January 9, 2012

"As flames of desire sensuously circle around the tub and weightless bubbles become candy clouds..."

"... I step my bare body into a delicious dream."

(Check out the whole slide show. I don't know if this is funny or sad. I'm definitely nauseated, and I had to check to see if I had a tag for "horrifying." I didn't, and I'm not going to make one for this. I have a threshold of restraint when it comes to creating new tags. But if I'd already had a tag for "horrifying," I'd have added it here. Oddly, I did already have a tag for "bubbles.")

55 comments:

ironrailsironweights said...

Because she is still a minor, please do not read the following until she becomes a legal adult:

Guaranteed she is 100% hairless. God damn it.

Peter

Scott M said...

Clearly, Ann, we have differing definitions of "horrifying" :)

Scott M said...

If one did a shot by shot copy of those pictures, somehow talking Nancy Pelosi into posing for them in the same positions and garb, THAT would rate a "horrifying" tag.

NYTNewYorker said...

I think I can....yes, I see fingerprints all over her body.

Sorun said...

The lesson here is that I'm not too old for a 17 year-old. Yeah!

rhhardin said...

They show up on gossip columns read by millions of women.

traditionalguy said...

All trophy wives cost lots of money. But at least this one tries to earn it.

Tarzan said...

Shocking Meat Video provides all the horror I need. One stop, no fuss, bada bing and you're all set.

wv: "aembu" - a martial arts demonstration involving the skillful use of cilia and pseudopods

george said...

If she is 17 then I am 6 years old. That girl has some mileage on her.

Patrick said...

I saw this girl and her husband and mother on 20/20 or some show like that. The marriage has already lasted longer than I predicted.

MadisonMan said...

She does look awfully old for 17. But the pictures at the end of the slide show, before her rise to "fame" -- she looks like a pretty young girl.

Famewhoring ages you.

Scott M said...

Famewhoring ages you.

Blogwhoring isn't so bad on the wrinkles, but it does go straight to the hips.

Pogo said...

She used to be pretty, now she looks porn.

It would be useful for some enterprising feminist or onanistic yoot to catalogue all 57 female sexy poses so they can just be referred to by number or nickname.

"No, Courtney, 33.
THIRTY THREE!
You know, the 45 degree head tilt and boob thrust.
The DUMB BOMBSHELL, dammit!
Dumb. Bombshell!!

jrberg3 said...

"She used to be pretty, now she looks porn."

She is destined for that role eventually. She may not think it now, but it is her future.

george said...
If she is 17 then I am 6 years old. That girl has some mileage on her.

Agreed. Although the photos of here before the change-over she does look her age. I still don't believe she was 16 when this all started. She looks older than my 33yo wife.

Scott M said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
raf said...

She used to be pretty, now she is "glamorous" -- and looks at least 10 years older. Lessee... the ideal age for a woman is supposed to be half the man's age plus seven, right? So 51/2+7=33. she is simply trying to model the ideal age for her husband!

And if he lives to 85, she inherits at age 51; not a bad retirement plan.

Assuming he is somewhat wealthy, which I do.

EDH said...

"As flames of desire sensuously circle around the tub and weightless bubbles become candy clouds, I step my bare body into a delicious dream."

"Nauseated"? "Horrifying"?

I want to be her Candy Colored Clown.

edutcher said...

If they have enough money to go gallivanting all over the world, as it seems, you'd think he could buy her something more than underwear.

And, Scott, don't you ever do that again. I went back through that slide show envisioning the former House Speaker (no, not Newt) and I almost had to bleach out my eyes.

Wally Kalbacken said...

17, going on 27?

Scott M said...

@Pogo

It would be useful for some enterprising feminist or onanistic yoot to catalogue all 57 female sexy poses so they can just be referred to by number or nickname.

Silly male. The Bene Gesserit know there are well over a hundred.

bagoh20 said...

I was not nauseated.

edutcher said...

PS Love the celebritneys tag.

It so fits.

William said...

"Now she looks porn." You say this like it's a bad thing. Old age would be so much more dignified and comfortable if all of us in our dotage could have a porn star as a home care attendant. Hugh Hefner should open up a string of Playboy Retirement Homes. I think this could be a real growth industry and would dwarf his Playboy Clubs of the sixties as a source of revenue.

Nomennovum said...

She doesn't look seventeen and he doesn't look fifty-one. Damn and damn.

Pogo said...

"The Bene Gesserit know there are well over a hundred."

Not positions, poses.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Clearly, Ann, we have differing definitions of "horrifying" :)

She may look good now, but I can guarantee you that she will not age well.

In about 20- 30 years your Pelosi substitution scenario will probably be a best case scenario ;-)

Also: "No Matter How Good Lookin' She Is Somewhere Some Guy Is Sick of Her Shit!"

vw: monte. as in full monte?

Seriously how does Google do it.

Pogo said...

"Now she looks porn." ...You say this like it's a bad thing."

It's become commodified: a series of stock poses, overdone fake blonde hair, stupid yammering, and a certain makeup style.

Like there's a Porn Stars for Dummies manual. They all look the same.

Send in the Clones.

Andrea said...

William, I didn't think there were still men alive who equated having a porn star in the house with "dignified." Congratulations.

Dark Eden said...

"Courtney Stodden: The fame-obsessed, scantily-clad teen bride that won't go away"

WHY WON'T SHE GO AWAY! HEY HERE ARE 18 PICTURES OF HER! But please make sure you are ogling her with righteous indignation!

Pogo said...

No one's indignant.

It's boring.
Commodified sex becomes boring, mechanical, copy-and-paste, joyless.

The only beautiful picture was the one before she entered the Buxom Borg.

Skookum John said...

Show me the best looking woman in the room, and I'll show you a guy who is tired of f@cking her.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Boogie Nights

Didn't turn out very well for many of those characters. Especially Little Bill

paul a'barge said...

Wow, I have read some jealousy-driven, female-bitchy hit pieces but this one by Joanna Sloame hits the top. Now, check out Ms Sloame:
http://images.google.com/search?tbm=isch&hl=en&source=hp&q=joanna+sloame&gbv=2&aq=f&aqi=g-S2&aql=&oq=&biw=1024&bih=672&sei=3BsLT_aeO42BsgL0rvHqAg

Reason for the jealousy? Do women ever need a reason?

paul a'barge said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
paul a'barge said...

better clickable link

paul a'barge said...

clickable link

TMink said...

MadisonMan, I agree. There was a time when she was a lovely young lady. That was a real surprise to see, and made me even more sad about her.

Trey

Revenant said...

Those are some really badly-done fake boobs.

Scott M said...

Commodified sex becomes boring, mechanical, copy-and-paste, joyless.

Even a shitty pizza is still a pretty good pizza.

MadisonMan said...

Even a shitty pizza is still a pretty good pizza.

Try to take-out from Pizza Hut where my Mother-in-law lives. You'll change your mind.

(shudder)

Geoff Matthews said...

Divorced by 20.
Rehab by 30.
Dead by 40.

cassandra lite said...

She looked sexier in the "before" pic.

I kept thinking of the priest's line from Harold and Maude (though of course it's reversed):

"The idea of... intercourse - your firm, young... body...comingling with...withered flesh...sagging breasts...flabby b-b-buttocks... makes me want...to vomit."

Freeman Hunt said...

If the age is accurate, she's only seventeen. That's a kid.

Where are her parents? Who is this man who's keeping her like that? He should be ashamed of himself.

It's horrifying and sad the way some adults let kids down.

Bob_R said...

Sorry Freeman, she ain't a kid. Probably hit puberty at 10. 100 year ago she would have had 6 kids by now (four of which survived past two.) Wouldn't have had the boob jobs, but she would have been a good milker. The oldest kid would have been a help around the farm by now. Things are much better now - I guess.

Freeman Hunt said...

One hundred years ago, she wouldn't have been a kid, but she's definitely a kid today. The vast majority of teenagers in today's American society are extremely immature. It's pathetic that none of the adults around her could be bothered to care about her more.

Scott M said...

It's pathetic that none of the adults around her could be bothered to care about her more.

Maybe they do and have zero leverage. As a father, I'm wondering if the predominant emotion I'll have toward one of my daughters, if she grows up into a knockout, is sadness. I suppose it depends on the person she is below skin-deep.

But ain't that always the case?

Freeman Hunt said...

Maybe they do and have zero leverage.

What about the husband? He's fifty-one, and he's taken up with this seventeen year old girl. He's obligated to bother to care, and he must have leverage.

Scott M said...

he must have leverage

I'm betting he does, but it's more of the fulcrum pillow type, or of the sort that is expressed by, "Honey, this is Amber. She's our new special friend."

bagoh20 said...

It's funny how little women understand male sexuality, or maybe they do but just don't want to accept it. Clue: It's not just a different version than a woman's - it's not even related.

Jason said...

Eh, she's 17. She's got a womanly figure, but it doesn't surprise me that she writes like a 17-year old.

She'll grow up in time, and be as horrified by what she wrote as Ann.

Meanwhile, I'm inclined to cut some slack for her.

For her husband who allows her to do this to herself in public? Not so much.

Pogo said...

"As flames of desire sensuously circle around the tub and weightless bubbles become candy clouds...

Prancing around my marvelous morning mansion while wearing sheer unmentionables as merry melodies motion about... muah! XOs
"

Willy Wonka's slutty little sister, Wendy, after she drank to much of the fizzy lifting drinks, to which she had added a wee bit of the bubbly.

EMD said...

"As flames of desire sensuously circle around the tub and weightless bubbles become candy clouds...

She should stick with the slutty photo shoots.

Amy said...

She doesn't look like any teenager I know. Good gracious...

Peter Hoh said...

She's working on a book: How to make yourself look 10 years older.

JAL said...

When they got married they were on Nightline or something. With Mom.

Mom all for the marriage. Claims to be a Christian. (!) Mom too.

Courtney was a beauty pageant princess. Appearances became very sexualized. (She may have hit puberty on the early side.)

Her speaking voice is just plain weird. Really bad Marilyn Monroe imitation or something. Vaccuous seems about right.

I looked at the pictures and, granted, she is married now (in Nevada where it was legal because she was 16 when they got married), but I wondered "How did this mother let this happen?"

(I can't believe how much I have retained about this very sad story. An understudy for Anna Nicole Smith?)

Sad.