February 24, 2013

"Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop"... "God's Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis"...

"How Tea Cosies Changed the World"... "How to Sharpen Pencils"... "Lofts of North America: Pigeon Lofts"... "Was Hitler ILL?..."

I'm going to recommend "How to Sharpen Pencils," which actually has a subtitle, so it's "How to Sharpen Pencils: A Practical & Theoretical Treatise on the Artisanal Craft of Pencil Sharpening for Writers, Artists, Contractors, Flange Turners, Anglesmiths, & Civil Servants."

You're probably thinking what's the point?, but go to the link and check out the table of contents. I, for one am pleased to see a separate chapter on the wall-mounted, hand-crank pencil sharpener (though as long-time readers of this blog know, my personal "wall-mounted" pencil sharpener is mounted on a horizontal surface, so I'm concerned about whether the author recognizes that what he terms "wall-mounted" can indeed be rotated for attachment to a shelf or table-top)).

Also, there's an appendix: "Wines That Taste Like Pencils."

(And by the way, Hitler was not mentally ill and therefore fully responsible for his actions, according to"Was Hitler ILL?: A Final Diagnosis.")

(And here's "God's Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis." Excerpt (displaying fact-filled but awkward prose): "The classical Roman term for penis was mentula, which one might think had a certain resonance equating as it does to 'little mind.' But eighteenth-century wordsmiths preferred the idiomatic penis, meaning tail, not just to mentula but to the most popular Roman slang of gladius, or sword — which as vagina meant sheath or scabbard, fitted nicely.")

57 comments:

betamax3000 said...

So.

If "How to Sharpen Pencils" has the appendix "Wines That Taste Like Pencils" does that mean "God's Doodle: The Life and Times of the Penis" has the corresponding appendix "Wines That Taste Like Penis?"

DADvocate said...

How to Sharpen Pencils...

You're probably thinking what's the point?


Intentional?! Pretty punny.

betamax3000 said...

Sticklers say that only men form the province of Champagne, France can claim to have "Champagne Penis".

Lem said...

When the sharpener was wall mounted in the classroom it was chance for upstart ballsy kids to strut, model, show their stuff... But when it was fixed to the teachers desk it was a different ballgame... you had to maneuver the the teachers look.

betamax3000 said...

And only brewers of Miller can claim to have "The Champagne of Beers" in their pants.

betamax3000 said...

Watch out for the "Wall-Mounted Penis Sharpener".

Ann put pencils and penises together in this post for a reason.

Be VERY careful, Meade.

betamax3000 said...

She also include "Tea Cosies."

Hmmm.

Ann Althouse said...

"Intentional?!"

Haven't you learned by now that everything around here is intentional?

betamax3000 said...

Re: "Haven't you learned by now that everything around here is intentional?"

As I said: "Ann put pencils and penises together in this post for a reason."

betamax3000 said...

One sharpens for thought, one dulls it, perhaps.

betamax3000 said...

How do penises and pencils differ?

If you say "you write with one" you have never been a man out in the snow.

Shouting Thomas said...

Haven't you learned by now that everything around here is intentional?

No, everything is not intentional. Not here either.

No, I haven't learned that, teach.

Lem said...

So.. if it were not for the shape of the male organ the written word as we know it would not exist?

That is so sexist... it just might be true.

Lem said...

When I goggled "famous writers who used pencils" George Washington pops up first.

betamax3000 said...

The uncircumcised penis DOES share characteristics with the retractable ballpoint pen...

Shouting Thomas said...

By the way, Althouse, there is no here here.

That's just your imagination. Which isn't such a bad thing. In fact, it's a good thing when employed for its proper purposes.

This is the problem with your gay marriage fantasizing. The world exists apart from your intellect.

Darrell said...

Is the book by the same guy(s) that had the website where you could buy artisnally-sharpened pencils (it was filled with pictures of a guy wearing a full apron and goggles, and using a caliper and micrometer to check his work.) If not, lawyers should be called. Last I heard, that website was taking in $1000s, so I regret not having put it up first.

DADvocate said...

Haven't you learned by now that everything around here is intentional?

Obviously not. I believe in the law of unintended consequences. When you're intending one thing, something else comes up.

dbp said...

A very frustrating thing is the interaction of a poor-quality pencil and a sharpener. If the lead is not centered, then you sharpen and a little sliver of wood comes right up to the point.

At this point, you can either throw the defective pencil away or resolve that this "special one" will need to be sharpened with a pen knife. Which works, but is unsightly compared with the beautiful job the wall mounted unit does.

For those who have never owned their very own wall-mounted sharpener. I highly endorse it. The ones you are used to, from school or whatnot, get a lot of use and are dull. A new one is a miracle of ease, speed and perfection of result.

To me the difference between the results from a wall-mounted unit and the battery operated desk units is obvious. This is not so for everyone though; my daughters claim to not know the difference. I suspect they are too lazy to travel to the basement, but then I often catch them watching regular TV channels when the same show is on HD.

betamax3000 said...

Perhaps "gay marriage fantasizing" would be the 'Tea Cosies' part.

betamax3000 said...

However, the "battery operated desk units" have the edge in the 'Almost a Robot' category.

betamax3000 said...

The 'automatic can-opener': Almost a Robot.

betamax3000 said...

The 'automatic ice-cube maker': Almost a Robot, with additional refrigeration capabilities.

Shouting Thomas said...

What in the hell is happening, Althouse?

You're e-mailing all the comments to me on any post I comment on?

Please, God, stop this.

betamax3000 said...

There is a difference between 'Almost a Robot' and 'Not Quite a Robot'.

The pocket calculator would fall into the 'Not Quite a Robot' category.

Lem said...

ST.. You may have accidentally somehow subscribed to the emails.

The same thing happened to me the other day.

betamax3000 said...

Roomba vacuum: Almost a Robot.

Smart Phone: Not Quite a Robot.

Lem said...

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Surfed said...

xxc

Deb said...

The FaberCastell Velvet 3557 no. 2 pencil is perfection. I have one last box of 12 which I can't bring myself to use. They are $2.00 each or $10.00 for 12 on Amazon.

betamax3000 said...

2B or not 2B, that is the essential Pencil Question.

Ann Althouse said...

"To possess a penis, Sophocles said, is to be 'chained to a madman'. God's Doodle examines the schizophrenic relationship between man and this madman...."

Is it easier when the man himself is also mad, 2 madmen chained together, sort of like that movie "The Defiant Ones"?

betamax3000 said...

Re: Is it easier when the man himself is also mad, 2 madmen chained together, sort of like that movie "The Defiant Ones"?

I think it more akin to "The Thing With Two Heads" with Roosevelt Grier.

Ann Althouse said...

The Madman that is the penis assumes all the women are doing things to him intentionally.

In the special "Defiant Ones" version, the other madman thinks Althouse is sending him email every time somebody comments.

Clue to all madmen: You're not the center of attention you feel like you are to yourself.

Perspective, please! Open both eyes. If you have 2.

You don't have to, but if you have 2, I would recommend opening both of them.

Ann Althouse said...

Boola the Giant.

betamax3000 said...

Re: "The Madman that is the penis assumes all the women are doing things to him intentionally."

Does this mean that a Sane Penis acknowledges that some women are doing things to 'him' accidentally?

Makes me think of the film "Neighbors":

"She dropped the towel."
"
Did she drop it, or did you psychically will it to fall?"

Chuck Currie said...

Remember when we called public employees "civil servants"...servants...I liked it better when they were servants of civil society, as opposed to employees of the public. Servants you can let go, employees seem to stick around forever, always demanding more of the public and providing less of a service.

Servants, it has a nice ring to it.

Cheers

edutcher said...

Sharpening one's pencil can be construed metaphorically.

That and doodling with God's doodle.

Those who remember David Niven as Sir James Bond and Deborah Kerr as Lady Fiona MacTarry will understand.

Shouting Thomas said...

What in the hell is happening, Althouse?

You're e-mailing all the comments to me on any post I comment on?

Please, God, stop this.


You hit the button, good sir.

Or you may have hit her button once too often.

Sign out and peruse the comment box when you sign in.

Or beg Madame's forgiveness.

Ann Althouse said...

The Madman that is the penis assumes all the women are doing things to him intentionally.

Clue to all madmen: You're not the center of attention you feel like you are to yourself.


Possibly, but he is attuned to all the stimuli around him.

Some are sent without the sender's knowledge.

Some are sent without the sender's consent.

But even Andrew Marvell consented in the center he doth sit.

PS You are in a frisky mood today.

Chuck Currie said...

"And by the way, Hitler was not mentally ill and therefore fully responsible for his actions, according to 'Was Hitler ILL?: A Final Diagnosis'."

Although, he was a vegetarian.

Cheers

betamax3000 said...

Nothing sadder than a vegetarian penis.

kentuckyliz said...

Sometimes I administer bubble-sheet tests and have to read the scripted instructions (to keep testing conditions standardized).

Please mark your answer with a number 2 penis.

If your lead breaks, I have extra penises and you may raise your hand to borrow one.

I just know I'm going to say that.

betamax3000 said...

Students in that class would be using that as their 'go-to' story for decades to come...

edutcher said...

Liz, when the lead breaks, that's what Viagra's for.

Ann Althouse said...

(And by the way, Hitler was not mentally ill and therefore fully responsible for his actions, according to"Was Hitler ILL?: A Final Diagnosis.")

By the time he died, Al was pretty well detached from reality.

The source clip for the much-loved Hitler vids shows that.

Morell was a quack and he didn't help things, but to say Al knew the import of everything he did even when sober, is asking a lot.

McTriumph said...

I was thought only artist and carpenters were the only ones still using pencils.

If a pencil is a penis, isn't a Pentel mechanical pencil a vibrator?

I asked my 14 year old nephews shoveling my driveway what "mentula" was. One said, "I think it's a town in Montana." The other laughingly said, "man tool".

sydney said...

I prefer a pocket pencil sharpener myself. My husband has a wall-mounted pencil sharpener, but it always eats my pencils. The penicl sharpening book says there are some pocket pencil sharpeners that are multi-staged. They let you sharpen the graphite independently of the wood. I will have to look into those.

Also, I think the penis is more significant than a doodle. It's been treated as god and saint for goodness sake.

EDH said...

Funny, I was just thinking that a potential media prop the Republican could use in the Sequester battle would be to send Obama a pencil sharpener, as in "you need to sharpen your pencil to make the cuts as painless as possible."

This book would be great for that too.

ricpic said...

It's totally wrong that penis is derived from tail. Penis in front, tail in back. How could they have gotten it so wrong?

betamax3000 said...

Re: "It's totally wrong that penis is derived from tail. Penis in front, tail in back. How could they have gotten it so wrong?"

It is the Tail that Wags the dog.

Mitch H. said...

So how *do* you goblin-proof a chicken coop, and can the same measures be used to compel the Senate to actually do its job and deliver a budget?

That's not really true, the Senate's job being the passing of a budget. A federal budget is actually a remarkably recent phenomenon, introduced by Harding as a measure to bring the hideous spastic waste of post-Wilson government under some semblance of control. Reading that Shlaes biography of Coolidge, it's striking how much of his time as president was taken up with budgetary cheese-paring, sometimes quite literally, although I can't find the passage right now, damnit... maybe I ought to break down and get a Kindle.

bagoh20 said...

I think evil S.O.Bs can also get sick, addicted, and impaired, thank god.

chickelit said...

The classical Roman term for penis was mentula, which one might think had a certain resonance equating as it does to 'little mind.' But eighteenth-century wordsmiths preferred the idiomatic penis, meaning tail, not just to mentula but to the most popular Roman slang of gladius, or sword — which as vagina meant sheath or scabbard, fitted nicely.

A common slang term in Italian which derives from mentula is minchia (pronounced with a hard "c"). It may exist in Sicilian subculture in the US, but I learned it in Italy. It means penis, but also "dick" in the sense that we would use it as in "that guy's a real prick. Curiously, the noun is feminine, as it was in the original Latin.

Deb said...

One of my dad's favorite sayings was that something (coffee, spinach, whatever) would put lead in your pencil. He was usually talking to my brother.

Deb said...

Remember when we called public employees "civil servants"...servants...

At the time that phrase was used, I think most public employees *considered* themselves civil servants. I think they took their jobs of serving the public seriously. At least the ones I knew who had been working for the feds for years, since the 1950's, felt strongly they were in service to the public. Not like today, when civil service is more of an entitlement program.

dbp said...

It is interesting that in normal parlance #2 means crap In the pencil world #2 is the only good kind and all the other numbers are crap.

Inga said...

Schwanz. Pencil Dick!

DADvocate said...

Few people realize I am one of the most skilled and expert pencil sharpeners in the world.

Watch and marvel.

http://www.aleksandreia.com/2013/02/24/sharpening-pencils/

kentuckyliz said...

Fun etymology exploration for our esteemed blogress:

"quaint" and "cunt" are from the same root.

Ain't nothing quaint about a cunt.

Sometimes you see quaint used as cunt in early English literature.

Yep, I learned Very Important Things in college.