October 26, 2011

At the Apple Café...



... sometimes an apple is really an apple.

23 comments:

edutcher said...

And sometimes a cigar...

In any case, The Blonde will love that pic. She loves a good apple, although her teeth don't necessarily share that opinion anymore.

Scott M said...

Maybe one of the resident grammar (happy Sixty?) nazis can help me out here.

I'm conflicted about the best way to construct the following situation. A character excitedly realizes she is going to see a famous place, like going to the Smithsonian, then lists off three or four famous things she wants to see while she's there. I originally wrote it as (paraphrasing)...

"actually going to the (famous landmark); the (famous exhibit), the (famous exhibit), and the (famous exhibit).

Obviously that's the extremely shortened version, but it's important, I think, to do it with that structure because of the attractions becomes life-or-death later on. The sentences describing the famous exhibits are a bit long, though certainly no run-ons. Taken as a whole, though, it just looks cumbersome. Reading it aloud (which everyone should do), it sounds fine...just looks cumbersome to the eye.

Any thoughts?

Mark in Spokane said...

That photo is pure autumn!

AllenS said...

On the 14th, I ordered a snow plow mount for my 1980 Jeep. Today I received one package that contained just the hardware. There should have been 3 packages. Bummer.

MadisonMan said...

I've always wanted to go to the Smithsonian, and there are three exhibits in particular there that I'm especially interested in. Famous Exhibit 1 (long sentence). Famous Exhibit 2 (long sentence). Finally, Famous Exhibit 3 (long sentence). I'm going to have such a great time at the Smithsonian.

(I might even give each famous exhibit a separate paragraph, if the long sentences are long enough :) )

Scott M said...

That looks pretty good, MM, but notice if you say it, at least when I do, the inflection doesn't drop at the end like a normal statement, but carries over to the next sentence like it's a list of things. That's why I originally used the ; with commas.

edutcher said...

Scott M said...

Maybe one of the resident grammar (happy Sixty?) nazis can help me out here.

"actually going to the (famous landmark); the (famous exhibit), the (famous exhibit), and the (famous exhibit).


The punctuation is right.

Maybe try something like:

"I can't believe I'm actually going to the (famous landmark); I really want to see the (famous exhibit), the (famous exhibit), and especially the (famous exhibit)".

I think it's an issue of making it sound more colloquial, or even stream of consciousness.

Help any?

Dust Bunny Queen said...

"actually going to the (famous landmark); the (famous exhibit), the (famous exhibit), and the (famous exhibit).

I would phrase it as follows and add a verb clause before the list of exhibits.

I am so excited to be actually going to the Smithsonian and verb clause herebeing able to view or viewing or thrilled to see or something like that [insert colon which indicates a list to follow]: the bug collection that has xxx attributes, the anthropology section where I can see J's ancestors, and especially the historical fashion section where I can finally see such and such dress.

If the descriptions for each section are really long, you might need to make paragraphs so you don't end up with a gigantic one sentence paragraph.

You could just use a comma between the exhibits instead of a semi colon. I believe that a semi colon indicates a separate sentence or thought attached to the first part of the sentence where a colon lets the reader know that a list is following.

Dust Bunny Queen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dust Bunny Queen said...

To get rid of the junk in my last posting

I am so excited to actually visit the Smithsonian and plan to see: the bug collection that has gross dead things, the anthropology section where I can see J's ancestors, and especially the historical fashion section where I can finally see such and such dress.

Or as edcutcher has it as a sentence following the first part instead of a list.

"I can't believe I'm actually going to the (famous landmark); I really want to see the (famous exhibit), the (famous exhibit), and especially the (famous exhibit)".

Good luck.

(as I include all sorts of grammatical errors in my response to you...lol)

Moose said...

Locavore-ism run amok. Seriously, silver platters?

Riiiiight.

Scott M said...

At the risk of completely prostrating myself, here's the actual paragraph as currently written.

On the transport into the city from her order’s training grounds north up the coast, she had imagined all the things she would see; the giant greenhouse where lush, vibrant fruits grew right out in the open, the massive spring-fed pools that had drawn the original Dumwi caravans to settle the area, the Siet’lan where Master Adepts from all over the province joined as one to govern, and the wondrous menagerie, the single largest collection of non-native animals in the entire continent. She had read about the giant plant eaters since she was a little girl and, even more than meeting an actual Master, could not wait to see the big beasts in person.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

I think that you should use a colon instead of a semi colon in your sentence.

"Use the colon after a complete sentence to introduce a list of items when introductory words such as namely, for example, or that is do not appear"

"A colon should not precede a list unless it follows a complete sentence."

http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/colons.asp

Looks good. But, I'm certainly not an expert (weasel disclaimer)

ricpic said...

Scott: sometimes it's best to tighten up, even if information is lost:

On the transport into the city she imagined all the things she would see: the giant greenhouse where lush vibrant fruits grew; the massive spring-fed pools that had drawn the original Dumwi caravans; the Seitlan' where Master Adepts joined together to govern; the wondrous menagerie of non-native animals.

She had read about the giant herbivores since she was a little girl and could not wait to see the big beasts.

Just my take. But I think most people tune out when confronted by too many words conveying too much information.

ricpic said...

Oops. Seit'lan

Cedarford said...

Fall, and wondering when in our national decline, real silver is the next thing Americans are forced to sell off and trade with India and China for the next bailouts, and all the stuff they make for WalMart under Freedom Loving and free trade. We will run out of gold stuff to give them soon.

As for apples, it was a discovery for the wife and me to see all the fresh varieties at orchards, 20 years ago. So superior in taste to the standard supermarket fare. The orchard we go to now has 16 varieties. Our favorite is the Mutzu. Then fresh Golden Delicious, then Ira Red, then Macoun. For cooking, Russet and Northern Spy.

Scott M said...

Heretic. Less is definitely more in almost all cases. That paragraph was roughly somewhere between belting it out without editing and second draft. I brought it up to begin with as it looked cumbersome.

That being said, I think there's a difference between economy of words and the need to paint a picture, especially when dealing with a completely different setting than a reader is used to. Whether or not there's TOO much extra is a constant internal battle.

madAsHell said...

I didn't know you could order ammo on-line!! I just ordered a case of shotgun shells, and they will be delivered to my door! Cabela's will ship it UPS.

I thought the shippers refused to handle ammo.

Gawd...what a country. I love this place!!

E.M. Davis said...

Unless it's a Grapple.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

We have apples up the whazoo here.

One large very old red delicious tree. Two golden delicious and one other red apple that we have no idea. They all went nuts this year producing.

So far I've made and froze 12 apple pie fillings. Three apple cakes and I'm making 3 more tomorrow. 18 pints of apple butter. And STILL we have pounds and pounds of apples sitting in my pump house to be used. Probably more apple butter and pie fillings. Sigh.

The guy who painted our shop the other day, great job btw, took the rest of the apples to a friend of his who has a cider press. They are going around and gleaning apples from old abandoned homesteads and taking them from people like us.

Previous years, we would give the extras to a woman who raises pigs in exchange for some meat. She isn't raising hogs this year.

Yay!!! the apples are gone.

Akai_Tsuki said...

That photo is pure autumn!
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Akai_Tsuki said...

I've always wanted to go to the Smithsonian, and there are three exhibits in particular there that I'm especially interested in. Famous Exhibit 1 (long sentence). Famous Exhibit 2 (long sentence). Finally, Famous Exhibit 3 (long sentence). I'm going to have such a great time at the Smithsonian.
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Akai_Tsuki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.