe store as a child and sticking your foot with the new shoe into their x-ray machine to see if it was a proper fit.