March 6, 2013

"Unfortunately the woman was mauled to death by the lion..."

"... but her boyfriend managed to escape naked."

50 comments:

rcommal said...

Chivalry is dead?

Pogo said...

Love and Death.

Calypso Facto said...

The Short Happy Life of Ms. Macomber.

Mitchell the Bat said...

I hope he bugged out his eyes and exclaimed, "Feets, do yo' stuff!!!"

Pogo said...

Remember, you don't have to be faster than a lion, just faster than the other guy. Or gal.

Sorun said...

Our ancestors are the ones who weren't mauled by lions while screwing in the African bush.

Patrick said...

Kinda makes you appreciate that the only danger around here is mosquitoes and poison ivy.

chrisnavin.com said...

I hear he's available, ladies. Still a little shaken up, but available.

Bob Boyd said...

A friend of mine was attacked by a house cat once, while making love. He also fled naked....into her living room. The woman was not injured, but reportedly almost died laughing.

phx said...

Maybe not a bad way to go.

cubanbob said...

Considering how Comrade Bob has destroyed the Zimbabwe economy I'm surprised that there are lions left in the country.

rhhardin said...

"I only have to run faster than you."

Colonel Angus said...

Chivalry is dead?

Women can be infantry soldiers now. What's the point of treating then as delicate flowers in need of a man's protection?

William said...

This can be read as a companion piece to the story of the lost little girl who was saved by her dog snuggling up to her through the cold night. The story would have worked better with a tiger though. The symmetry would be more fearful.

ricpic said...

Indoors missionary; outdoors doggy style.

Nomennovum said...

Another lesson in the dangers of unprotected sex.

wyo sis said...

Making love outdoors in the wilds of Africa might be one of those Darwin award things.
I kind of feel sorry for the boyfriend. He's now "Naked Bad Boyfriend" it might be difficult for him to get another lover to accompany him on an outdoor adventure.

Nomennovum said...

"Making love outdoors in the wilds of Africa might be one of those Darwin award things."

Indeed. All of humanity's ancestors practiced this. And here we are.

Nomennovum said...

"[I]t might be difficult for him to get another lover to accompany him on an outdoor adventure."

It would be impossible to do so, if he stayed and fought the beast.

MayBee said...

Man, I would hate for someone to find my naked, lion-mauled body. That is an unflattering way to die.

Nomennovum said...

"Man, I would hate for someone to find my naked, lion-mauled body. That is an unflattering way to die."

Maybe that's why he ran so fast.

Pogo said...

Werner Herzog nods.

Basta! said...

An adult male African lion weighs between 300-500 pounds, and can have a shoulder height up to 4 feet and a body length up to 8 feet.

So, the guy wouldn't have stood a chance if he didn't run. The woman, alas, was already a goner once the lion was on her.

rcommal said...

Wouldn't looking at naked guy's past record and deciding not to go out into the wild with him be a variation on survival of the fittest? I mean, think about it. Why feel bad for him? He acted out of self-preservation, an entirely understandable human impulse. A woman deciding not to take the risk with him out in the wild after learning of this incident arguable would be doing the same, no?

phx said...

Something that was said in the movie Ghost and the Darkness: the lion's tongue can lick the skin right off you.

One of my favorite movies.

Andy Freeman said...

The story also says "The friend said: 'He is a fisherman and he used to often meet at the same spot with his girlfriend, who is now deceased."

I wonder how the previous one died. I wonder which one thought that boinking in the same place was a good idea this time.

traditionalguy said...

What was that joke that men cannot run faster than a bear, and the man tell his wife/other that all he will have to run is "faster than you."

rcommal said...

By the way, I don't think that guy had an obligation to risk his own life to save his lover. (I don't think anyone has an obligation to risk his or her own life to save someone else, unless its his or her job--with the exception of parents and their young children, I'd say.) His reaction was probably visceral, anyway, and that coupled with luck saved him. That said, I don't feel bad for him if other people would think twice about going with him into the wild. They have valid info as to what his visceral reaction in such a situation would be. So it goes.

rcommal said...

it's not its

Emil Blatz said...

Correctly stated, that is " Feets don' fail me now!"

William said...

There's an African proverb that a man should not let his quest for a little pussy lead to an encounter with a big cat.

Amexpat said...

On a budget safari in Botswana (the guide didn't have a gun) the guide and I stumbled upon three lions in the bush. When the lions jumped up and roared, I followed the guide's instruction; stood my ground and froze like a statute. The lions calmly walked away.

Apparently the worst thing to do is run as the lion's instinct kicks in. Lying and wriggling on the ground is also bad as that makes you look like an injured animal.

Astro said...

Sounds suspicious to me; I think I'd place a call to Mma Ramotswe in Botswana.

Jeff Teal said...

Lion did what lions have done for millions of years.People did what dead people who didn't pass on their genes for millions of years.There are safer places to have sex these days.Coutesy of those who did pass on their genes and culture.Unfortunately failed cultures do not pass on their experience-or genes..

Methadras said...

Wow, talk about getting caught with your pants down.

Basta! said...

Apparently this isn't a rare thing. According to the Wiki article on lions (thanks to whoever put it together --- it's well thought-out, informative and sourced) between 1990 and 2004 in Tanzania alone lions attacked 815 people, killing 563 of them.

Bad for the tourist business if this became better known.

Rob said...

While having sex, man is terrified of being savaged by a big pussy. Paging Dr. Freud.

edutcher said...

This situation is very neatly covered by the story whose punchline is, "First, Tarzan check for squirrels".

phx said...

Something that was said in the movie Ghost and the Darkness: the lion's tongue can lick the skin right off you.

One of my favorite movies.


Remake of "Jaws", plot turn for plot turn.

phx said...

Remake of "Jaws", plot turn for plot turn.

Nah. Not unless you're reducing this to the most basic archetypes.

But Jaws was definitely a more popular movie. And arguably better.

tim said...

Shoulda had a gun.

Nomennovum said...

I hear the guy who ran away was packing, Tim.

Darrell said...

Luckily he was on top and could see the attack pounce coming. Which allowed him to pull out and run and leave her totally blind to what was coming.

I hope she has brothers. With machetes. And spears. And rope.

Clyde said...

Looks like things are pretty dangerous there in North Yellow Stripe Province.

And Rcommal nailed it with the first response, which was what I was thinking first as well. My second thought was Pogo's response about "You don't have to be faster than the lion..."

Darrell said...

Girls!
Stay on top when you are in lion country! Tape an icepick to your hand so that you can kneecap the prick with you before you run--you know he can run faster than you.

SOJO said...

Was there ever chivalry in Zimbabwe?

I was on sabbatical in a YURT, yes, A YURT, and the only available reading material was Anthropological journals and Veggie Times.

So I'm reading the scholarly journal, and there is a story about a group of Jane Goodall-type academics who have a chimp living with them. The chimp figured he was human and was trying to judge his place in the hierarchy.

He decided he was about the same level as the native housekeeper, so HE MOUNTED AND RAPED HER and the white academics SAT THERE AND LET IT HAPPEN. Yes, there was entry.

They said they didn't want to upset the animal, but I'm sorry, if you see another human being being raped by a chimp, and it is too dangerous to remove the chimp by hand, you shoot the chimp dead and fuck your research.

edutcher said...

phx said...

Remake of "Jaws", plot turn for plot turn.

Nah. Not unless you're reducing this to the most basic archetypes.


No, plot turn for plot turn for plot turn.

Good thing you never tried to take Ann out for a movie.

Amartel said...

They were screwing near a lion. That was their first mistake.

edutcher said...

The only thing dumber would have been screwing the lion.

I'm waiting for some bestiality advocate to try it.

Baron Zemo said...

Can we fix this guy up with Lena Dunham?

William said...

A bird in the hand is not worth more than a cat in the bushes.