May 9, 2013

"On Tuesday, when Madison residents enjoyed temperatures that hit 78 degrees, a number of calls filtered into the state capital's 911 system with reports of dead people in the grass."

"Also known as, you know, sunbathers. It got so bad that the authorities had to take to Wisconsin Capital Newspapers's Madison.com to get the word out: 'Please tell cellphone users that people lying in the grass are not necessarily dead,' a dispatcher at the 911 center told Madison.com.'... Basically — and now tragically, if rather strangely — Madison residents were so unaccustomed to the good weather, and especially sunbathers, that they were very quick to assume the worst. They saw something, but maybe they said a little too much."

Says Alexander Abad-Santos at The Atlantic Wire, via Steve Elbow at the Cap Times, via Rob Thomas at the Cap Times.

Thomas's piece is extra amusing because it begins with something about — of all people — Meade.

Alexander Abad-Santos's was a little less amusing than it would be if it hadn't happened that, a year ago, a sunbather, lying on the grass in a Madison park, was run over by a city truck and killed.

ADDED: We were out on Picnic Point yesterday evening and saw this:

Untitled

It turned out to be part of a medical school exercise. Groups of students would arrive and, led by an instructor, attempt to diagnose the medical problem, which was — I happen to know — a collapsed lung.

22 comments:

ndspinelli said...

WTF?? Is this Meade Day?

Freeman Hunt said...

Everyday at the Althouse is Meade Day.

tim maguire said...

Ahh hahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Idiots.

Crunchy Frog said...

"There's a balloon where his head should be" wasn't one of the acceptable choices?

madAsHell said...

Planking!

Palladian said...

I love the little googly-eyes on the balloon head.

edutcher said...

Hint:

If they're moving they probably aren't dead.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

LOL....you pasty white people in Wisconsin are so funny.

Bill, Republic of Texas said...

Madison people are so fucking stupid. A center of government and education creates the perfect storm of stupidity. How embarassing it must be to live in an Onion article.

Sorun said...

"How embarassing it must be to live in an Onion article."

The Onion was founded in Madison.

Bill, Republic of Texas said...

Sorun said... "How embarassing it must be to live in an Onion article."

The Onion was founded in Madison.

5/9/13, 7:36 PM

So the Onion started out as just the local newspaper? That makes sense.

EMD said...

Alert to Wisconsin: Stop drinking.

Freeman Hunt said...

Our local paper once ran a bit of news from The Onion as real. They said that the USDA had added a Fixin's category to the Food Pyramid.

MadisonMan said...

I wish the article had quantified 'a number'.

bagoh20 said...

I can understand the confusion. Bloated bodies lying still, and looking more sun bleached than tanned are gonna make you think "corpse" - plus the smell after being wrapped up tight all winter. That's gonna put you square in the dead diagnosis for sure.

bpm4532 said...

Kinda surprised there were no zombie reports. I mean, with all the dead people laying around.

MadisonMan said...

@bpm: Here.

bpm4532 said...

I wouldn't be surprised if buried deep inside Obamacare there was a program to research treatment of zombies.

bagoh20 said...

Zombies or their employers are required to get coverage or pay a penaltytax, and the coverage must include pre-existing conditions like gangrene, worms, decomposition, wooden stakes in the heart, or decapitation. Maternity coverage and cosmetic surgery must also be included. These people are the majority of the 30 million forgotten uninsured that Obamacare will now pull out of the shadows.

Sam L. said...

The level of Smart be mighty low in Madison.

Sam L. said...

Good thing nobody called in reporting beached whales!

Rusty said...

Just as I thought. People of Madison are just a bunch a airheads.