April 13, 2014

"Lamb is more Nutritious than any kind of Poultry, Mutton than Lamb, Veal than Mutton, and Beef than Veal..."

"... But Pork is more Nutricious than any of these; for the Juices of Pork, which is more like Human Flesh than any other Flesh is, are more adapted to the Nourishment of a Human Body than the Juices of any other Flesh."

17 comments:

James Pawlak said...

Think "Long Pig" and the essay "A Modest Proposal".

tim maguire said...

For whatever reason, for the last few years I've been becoming more uncomfortable with eating pork. This quote certainly won't change that.

Oso Negro said...

Bacon! Real food for real people! Nueske's applewood smoked bacon is the finest in the land. Did I mention they are from Wisconsin?

betamax3000 said...

Crazy Street Corner Guy Off His Meds Says:

I saw Harvey Keitel eating human flesh. It was a forearm and there was blood in his teeth, there was blood in his teeth and he was ravenous, his eyes were dilated and I could feel the energies he transmitted, he has powers and he has energies, dark energies like radio cancer. He chewed on a finger and chewed on a finger and chewed on a thumb and I do not know why he follows me, he never says a word, Harvey Keitel follows me and he eats human flesh.

betamax3000 said...

Crazy Street Corner Guy Off His Meds Says:

Harvey Keitel enters my head and I can't stop him, he has a key for every lock, the keys jangle inside my brain one after another, he is in no hurry, one key after another key, there are so many keys and then he is in my head. When he is in my head I can see through his eyes but they are my eyes, I look through my eyes which are his eyes and I see what he sees, the world is an x-ray and people's hearts are beating, I can see through their skin and see their hearts beating and their lungs breathing and then I feel Harvey's hunger, it is maddening. I do not want to eat human flesh.

betamax3000 said...

Crazy Street Corner Guy Off His Meds Says:

Harvey Keitel enters my head and he has wolf thoughts, he thinks like a wolf and sees the world the way a wolf sees the world, everything is prey. When he gets inside my head the wolf tries to get me to take off my shoes but they are my only pair of shoes, I only have one pair of shoes so I do not take them off, I refuse. Harvey the wolf drinks water from the gutter by the alley and I can feel him waiting for the moon, he is waiting for the moon to come and he is getting hungrier. People on the street do not make eye contact: this is probably best.

Sam L. said...

I've read that the popularity of Spam in the Pacific islands is because it tastes like long pig.

Pork? I do love pork.

madAsHell said...

During the Civil War, the Confederates had pork rations, and the Union forces had beef. You can march further on a belly full of beef.

betamax3000 said...

When Harvey Keitel leaves my head I feel an overwhelming compulsion to cut off all my hair, I want all my hair to be gone and to be free of its tyranny. My hair is lice and pigeon shit but somehow Harvey Keitel makes it feel dirty, I want to cut it all off but I only have a plastic knife from McDonald's. It is maddening, wanting desperately to cut off all your hair but not having any scissors. I can pull a tooth out with my own hands but my hair, I pull some of it out but I cannot do it all, my scalp is bloody and you can't sleep in the alley with a bloody head because of the rats. This is true.

Gahrie said...

Now this is a movement I can get behind....Pork and veal uber alles.

Michael K said...

I like pork and, among other reasons, it keeps Muslims away. When the Venetians brought Saint Mark's remains back from Egypt, they concealed them under a layer of bacon.

Is there anything bacon can't do ?

betamax3000 said...

Crazy Street Corner Guy Off His Meds Says:

I cannot shake the feeling, I cannot shake the feeling that Harvey Keitel's Evils will be blamed on me, I will be the one they blame, they will not believe me, they will say that I'm crazy and was off my meds. I did not eat human flesh, Harvey Keitel did. I did not rape Leonardo DiCaprio, Harvey Keitel did. He is the Wolf, not me. Harvey knows this, and he laughs, it is a frightening laugh and I need to act before they all blame it on me just because I live in the alley with part of my hair pulled out and don't take my meds. This has happened before.

David said...

Gotta eat pig with fava beans to bring out the full benefit.

betamax3000 said...

Crazy Street Corner Guy Off His Meds Says:

People act like they don't even see him, Harvey Keitel is standing right behind me but no one notices him, it is like he is invisible, Harvey Keitel is invisible to everyone but me. It is Spring and warm and the girls are wearing short skirts and I can feel Harvey's blood pulse like it was in my very own chest, short skirts and cowboy boots, this is what Harvey likes, his blood tells me his secrets, blood keeps secrets in everybody until you let it out, it all comes out eventually, and some blood never dries, never dries ever, it is wet and dark like the alley.

William said...

The prions in cannibalized flesh can give rise to the human equivalent of mad cow disease. I would caution all readers here to consume human flesh only in modest amounts and to altogether avoid the organ meats.

betamax3000 said...

Crazy Street Corner Guy Off His Meds Says:

It was not my juices, it was not my juices at the bus stop. Harvey Keitel can masturbate at a bus stop and no one even sees him, they just see his juices on the bench or on the women's pants. Sometimes I think that we are all just bags of various juices, and once I begin to think this I cannot stop thinking this, my thoughts are just more juices flowing through my head, I am powerless to the juices that run through my body, and sometimes the juices are on fire, they burn from the inside and it itches and burns and itches some more and my eyes water, I can't stop scratching. It was not me at the bus stop.

Anglelyne said...

tim maguire: For whatever reason, for the last few years I've been becoming more uncomfortable with eating pork. This quote certainly won't change that.

Is it the disgusting factory farming? I can see that. But to be honest, the real reason I eat less pork is because the anti-animal-fats crusade of recent years has resulted in producers breeding leaner and leaner pigs, completely destroying the glorious flavor and texture of properly bred and raised pigs. (And for what? Obviously breeding our pigs to marathoner body-fat percentages hasn't solved obese consumers obesity problems.)

Then to add insult to injury, they send out advice about brining your pork to restore the flavor. Bastards. If I wanted a goddamned ham I'd buy a goddamned ham. Where do I have to go, what do I have to pay, to get the succulent pork roasts d'antan?