December 12, 2012

Haven'T.

A boy's name. Is it worse than Burger? Donathan? Espn!?
The phenomenon of people naming their kid after ESPN isn't new. It's actually been going on for years now, which is what makes it so alarming. This name has roots now. This is a mainstay. A CLASSIC. Two years from now, it will give way to Espyn and nothing will make sense anymore.

36 comments:

bpm4532 said...

You've gotta have a license to drive a car, but any couple of idiots can make a child.

mccullough said...

Haven'T is no worse than Drew. At least it's present tense.

YoungHegelian said...

One day, visiting my mammy in 'Bammy, I opened up the local newspaper's Sports page, and there was a young man on the high school football team named "Reprobatus". For those of you not into theology, this is the meaning of the term reprobation.

And of course the poor kid was black.

I turned to the wife and said "Just think how this poor kid must feel with a name like that. 'Gee, mom & dad, thanks to you, I really am a goddamn n----r'".

Parents should be put in jail for shit like this.

edutcher said...

Haven T. wouldn't be so bad.

But this, well..., he'll be responsible for them in their old age.

Payback, and all.

Petunia said...

I have some friends who have given their children truly embarrassing names. One of them said, "naming children something unusual is an act of courage".

I came THIS CLOSE to saying "for the parent or the child?" But I was diplomatic.

The Godfather said...

Do you remember Erich Barnes? The football player. He pronounced his name E-Rich. He said his mother saw the name Erich in a book and thought E-Rich was a great name for her son.

I suppose Reprobatus's mother saw the name somewhere and thought it sounded sophisticated.

Maybe we'd be better off if there were a rule that you could only name a child after a saint or a president -- or both if you pick Barack.

The Godfather said...

Do you remember Erich Barnes? The football player. He pronounced his name E-Rich. He said his mother saw the name Erich in a book and thought E-Rich was a great name for her son.

I suppose Reprobatus's mother saw the name somewhere and thought it sounded sophisticated.

Maybe we'd be better off if there were a rule that you could only name a child after a saint or a president -- or both if you pick Barack.

Bob_R said...

Writing for Gawker

Naming your boy Haven'T

OK, I'm looking for a difference. Hard to see one. What am I missing?

Portia said...

What's this with the Irish names, I suppose Liam Zaninovich has certain ring to it. Liam has actually been in the top for a few years. Ian is another one as is Aiden. I have a grand nephew named Aiden, but I think he's about 12, so he was ahead of the curve, sorta.

Link: http://www.babycenter.com/popularBabyNames.htm?year=2012

Watch out for Jack, though, he was number 9 in 2011 and is number 6 this year. Normality making a comeback. I have a brother named Jack.

YoungHegelian said...

@Godfather,

Well, let me tell you as a Catholic, even that saint business can get out of hand. Luckily, it's mostly hidden in middle names.

One of my brother's buddies in grade school had the middle name of Tarcisius. For all you hell-bound, non-Mackerel Snappers, here's the story of St. Tarcisius.

chickelit said...

"Haven'T" nearly translates into Dutch as "the harbor" but for that the contraction/elision 't is the the neuter definite article while "haven" is masculine and should be de haven. Close but no Swisher Sweet.

Inga said...

I took care of a woman with the unfortunate name of Urethra.

Dr Weevil said...

Even a name that began as a downright typographical error is not necessarily an obstacle to great success in life.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone point this out in print, though many must have noticed it, but Condoleezza Rice's first name is a typo. When she first became famous enough to have her life story told in newspapers, they reported that her mother was a music teacher and named her after the Italian phrase used by composers to tell performers to play "with sweetness". Unfortunately, the Italian for "with sweetness" is "con dolcezza" with a C, not an E. As a black woman in the South, I imagine Mrs. Rice couldn't always afford to buy new scores of classical works and had to make do with worn copies bought used. Perhaps one of them had a typo, or an ink blot, or a hole in the paper, in the phrase "con dolcezza".

Petunia said...

When my bro and SIL were expecting their first child, they were given a list of all of the baby first names that had been registered at that hospital in the past few years, and the number of times each had been used.

One of the girls' names was Phallika. Poor little kid.

creeley23 said...

Twyla Tharp's mother intentionally saddled her with Twyla as a unique name to live up to. Seems to have worked.

I kinda like Twyla -- it's odd but simple and euphonious. And it doesn't sound brain-damaged.

Her book, "The Creative Habit," is pretty good as such things go.

Unknown said...

the best name bar none that i saw in my 30+ yrs of ER practice was "ABCD"- pronounced Abb se dee.

concise, easy to spell, and gives a "leg up" on pre school tasks

Unknown said...

the best name i ever saw in my 30+yrs in the ER, was ABCD (pronounced Ab cee dee)
concise easy to spell

Palladian said...

Marijuana Pepsi Sawyer.

I once met a woman named Negrow (that's the spelling she used).

There was a girl in my high school named Kandi Applebee.

whoresoftheinternet said...

I heard some slut named her bastard child Barack once.

Chip Ahoy said...

They named their kid Heaven T? Well that's a very puzzling thing for Mr. and Mrs. Betsy to do.

MayBee said...

How do you think it is pronounced?

I'm guessing ha-VAHN-tay.

MayBee said...

It's funny because I had a dream a few weeks ago that my Yoga instructor named her baby "Yoga". I can't believe someone actually did it.

Michael said...

And this, dear reader, is why it is no longer necessary for newspapers to identify named suspects by race.

rastajenk said...

Obviously those parents ha-VAHN-tay a clue.

Clyde said...

I suspect that Haven'T was the first word the baby daddy said to the baby mama: "Haven'T got any protection."

Erika said...

Dr Weevil, isn't it more likely that Mrs. Rice, being a music teacher, was well aware of both the spelling and pronunciation of con dolcezza and whoever recorded the name made the mistake?

Oprah's name was supposed to be Orpah--who was either the MIL or SIL of Ruth in the Bible; I can't remember the details--but someone transposed the letters.

MadisonMan said...

My name is SUE! How do you do?

Fernandinande said...

" with names like Jaydien being thrown around by white trash parents "

So "white trash" is the newest PC term for "black"?

MikeinAppalachia said...

Worked At Oak Ridge for a time in the mid-70's. One of the operators had 10+ children and liked to name them after brands. "Best" example was his son, Texaco Skychief.

MikeinAppalachia said...

Worked At Oak Ridge for a time in the mid-70's. One of the operators had 10+ children and liked to name them after brands. "Best" example was his son, Texaco Skychief.

EMD said...

Kix isn't that bad. It's kid-tested and mother approved!

Sam L. said...

I have a niece with a daughter named O'cian.

I met a young woman whose last name was Fallatik.

Sam L. said...

Ah, Gawker. A trusted source of high-quality, no-snark info from way back (next door to Waycross, GA).

Dr Weevil said...

I've heard of a little girl in rural Tennessee whose mother named her Chloe, which would be fine except that she pronounced it like Shiloh.

gutless said...

I knew a guy in the army named Shi'tehd. Great guy. We called him Ted.

Blue@9 said...

Sounds crazy now, but in 200 years people will say, "'Ann'? What kind of name is that? She'll get picked on at school! Why not a normal name like Haven'T?"