June 12, 2014

Tooling along, the GOP car was making good time, headed for its destination: Victory in November.

DRIVER: Hey! What happened? Did we get off the 2014 Interstate? Was there an off-ramp back there? What does the polling app say? Is it re-routing? But the polling app didn't warn us before the road got weird looking. I don't trust this app to re-route. We could get even farther afield.

PASSENGER: If we're off the Interstate, we'd better stop and ask for directions. Look, there are lots of people around who seem like they might be helpful.

DRIVER: What, just stop and ask somebody?! We're driving the GOP car, and you want some guy by the side of the road to give us directions to Victory in November?

PASSENGER: Well, clearly we are lost. MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD looks like he's concerned about our predicament, looks like he knows the routes around the Political Landscape...

As the GOP car scoots to a stop, MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD scrambles up, smiling, as if he's delighted at the opportunity to help.

31 comments:

MadisonMan said...

It's amusing to listen to all the political pundits -- who didn't see Cantor's loss coming -- now try to make sense of it.

Why should we believe failed prognosticators? I know they're paid to write down words, but sheesh.

The Drill SGT said...

Does he have a pitchfork and a torch?

Meade said...

You can't get there from here.

MaxedOutMama said...

Apt indeed!

Bob Boyd said...

Its the opening scene from Deliverance 2.

Man by the side of the road: "You say you lookin' for a reliable Poll? Wuh Hell. I got a reliable pole for you fellers right here."

Freeman Hunt said...

Ha ha ha.

traditionalguy said...

One analyst said the problem in polling arose from a redistricting that brought in a chunk of GOP voters while it took away Dem voters from the last cycle.


But the polsters took their surveys from the voters that voted in the District in the last election, thus leaving out the new GOP leaning voters.

And instead of creating a "safe district" as planned, the new chunk of GOP leaning voters felt no loyalty to this Representative that seemed to have no loyalty to their beliefs.

betamax3000 said...

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: Can I hitch a ride? I've had some... problems... back in town.

DRIVER: Look, we're in kind of a hurry. I've got meth in the glovebox, three guns under my seat and a dead hooker in the trunk: jump in back if you'd like.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD GETS IN.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: where you headed?

PASSENGER: Not sure yet. Right now we're just gonna drive really fast until we come up with a plan.

DRIVER: Really fast, yeah.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: You know, it smells kinda funky back here...

DRIVER: I've been storing my urine in fast-food cups -- we ain't got time for a lot of unnecessary stops.

PASSENGER: It might also been the hooker. It's pretty hot and she's getting pretty ripe. Some meth will help...

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: Why don't we just ditch her in a field or something?

DRIVER: I've been thinking she might come in handy.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: How does a dead hooker come in handy?

PASSENGER: We won't know until the time comes.

DRIVER: We might use her as a decoy. Just thinking out loud.

Meade said...

"MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: Can I hitch a ride? I've had some... problems... back in town."

Old man lying
by the side of the road
With the lorries rolling by,
Blue moon sinking
from the weight of the load
And the buildings scrape the sky,
Cold wind ripping
down the alley at dawn
And the morning paper flies,
Dead man lying
by the side of the road
With the daylight in his eyes.

Don't let it bring you down
It's only castles burning,
Find someone who's turning
And you will come around.

The Drill SGT said...

traditionalguy said...
One analyst said the problem in polling arose from a redistricting that brought in a chunk of GOP voters while it took away Dem voters from the last cycle.


None of that explains why in the GOP primary, he got fewer votes that last time in a district with more GOP.

If he had gotten the same vote count as 2012, he would have won again.

QED: He lost his own supporters...

Larry J said...

GOP Driver: "I'm not sure where we're going but we're making very good time!"

GOP Passenger: "Where are we? And why are we in this handbasket?"

betamax3000 said...

PASSENGER: Is anyone else seeing the bats?

DRIVER: It's just the meth. They're harmless.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: You know, maybe we should pull off the road, find a place to sleep for a few hours...

DRIVER: Bad idea: motels are a bad idea. Last one we stopped at we ended up with a dead hooker and a toilet that wouldn't flush.

PASSENGER: Maybe the bats are here to help us.

DRIVER: There are no bats. Drones, maybe.

PASSENGER: Drone bats, yes.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: I've been looking around and no one seems to be chasing us: maybe we just abandon the car and walk away...

PASSENGER: Too late for that, man, too late for that.

DRIVER: It was too late before we even started.

PASSENGER: Maybe the drone bats just want the dead hooker...

DRIVER: The dead hooker is OURS, we got her fair and square.

MAN BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD SAYS: Maybe we --

DRIVER: Maybe you keep your mouth shut when I'm trying to think. I'm starting to think you're not on our side...

PASSENGER: Maybe you're the reason for the bats.

DRIVER: Bat drones.

PASSENGER: Bat drones, yes.

FleetUSA said...

Dave Brat sounds like a pretty sane guy. A straight shooter.

Cantor just "assumed" victory and we all know what that spells.

Glenn Howes said...

So, I suppose Mr. Cantor cleverly thought he'd encourage the legislature to give him a safer district, meaning one overly filled with Republican voters, and then he'd never have to worry about re-election. He'd have much concern about losing his district as Maxine Waters. And in a two-fer, he'd be denying some hypothetical true-believer, hard to deal with Tea Partier from being elected from a region of middle-class rubes.

Well, apparently, he should have chosen a different set of rubes.

wholelottasplainin' said...

If the GOP isn't careful, that man by the side of the road might turn out to be the "stabby kind" (as Marge Simpson would put it).

jr565 said...

Just because Cantor lost doesn't mean that repubs will lose. If anything cantor lost because his base felt he was too weak on immigration. So he want conservative enough. This would simply be the weeding out of the RINO's stage of the process.
You have to look at states. Do the states lean conservative or liberal. Replacing cantor with a tea partier suggests that VA is even more red than thought.

The Crack Emcee said...

MadisonMan,

"Why should we believe failed prognosticators?"

Because whites don't want to listen to correct ones. If the progs tell whites what they don't want to hear, whites attack. If the progs say what whites like, they embrace - reality be damned.

I said Romney's supplements are useless. I get attacked - but Romney's supplements have been been found to be useless. Any apologies? Backtracking of any kind? A new change in approach? Right-Wing declarations that Romney's a fraud? Nope. Whites just move to a new topic - nothing ever gets in.

I called race looong before it got hot. Any acknowledgment? Nope. You losers are still fighting me over just what it means - you're so narcissistic, to white ideas and views, you're clueless to your surroundings.

No one can be right on culture. No one can see ahead. No one can understand cultural parameters - except for clueless white people - who "don't even THINK about race!"

And it's one Hell of a way to run a country....

The Crack Emcee said...

"Victory in November"?

I told you that wasn't going to happen either.

This stuff ain't hard,...

jr565 said...

Nows the time for repubs to hack each other to pieces. But once its determined who the nominees are be they tea partiers or establishment repubs. They better stfu and concentrate SOLELY on beating the dems.

jr565 said...

Nows the time for repubs to hack each other to pieces. But once its determined who the nominees are be they tea partiers or establishment repubs. They better stfu and concentrate SOLELY on beating the dems.

Drago said...

I for one appreciate Cracks performance artistry wherein he attempts to personify Betamax3000's "Crazy guy on street corner off his meds".

It's not easy coming up with volume of crazy that crack vomits up.

Thank you for your continued diligence crack.

It's off the rails, but comforting, in a strange, familiar kind of way.

The Crack Emcee said...

Drago,

All of y'all said Romney would win - how off were you?

What did I say?

When will you admit the obvious?

You don't know what you're doing, politically, and will hurt anyone who does,...

David said...

The writer assumes that this is bad news for the Republicans. It may instead (or also) be bad news for the Democrats.

Rusty said...

Leave the creative political writing to Protien Wisdom and Iowahawk.

MFindlay said...

Go on ahead, Mr. Citywide, hypnotized, suit-and-tied
Gentlemen, testify

Phil said...

Relative sample sizes, how the fuck do they work?

Skeptical Voter said...

As our new influx of future Democrat voters pour across the border--and hitch a ride to Tucscon or Phoenix with the Border Patrol, they've got some philosophical wisdom to impart to the politicos.

Brat's victory in Virginia is simply "Un piedra en la camina" on the way to total liberal domination of the United States. After all, that's what the new voters are coming for.

And for those of you whose Spanish is a little rusty, the phrase means "A stone in the road".

Michael said...

Crack

Why dont you go into polling? Or just plain predicting. You could set the Las Vegas line, get rich, be famous. Instead you are predicting rain in the future, a safe bet.

If everybody is so wong and you are so right why have things turned out as they have for you?

Why didnt you tell us Brat would win? Why didnt you tell us parts of Iraq would fall?

If "this stuff ain't hard" why are you not rich?

Michael said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eric said...

"All of y'all said Romney would win - how off were you?

What did I say?"

You said Romney would lose, we said he would win. He lost. You were right.

Now we are saying the Republicans will win in November. You're saying they will lose in November.

If they win in November, will you shut up?

Somehow I doubt it.

jr565 said...

Because whites don't want to listen to correct ones. If the progs tell whites what they don't want to hear, whites attack. If the progs say what whites like, they embrace - reality be damned.

I said Romney's supplements are useless. I get attacked - but Romney's supplements have been been found to be useless. Any apologies?

so, then, we can look at the polls that whites listen to and assume they are false based simply on the fact that whites are believing them. Only what do we do when there's a poll that some white beleive and some don't? What then! Crack? What then?
and what about the times when the pollsters get it right and whites believe those polls? Wouldn't that mean they were the wrong polls? But they got it right!

must everything be about whites and blacks to Crack. Even things that have nothing to do with race at all?