June 14, 2013

"Women have fabricated a way of talking about the conflict between women who hope to find most of their self-fulfillment in the home..."

"... and those for whom being a homemaker and childrearer is not enough — and not only that, but believe it should not be enough for most women. This is the enlightened, productive side of what are commonly called the Mommy Wars. My question... is: Where are the Daddy Wars?"

Asks Marc Tracy, perhaps only because the annual nonsense of producing an article about Father's Day was nagging at whoever's running The New Republic these days.
In a smart response on New York’s The Cut blog, Kurt Soller noted that men will probably have to take their cues from ladyblogs and the like as they navigate this issue, and offered several smart thoughts....
So Kurt of The Cut has a smart response that offered smart thoughts. All I can say is: ouch. (In the old days — before feminists destroyed Freud — one could have wisecracked about castration anxiety.)

23 comments:

rhhardin said...

It's Venus envy.

edutcher said...

Men don't have time for that nonsense.

You want to be Mr Mom, most guys understand that's a lot of work.

tim maguire said...

The obvious answer: men don't worry about it like women do.

The less obvious (but mostly true) answer: the roles are reversed for men such that it is the happily staying at home dads who feel inadequate. They already feel uncomfortably feminine and aren't about become even more girly by naval gazing about it on their blog.

Mitchell the Bat said...

Mother's Day serves as a reminder that it's time to give the hydrangeas their aluminum sulfate.

Father's Day serves as a reminder that the Fourth of July is coming up.

AprilApple said...

New York City is another vapid planet. I cannot relate.

Sam L. said...

What tim m said--we mostly just don't do that. Note: Men and women are actually different.

Sam L. said...

And, of course, Father's Day is a slap in the face to all those kids who don't have a father due to death, divorce, or non-marital sex (including the baster of record).

Rusty said...

As near as I can figure, since my sperm donating career is behind me, my sole purpose as a father is to be The Bank of Dad.

Methadras said...

God, just start a blog, then shut up.

ricpic said...

They won't be fulfilled outside the house either. Nothing's ever enough. For women or men. Or to quote the great Saroyan, "Nothing helps." Internalize that truth, women, and you'll finally stop chasing the self-fulfillment chimera.

Renee said...

Depends what their husband does for a living.

My husband lives in a cube, ten hours a day.

Michael Ryan said...

Men don't debate these things because, by default, we will be expected to work outside the home regardless. There is no conflict. There is no debate. That a man doesn't want to work outside the home will be considered a non sequitur at a divorce proceeding.

Steve Reynolds said...

The only cut Kurt of The Cut probably thinks about is circumcision.

Scott M said...

What tim m said--we mostly just don't do that. Note: Men and women are actually different.

Agreed, but, that being said, I detect that there's a coming tsunami of backlash that's slowly building over the whole father/husband/boyfriend as the comedic foil/oaf/dullard in American entertainment and advertising. It might take another decade, but it's coming.

Tim said...

Navigate what issue?

Sounds like a bunch of candy-ass, poseur lefty boys wanting to be just like the girls who run their lives.

Men don't think about this shit.

Crunchy Frog said...

The one thing about Father's Day upcoming is the uptick in the intelligence of dads in commercials. I guess if you are selling stuff specifically for Dad, you don't want to portray him as a bumbling idiot.

Well, not as much anyways. Moms are still the ones doing the shopping.

Tom said...

I've had two professional young women in the department I head have babies in the last 6 months. I can tell you why there are not daddy wars. When daddy's are at work, they are filling an emotional need to provide for their family. When I've seen these two young women at work, they feel like by working, they are abandoning their families. While this pattern may not apply to everyone, it more prevalent than we'd like to admit. I've also noticed that I'm expected as a manager to be far more accommodating of a new mothers work schedule we would ever be for a new father. I'm not saying its right but I understand.

Bruce Hayden said...

Men don't think about this sort of thing because whatever they thought would be irrelevant. Men do what women want, because the latter control the breeding opportunities for the former. The basic problem for males is that they need to do what females want in order to get laid. And, one male can impregnate innumerable females, which means that some males go without breeding opportunities, while few females do so intentionally.

So, females tend to still want to marry up, and not down. This means that the guys who do excel and make a lot of money, etc., tend to have many more breeding opportunities than do the ones who turn into domestic kept men, or at least aspire to such. What you need to do is to look at what women do, and not what they say they prefer.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

Women have fabricated a way of talking about...

If they could fabricate a way of shutting up, that would be news.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

Women have fabricated a way of talking about the conflict between women who hope to find most of their self-fulfillment in the home and those for whom being a homemaker and childrearer is not enough — and not only that, but believe it should not be enough for most women.

I wonder if they'll ever get around to talking about the conflict between women who hope to find most of their self-fulfillment in the workplace, and those for whom being a corporate drone is not enough - and not only that, but believe it should not be enough for most women.

n.n said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
n.n said...

Neuter the men and spay the women. That seems to be the only way to address a general and progressive devaluation of human life, and the fanatics who seem incapable of self-moderating, responsible behavior.

It's for the children, literally, and for every other human being, who desire liberty.

Anyway, there is no conflict. This is merely a matter of irreconcilable differences. America (Western Europe, etc) needs someone to arbitrate their separation. The people of fantasy and reality cannot coexist.

As for the daddys, I wonder how many are equally fanatical or obsessive.

This is not a healthy condition. Whether it is women, or men, they need to reassess their lives before realizing a dysfunctional convergence.

Deirdre Mundy said...

IIB - They'll never talk about that, because the "I find my fufillment in a bland office dealing with inane emails from stupid coworkers" types are the ones who write and give interviews for these articles.

Media types tend to really love their jobs, and they can't seem to understand - for many people, work is soul-crushingly boring, and office politics are horrible and hateful.

Personally, I prefer kids to coworkers. At least I can help kids grow out of whining, tantrums, unreasonable demands, self-centeredness, and plain old stupid. Co-workers are stuck like that until they die.