October 20, 2016

"Are you tired of feeling alone in this crazy, mixed up world?"




Via BoingBoing.

51 comments:

mccullough said...

Angel, be silent in your luminous cloud and hear the luminous melody of proper sound

EDH said...

"Is there really someone out there who may guide you to health, happiness and personal security?"

Explains the reflexive Hillary voters. And, perhaps, why she was dressed in white last night.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

Had I known about this service I might have given it a try because God never saw fit to take one of my calls.

Michael K said...

Is she The Voice in the Accountant's iPhone ?

She tells him who to kill.

rehajm said...

People will always need their Bhagwan...

The Mariette Hartley/James Garner Polaroid account is one of the most successful commercial series in history.

coupe said...

If you are not satisfied with your Angel, you can ask to speak to an Archangel, and they will try to resolve the problem. You should be aware that the Archangels charge double per minute, but you will get double value in your life.

Achilles said...

Could this be the post where Ann realizes the truth?

Ron Winkleheimer said...

I'd like to think that that was a parody, but of course it isn't.

Ever notice that just about every time an angel appears to a human in the Bible the angel tells the human to not be afraid?

But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

Amexpat said...

Here in Norway, the King's oldest child, Martha Louise, not only admits to believing in angels but has promoted an "angel school" that her and a friend run for profit. Luckily, the constitutional change that now will make the oldest child monarch, regardless of gender, will not come into effect for her generation.

buwaya puti said...

Chestertons rule holds.

Bob Boyd said...

I found an angel carcass once in a hay field. It had been molested by carrion eaters and was badly decomposed except for the large white wings which were in perfect condition.
I looked around, but the halo was gone.

YoungHegelian said...

Notice in the video how the audience is majority female.

In an earlier more pious & theologically literate culture, this would be the target audience for Marian devotion.

traditionalguy said...

This is hilarious. Sounds like it is a Psychic Hotline for easy to fool Christians. In Scripture Angels are big, mean warrior spirits with zero female traits. Not that I'm saying an Angel cannot get transgender surgery. But then it would be a big, mean warrior female spirit and likely cost extra.

It is already expensive at $3.99 a minute ($239.00 an hour). These divination spirits must be well trained. But if it is true that we have 100 Guardian Angels , then bill comes comes to $23,900.00 an hour.

William Chadwick said...

I'm guessing Mariette Hartley was hoping this would never re-surface. Me, I like the fact that all the angels seem to be hot babes.

mockturtle said...

In Scripture Angels are big, mean warrior spirits with zero female traits.

This is true, t.d. How did the other version get started?

Bob Boyd said...

Being an Angel Guide isn't all beer and skittles. Sometimes you earn that $3.99/ hour. Sometimes you have to be the one who gives some poor schlub the bad news.

"Sorry, Lady, but there's been an accident. No, not really....Well he's...he's dead. We're sure. Look, they recovered the halo...there's no doubt. What does it mean for you? Well I'm afraid this means you'll have to go back to being alone again. I'm sorry. Everybody's pretty busy right now...I, uh...I don't see an opening in our regular...listen, maybe I can help you, but it's going to be a little more...how does $5.99 per hour sound? Can you swing that? I can lock you in at that rate if you'll make a commitment....

Bob Boyd said...

per minute

Ron Winkleheimer said...

Sounds like it is a Psychic Hotline for easy to fool Christians.

That was my impression too. Christians aren't supposed to traffic with Psychics, but angel guides are fine is the message they are trying to send.

richlb said...

Is his Corey Feldman's backing band?

Yancey Ward said...

Mariette Hartley's grandfather.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_B._Watson

She has stated that she was raised using his prescribed methods of child rearing- it probably explains a few things.

William said...

I have reason to believe that my guardian angel is a total fuck up. Probably back in rehab. No way that that greedy bastard would make a personal appearance for $3.99.

traditionalguy said...

IIR worship of female spirits that console, comfort, and show mercy to the supplicant was a big Pagan Idol business back before Hebrews started with their monotheism business. There was Artemis of the Ephesians, Isis of the Egyptians, Venus of the Romans, and Athena of the Greeks.

Our Christian all male Trinity was doing well without them until the Pope inserted a new goddess, the immaculately conceived Mary. She the moved in and got most of the attention from Catholic Church until the invention 500 years later of the printing press. That flooded Europe with scripture and literacy and lead to rediscovery of Pauline Christianity, called The Protestant Reformation.

But Mercy is operative the word for female Goddesses. You go to them directly. The Angels are mere messengers to and from from God...divination messengers. The occult guys, like Kaballa, use a system to entice and command angel spirits to do their biding. (Hint:It is called witchcraft when the spirits obey the man the speak to.)

Ignorance is Bliss said...

mockturtle said...

This is true, t.d. How did the other version get started?

There is a straight line from allowing women to speak in church to the feminization of angles. Continue that line forward and it passes through the 19th amendment and right to our current election. Extrapolate backwards and you'll find Eve offering Adam an apple.

Adam should have just chosen one of the beasts of the field and saved us all a lot of hassle.

mockturtle said...

IIR worship of female spirits that console, comfort, and show mercy to the supplicant was a big Pagan Idol business back before Hebrews started with their monotheism business. There was Artemis of the Ephesians, Isis of the Egyptians, Venus of the Romans, and Athena of the Greeks.

I thought maybe it had something to do with Ashtoreth.

Our Christian all male Trinity was doing well without them until the Pope inserted a new goddess, the immaculately conceived Mary. She the moved in and got most of the attention from Catholic Church until the invention 500 years later of the printing press. That flooded Europe with scripture and literacy and lead to rediscovery of Pauline Christianity, called The Protestant Reformation

This much I knew. So much idolatry seeped into the church and not only the RCC. Angel worship was a kind of cult a few years back, notwithstanding Colossians 2:18.

Sola Scriptura
Sola Gracia
Sola Fide
Solus Christus
Soli Deo Gloria

YoungHegelian said...

@TD,

Our Christian all male Trinity was doing well without them until the Pope inserted a new goddess, the immaculately conceived Mary.

I know at this point it's probably useless to correct the imbecilic Calvinist residue you seem to call your faith, but historically, the develop of the doctrine of the Trinity goes hand-in-hand with the development of Marian doctrine. If Jesus is true God & true Man, his humanity comes from the flesh of Mary. She is the Theotokos, the God-Bearer. There's a lot bundled into what it could mean for both Mary & the Second Person of the Trinity that such a thing could come to pass.

Calvin himself was not fond of the core of Marian theology, even if he praised the faithfulness of Mary. The later Reformers downstream of Calvin dropped Mary out of the picture more & more, while switching the previous Marian devotion over to the person of Jesus. But, outside of the low-church Reformers, the Roman, Orthodox & Coptic Catholic, Anglican, & Lutheran traditions all maintained heavy-duty Marian devotions (e.g. look up how many Bach Cantatas are for Marian feasts).

mockturtle said...

PS: Luther and Calvin are my spiritual mentors.

YoungHegelian said...

@mockturtle,

PS: Luther and Calvin are my spiritual mentors.

Well, ya gotta come down on one side or the other, because they disagree on many fundamental issues, & the content of the Lutheran tradition vs the Calvinist tradition that came after them is even more different.

mockturtle said...

Both Luther and Calvin believe in the five 'solas' I posted above. Yes, there are doctrinal differences but they are not life-or-death differences. While I consider Calvin the better theologian, I like Luther for his earthiness.

Titus said...

That was an ugly time for the hair and clothes.

That host is a mess.

mockturtle said...

BTW, 'gracia' should be 'gratia'. My bad.

YoungHegelian said...

@mockturtle,

Both Luther and Calvin believe in the five 'solas' I posted above

Hells bells, girl, a Roman Catholic can in good faith (pun intended) support the last four, with just a bit of equivocation on "Sola Fide" (remember,there are multiple theological traditions within the Roman Catholic Church other than the Thomistic Scholasticism commonly favored).

Luther & Lutherans would not & did not accept Calvin's Five Points (TULIP)

mockturtle said...

@YoungHegelian remember,there are multiple theological traditions within the Roman Catholic Church other than the Thomistic Scholasticism commonly favored

There are 'theological traditions' and there is Scripture.

YoungHegelian said...

@mockturtle,

There are 'theological traditions' and there is Scripture.

Nope. Scripture is part of the Church's traditions. The part of the tradition that is accorded the highest interpretative respect, as befits texts inspired by the Holy Spirit, but nevertheless, it is the Church that recognizes texts as canonical & others not. The Church put the Bible together, & not the other way around.

Then there's the problem of interpretation. How does a modern individual possibly interpret texts that old & foreign? According to the Protestant evangelical traditions, the "saved" Christian reader reads the Biblical text informed by his salvific grace. What about all those "saved" folks throughout history who put their thoughts down on paper? Aren't their interpretations valid, too? If they are, then you've got tradition. If they aren't, then God's Providence seems to act on mankind in a real solopsistic way; outside of history, even.

The problem with Sola Scriptura is that it just ties the history of development of doctrine up in knots. The Lutherans abandoned it in fact & theory if not in faith-in-the-pew by the mid-19th C. Even the as the fundamentalists & evangelicals proclaim their fidelity to Sola Scriptura, no one buys more Biblical Commentaries (Scofield, anyone) than these same people. Sola Scriptura is easy to say, but a lot harder to do.

mockturtle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mockturtle said...

Sorry, HG, but I don't trust the Pope to interpret Scripture. I do use Matthew Henry's commentaries as well as Calvin's Institutes and other theologians but they are not authoritative. And neither is the RCC.

The Godfather said...

Or, you can skip the intermediary angel and go directly to God (Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, take your pick) for no charge.

mockturtle said...

@The Godfather: Or, you can skip the intermediary angel and go directly to God (Father, Son, or Holy Spirit, take your pick) for no charge.

Right. Intermediaries, be they Virgins, 'saints' or priests are unscriptural. As are prayers involving 'vain repetition'.

YoungHegelian said...

@mockturtle,

Sorry, HG, but I don't trust the Pope to interpret Scripture.

Wrong.

The Magisterium is not just the Pope. It is not just the bishops, successors to the Apostles though they may be. It is the Church as the repository of Christ's teaching & as guided by the Holy Spirit.

If you don't want to be Catholic, that's one thing. But at least understand what the Church actually believes & not a Protestant caricature thereof. And, like it or not, the problem of just how God's Providence manifests itself in history, & what that means for any possible Christian theology just don't go away because the Reformers didn't really want to face up to them. "Babylonian Capitivity" just doesn't cut it.

Paul Snively said...

traditionalguy: In Scripture Angels are big, mean warrior spirits with zero female traits.

In Norse mythology, too, except they are female: Valkyries. Curvy redheaded badasses. Sign me up!

Paul Snively said...

YoungHegelian: If you don't want to be Catholic, that's one thing. But at least understand what the Church actually believes & not a Protestant caricature thereof.

Kinda conveniently overlooking that the best-known of the Reformers, Martin Luther, had not one, but two Doctorates of Divinity from that self-same Church. So please spare me the "caricature" cant (literally). The Church had its opportunity to have a learned debate with one of their best-trained sons, blew it, and thereby fractured the Church on the continent, adding to the fracturing it did centuries before in the Great Schism. I'm probably the least anti-Catholic Lutheran you'll ever meet, but the bare fact is, when the Catholic Church claims to be the original Christian Church and not responsible for the shattering of Church unity, it's merely lying.

Quaestor said...

Mariette Hartley making big bucks selling imaginary stuff to credulous rabble.

And to think Spock once had a thing for that bitch...

YoungHegelian said...

@Paul S,

The Church had its opportunity to have a learned debate with one of their best-trained sons, blew it, and thereby fractured the Church on the continent

Your opinion of Martin Luther is much higher than mine. I think his work on justification had been by that time thoroughly work out by the Church. He just may not have liked the answer, but that's no reason to go heretical & schismatic. Gerson & Erasmus were unhappy about a lot of things in the Church, but they stayed out of heresy.

when the Catholic Church claims to be the original Christian Church and not responsible for the shattering of Church unity, it's merely lying

Well, then it's up to you to tell us all what became of the Christian Church in all those years until the Reformation. Go read Luther's Babylonian Captivity & tell me if you find it convincing.

The Protestant Reformation sought to justify itself after the fact by appeals to the corruption of the Church. Okay, fine. But there were Catholic reformers who fought against the same corruption. The real question for the Reformers & later Protestants is why does a struggle against corruption involve massive revisions of the doctrine of justification, which is really the issue at the heart of the Reformation, in the Reformers own words. All the changes in ecclesiology that the Reformation spawned (e.g. the destruction of the cultus of the saints) were not based on some supposed sin of "idolatry". Indeed, veneration of the saints was in the earliest post-apostolic texts the Church had, & the Reformers knew it. No, it was the Reformers ideas of justification that made so much of the old Church's ways anathema.

The question every modern Protestant has to ask themselves is: were those novel ideas of justification worth the schism of Christendom, the bloodshed of war, & the wholesale theft, there is no other word, of Church properties by the nobility of the Protestant countries? I really doubt that there are many Lutheran or Anglican theologians who would say yes today. The few true Calvinist theologians would still probably say yes.

mockturtle said...

YH, what think you of Augustine?

traditionalguy said...

Calvinists do like Mary, Joseph and Jesus . Without her faith, the incarnation miracle would not have happened, and that was the biggest one of them all. She is the blessed one for sure, no question.

But a worshiped Goddess answering prayers is another thing all together.

eric said...

YH, a God powerful enough to create the universe is also powerful enough to bring me His Word, translated, in an understandable way, so that I might work out my own salvation with fear and trembling.

Paddy O said...

I'm not sure Calvin would accept the five points either, not without nuancing them.

Marian devotion and maybe angels is often a replacement for a good pneumatology. So even some good learned Catholics say.

Ruach is feminine, by the by. Pneuma is neuter in Greek. Only in Latin is spiritus masculine.

So, the Trinity isn't masculine and there's a good argument for using the feminine pronoun for the Spirit.

A lot of Calvinist don't have much truck with the Spirit at all, it's a functional binary with the Spirit thrown on for decoration during important moments. Except for Kuyper and the Dutch Calvinists. There's a little more going on there.

And, Scripture is itself part of Church tradition. The church was active while the NT was being written and engaged in theology as the NT documents were getting sorted out as to their authority and validity.

That's all for my random bits of theology responses.

Meanwhile, I have to go chat with my angels.

Terry said...

I stopped going to Boing Boing after the 2004 election, when Fraunfelder went neck deep into conspiracy theories about Republicans MIBs driving from polling place to polling place in minority neighborhoods in Ohio, and suppressing the minority vote. Even the MIBs' vans were black.
The reason self-appointed elites are self-appointed is because everyone thinks they are stupid.

Lloyd W. Robertson said...

Rightly or wrongly, I don't want to get into theology, and I don't get mad about people making money off this stuff. The post just prompted me to look up Mariette Hartley. Her grandfather was a leader in the school of behaviorism, and she has blamed him for psychological problems in various family members including herself.
In 1962, at the age of 22, she was in the first feature film directed by Sam Peckinpah: Ride the High Country. IMDB says Peckinpah was also a writer, "uncredited." If you know anything about Peckinpah, it's no surprise that Mariette has to be saved from a gang rape arranged by her fiance and his brothers.
1969: A famous Star Trek episode, "All Our Yesterdays." Mariette introduces Spock first to the eating of meat, and then to sex. Ba da boom. Apparently this was the first mention in the Star Trek canon that Vulcans were vegetarian, although of course it makes sense. I'm just working on an essay by Marcuse, philosopher of the student movement of the 60s, "Nature and Revolution" (1972): "Can the human appropriation of nature ever achieve the elimination of violence, cruelty, and brutality in the daily sacrifice of animal life for the physical reproduction of the human race? ... no free society is imaginable which does not, under its 'regulative idea of reason,' make the concerted effort to reduce consistently the suffering which man imposes on the animal world."
Back to Mariette: In the 70s and 80s, TV commercials with James Garner for Polaroid cameras. I don't think we've gotten over the excitement of taking a reasonably good picture, without being experts, and seeing it right away. Mariette did a lot of guest spots on TV, including recently on Law and Order SVU; but it's not surprising if she ran out of cash from time to time. As she says in this little talk at a Star Trek convention, "it's a fickle business."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6zRCTKVcxc

exiledonmainstreet said...

"In an earlier more pious & theologically literate culture, this would be the target audience for Marian devotion."

I'm not sure about that. It has always struck me that Marian devotion is, oddly, strongest in countries which place a lot of stock in machismo - Italy and Mexico, for instance.

Guardian angels are supposed to protect people, right? Maybe the angels in Norway should think about going over to Sweden and protecting all those women being raped by Muslim refugees. It's not like their own government is doing much about it.

Eric the Fruit Bat said...

And to think Spock once had a thing for that bitch...

LOL! Glad I came back to revisit this thread.

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